


i need you so much closer

by awkwardedgeworth



Series: meet me halfway home [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!, Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Blood, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-04-18 08:06:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 85,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4698506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardedgeworth/pseuds/awkwardedgeworth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You... You want to be a <em>ghoul investigator?</em>" </p><p>Iwaizumi looks away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i'm on my own

**Author's Note:**

> before i start rambling, my absolutely swag beta Aiden, (fortifiedacorn) and i collabed to create a mix for this tg au crossover LISTEN HERE http://8tracks.com/happytoorus/meet-me-halfway-home gogogogogo!
> 
> as you can tell from the ship tag, this is the iwaoi backstory that i never wrote in the first part ovo  
> this story has nothing to do with the current akaashi and bokuto fyi.  
> ik the first chapter is really slow and painful but i'm in the middle of typing the second one and it will get better. (or angstier haha)
> 
> Beta'd by happytoorus/Aiden

 

 

Only fragments of voices pierce through Oikawa's ears among the loud sirens and police lights surrounding him.

"-so young..."

"...both parents dead. It's lucky that the children survived.... -the other boy safe?"

"-rank B and above, I would say. Someone call Ukai..."

In the dark, his sister finds his hands, and clenches them tightly as the ghoul investigators bundle them up before transporting them to the 1st ward. Oikawa doesn't see or hear anything other than the squelching of an organ being torn from his parents and the shadows of the ghouls.

It's a long while before he falls asleep in the back of the police car.

 

"You have to eat."

Oikawa ignores her. His sister thins her mouth, brown hair mussed up as she places the bowl of soup back on a white tray. They're somewhere in the maze of hallways of the hospital situated across the CCG Building. His sister's wounds have been taken care of, her wrist bandaged up along with his knee. Many of the investigators breathed a sigh of relief when they stormed their residence in time to prevent them from being eaten.

"Tooru," Goes his sister's sharp voice. "You have to eat."

He glares a little at her, before facing the other side. She exhales loudly, before clearing his bed sheet of the tray and setting it on his bedside table. She looks at him, and he looks at her.

"At least sleep if you don't want to eat." His blankets are pulled to his chin, and she fluffs his pillows before sitting on the chair provided for her. A nurse had dropped by earlier with a stack of books and some pencils, clearly meant to keep their minds occupied. "The investigator will come by later. You should sleep right now."

He looks expectantly at his sister.

"Hajime is right next to us," She whispers, "I'll let you visit him once you take a nap." Then she proceeds to stroke his hair until he falls asleep.

 

When Oikawa wakes up, Iwaizumi is restraining him, eyes wide as his sister runs in with a nurse hot at her heels. His breaths come in short gasps, and he fights Iwaizumi off. "I-Iwa-chan! Run! G-Ghouls!"

"Tooru! It's fine-"

"We have to run!" He screeches, flailing as her sister catches him before throwing him back into the cot. The nurse runs out of the room to bring a syringe full of a clear liquid. Why didn't they understand? "No! NO! YOU'RE NOT INJECTING THAT IN ME!"

"TOORU!" Iwaizumi headbutts him. Oikawa yelps from the pain, before the room turns brighter again, his sister's face a shade paler as Iwaizumi holds his hands.

"T-There's no ghouls?" Oikawa feels the wetness on his face and buries his head in Iwaizumi's shirt before the heat in his throat spills and he's crying. He's all alone isn't he? His parents are gone. He saw the ghoul kick his father's head off, blood splattering along the nice oak floors of the house. It's the type of memory you never forget. "I-Iwa-chan...I want my dad. _I want my mom_."

"I'm here, dummy. _I'm here_."

And perhaps, that's all he could have said then as Oikawa fists his hands into Iwaizumi's clean shirt and sobs.

 

"We have an hour." His sister quietly speaks, as she closes the front door. The Oikawa Residence has been cleaned up a lot. Oikawa still has nightmares about it each night, blood speckling the walls with the tang of iron heavy in the hair. He warily steps into the kitchen and looks at the yellow cupboards before he feels a stinging sensation in his eyes.

He hiccups. "I...I miss them."

His sister rubs her eyes, voice thick. "I know. I-I miss th-them too." It's impossible to be inside the house without reliving the memories. Oikawa can imagine his mother, splashing his dad as they clean the dishes, blowing soap suds at each other. He remembers falling asleep in the laundry basket, and the melodious tone of the grand piano in the living room, now covered by an inch of dust.

Oikawa looks up as his sister gently wipes his tears away. "W-What's going to happen to this house?"

She stills. "I don't know, but I'm thinking of asking our aunt and uncle to hold it in their name for us- at least until we're older." She looks around at the four chairs around the dining table, magazines stacked on the coffee table, aquarium blooming with algae. "They said we have one hour to get our stuff, we should make the most of it."

"What?" He grabs her hands, "Where are we going?"

"The CCG has a special block of residency for people like us who lost their parents. You'll still go to the same school, but we can't live by ourselves, not yet." She pulls him up, cradling him as she carries him in her arms. Oikawa watches with a detached feeling at the swing of his legs as she climbs to the second floor. "Go get your stuff, I'll meet you at the door soon."

Oikawa enters his dusty room, watching the way the sun slants into his room from the half-drawn blinds, playing with the creases on his blanket. It's as he left it, pillows strewn everywhere when his sister flew into the room, before creeping down and hiding them beneath the coffee table.

Across, he sees Iwaizumi's bristly head in his room, digging some clothes out of his closet.

He looks at the large luggage at the door that his sister has laid out for him. Oikawa starts by moving all of his clothes, trying to fold them neatly as he lets small tears dribble down his cheeks.

The last thing he packs is whatever glow in the dark stars he could grab from the walls.

 

"I thought...we couldn't live on our own."

His sister presses his copy of the key to him, shrugging as she ties her hair into a bun. She looks at the boxes and two large pieces of luggage they've hauled from the car one of the investigators came with before clapping her hands together, smiling down at him. "I talked to Auntie and Uncle, we have permission from them to live with the CCG."

"...."

She tries to pinch his cheeks, "You don't want to live in Osaka, do you?"

He vigorously shakes his head, looking at the tall glass building. From where he's standing outside, he can see a playground off to the side of the apartment complex and a few stores and restaurants down the street. The building is situated between a small supermarket and gym. She takes his copy of the key before attaching it to a lanyard with alien prints, hanging it around his neck.

"Come on! The boxes aren't going to move themselves!"

"There's only three-"

"I'm not going to buy you milk bread~"

"No, no! I'll help!" He yelps, running into the lobby after her.

Between unboxing the new set of chairs and dining table the CCG has provided them, Oikawa looks around at the modest apartment. It has dark wood paneling as floors, the walls are cream-colored and there are two bedrooms and a bathroom. They have a view of the street, right on the fourth floor. He looks at the new mattress that he would soon outgrow before wrestling his sheets on, collapsing with his limbs splayed out.

His sister pokes her head in, brown hair mussed from putting the table upright, "Hey, I want to show you something."

"What is it?" He follows her out into the living room. They don't have a television yet (it's supposed to come tomorrow), there are screwdrivers and random nuts and bolts littering the polished wood on the floor before Oikawa sees a new bookshelf and-

"Are those...?"

Oikawa can hear the smile in her voice, "Yep. Family photographs. I searched their room as well, thank god mom put them in albums. Do you want to help me put them on the fridge?" He steps forward to the large, bound books with plastic covering them, eyes welling up with tears as he sees his infant days with his parents smiling towards the camera. Oikawa swallows, nodding to his sister as he sits on the newly constructed chair, drawing the first album towards him.

 

The kids in his class tease him about it.

"Ghouls? Are you sure you weren't dreaming?"

"Maybe your parents left you because you cried a lot." The other one snickers as Oikawa does his best to curl his knees to his chest, eyes stinging as he waits for the familiar brown mop of his sister's hair to pick him up. Where's Iwa-chan? Did he go back to the classroom to get his exercise book? Why is he all alone? He doesn't like being alone-

" _S-Stop-_ "

"Your parents don't love you-"

" _-Stop!_ "

"-if they do, then why did they leave you? You're always with Iwaizumi-kun or sitting in the corner like a blushing girl! Maybe your parents were tired of you!"

" _Stop! Stop! Stop!_ "

"Do you know any other word than-"

The words of his classmates are cut off, and Oikawa blinks his tears hurriedly out of his eyes to see his sister's cold glare and Iwaizumi rubbing his fist. The sun is bright, but Oikawa looks up anyway, looks up at his savior.

The kid spits out a tooth, blood trickling out of his mouth before they look at his sister.

" _Scram!_ "

They follow her orders, shoes scuffing the cement to run away. His sister mumbles darkly under her breath as Iwaizumi drops to his knees, eyes wide as he quickly wipes Oikawa's tears. "Sorry, I should have come sooner."

"I-Iwa-chan!" He cries, snot and tears dripping down as Iwaizumi sighs, wiping his eyes before taking out a packet of tissue as his sister is on the lookout for more bullies. "Iwa-chan! They told me my parents left because they didn't love me!"

" _What?_ " His sister interjects. "Oh, that's it! I'm going to go to them and give them a _piece_ of _my_ mind!" She slaps her lanyard onto Iwaizumi's hand, before rolling up her sleeves, "Go home, get Tooru some yogurt, cut some strawberries and watch some tv. I'll be back." She ends darkly, before striding across the field, wind whipping her hair.

They both watch her in awe, coming up to his classmates before raising her voice as loud as she could, yelling at them so much that the parents of Oikawa' bullies turn to look in their direction.

"Let's go home," Iwaizumi beckons him, pulling him up and helping him fit his arms through his backpack straps. Oikawa is still sniffling when Iwaizumi opens the door, helping him out of his shoes.

The tv blares loudly, but Oikawa's not paying attention.

"...Do you think they're right?"

"Right about what?" Iwaizumi asks, stopping in the middle of raising a spoonful of yogurt to his mouth.

"...They said...they said that my parent's don't-"

"Don't listen to them. They don't know anything."

Oikawa is quiet, mind still racing with the jeers and taunts. Those kids would never understand, would they? They still have their parents, and they never had to see a ghoul face to face, staring Death right in the eyes.

"...I can't stand seeing them hurt you like that, but I'll be here. I'll keep them away from you," Iwaizumi huffily says, causing Oikawa's head to whip towards him. "So don't cry again, okay?"

 

Sometimes, he would still have nightmares about it, red, hungry eyes eager to seek his flesh. His sister, shaking beside him, not from the cold, but from fear of her imminent death.

"Why aren't they coming back?"

His sister would brush the tears off his face, dark bruises under her eyes as she studies her exams. He often climbs into her bed instead of his own, because the dark reminds him of things that he doesn't want to remember, the creak of the floorboards and the quick snap of bones.

"Because the dead stay dead." She allows him to throw his little arms around her waist.

"But why?"

"Once you die, that's it, Tooru. You don't get a second chance at life."

"Why not?" He peers up at her. His sister frowns, pushing away her calculus notes and pursing her lips like a mirror image of their father. "Why don't they come back?"

"Because they can't. They don't....exist anymore Tooru. It's a hard thing to grasp, but mom and dad are gone. We're all by ourselves." She brushes his bangs, "But they'll still be here okay?" She taps his heart.

"...they're not coming back?"

She really looks at him, past his large eyes and still rosy cheeks before she shakes her head. An emotion he's seen all around him lately passes over her, her brows pulling slightly towards the middle of her forehead, her mouth turning down and the slight tightening of the eyes, "No, I'm sorry... You should sleep, Tooru, you have school tomorrow."

He clings to her waist. "You're not going to 'die' right?"

"Of course not, I still have two brats to look after." She tucks him in, pulling the blanket to his chin while she wriggles in beside him herself, notebooks forgotten on the blankets. "Hajime isn't going anywhere either, don't worry."

 

"Why are you so frowny today, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa pokes Iwaizumi's cheeks as he comes out of his apartment. They wave to the security guard at the entrance, the man tipping his hat before they make the brisk walk to school.

Iwaizumi bats his hands away, speaking through the toast around his mouth and yawning, "Sensei's going to give us our school selection forms right? Have you thought about where you wanted to go?"

"Where ever you go, I follow!"

He's met with a punch to the bicep, and he whines as Iwaizumi pulls the bread away from his mouth, "Idiot! What if I wanted to go to Fukuoka?"

Oikawa stops Iwaizumi in his tracks by clapping his hands around his shoulders before leaning in, close enough for their noses to touch, "Please pack me in a suitcase."

Iwaizumi turns red like a hissy teapot as Oikawa dodges his kicks, running away as Iwaizumi yells insults to the back of his head. "You should take this seriously Shittykawa! Oi! Get back here, I'm not done kicking you!"

Oikawa sprints down the hill, running past classmates and parents dropping their kids off school before stopping and letting Iwaizumi plow right into him. They fall, and Oikawa braces himself to be flattened into a pancake when he feels Iwaizumi yank his body up. They still end up falling to the ground, but Oikawa falls on his back instead, feeling a weight on his chest as he groans and opens his eyes.

Iwaizumi glares at him, "What kind of idiot stops in the middle of the street?"

"Never mind about that, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa exclaims, grabbing Iwaizumi's hand that's rested on his shirt while ignoring the snickers and laughs of his classmates. "Do you know where you want to go for middle school?" He inches closer, watching the flush from their earlier sprint show on Iwaizumi's face as his best friend's ears and neck reddens. Why didn't Iwaizumi tell him? They're best friends right?

"...I guess."

"Tell me!" He demands.

"You tried to kiss me good morning to me today! And the day before that! And the day before, before that!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" He whines.

"So damn clingy," Iwaizumi gruffly says, voice pitching as Oikawa giggles because he knows Iwaizumi isn't sincere when he's speaking all gruff like. Iwaizumi glares at him, seething, "Oi!-"

" _Iwa-chan, your voice is going through puberty-_ " Oikawa cackles, before yelling as Iwaizumi sits up to tickle his ribs. His feet twitch against the pavement as tears forms in his eyes, "No- no- MERCY IWA-CHAN!"

"You're going through it too, and who's taller? Me!"

"-MERCY! MEERRCYY!"

"And who keeps you in line when your sister was away at high school on her school trips? Me! Who had to make you dinner one time because you blew your microwave up? Me!" Iwaizumi states smugly, stopping the tickles as Oikawa wheezes, watching his friend smirk, the sun hitting the tips of his hair as the wind gently blows it from side to side. Oikawa stops breathing momentarily, not because of his stomach still recovering from the ministrations, but because his heart is doing that flippy thing that occurs around Iwaizumi.

"Oikawa?" Iwaizumi frowns, "You're turning blue."

He breathes in deeply, before choking when his saliva goes down the wrong tube. Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, still sitting on his stomach. "Come on, Sensei is going to be angry when you're late again." Oikawa watches as Iwaizumi smoothly stands up, brushing the rubble sticking to his knees.

Iwaizumi looks down at him, eyebrows coming together. "Did I hurt your back?"

"N-No!" He fumbles, getting up to his feet. Suddenly, there's heat hanging around his collarbones, and his neck feels tight. He restrains himself from breaking out into a full out sprint, knowing fully too well that Iwaizumi can and will catch up to him in the process. "Let's go!"

The entire day, Iwaizumi keeps throwing him fishy looks between lectures and breaks. Oikawa does his absolute best to divert the conversation away from Iwaizumi, even going as far as to answer Iwaizumi's _what's wrong, idiot_ with _my stock of milk bread is running low, Iwa-chan!_

Iwaizumi sighs, dropping the subject before the last period of the day. When their teacher passes their middle school registration sheets, Oikawa recalls their earlier conversation in the morning and glances to his left, where Iwaizumi is clenching the paper with a serious expression on his face.

They enter Oikawa's apartment, taking their shoes off as his sister blocks the hallway with grocery bags, wiping sweat from her forehead. "Oh, you're back."

"Tadaima," Oikawa sings, whistling as Iwaizumi nods hello to his sister. His sister moves the bags away from the hallway with her foot to let them pass.

"Tooru, before you go do your homework with Hajime, can I talk to you?"

Oikawa and Iwaizumi exchange glances with each other.

His sister rubs her chin, "Hm, I guess Hajime might as well listen. It won't take long at all."

Suspicious, Oikawa follows her into the living room. She gestures to the love seat across from hers, and Oikawa wraps his legs with his arms to his chest, pulling himself to take as less room as possible. Iwaizumi copies him, blinking at his sister as she looks at them with a pained expression.

Oikawa decides to cut to the chase, "Are you pregnant?"

"NO!" She growls, "What makes you say that?"

"Well, you have a boyfriend-"

"Having a boyfriend doesn't mean I'm pregnant, Tooru," She icily sniffs, throwing a curtain of hair back as the air conditioner above begins to hum. She looks at her hands, quirking her lips together, "Although I guess it's related to that."

"You want a baby?" This time it's Iwaizumi who says it.

She sighs, "No." before looking up with resolve in her eyes. "You're both twelve now, There're some things you need to know."

Oikawa and Iwaizumi look at each other as his sister looks like she'd rather be at cram school rather than be in front of them.

"...So.... When a _responsible_ man and woman love each other...."

 

It's a long time after his sister leaves the living room to run to her part-time job at the tea shop near their apartment complex before Oikawa finds his voice. His mind is still turning with the weight of what his sister has told him, and by Iwaizumi's horrified expression and what he feels is his eyes bugging out from his own eye sockets, Oikawa has the same expression.

"...That...sounds unpleasant." Iwaizumi whispers.

Oikawa nods, watching the sunset stream onto the dark wood. He remembers the form. "Iwa-chan! Did you find a middle school you want to enroll yourself in?"

"I...Yeah, sorta I guess. I don't know if I'll like it, but it's better than randomly choosing a school out of the catalog." He motions to the middle schools around Japan listed in a thick pamphlet. "Your Nee-san pointed out to me which ones are good schools in her opinion."

"Which is it?"

"....The Academy."

"Which Academy?"

"The CCG Academy."

Oikawa laughs, "Iwa-chan, you're too young to enroll there! We're still in elementary! Think middle school!"

Iwaizumi looks unimpressed at him, "Did you even read the notice on the community board last month? The government opened up a new program to allow the children like us start the Academy early. They even built a school twenty minutes of here. The program allows middle schoolers starting school next year to enroll. It's an elevator school, so we'll be with the same group of people from now until we graduate the actual Academy."

"You... You want to be a _ghoul investigator?_ "

Iwaizumi looks away.

Oikawa's breathing shortens, "That job is-"

"I didn't say I want to be a ghoul investigator! I told you- I don't know yet!" He grouches, "But they have specialists in a lot of areas coming in to teach. There's sports, arts, and stuff! It's better than going to a generic middle school with no real strengths. You can withdraw any time- and it's twenty minutes from here!"

Oikawa looks at the rug, playing with the edges with his toes, "That's nice. You already know where you want to go."

"Oh for- get a grip, Oikawa. We're not going to be separated if we don't go to the same school. We're neighbors!"

The childish side of Oikawa wails, " _You didn't tell me!_ "

"I just did!"

"We're supposed to be best friends, Iwa-chan!"

"For fuck's sake I don't have-"

"You swore!"

"Oh my god." Iwaizumi slams his head into the cushion on his lap. "You're such a child honestly."

"I'm..." Oikawa was going to say he was the older one, but he remembers that his birthday comes after Iwaizumi's. "Fine! But you owe me three milk breads!"

"Are you fucking-"

"I'm telling my sister!"

"OI!"

 

He lies on his bed that night.

Iwaizumi wanted to be a ghoul investigator, the very people who bravely charged into his house while wielding long, red pulsing weapons. He's not stupid. He's seen the honorable deaths mentioned in the morning newspaper, endless names upon endless names crammed into a section on the front before the community section. He'd seen their photos along with the names.

So young.

They all die so young.

 

His sister skeptically looks at his new uniform the night before they start middle school. She, like them, is enrolling into the CCG Academy, although she's not going to the Junior Academy. "You sure you want to do this?"

Oikawa brushes his bangs away from his forehead, "Why are _you_ doing it?"

"I'm not training to be an investigator. I'm interested in their law program- the one about ghouls," She breezily says. "Although I'm surprised you want to join Hajime there, Tooru. Weren't you interested in volleyball?"

Oikawa shrugs, "It's no fun with Iwa-chan at another school."

She stares at him, the dark brown of her eyes unnerving him slightly. "How much do you care for Hajime, Tooru?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you like him?"

"As a friend," Oikawa says without really thinking about it. His sister blinks, rolling on her bed as he goes back to preening. "You never told me you wanted to be a lawyer. Or are you just going there because your boyfriend wants to be an instructor there?"

She narrows her eyes, "Don't be stupid, Tooru. This is my future, I'm not going to choose my job just because I want to follow Mamoru. I'm independent. Speaking of which, don't you think you can party wherever you want in the dorms now that you don't live here anymore."

"I'm coming back every now and then!"

"Good, I need someone to wash the dishes for me." She laughs as he chucks one of her stuffed animals at her. She easily bats it away. "But do your best there, you're lucky they don't have entrance exams. You have no excuse to fail a class, you hear?"

"Yes, yes, yes! Stop hounding me!" Oikawa rolls his eyes. He flops on top of his sister, who elbows his stomach, shifting to accommodate him. "I'll miss your cooking."

"This is a great opportunity for you to learn how to live on your own and stop leeching off me," She teases, turning around to tickle him, "You'll learn about deadlines and essays and finals and living on your own and laundry days and making meal plans, and the importance of _sleeping on time and waking up on time-_ "

"Okay! I get it!" He shrieks as she laughs.

 

The first day of middle school is scary.

The first day of middle school- the CCG's Junior Academy to be exact, is scarier. Oikawa and Iwaizumi blend in with the twenty-something orphans from the same ward as them. Their classes are split up by wards, and by default, they're in class 1. Their teachers dress more smartly, the staff wearing fewer sweaters and more dress shirts and formal wear to teach.

The school itself is very spacious, large classrooms with a proper heating unit that doesn't blast cold air in the middle of winter like their old elementary school. They got a tour of the entire school on their orientation day. They'll be the first to use the facilities here, and Oikawa finds himself drawn to the squeaky floors of the gymnasium.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi naturally shares a dorm, of course. Their dorm neighbors are two boys from the second ward, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa, and across the hall lives Kuroo Tetsurou and Sawamura Daichi.

"You're expected to join clubs. Classes in your grade level will be the same as the public school curriculum, if not a little more challenging. When you reach high school, however," Their homeroom teacher points across to the high school building. The entire Junior Academy spans and impressive fifteen blocks of land and the staff have small carts if they need to haul something from one of the many storage rooms scattered around the grounds. "All of the classes will be college prep, you're expected to study materials they teach in the first year university, that is, if you wish to go down the route of ghoul investigator."

A grey-haired boy with a beauty mark near his eye raises up his hand.

"Yes...?"

"Sugawara Koushi, miss! What if we want to be a researcher?"

"You'll fill out the corresponding form in your final year of middle school. You'll have different classes in high school, but you'll still have the same group of classmates. It's prudent that everyone here in the academy partakes in physical activity and a few clubs of their choice. Finding out what each of you like is important to us." Their teacher says, gray eyes glinting like a hawk's.

On clubs day, they're free to wander around and see the clubs the various specialists and teachers has thrown together. Iwaizumi roots his feet to the ground and holds Oikawa's hand as he's forced to watch a taekwondo demonstration. After that, Iwaizumi keeps stopping at various martial arts stalls, reading the club registration forms and rules. Oikawa is less interested in fighting and looks across the field to see Sugawara reading under a tree.

"Iwa-chan, I'll be beneath the shade over there, okay?"

Iwaizumi nods, before releasing his hand.

Sugawara looks up when Oikawa slowly comes up to him. "Hello." He greets kindly, closing his book. "Oikawa-san right? Did you find a club?"

"Yes, it's Sugawara-san right?"

"Suga's fine."

"I didn't find a club. It's mostly martial arts here and I don't like getting sweaty." He explains, sitting next to the twelve-year-old. He sees the track team running around the lower fields far away. "What about you?"

"Science Team." He smiles, "Don't worry about not finding a club today, this week only has a majority of the sports teams. More of the science and art likes will come after."

Oikawa breathes a sigh of relief, "That's good. I'm supposed to report to my sister about which clubs I'm in."

"Is your sister here?" Suga asks, looking around, "Does she look like you?"

"She's eighteen this year!" He proudly says, "She got accepted into the Academy's Law program. She has my brown hair and eyes and she got scouted for a model last year!"

Suga's eyes grow wide, "Model? Wow!"

"Right?"

"Are you here to become one of them? A ghoul investigator?" Suga asks, "A lot of our classmates are choosing that route."

Oikawa shifts uncomfortably. "I don't know what I want to do yet. Nee-san chose Law because there was a ghoul in her school, and the investigators killed it without a thought, so she wants to protect them."

"You don't look like you agree with her."

"Our parents were killed in front of us," Oikawa mumbles, "It happened six years ago, but I can't really forgive them."

"Well," Suga says after a pause, "We're only twelve. There's no point in choosing what you want to be right now. The adults are so serious here."

Oikawa forces a smile, nodding along.

 

He doesn't tell his sister that the first night he spent at the Academy he woke up with tears streaming down his face, breathing haggard as Iwaizumi half rises before opening his arms. It's back to haunt him again- the nightmares.

Oikawa spends the first week sleeping on Iwaizumi's bed, his hand never loosening from the hem of Iwaizumi's shirt.

Iwaizumi attempts to hum him to sleep, hands stroking Oikawa's hair as they both lie in the darkness.

"I'm scared."

"You're safe, Oikawa. You're safe."

In the morning, they pretend everything is normal.

 

Middle school passes like a blur to him, more often it's memories of Oikawa finding out how terrible he is at chemistry really. He's broken several flasks and even needed Suga to tutor him. He was the only one out of his classmates and entire grade to not join a club. He goes to the gym pretty regularly every now and then, mostly to swim in the pool since he won't feel his sweat there, and his sister was fine with that.

"Not going to practice today?" Oikawa looks up from his textbook, watching Iwaizumi remove his sparring equipment from his gym bag.

Iwaizumi shakes his head, "I wanted to build more muscles, so I asked the senpais if I could train. You go to the gym right? I'll go with you."

Oikawa nods, closing his textbook, "Sure, but I use the pool."

"That's fine. I'll wait until you finish." They trek across the grassy lawns, waving to Matsukawa and Hanamaki throwing a Frisbee between themselves and a few others. "You doing okay? You've been studying a lot."

"I'm not good in chemistry." He grumbles, jabbing his student ID and entering the building. They find a locker and Oikawa pulls his sweatshirt up and drops his pants, shimmying and wriggling until his speedo fits snugly. He grabs his goggles before locking the locker to see Iwaizumi lacing his shoes, water bottle beside him.

"No one's good at everything."

"I can try." Oikawa vehemently snaps his goggles to his forehead. "There's this kid called Haru and he keeps beating me in pool races."

Iwaizumi smirks, "Okay, have fun."

"You should try swimming sometimes, Iwa-chan." Oikawa teases, wringing a towel and smacking Iwaizumi's arm as the latter yelps. "I bet I can beat you."

Iwaizumi's eyes flash dangerously, "Oh? You want to bet?"

"If I win, you make my bed every day for the next three weeks."

"That is disgusting- you have candy wrappers everywhere! Fine! If I win, you'll do all your chores without complaint and take out the trash every day for three weeks!" Iwaizumi laughs at Oikawa's pursed lips. "Trash should take out trash."

Oikawa opens his locker and waves his second pair of speedos. "Not going to lose, Iwa-chan!"

He's wrong.

He lets Iwaizumi lead him towards the starting blocks. The usual pool occupant, Haru, watches curiously from the sidelines at the newcomer with Oikawa trailing behind. Oikawa knows his second pair is the same size as the one he's wearing. And he knows that he and Iwaizumi are roughly the same size, if not, Oikawa's a little taller than him now, but Iwaizumi has been sparring and doing stuff while Oikawa swims, using his legs to kick and-

"I can't believe I'm staring at my friend's ass...." Oikawa mumbles to himself.

"What?"

"Nothing!" He says a little too quickly. Iwaizumi raises a brow at him, climbing up and stretching his calf muscles, looking tanned and well muscled as Oikawa, pale and skinny, stands next to him. He feels ridiculous now, asking someone who has been doing endurance drills to swim against him. He hasn't done any training other than leisurely swimming and doing a few handstands in the water, and now Iwaizumi is going to kick his ass and he'll have to actually try to remember to do his chores.

"What stroke?"

"Back," Oikawa says immediately because he doesn't like looking down. The water sometimes goes into his goggles, and it's next to impossible to see when the chlorine stings his eyes. "That means we start in the pool, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi steps into the pool without any hesitation, reaching up for the metal to raise his body and planting his feet against the pool wall. Oikawa sees the good form, and the flex of his muscles and mentally slaps himself for ogling shamelessly at his friend before copying him.

"Three..."

"Two..."

"ONE!" Iwaizumi barks and Oikawa coils his leg before pushing off, entering the water smoothly and whipping his feet as he breaks the surface. He's taller, so that should give him an advantage, but Iwaizumi has powerful arms, which gives him an edge to make up for his short height. Oikawa kicks madly, rotating his shoulders and breathing from his mouth, water sloshing into his ears as he hears Iwaizumi take deep gulps of air beside him.

His arm begins to burn, his shoulders cutting through the water less efficiently. The lactic acid spreads up his legs and Oikawa grits his teeth together as some water rushes into his mouth.

He risks a glance, and sees Iwaizumi looking straight at him, mouth open before Oikawa's head slams against something hard, and feels water goes into his lungs, pressing against his chest as someone hauls him up. His body slaps against the tiles, and he sees Iwaizumi above him, slapping his cheeks, "OI! IDIOT!"

Oikawa retches water on his side, coughing and curling up before massaging the bruise that'll definitely form on his head. "Sorry, sorry- forgot that the wall was there-"

Iwaizumi grabs his shoulders before headbutting him. Oikawa reels back, "What the hell?"

"What kind of idiot forgot that there was a wall there? Be careful, dumbass!" Iwaizumi yells, tugging him to his feet. Oikawa watches the rivulets of water travel down his collarbone and chest. "Come on, we're going back and I'm going to ice your stupid, inflated head!"

Iwaizumi sits him on the pull out chair in the showers before parting his hair carefully, tsking under his breath and scowling as he gently massages Oikawa's shampoo into his head, careful to not get suds into his eyes. Oikawa closes his eyes, enjoying it a little since Iwaizumi has never been this gentle with him before. Maybe he should bash his head into the pool more often and forget that walls exist.

"...did you find a club you like?"

"Not yet."

"Where's your conditioner?"

"Over there- the green bottle. How's taekwondo club for you?"

"Good. I really like it. Instructor Ma says that if I keep going at the rate I am, I can reach black belt when we finish high school." Iwaizumi says, with a hint of pride in his voice. "Your sister's boyfriend the captain of the track team at the Academy there. If you don't know what sport to join maybe you can run."

"I don't like being gross and sweaty, Iwa-chan." Oikawa sticks his tongue out, standing up before dropping his speedos and reaching for his body wash. Iwaizumi copies him, stepping out and turning on his own shower head. "Mamoru-san wants to be an investigator, it's normal for him to be in tip-top shape."

Iwaizumi doesn't say anything after that, choosing to put his head under the shower so the suds washes down his neck. "Keep your grades up."

"At least I eat tomatoes."

"Hey!"

Oikawa sticks his tongue out.

 

Oikawa isn't as outgoing as he would like himself to be. He's a little withdrawn, especially with his classmates so focused on being ghoul investigators even though the curriculum wouldn't start until the last few years before they graduate high school. He makes friends with Suga, calm and modest, and with Hanamaki and Matsukawa.

He walks past a nearby park, arms heavy with grocery and a sack of rice since Iwaizumi has his belt test today. Normally Oikawa would cheer him on, but they're out of food for tonight and the cafeteria would be closing soon for winter break. He goes to a random bench, setting down the heavy rice sack and shoving his freezing hands into his pocket before he sees a girl with a large suitcase beside her.

"Are you lost?" He says without thinking, becoming nervous when the girl sharply looks up with a glare. She relaxes somehow and shakes her head. It's faint, but if she turns her head more directly towards him, Oikawa can see a faint scar running from her temple down towards her left ear.

"Waiting for a cab to go to the airport."

"All by yourself? Where's your mom?"

The girl shrugs, "Dead." When she sees Oikawa's stricken face she rolls her eyes, "It's fine. I'm going to Germany since I have relatives there."

"There's a recent report about ghouls hanging around here, you should be careful," says Oikawa, looking over her features. She has doe-like eyes, but she would definitely look taller if she didn't slouch. He wonders how she got that scar. Even though it takes up half of the left side of her face, Oikawa feels nervous around her, like she's intimidating with her soft purple jersey and long sleeves.

"My brother can take them on."

"Brother?"

She furrows her brows at him, "He lives with my dad. Isn't it time for little boys to go home?"

"I live over there," He jerks his thumb to the Academy's gates, watching her eyes grow wide, "curfew isn't till two hours. And it looks like your cab is slow."

She shoots him a sour look, "I'm a bastard child, you know what that is right? My mother is my father's mistress. I haven't seen my half-brother since we're two. He wants to become a ghoul investigator- that's why I know he can take them on."

Oikawa suddenly feels hot, "Oh, I'm sorry." The girl shrugs again, leaning against the luggage.

"...if you go to the Junior Academy, that means you lost your family, right?"

He thins his lips, "Yeah."

"Are you one of them?"

"What?"

"Do you want to become a ghoul investigator?" She asks.

"...I don't know," He mumbles, "My best friend wants to become one, and my sister is in their Law program. Most kids like me become ghoul investigators."

"Don't do anything halfheartedly," She advises him as if she knows better. Oikawa feels a quirk of irritation rise up. "Ghoul Investigators don't need people who have one foot in each world. You either want to kill them or not."

"You talk like you know them."

"My father is one," She pins him with a heavy gaze and Oikawa gulps. Maybe he should have gone home instead of keeping this girl company, chivalry or not. "And let me tell you when I see investigators who aren't into it, they become dead weights and hold their team back, and it makes them easier prey for ghouls." She sits back, before seeing a cab roll up to the front of the park.

She starts tugging her luggage forward. She turns her back, and he clearly sees a school jersey on her back, black lettering printing the word _Niiyama_ , "Thank you for staying with me. Goodbye."

"Bye," He says, watching her enter the cab. She talks to the driver for a few seconds, and the taxi slowly inches forward. Oikawa raises his arm in a little wave, wondering if she's safe taking the taxi all alone when it's already so late. He shakes his head and puts the uneasiness out of his mind. Iwaizumi would be waiting for dinner, and he hasn't even started.

He picks up his grocery bags, resuming his slow trek into the Academy grounds, punching his ID into the gate and heading towards the boys' dorms. It's true that he doesn't know what he wants to do, and he feels disturbed by the fact that everyone his age already has an idea of what he wants to be. He doesn't see any shining talents within himself, he's not brutally strong, like Iwa-chan, or smart, like Suga.

"Yo, Tooru!"

Oikawa drops his jaw, "Nee-chan? What are you doing here?" He takes off his shoes and hears the shower running nearby, which meant that Iwaizumi was occupying the bathroom. He sees a certificate pinned on their fridge before hugging his sister around her middle.

"Visiting," Then, her brown eyes hardens evilly, "I also talked to your teachers. I think we need to talk about your English grade."

He wilts, before putting on a fake smile, "You must be mistaken-"

"Don't be a liar, Oikawa," Iwaizumi says, entering the room with a towel around his neck. His hair is half dry, and it looks very soft, not that Oikawa's hands are itching to pat it. "I told you to stop day dreaming."

"This isn't fair, you can't just double team with my sister!"

"Oh yes we can," His sister interjects, waving his latest in-terms. Oikawa isn't stellar at everything in life, unlike his sister, who brings home more awards than their fridge can hold up. "Look at this, Tooru. Your English marks are terrible. You broke three graduated cylinders in Chemistry, failed a Classical Literature exam, and nearly lit the home economics room on _fire_."

"Nee-chan, you don't get a say in how I nearly blew up the home economics class. You burnt my food one time."

"You're alive and never had been to the hospital for food poisoning, so I think I did a stellar job at keeping you alive."

"Weren't you horrible at Chemistry too, Nee-chan? Isn't that why you avoided a job where you needed to take Chemistry classes?"

"At least my English marks are acceptable."

"That's because your boyfriend tutored you in it."

"Hajime-kun," His sister flippantly turns to look at Iwaizumi, who's been looking at them with amusement dancing in his eyes as he towels his hair dry. "Since Tooru is making up excuses and I know that he's a hard worker, deep, deep, deep down inside, can I count on you to tutor him?"

"He's very flighty. Antsy. Fidgety."

"Hey!"

His sister passes him a container of agedashi tofu, and Iwaizumi snags it from the table to put it in the fridge. Oikawa drops his mouth, shocked, turning to his sister, "You bribed him!"

"A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do." She winks at him, and he sees the careful smudge of black around her eyes. She started out wearing makeup ever since she'd gotten into university, becoming more lady-like. "Tooru?"

His mouth says the wrong question, "Is makeup fun?"

"...It's a pain sometimes. When I come home tired, instead of flinging myself in my bed I have to scrub it all off before washing every last bit of it. Why? Do you want to try some?"

"Nee-chan."

"Hm?"

Oikawa fists his hands beside him, not meeting his sister's eyes.

"You're...doing well in Law right?"

"It's not easy being in Law. I have to study," She carefully says, watching him curl inwards like a flower, "Is something bothering you, Tooru?"

"I haven't found a club yet," He whispers. "All of my friends are so on track on what they want to be when we finish middle school. All the teachers are pushing us to go to the Academy to be ghoul investigators and I don't-"

"Nobody is forcing you to be what you don't want. If you feel uncomfortable about it, speak up. I can get papers for you to go to a nearby school- Fukurodani and Nekoma are not far from this ward."

"That's not it-"

She stops him, "You don't want to leave because Hajime is here."

Oikawa opens his mouth before wordlessly closing it.

It's true. Iwaizumi is here, he's been beside him his whole life. Not even his sister lives with him now. Iwaizumi has been in his life ever since Oikawa started to recall memories, started to notice the way sunlight fell on the back of Iwaizumi's head when they're sitting behind each other in grade school, young enough to remember the way the summer grass tickled his knees and feet, always running after the black haired boy with the bug net.

But it's so stupid to stay here because of someone. His knows his sister hates being dependent on someone. It's a result of having their parents taken away from them. After a while, he starts to notice her independence, her rise to one of the most prestigious programs the Academy has to offer. She stayed up later and later each night, hair up in a bun, the line of her neck eternally bent over her notes, eyes burning because she has two people to take care of.

Iwaizumi comes back then, hair fluffy as his sister sits back, smiling as she asks him general questions like how he's finding the taekwondo club. Oikawa listens to Iwaizumi rattle off kicks and patterns he's learned, opens his ears to the excitement in his friend's voice and looks at the tanned cheeks lifted in a smile.

His sister ends up staying until dinner, kissing each of them on their foreheads before slipping each of them a box. "I'm sorry I couldn't be here for your birthday, Hajime, I had exams."

"I-It's fine! Thank you!"

"Here, Tooru," She hands him his present, decked out in an alien patterned paper. "You can come over to the Academy anytime to talk to me, okay?"

"Okay," He says, staying behind Iwaizumi as they see her off from their dormitory building. She waves at them before they see Mamoru pick her up. She climbs into his car, the automobile gently honking twice in goodbye before Oikawa sees the taillights disappear.

 

His class is small, so naturally, secrets aren't kept a secret for long.

Oikawa is halfway through being fourteen, trudging through the snow to the high school building to borrow a book from their library so he can actually pass one of his exams when he sees Sawamura and Kuroo to the side of the building, the latter pinning the former to the wall, gently lifting Sawamura's face into a kiss.

Oikawa feels a hot flash race through him, a squeak leaving his lips. He clamps his hands to his mouth, but the kissing couple seems deaf to his surprise, and Oikawa moves as fast to the entrance of the library as possible, where he sees Suga, Matsukawa and Hanamaki hiding behind an evergreen tree.

"Oh, hello!" Suga greets him cheerfully. There's a pink flush on his face, "Did you see-"

"Them kissing?" Oikawa manages to strangle out. Why are they all so excited? "Yes."

"So sweet, aren't they? Are you studying?"

"Y-Yes," Oikawa stutters, tugging the scarf around him so some of the cold air can nip at his neck. He's too hot, head burning as the vision of Kuroo kissing Sawamura replays in his head in an eternal loop. There's a strange lump in his throat not from the shock of seeing two people kiss. "I'll see you later."

Suga waves, "See you!"

He finds the book he's looking for, signing it out under his name and taking the long way around the library to avoid seeing more kissing couples. A few high school students smile at him, mistaking him for a potential student when he's actually in the building seven blocks away from where he's currently at. Oikawa stops at a bench along a snow covered lake to dig for his mittens, looking up when he sees two couples double dating, the girls clutching their boyfriend's arm as they walk along the path.

They remind him of his sister and her boyfriend.

When Oikawa returns to see Iwaizumi playing Pokemon on his device, he shucks off his snow boots, "Hello, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi looks up, quirking his expression into a half concerned frown as he battles a gym leader with a Flareon. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing. I saw Kuroo and Sawamura making out beside the library and ran into Suga, Mattsun and Makki spying in on them."

"Well," Iwaizumi says, returning to his game and pointing to the cup of tea on the table with his sock covered foot. "They are dating."

" _What? When?_!"

"Well, since forever. But they told us...three weeks ago? You were at the guidance counselor's office when Kuroo told everyone. Sawamura was at the bathroom and when he returned all of us tackled him. It's nice, you know, those two are cute." His friend smirks as he watches the last Pokemon faint. Oikawa's ears must be deceiving him because he has never heard Iwaizumi string a sentence with the word cute in it.

"Do you think they're good together?"

"Why should that be any of my business, Oikawa? Don't be weird, finals are tomorrow and then after that we'll have a James Bond marathon with everyone okay?"

Oikawa joins Iwaizumi on their small couch before curling his head on his lap. Iwaizumi throws a blanket over him, resuming his game and making his character go around town with a stylus on the interactive screen as he strokes Oikawa's hair. He leans into it. "...Is it because the day is nearing again that you're so weird?"

"What day?"

"The day. You know. The day we lost everyone."

Oikawa rolls his head to face Iwaizumi, looking at the fine creases that are starting to appear. "You know, Iwa-chan, if you continue to frown like that your stress lines will show up earlier."

"Don't change the subject Oikawa," Iwaizumi presses his lips together like a splitting image of his sister, "You're clearly upset by something. Cough it up."

"I'm fine Iwa-chan," He mumbles, putting an arm so it lies across his eyes. This is his first time he's lying to Iwaizumi, and he has a feeling this wouldn't be the last. "I'm tired. Finals are draining me. It's cold in our apartment. I can't wait to go to the high school building so we have a proper heating system in here."

Iwaizumi purses his lips, but he doesn't ask him again. Oikawa closes his eyes, letting him resume playing through his thick hair as he encounters a wild Pokemon.

They stay that for the remaining hour on the couch, Oikawa silent, bursting with feelings that he forces to keep it to himself. He doesn't want to break this peace they have right now because he's so afraid of shattering it. Iwaizumi has always been beside him ever since they were little, and he doesn't want to drive him away because of feelings he doesn't even understand- having feelings for people of the same gender as him is-

Iwaizumi hands him Oikawa's DS, brows furrowed, "Stop thinking idiot, you look like you're about to cry. Come on, verse me. I'll sweep your team. You need a break."

Oikawa doesn't know what to say. "Iwa-chan..."

"Just play, alright? You can think later... I don't like seeing you sad." He murmurs softly, watching his first Pokemon pop out on screen. "If I can help you, Oikawa, just tell me, okay?"

"...Okay."

 

Things are never truly peaceful.

His sister knocks on his door one morning, the streets still lit by streetlamps as Oikawa attempts to fix his hair before he opens the door. When he sees his sister with mascara smudged under her eyes and rumpled clothing, he grinds out, ready to change into his jeans. "Where's Mamoru-san?"

"Wait-" She calls weakly as he pushes her into the cold room, watching Iwaizumi blearily peek his head out of their room before snapping his eyes open as he takes in her crumpled appearance. There's a shuffle of drawers and Iwaizumi emerges, half buttoning up a plaid shirt as he tosses Oikawa his jeans.

"What did Mamoru-san do? I'll punch him." Iwaizumi threatens, cracking his knuckles for good measure as his sister shakes her head. Oikawa shimmies into his cold pants as his sister starts to cry, which aggravates Iwaizumi further. "Nee-san, you have to tell us. What's wrong? Were you fighting with him? Did he break up with you? Did he hit you?"

"I'm pregnant!"

Oikawa balances too long on one leg and falls to the ground, staring at his sister as she puts her head into her hands. "W-We didn't mean to- He didn't tell me the condom broke and b-by then it wa-was too late! Too late to start the morning a-after pill but I calculated my cycle a-and it shouldn't have interfered! _But I-I went in today for a checkup b-because it hasn't c-came y-yet and- and I'm pregnant! Tooru! I'm pregnant! There's a baby inside of me! What do I do?!_ "

Iwaizumi is frozen, standing in front of his sister like a tree as Oikawa shuffles him over, putting his hands on his sister's shoulders. His sister releases a loud wail. He hands her some tissues and she only cries harder, curling inwards.

Oikawa looks at her still flat stomach and thinks of the fetus inside her, growing each minute she's allowing for it to grow. He looks at Iwaizumi for some advice, but he's still staring at her with shock in his eyes, so he wipes her tears himself, "Nee-chan, calm down first."

" _I-I can't, Tooru! I'm still a student! They'll revoke my education! It'll ruin their reputation! I'm only twenty-two! I'm t-too young to have a child!_ " She screeches, " _I can't p-provide for the baby! I have no job! The Academy will throw me out! I'll shame our name! I'm so stupid! I'm so stupid!_ "

Oikawa steps back from her, leave his sister to cry into her hands further, hiccups piercing the tense atmosphere. He looks at Iwaizumi, still frozen in shock before making a decision.

"Iwa-chan," His friend snaps up at his voice. "Iwa-chan, go boil some water and make Nee-chan some tea. I think chamomile is good. The last pack is in the second cabinet." Iwaizumi follows his word without a fight, moving to the kitchen with jerky movements. If there's nobody to take charge and he's the only one still sane enough to think, Oikawa will take it.

"Nee-chan," He rubs her shoulders, "Come sit on the couch." He leads her, moving some takeout boxes from the squat coffee table to place a box of tissues in front of her. She hiccups again, sitting down and snatching a tissue to blow her nose with.

" _T-Tooru! What have I done?_ "

"Nothing yet," He answers her, looking around at the steel clock on the wall. 6:02 AM. The high school building opens at nine, and he's sure that Mamoru will be up early to play piano on the weekends. Three more hours until he can do something about his sister's problem. "Do you want anything to eat?"

She shakes her head. Oikawa looks at the kitchen to hear the tea kettle whine before the click of the stove top signals that Iwaizumi took the kettle off the burner. "Tooru," She brokenly whispers, "I... I messed up."

"You haven't messed up yet," He comforts her, watching Iwaizumi walk over with a large cup of tea. His sister takes it, ignoring the handle to cup her hands around the burning porcelain. Oikawa fixes her grip and wipes her tears with the pads of his thumbs.

"Have you told him?"

His sister whips her head to Iwaizumi before riling herself up, crying even harder as he flinches, " _H-He's not t-talking to me! I t-told him and he hung up on me and we haven't talked since then!_ "

Oikawa shoots Iwaizumi a scathing look. The latter seems to shrink from his glare, opting to rifle through their stack of borrowed movies from the library.

"Nee-chan, drink your tea and calm down. Want to watch a movie?"

She hiccups, sniffling and nodding as Oikawa bounds for the television. They insert Rush Hour into the VCR and Iwaizumi slowly sits next to her, clearly uncomfortable as she continues to deplete their tissue supply.

"I'm sorry, Nee-san."

"O-Oh don't worry about it, Hajime-kun. I'm the o-one imposing here-"

"Nee-san," Iwaizumi sticks his jaw out stubbornly, "You're not the one imposing here, if someone were imposing, it would be me because no one asked you to take care of me when we were little, but you did. You could have studied harder in middle school and gotten a full ride at some prestigious high school, but instead you chose a local one so you could nurture Tooru and I. You're never imposing."

Oikawa watches as his sister's eyes widen before more tears gushes out and she's back to wailing.

" _Iwa-chan!_ "

" _I-I didn't mean to make her cry harder!_ "

His sister hiccups again, rubbing her red eyes, "I was a-always in school and I missed your growth s-spurt! Both you and Tooru have grown so much from your bratty days!"

Oikawa rubs her shoulders, replacing the now empty tissue box with a new one as the movie advances. "Yes, yes, Nee-chan. Your eyes will hurt if you don't stop crying soon. You haven't watched Rush Hour yet, have you?"

"No," She says, before shushing him, blinking tiredly, reaching for her tea. Oikawa shoots Iwaizumi a thumbs up, winking as Iwaizumi makes a disgusted look at his silly expression, but sinks back into the couch as they see Carter shackle Lee to the steering wheel.

When Rush Hour 2 starts to show its credits, Oikawa slowly turns his head to look at his sister, completely knocked out as she tilts her head back onto the couch. Iwaizumi shuts the TV off, standing up carefully to stretch as Oikawa grabs an afghan to throw around her.

"Are you going?"

Oikawa nods once, "Watch her for me will you?"

"Don't get into a fight."

"I won't." With that, Oikawa leaves his dorm room, forgoing breakfast and breathing in the crisp air of early spring. As he makes his way through the first block, where the storage rooms for various clubs are, he realizes that he would have to start trying in his final year. He'd be a high schooler soon.

_Ghoul Investigators don't need people who have one foot in each world. You either want to kill them or not._

"I know..." He mumbles to no one, jogging past the gym and seeing Haru walk out, hair damp. He raises a hand in his direction, waving lightly before picking up his pace, pavement making way for patterned cobblestones of the high school library. Out on the quads, he hears the heavy thumps of the track team stretching and warming up.

He spots the music hall in front, slowing down to a walk and hurrying past the trimmed bushes. Oikawa feels the plush carpet under his sneakers, turning right and left until he's in the private practice rooms, hearing music all around him like a surround stereo system. He walks forward through Ravel and Liszt, remembering a memory so long buried in his head of his mother calling out to him, patting the piano bench.

He stops in the middle of the hallway, body stiff as Mamoru becomes insignificant in his mind.

His mother.

He doesn't know what her voice sounds like.

"Pull yourself out, Tooru." He says to himself, slapping his cheeks. He needs to focus on his sister right now- not his parents. He sees a mop of black hair with a piano in the room in front of him, and barges in without knocking, face pulled into a perfect imitation of Iwaizumi's glare.

Mamoru flinches, looking up from the keys, " _Tooru!-_ "

" _You're sick! How could you hang up on her?! She's your girlfriend! She's carrying your child right now!_ " He shouts, letting the door slam behind him. His sister's boyfriend shrinks, and Oikawa wants to laugh at the image. A middle schooler yelling at a university student. "Why aren't you taking care of her?! She came to my dorm room at six in the morning, crying and sobbing her eyes out! _What are you doing here, playing the piano when you're supposed to comfort her?!_ "

" _I-I froze! A baby! T-Tooru, I'm n-not ready to be a father!_ "

"Then you go talk to her!" He yells, "She's all I have left! She's my only relative left, I have no one but her! And I'll be damned if you cause her to be sad! She _cares_ for you, you know?"

Mamoru looks at him, before looking down and blinking quickly. "...I'm afraid."

"That's why you talk to her! Communicate! Isn't that what couples do?!" Oikawa throws his car keys which were sitting on the hood of the piano at him. "Go!"

Mamoru steels himself, picking up his keys and rushing for the door, sprinting down the hallways.

Oikawa watches him streak through the lawns, cutting onto the grass before disappearing past the thicket of trees separating the middle school and high school area. He looks at the practice room, heart beating wildly from his earlier sprint. He sits on the bench, leaning back and pressing a random note.

His mother had long, brown hair like his. Her favorite color was... it was purple wasn't it? Purple pink somewhere in the spectrum of the visible light. Light lavender like the blossoms blooming all over Shinjuku Gyoen in spring. He doesn't remember the color of her eyes, but it must have been some shade of brown, wasn't it?

And his father... His father was a quiet man, he got his charming personality from his mother. His sister was the one who got most of their father's quiet personality. Quiet and hardworking, a family man capable of putting up a swing under the large orange tree in their front yard when they were still happy.

He remembers his aunt and uncle, the ones who still have their old house under their name for now. His sister was supposed to deal with the paperwork when she completed her pre-law degree. But with the baby coming, he supposes he'll have to deal with the paperwork himself.

Oikawa lazily bends over the piano, placing his elbow on the stand while plunking random chords. His fingernails clacked in the air, the notes vibrating around the room.

His mind drifts to Iwaizumi. It always does when he has classes, in chemistry, in PE (especially in PE), in classical literature, in study blocks, when they're cooking together, when they're sitting next to each other-

"Oikawa?"

"Iwa-chan?" He raises his head up, eyes sliding over to the two buttons Iwaizumi didn't button up on his plaid shirt. The long sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and Oikawa would be lying if he wasn't impressed at the band of muscles wrapping around the arm. How can someone make a plaid shirt look so indecent? "What are you doing here?"

"I left because Mamoru-san came back. They're talking right now." He enters, looking around at the sparse room, music stand in the corner. He joins Oikawa at the bench, looking at the piano, "Were you playing?"

"Just random chords," He replies flippantly.

"Why don't you join band or something as a club?"

He makes a face, "I only like the piano."

Iwaizumi fidgets a little. "You'll find something you like, don't worry." He looks at the music sheets Mamoru has left, frowning at it.

"Iwa-chan, if you keep thinking that hard you'll turn gray prematurely~"

"Can you really read this?" Iwaizumi gestures to the music. Oikawa studies the sheet, Debussy's Arabesque No.1.

"It looks easy enough, come on, Iwa-chan, let Oikawa-san teach you!" He pats the piano bench, knowing that Iwaizumi will scowl at him before huffing out of the room. Imagine his surprise when Iwaizumi drops onto the seat next to him, close enough for Oikawa to graze their arms together as he squints at the paper.

"That's...that's middle C right?" Iwaizumi mumbles, stretching his right hand to hover around middle C, shaking. Oikawa looks at his hand, wondering when did it get so large. It could probably cover his easily, the sinew and muscle linking around his fingers if they held hands. "Oikawa, where do I put my finger?"

Except he's not listening. Not at all, because he's looking at the way the sun shines through the windows, how the spring sun manages to breathe life into the practice room, hitting the white keys and reflecting the light onto Iwaizumi's exposed neck. He sees the tiniest peek of his pale collarbones under the t-shirt tan, sees the bare stubble poking through his chin and feels something in him squirm when Iwaizumi swallows, and Oikawa's eyes follow the bob of the Adam's apple.

His best friend is beautiful.

Iwaizumi is muttering to himself, finally finding the right note before scowling at the bass cleft, the line of his brow pulling together. It seemed like yesterday Oikawa was looking at the six year old version of Iwa-chan, racing after him, eyes locked onto the bug net in his grip as they streak through the tall summer grass, watching the sun kiss his skin in a greeting.

He looks down at his own hands as Iwaizumi slowly plays the first measure out, cursing when he makes a mistake of pressing two keys at once with his large fingers. His hands are large boned, the skin pale enough for him to see his blue veins clearly. It's nothing like Iwaizumi's skin, golden even though they've just had winter.

"What's wrong?" Iwaizumi asks gruffly. Oikawa turns to see their nose inches away from contact and nearly flinches.

"N-Nothing! Do you think they're done talking yet?"

Iwaizumi eyes him, "...I don't think so," He says, suspicion lacing his words. "If you're antsy, we can go to the cafeteria and see if they have any snacks left over from breakfast."

He stands up, "No, there's a place where I want to go."

Iwaizumi must have felt his mood shift, because he doesn't complain when Oikawa takes his hand and leads him out of the Academy grounds, passing the security guards stationed at the West Entrance. They walk in the morning air, Oikawa clenching his hand, nearly crushing it when they near their old apartment building.

The security guard buzzes them in, tipping his hat before resuming to his post. Oikawa doesn't think of how warm Iwaizumi's hands are, or how long he's been dreaming of holding his hand.

"I see."

Because the first thing Oikawa does when they've taken their shoes off is streak towards his fireplace, desperately looking at the photographs of his parents holding him and his sister in their arms, memorizing the tilt of his mother's lips as she smiles and the way his dad's hair turns brown in the sunlight.

"Why didn't you take them with you?"

"...I forgot about them," Oikawa whispers. "I forgot what they sounded like, I forgot how my own mother laughed and the way my dad teases her. Iwa-chan, _I forgot._ "

Iwaizumi stands next to him, his shadow coming to meet his. Oikawa looks at the way Iwaizumi's shadow nearly matches his in height. They grew after all. That's what humans do when they grow older.

"I can't speak my mother tongue anymore," Iwaizumi confesses, letting his head drop onto Oikawa's shoulder. The top of his hair brushes against the sensitive skin on Oikawa's neck, and he involuntarily shivers. He barely can remember little Iwaizumi running around, mixing up Japanese with Indonesian. "I don't remember my mother teaching it to me, or how to even say it. Just like that, I've forgotten a piece of myself and my mother."

"...Iwa-chan..."

"But you know," Iwaizumi moves his head to tilt up at Oikawa, pupils dilated, "your sister and I are still here. You can make new memories. Who knows, someday you might remember how your mother likes to take her coffee, it's all in here, I'm sure." He pats Oikawa's chest gently.

It's painful, Oikawa realizes, looking down at Iwaizumi at the wisdom he'd spouted off his mouth. His heart is clenching so painfully that he doesn't have any willpower other than to look at the way the light slants down on his eyelashes, full and dark to his lips, a little dry from the winter air to his faintly flushed cheeks, nose red from the bitter cold.

Oikawa laughs weakly, surprising Iwaizumi as he flinches, "Iwa-chan, how are you so reliable?"

"Someone has to be," Iwaizumi says without missing a beat, grabbing two albums from the bookshelf and handing them to Oikawa. "Bring these back. I'll help you put them around your dorky cork board."

"They're for inspiration!"

"Inspiration for what? All you have there are movie stubs of your alien obsession!" Iwaizumi snickers, laughing when Oikawa pouts.

When they're outside again, after heating up one of his sister's container of spaghetti because they haven't had breakfast yet, Oikawa clutches the photo albums to his chest tightly, for once happy. Iwaizumi follows behind him, a little slower, more sturdy than Oikawa's constant shift of moods.

And if he would compare the two of them, Oikawa would choose to be the presence of the earth, grounded, yet having the ability to create and destroy.

Iwaizumi would be the sea, the ever perpetual push and pull of the water, directed by the strength of the moon above it. It's slow, but it has persistence, being able to carve rivers on rocks and destroy a civilization by a powerful storm.

"Wonder what that is..." Iwaizumi says behind him, and Oikawa turns to look at a nearby shrine full of people older than them standing around in dark gray hakama, holding a large bow with two arrows in their hands.

"It's _kyudo_ ," Oikawa says, backtracking himself to see a young boy no older than them amongst the elderly. The boy has dark brown hair with a tall built as he stretches his arms back, bow creaking. Oikawa is fascinated by the concentration on his face before the boy releases the arrow, brows pulling together in a shadow of how Iwaizumi frowns. He only hears a light thwack of the arrow being released before it buries itself in one of the inner rings of the target.

" _Wow_."

Except he's not really listening. Somehow, in the terms of the two orphans of ghoul attacks, their fate decides them to detour to a little shrine on the way back from the Academy. As Oikawa watches the boy release his second arrow he can't help but think of a swift god, silent yet strong.

The boy meets their eyes, dark pupils curiously looking at them before walking back towards the tatami room to sit on his heels, an arm up to cradle his long bow. Iwaizumi pulls him along, and then they're racing down the familiar roads covered in the first bloom of spring flowers, the shoots of the new grass poking out of the ground as they sprint.

"That-" Iwaizumi yells, laughing a little, "That was so cool!"

"I want to learn how to do that!" Oikawa shouts back, a rosy flush appearing on his cheeks as they barrel through the streets, turning corners and watching green sprout all around them. Spring. The start of something new. He never thought he'd actually find something he would be interested in. "Iwa-chan, I want to learn the way of the bow!"

 

"Oikawa Tooru-kun, right?"

He nods, watching Takeda-sensei's face read over his proposal. The high school club adviser doesn't run a sports team, rather, he's Mamoru-san's music adviser. "Sensei, I heard you played kyudo when you were younger-"

"You don't _play_ kyudo, Oikawa-kun." Takeda-sensei chides cheerfully as Oikawa blushes at his mistake. "I saw you playing the piano a couple of days ago in the music hall. Why are you suddenly interested in kyudo?"

"Iwa-ch-" Oikawa bites his tongue, "I mean, Iwaizumi and I were walking back from our old apartment building and we saw a kyudo competition nearby and... I thought it looked cool. Elegant."

"Yes, I felt the same way when I first saw my father in a competition." The adviser smiles warmly at him. "It gets to you doesn't it? The quietness of the air before the arrow is released? The concentration and strength it takes to fully pull the bow back. Unfortunately, we don't have a kyudo club in middle school, however," Takeda-sensei beams at him, "I can extend you an offer to practice with the high school team if you're interested."

"Yes!" Oikawa shoots out of his chair in excitement, feeling his blood turn giddy as a bell signals the start of their morning period. He doesn't care that he's late for Classical Literature, or that Iwaizumi will throw a poorly made peanut butter sandwich at his head for skipping breakfast to go visit the high school staff room. "Thank you so much!"

"Wait!" Takeda's head pops out of the staff room, and Oikawa turns back, sees the white hallways of the high school building illuminate in the start of something new.

"Yes?"

"Practice is right after school! Don't be too late in switching buildings!"

Oikawa's cheeks are hurting from how much he's grinning, but he laughs, waving back at the teacher and thinking of how happy his sister will be, and how satisfaction will feel to him to _finally_  find somewhere he belongs.

 

"Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan, look how cool I am in a hakama!"

A snort. Iwaizumi cuffing the side of his head in a loose hold as he ruffles Oikawa's hair.

"Cut it out! My hair!"

"Don't overwork yourself, idiot."

But Iwaizumi smiles at him, watching spring pass with Oikawa bounding out of the apartment, gym bag slung on his shoulder as he rambles on about the technique and his sore muscles.

 

"I'm keeping the baby." His sister announces one day, jaws locked in a stubborn tilt as Oikawa's smile vanishes his face. Iwaizumi looks up from his English homework.

"Let her in, dumbass."

Oikawa doesn't feel Iwaizumi's hand move his tensed shoulder, but the next he sees aside from their carpeted floors is the health glow on his sister's cheeks. She looks happy, warm and smiling as the sharp edges of her jaw is softened.

Then, he realizes that she's put on weight.

"You don't look happy at my decision."

He fumbles for words, "Well, you're still in university. How will you keep up with your classes? You're in your fourth year. Year Five and Six will be twice as tough if you take a leave of absence now."

"I've talked to my adviser about it, as well as planned parenthood and all of my teachers." She firmly says the long hair that was the envy of model scouts now brushing the tips of her chin in a bob cut. She's changed in more ways than one. "I will keep up with my studies, and if I maintain a 3.5 average, they'll allow me to advance with the rest of my classmates when I return from maternity leave."

"You've thought a lot about this." Iwaizumi points out.

"Of course Hajime-kun." She smiles at him, patting her slightly protruded belly. She sees Iwaizumi look at it, and she stands up, beckoning him forward, "Here, touch my bump!"

"Is he kicking yet?" Oikawa watches Iwaizumi rub her stomach gently, a soft smile on his face, and it strikes Oikawa that his sister is trying to make a family again. He feels jealousy creep him. The baby will have a mother and father, a fully functioning family. Something he lost. Something he and sister wants.

"Of course not silly, I'm still in my third month." She proudly says, before grinning a familiarly at him. Oikawa looks at the rosy blush on the apples of her cheeks, "Come here, brother. Meet the little one."

Oikawa touches her stomach, feeling the curve of the bump before he feels a shudder and forgets all he wanted to say about how he disapproves her decision.

"Did he kick?" He excitedly says, "Nee-chan, did he kick?"

"Erm, I think?" She frowns, rubbing her stomach as Iwaizumi eagerly looks on. "I don't know. Maybe I'm hungry?"

Iwaizumi goes to the kitchen, humming in tune, "I'll make you something. We have instant noodles and instant noodles."

"Sounds good," Her sister sarcastically says, before telling Oikawa, "I'm going to bring you proper groceries next time I visit."

"Nee-chan, are you sure you want to keep the baby?"

"Why wouldn't I?" She steels her voice, drawing herself up to her full height. Oikawa continues to look down at her, mouth twisted unhappily. "Is it because I didn't ask you, Tooru? This baby business is between Mamoru and I. I know you're family but, well, not even he can tell me what to do."

"Mamoru-san doesn't want it?"

"Of course not," She easily says, "We're still students. Our money comes from the government. I hardly have enough to take care of the baby by myself. My grades will drop, but I still want him, Tooru. I want him."

"You're being-"

"It's mine. I'm the one raising him!" She hisses, "I wish you would stop thinking of how fragile I am. I'm not. I took care of you and Hajime when you two were little! I could have gone to Todai if I wanted to, but I didn't. I stuck it out here because I wanted to watch the two of you grow! You two are the family I have left! I took Law because _I want to make a world where my little one can safely live in!_ "

She huffs, losing her anger quickly before she grabs his hands. "I'm not shutting you out, but you must know that this baby matter concerns only me. Not even Mamoru can tell me otherwise, okay? I'll be careful, so don't look at me like that, Tooru."

He looks down at the floor, "That child will live in this forsaken world."

"A forsaken world both his parents are trying to make better," She sternly tells him. "I'll be damned if I die in childbirth. I haven't finished watching the two of you grow yet."

"Don't say that, Nee-chan," Oikawa mumbles, putting his head on her shoulders and smelling the familiar scent of the laundry soap she uses.

She laughs, wrapping her arms around him as her stomach gets in her way. "See? I used to be taller than you, but you're taller than I am. You're growing, I don't want to miss any of that."

Oikawa looks up to see Iwaizumi hover awkwardly around the entrance of their dorm room, holding a bowl of instant noodles. "Iwa-chan, come join us!"

"Uh-"

"Hajime-kun come here." His sister orders, grinning in satisfaction when Iwaizumi follows before joining their hug awkwardly, minding his sister's baby bump. "My two favorite people in the world." She sing-songs. "Don't stain the great Oikawa-Iwaizumi legacy I've started okay? Don't fail your classes, don't get into fights, eat something healthy and stay out of trouble. I can't visit often since my feet are starting to kill me but don't think I'm not keeping a close eye on your grades."

Oikawa meets Iwaizumi's eyes and mouths, _scary_.

Iwaizumi laughs, "We won't."

 

"You know," Takeda-sensei calls him over to a corner of the dojo as they're taking a break. "I see you and Mamoru-kun a lot in the music hall practicing. Maybe you can log those hours you spend in there for an independent study course."

He frowns, wiping the sweat that has managed to drip down his neck. They've just finished their warm-up run around the high school campus. At first Oikawa was badly out of shape, now he's one of the pack leaders, always behind the captain. "What do you mean? I'm not very interested in studying the differences between pieces from different eras, sensei."

"But the pieces you play are beautiful."

"I'm not as good as Mamoru-san."

"It's still nice to hear some music amongst the sports teams practicing." Takeda-sensei smiles, "You don't know how tiring it gets when you've been at the high school building all day to hear the kendo captain fight with the swim captain."

"I can only imagine," Oikawa replies, before walking over and slotting his arrow. Takeda's gaze settles on him, and Oikawa is already used to the hakama and kimono- the tightness around his waist that forces his back to be straight as he pulls the bow back. He aims for the white target, breathing in and out before he twitches his finger, and the arrow flies into the dirt.

When he first started, his senpais had told him it wasn't a matter of striking the target dead center, it was the journey to clear his mind so his actions reflect his thinking. In other words, the art of kyudo is to concentrate. Oikawa slots his second arrow, adjusting his stance and pulling back slowly, feeling the burn of his shoulder muscles strain from the effort to keep the tip of the arrow in the middle of the bull's eye.

He releases.

It lands in the dirt again.

 

Oikawa averts his eyes from Kuroo and Daichi, holding hands casually as they take notes from an open textbook between them. It's autumn already, the once bright sun setting sooner and sooner as the trees shed their leaves.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," He replies to Suga, flipping a page and scanning the text to find some inspiration for their twenty-five poems due for Classical Literature. "Just tired."

Suga doesn't say anything, opting to give a little hum before stretching out onto the table, twisting his back as Oikawa winces from the snapping sounds. "If you're troubled, you're welcome to talk to me about anything, okay?" Oikawa looks at him, mouth open before Suga sends him a soft smile, reaching for his pencil once more before scratching more poems.

Across from him, Kuroo tilts his head onto Daichi's shoulders, snickering softly to himself.

Oikawa's heart twists bitterly.

 

"Your due date is close, isn't it?" He talks to his sister, phone cradled between his ear and shoulder as he whisks some eggs. For once he woke up earlier than Iwaizumi, the latter returning late last night from a wrap-up tournament dinner somewhere in Shibuya. The Junior Academy won first place in the team sparring tournament.

"Something like that, yeah." His sister replies. Oikawa can hear her watering her plants outside. "Get Hajime-kun to visit me. I'm bloated like a whale and I'm lonely. Books don't make good friends if all you read is about boring laws."

"That's your fault." He teases, "What about Mamoru-san?"

"Practicing for his physicals. If you're going to be an investigator, Tooru, I suggest you get a head start at being fit. A lot of people fail their first year."

"I run 5K every other day with the kyudo team." He sniffs, "I'm taller than Iwa-chan now!"

"Oh? You should come visit me tomorrow or something- wait no. I heard about your English test mark. Study with Hajime instead."

"Why do you always want me to study?" He grumbles, pouring the eggs on the hot skillet and thinking of cutting some tomatoes to prank Iwaizumi with, but deciding not to. "Every year it's always been, _study this, Tooru! Don't get a zero in this! Work harder! Study! Study! Study!_ "

"Because I nearly failed the first year." She evenly says, "I took care of you and Hajime and got a part time job instead of concentrating, so I'm saying this while I can, before the baby comes, work your ass off, and you'll see the improvements. That and because you're the baby of the family and I feel the need to nag you."

"...Nee-chan..."

"Stop it, I know what you're going to say. It's fine. It's my duty to take care of you." She says, "No point in looking back into the past right? I'm number one in my Law class and you and Hajime-kun are going to be in high school soon."

"...I've never said thank you, have I?" He whispers, looking at the way the oil bubbles. He prods the eggs halfheartedly, checking to see if he can flip it. "Thank you for the sacrifices you've made for us."

He hears a sniffle from the other line.

" _Are you crying?_ "

"NO!" His sister chokes, "I'm just emotional because my baby brother is growing up!"

"Unbelievable," He mumbles into the phone, smiling as he waves at Iwaizumi sleepily rake a hand through his hair. Oikawa sees that he's shirtless and nearly drops his phone into their breakfast.

"That Nee-san?" Iwaizumi asks, his voice deepened with sleep making goosebumps appear throughout Oikawa. He frantically nods, pushing the phone towards him before his eggs burn. Iwaizumi clears his throat, "Hello.... Good, I just woke up- Mamoru-san was there last night? Cool! Did he see the finals? Mhm...yeah, I was up against a red belt...me? I'm a red belt right now.... yes, yes, yeah he's making breakfast."

"Does she need to go?" Oikawa looks up.

"Yeah, doctor's appointment." He tosses his phone, and Oikawa catches it, putting the phone to his ears.

"Don't make trouble for Hajime-kun," His sister croons, "I'll go now, see you later!"

"Have a safe trip!"

Iwaizumi yawns again, before noticing the smoke traveling up from his pan, "Idiot! Did you burn my eggs?"

"Huh?" When the smoke alarm above them starts to shrilly beep, Oikawa shrieks, "It wasn't on purpose!"

Iwaizumi growls, pushing him out of the way and turning on the fan of the stove hood. He points to the smoke detector, yelling above the outrageous beeping. "Go get something and fan the smoke away from it!"

"Y-Yes!"

 

They burst through the hospital doors, Oikawa still sweaty and dressed in his hakama as Iwaizumi follows his heels, in the same situation. The school sent a runner from the main office saying that his sister's gone into labor, and they ran straight for the bus, not bothering to change.

"Boys!" Mamoru looks like he's going to start crying any minute. Oikawa pants, clutching the stitch on his side.

"Is my nee-chan still in labor?"

"Y-Yes." He points to the double doors in front of them, wringing his hands together, his black bangs sticking up in random directions, "It's been two hours already! What's taking them so long? Wasn't natural birth suppose to be quick? They won't let me in! What if she needs to hold my hand? _What if she needs someone to wipe her forehead-_ "

"Mamoru-san," He orders, "Calm down! You need to be there to cut the umbilical cord!"

His sister's boyfriend clutches his shoulders, " _I'm not ready to be a father!_ "

"Mamoru-san I want you to breathe with me," Oikawa says, "It'll do you no good to freak out now. If you faint right here, Iwa-chan and I will leave you and see the baby ourselves. My nee-chan knows what she's doing. There's a nurse and doctor there to help her push him out, okay? So breathe, it's fine. She'll get out of labor soon."

Mamoru whimpers and the door opens to a doctor with a mask, his front splattered with blood as Oikawa opens his mouth, "Is my sister-?"

"Yes, if you would follow me," The doctor happily beckons, "She's waiting. It's a successful delivery."

Oikawa follows, stepping through the delivery room to see nurses milling around everywhere. His sister beams, waving as he sees a bundle tucked in her arms. His nephew.

"Mamoru, you looked like you fainted."

He weakly smiles, bending his head to look at his son. "You won't tease me if I say I nearly did, will you?"

"Maybe." She smirks, looking a radiant as she can be. She offers the bundle to Mamoru, "Careful."

Oikawa hands her a towel. She'd soaked through her hospital gown, her short hair lying limp around her shoulders. "How are you feeling?"

"Lighter. Definitely lighter." She jokes, smiling as she raises a brow at their clothes, "Were you at practice?"

Iwaizumi rubs the back of his neck. "Actually, I had to run out early from my belt testing. It's fine though," He hastily adds, "I'll get my belt next time I come to practice. This is more important."

"Thank you, Hajime-kun." His sister stretches up to pat his head. Mamoru gives Oikawa's sister the baby back, whispering something about signing forms and dealing with a birth certificate before he follows a doctor outside. "Tooru, here. Meet Takeru."

Oikawa suddenly feels like the spotlight is on him. He hears Iwaizumi snicker quietly as he fumbles with his arms, "H-How should I?"

"Bend your elbow, and cup his middle. His head goes into the crook." His sister advises. Oikawa feels nervous, his nephew being passed into his arms as Iwaizumi peers curiously.

Just as Oikawa loosens his shoulders, the baby stirs, twitching his mouth and cooing at him. A heavy flow of something washes over him. He's holding his family. His nephew that'll learn the truth about their parents and their world. Oikawa feels his eyes sting, knowing what the child will go through as he grows up. A knot builds in his throat.

He enrolled in the Academy without a reason but to follow Iwaizumi. Takeru squirms and Oikawa offers his finger, breath choked as the baby reaches to hold onto his pinkie.

"N-Nee-chan..."

"Yes?" She says softly, a knowing smile on her face.

He turns to look at her and Iwaizumi, tears spilling out of his eyes, "I-I'll be an investigator!" Iwaizumi weakly laughs, brushing his own tears as they stand side by side, the sunset hitting their faces as Oikawa looks at Takeru. He's going to protect him. He won't let Takeru experience what he had to go through. Takeru will grow up with both of his parents and Oikawa will try his damn hardest to live up to his promise. "I'll b-be an investigator and I'll make the world a safer p-place. I'll neutralize the ghouls f-for him!"

 

"Hello, Nee-san." Iwaizumi peeks, just as Oikawa sister looks up from cutting some vegetables. He's visiting her today since Oikawa had to go to the dentist with Mamoru, complaining about an ache in his tooth.

Oikawa's sister lays her knife down, hurrying towards him to help him with the groceries. "Thank you for doing this, Hajime-kun. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. First you took care of Tooru and now you're delivering me stuff from the supermarket."

"It's fine. We're on break anyway, and you just returned from the hospital." He sees a little crib set up in front of the breakfast bar. Takeru snoozes inside, wrapped up in a blanket. "How are you doing?"

"Losing sleep, but it wasn't like I could, with insomnia and all." She cracks a smile. She forces him to sit on one of the stools, offering him some caramel pudding. "Here, eat up!"

"Thank you." She grins at him, going back to chop some radishes with speed. He digs into the dessert, enjoying the smell of Oikawa's house and looking around at the home. Over the years, more awards started to fill up, crowding the photographs on the fireplace mantle. It's different from the first time the Oikawas settled in there, but he likes it now. It has life.

"School's good?"

"Yeah, Oikawa's grades are better this time around. I think he's starting to get it now."

"I should have had Takeru sooner if it meant prompting him to study," She jokes. "Otherwise, I'm glad. It's hard enough to keep an eye on him when I had to look after myself."

"And how are your studies?"

"Excellent, of course. No one can best me, even with a baby. Viva la honor roll."

He laughs, "If only Oikawa shows as much dedication as you."

She lowers her knife, smiling softly at him before leaning back on the fridge. "You look very happy when you talk about him you know."

He looks at her wordlessly, surprise flowing through him. He frowns at his pudding. "Do I?"

"Your voice turns orange when you talk about him. His turns silver. Fitting don't you think? The sun and moon, like Amaterasu and Tsukiyomi." She tilts her head in a manner similar to how Oikawa would tilt his head and bat his long lashes at him. Oikawa's sister shares a lot of physical traits with him, the haughty smirk, similarly shaped eyes and even the way she holds herself up is the same. Pay attention to me. Look at me.

Iwaizumi thinks of all the times he sees Oikawa smile at him, the earnest kind of smile, the one that shows through his eyes, and causes his throat to tighten.

"My brother...he doesn't smile sincerely often, but when he does, it's only in front of you." Oikawa's sister points out quietly. "He's always so attached to you. Do you remember how he used to cry for you when we were still in the hospital?"

"I do."

"Do you?" She arches her eyebrows, "Do you really know how in love he is with you?"

_Love?_

Something must have shown on his face because his sister laughs, coming around the breakfast bar to check on Takeru. He watches her slim finger stroke Takeru's fat cheeks softly. Takeru shifts in his sleep, continuing to slumber. "You must have noticed some of it, right?"

"I..."

"Hajime," Her voice takes on a harder edge, brushed by steel, "If you want to continue to stay by his side, please tell him how you truly feels. I don't want my brother's heart to be broken in the future."

He looks back to his pudding.

"Do you like him?"

"He's a brat," Iwaizumi says without thinking before he sees Oikawa's sister's face mold into shock. She chuckles, crossing her arms as he splutters, "No-no that's not what I mea-"

"I know he's a brat, who do you think I am? I took care of him, of course, I _know_ he's a brat. A real handful one, isn't he?"

"Yes," He's blushing now, "He is a brat. He 'forgets' to do his chores, forgets to do his homework, eats too many sweets, and he doesn't take anything seriously except for his club. He's a real pain the ass, your brother, he's an airhead too. He likes to jump on me during weekends when everyone is still asleep, and when a test looms up, he comes crying to me to follow him to the library."

Oikawa's sister watches him, the afternoon sun slanting through the blinds and hitting the white material of her gym shorts. Iwaizumi looks outside to the trees, leafless and being swept from side to side with the wind, branches creaking from the weight.

"But he has his good qualities too. He's calm in stressful situations and he has what it takes to be a leader I think if he gets out of his comfort zone. Your brother can be a hard worker. A-And he's honest."

"Okay."

"'Okay?'"

His sister shrugs, "I want you to keep in mind that I don't want him to be hurt more than he has to be. Poor boy has been through a lot, with the bullying, teasing and moving to the Junior Academy and getting a heavier course load than he's used to. He's not an independent person, Hajime. He likes to have people near him even though he can be spiteful, but that's just the way he is. It's not my place to say this, but I'd like you to still be friends with him, no matter what happens in the future."

Then she's all smiles again, switching the subject to his competition and belt testing as she goes back to the kitchen, this time pulling out a rack of ribs before slicing them orderly, trimming the fat away. By the time sunset rolls by, it's pitch black outside and Iwaizumi's at the door, lacing up his shoes as she hands him a Tupperware container full of food.

"I know you boys don't eat healthily there," She scowls. "I'll teach you how to cook properly next time I visit."

He holds the still warm container in his hands, waving to her as she opens the door.

"Hajime?"

"Yes?"

"You're not obligated to listen to me, but..." She trails off, looking older than she is. Iwaizumi can see Oikawa in her, in the dark circles and the curved lips. He looks at her, noticing that her eyes are the exact shade of Oikawa's. "Take care of Tooru, will you?"

 

 

_One: If your most important person in the world will only bring you trouble, what would you do?_

_Two: Protect them with my two hands. I will protect them will my life._


	2. tu dis rien

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter dedicated to THE amazing mars aka yaboykeiji aka the person i run to for all of the taekwondo stuff here since i quit a few years ago and the details escape me. their art is hella rad so check them out B)
> 
> the ending of this this chapter goes into the plot of the entire series. since ishida hasn't released a lot of information about what could be happening behind the scenes in the CCG (ghoul juices, germany, etc.), don't look too hard into the plot ovo it's just my interpretation, after all. shoutout to the swag Aiden b/c yours truly doesn't have a romantic bone in her body so i have to rely on aiden on some romance pointers. 
> 
> okay so like the reason why this chapter is 27K is that each chapter is like, 3-4 years worth of plot and memory, and since there's four chapters in the series, the first chapter covers everything from when they were six to fourteen, the second chapter from fifteen to seventeen, the third from university and some time skip to the first few years of actual CCG investigators and the last is gonna be from wherever i stopped up until the Very Painful Scene if you know what i'm talking about wink wink (Y)
> 
> Beta'd by fortifiedacorn/Aiden
> 
> I like to call this chapter: The One With A Lot of Angst

 

 

High school brings a new change.

There are more kids in their classes, more orphans who lost their parents and more sadness hanging around the Academy. Oikawa drops the last box into their new dorm room in the high school building, conveniently located between the gym and the library, rubbing his shoulders as he looks at the new space.

It's certainly a little bigger, not by much, though. Their desks and bed just barely fit to allow a couch with a coffee table in the front. They don't have a kitchen anymore.

"Ready, Shittykawa?"

Oikawa turns to look at Iwaizumi tossing him his new uniform. The crisp white shirt is tucked into a plastic wrapping, crinkling when he holds it in his hands pensively. Iwaizumi hums, wading through the boxes before flopping on his bed.

"Something up?"

"We're fifteen," Oikawa says in a weird voice. It shouldn't be weird, one part of him says. Fifteen is just any other number, yet with the new school year starting, Oikawa doesn't feel right even though he already found his reason to be here. To slay ghouls so his nephew can live in a better world.

"No shit, we're not twelve anymore. Thank god, at least over middle school you learned how to do chores."

"Mean! Iwa-chan is mean!"

"Knock it off with the chan," Iwaizumi says without looking up, voice bare of any venom. "Go take a shower first, I'll get some of our stuff sorted before we go to bed."

Oikawa stands at the door of their room, looking at the barren walls and the clean smell of constructing hanging around before turning on his heel.

 

By now, he's gotten his academic act together. The first few periods of the day were relatively easy, and Oikawa yawns his way through biology, taking notes on plants as he looks at the grounds below him. The older grades are having a joint gym class, and he can see little figures running around on the turf field.

"-exchange student coming." 

His ears pick up on something interesting, and he locks gazes with Iwaizumi. They both turn in their in their seats to see Suga smiling at them.

"How d'you know?"

Suga points to the desk being carried in by Daichi, sweetly smiling at them, "Takeda-sensei mentioned it in the morning, but since you didn't know until now, I can assume you were day-dreaming again?"

"I didn't sleep until two since my stupid roommate kept tossing and turning," Iwaizumi deadpans.

"It's a new room! It takes a while to get used to!" Oikawa defends himself, grumbling as Takeda enters the class again, this time escorting a boy with brown hair and a familiar pair of eyes, although Oikawa doesn't know what's so familiar about them. The shape maybe, but the rest of the boy is unfamiliar to him. The class settles before looking curiously at the newcomer.

"Class," Takeda introduces the boy, writing his name on the board with a flourish, "this is Ushijima Wakatoshi-kun, he transferred from Shiratorizawa Academy yesterday, please welcome him warmly."

Ushijima stands with his back straight, the crisp lining of his uniform punctuated by the sunlight filtering from the windows. The class greets him in unison, and it's not until five seconds later Oikawa makes the connection.

"Is he the son of the Chairman? Chairman Ushijima?"

Iwaizumi nods, "I never heard of the chairman having a son, but it makes sense for him to come here if he wants to follow his dad's footsteps."

"Let's see..." Takeda-sensei trails off, smiling at them and scanning the class, "Sugawara-kun, could you take him around the building during break and give him a tour?"

"No need Sensei," Ushijima speaks out, "I already know the campus very well." He tucks his chair into him, dropping into the desk beside Iwaizumi's. Takeda nods, before asking some volunteers to pass out papers and textbooks to be distributed for English. Oikawa hears Ushijima introduce himself to Iwaizumi.

"Nice to meet you."

Iwaizumi nods coolly, "Nice to meet you too." He notices Oikawa peer behind his back, and he turns, "Oi, introduce yourself."

"Oikawa Tooru."

"You're the boy who..." Ushijima trails off, "You were at the shrine when I was practicing kyudo."

He releases Ushijima's hand, feeling the dry pads of his finger, akin to his from hours of drawing the bow back. The slope of his shoulders are wider, but it was the same boy back then. He wonders how he didn't notice it sooner, "Oh, you're him!" Oikawa feels a little more welcoming to this new student. "I never knew the Chairman of the CCG has a son."

"I have a sister too, but she's missing. Ghouls took her away."

Having unknowingly stumbled on a landmine, he tries to backpedal, "O-Oh, um-"

"It's fine, I barely remember her."

"Sorry."

Ushijima drops the conversation there, a blank look taking over his features as Oikawa slides down his seat. He didn't mean to talk about such a touchy subject. He feels something being placed on his hand and sees Iwaizumi place a candy.

 _Idiot_ , he mouths.

Oikawa shoots a half thankful, half wry smile before sucking on the candy, flipping the textbook to the first chapter as Takeda's voice oozes into the background.  
  


The first change is Iwaizumi getting glasses. 

Oikawa has to take a second look at the person who entered his room. It looks like Iwa-chan. He has his unruly hair, he has the furrow of the brows and the build and the ever-present scowl, but Oikawa doesn't remember Iwaizumi saying anything about getting glasses.

"What?" Iwaizumi barks, turning red and shutting the door behind him.

" _What are thooose?_ " Oikawa laughs as Iwaizumi narrows his eyes. The black frames sit on his nose bridge, and it's clear that Iwaizumi is still new at the glasses concept because when he tries to push it up, his fingers land all over the glass instead. "Is that a fashion statement, Iwa-chan? Are you trying to be cool?"

"The only statement these are making is that my vision is getting blurry!"

"Nerd!"

" _At least I study, unlike someone!_ " Oikawa shoots him his prettiest smile, lips twitching before he bursts out wheezing. "Stop laughing you ass!"

"Y-You look good, Iwa-chan," He wipes tears from his eyes, "I'm just surprised- you never told me you needed them."

Iwaizumi walks into the room, scowling at the air before taking his uniform off for a loose t-shirt. Oikawa's eyes latch onto his smooth back, the muscle rippling as his head pops out of the shirt. "We had physical examinations right? They made all of us test our eyes."

"And you couldn't see?"

"No," Iwaizumi snorts, voice dripping in sarcasm, "I have 20/20 vision. That's why I have glasses."

"Salty."

"Get out," Iwaizumi huffs, sitting on his bed and crossing his arms, "If you want to talk about my glasses do it where I can't hear you."

Oikawa blinks, turning his spinny chair around to see Iwaizumi's shoulders clenched with tension. Was he insecure about them? "Iwa-chan, I'm not teasing you. There's nothing weird about getting glasses."

"It's weird to me," He grumbles, "I have to be more careful to not get punched in the face in practice. I don't like these glasses, they make me look funny."

"Iwa-chan, they're just glasses."

" _You_ don't have them!" He hisses.

Oikawa holds his hands up, alarmed, "I'm not trying to tease you, okay? I said they're just glasses- there's nothing wrong with wearing them!" Iwaizumi glares at him, and Oikawa crosses the short distance to sit next to him on his bed, putting his head onto Iwaizumi's stiff shoulders. Eventually, he feels the tension ooze out.

"Sorry."

"It's fine," Oikawa quietly says, watching the dust motes in front of them dance around. "I like the glasses, Iwa-chan."

He feels Iwaizumi turn his head and his hair being ruffled as Iwaizumi exhales tiredly, "Thanks, I guess. At least I'm near-sighted. A lot of people recover from it."

"What?"

"I can see far things really well, but the closer the object is to my face, the blurrier it gets."

"You look good with them on." Oikawa quietly whispers, feeling his neck warm up as Iwaizumi tenses up beneath him. Then, Oikawa jumps up, shooting Iwaizumi his best wink and trying to quell the pounding of his heart, "Maybe with this you can have a chance with the ladies here, Iwa-chan!"

Iwaizumi takes off his glasses before wrestling him to the ground.

 

The second change is that he's now enrolled in taekwondo, after much persistence from Takeda-sensei how he should at least learn one martial art if not two because it'll help him defend himself against a ghoul. Oikawa fails to see the logic behind this because only quinques can hold up against a ghoul, but he doesn't say anything. Maybe his sister bribed Takeda-sensei. 

Iwaizumi is smirking as he helps Oikawa tie on his white belt. Oikawa is glaring at the large mirror taking up the stretch of one wall. The dojang is simple, a floor covered in mats with dummies used for kick practices and a bunch of larger targets and some sparring equipment in a corner.

"There we go," Oikawa pouts at Iwaizumi. His voice is _gloating_. "Remember, you have to bow to me since I'm _leagues_ ahead of you in this."

"You're enjoying this too much."

Iwaizumi puts his hands on his hips before laughing, the worn out high red belt around his waist with a stripe stuck to the end. It's just electrical tape, but from the looks around the dojang of the other seniors here, Iwaizumi is one of the highest ranked. "This is why I keep telling you to join taekwondo, stupid. Well, the bright side is, at least you're not starting in university."

"Stop making me feel worse." Oikawa looks at his image in the mirror, twisting around to see his name scribbled on the lapel of the uniform. It's completely white and stiff with annoying wide sleeves. "How come you can wear a t-shirt, Iwa-chan?"

"This is a club t-shirt," Iwaizumi turns and Oikawa sees a picture of their dojang mascot printed on the back. A tiger. "You only need to wear the full uniform for belt ceremonies, otherwise, I wear this so the sleeves don't get in the way."

"What? Lend me one!"

"No way idiot, get your own," Iwaizumi huffs. They see a few older students before Oikawa blinks. What's Ushijima doing here?

"Hello." Ushijima approaches them slowly, dipping his head uncertainly, a little hesitant. Oikawa bends to stretch his calves as Iwaizumi beckons him over, commenting on his new uniform. Oikawa looks at Ushijima's belt.

Red.

"How long have you been doing this?"

"A couple of years. I started in middle school." Ushijima stretches an arm up, bending his waist as they wait for the instructor to start the class. "My lessons got reduced once I started kyudo, but I was fine with slowing down." They line up, Oikawa wide eyed at how everything works before the class is split. An older university student with a black belt gathers the lower belts, quarreling him away from Iwaizumi.

"Iwa-"

"I'll be across the room," Iwaizumi pats his shoulders, and Oikawa sees Ushijima wait for him, brown hair turning light under the fluorescent lights. No, no, this feels wrong to Oikawa. Iwaizumi is supposed to be with him, not the new student. Iwaizumi smiles briefly, "Listen to the black belt, okay? You can make friends."

Oikawa watches him walk away, joining Ushijima and tapping fists with him as they face each other off and proceeded to do flips with an empty feeling in his chest

 

"No."

His sister beams at him, bouncing on the balls of her feet so Takeru attention's is diverted to the swing of her earrings. Mamoru grimaces apologetically behind her, holding Takeru's baby bag. Oikawa is tired, grumpy and hungry, a combination that he usually sees on his sister during finals week or Iwaizumi when he's staying up late to finish his homework before the due date. His sister grins, "I just want you to babysit him for a weekend. It's our anniversary! And my entire class is going to the hot springs! Come on, Tooru, help your sister out."

"Get someone qualified," He sniffs.

"I know you read those baby links I sent to you, and I know Hajime-kun knows first aid~"

"Nee-chan," Oikawa rubs his eyes, "This is the worse time you can visit. I have a kyudo competition coming up and my belt test is tomorrow. Can't you bring him to a daycare?"

"It's a little too late to phone someone right now," She points out. Takeru shoves her dangly earring of Themis's balance scales into his mouth, cooing and drooling over his sister's shirt, "I'll pay you. Come on~"

" _Ughh_ ," He stretches his arms out to accept his nephew. His sister whoops with joy, handing him Takeru, who immediately is patting Oikawa's haggard face with his pudgy hands. Oikawa sneaks a kiss on Takeru's fuzzy head, "You owe me big time."

"I'll introduce you to Kuroiwa and Shinohara when you graduate!" She grins. Mamoru places Takeru's bag in the room, still apologetic. His sister gives Oikawa a kiss on his cheek, before tidying Takeru's black hair and stroking the top of his head. "You be good to your uncle, okay?"

"Buh!"

"That's my boy!" His sister waves, whizzing towards the door, "You're a life saver, Tooru! Make sure to eat your vegetables! Love you!"

Oikawa grumbles a farewell, going to his window to see his sister and Mamoru hop into a car before driving off. Takeru coos at him, grinning at him as he shows off the teeth he's been growing in.

"Oh hey, you're not irritated today." Oikawa smiles, placing him on his bed to see if Takeru can crawl. He can, and goes for the corner of Oikawa's pillow case to chew. Oikawa surveys the bag for some teething toys, before picking him up and going to the communal kitchen to freeze some of them.

"Aaahgwbw!" Takeru vocalizes as Oikawa sets him up on his couch. When Takeru is strapped into the feeding chair or whatever they call it, Oikawa turns back to his homework, occasionally checking that Takeru hasn't stuffed anything he's not supposed to in his mouth.

 

Matsukawa stops in front of his room, turning back to glare accusingly at Iwaizumi, "You never told us you have a kid!"

"What."

Iwaizumi pushes him out the way to see Oikawa passed out on the couch, a sleeping Takeru in his arms as the former snores loudly. Matsukawa stifles a laugh, entering quietly and dropping their group assignment on Iwaizumi's desk. "I'll leave now, see you at the cafeteria...if Oikawa wakes up that is. Call me if you want to save some dinner."

"Yea, thanks." Matsukawa waves, but not before shooting Iwaizumi a sly smile. Iwaizumi ignores that, dropping on his bed and changing from his wet clothes that got rained on from the library to his sweats.

He shuffles over to the couch, grabbing a tissue to wipe the liquid staining their couch as Oikawa drools freely. Iwaizumi picks Takeru up, muttering quietly into his ear as the baby shifts slightly, "Can't wake up your uncle."

He decides there's nothing he can really do when one of his hand is occupied with holding Takeru other than to flip a magazine. It starts to rain outside, and Iwaizumi sinks into the couch, bone tired from the chemistry project he had to work on with Matsukawa. Takeru starts chewing on the material of his shirt, and Iwaizumi grimaces and goes back to his reading.

He's just about to doze off, eyelids heavy when Oikawa's head tilts towards his shoulders and lands there. Iwaizumi feels his body flash suddenly with heat, and he turns his head to see Oikawa's pale features, button nose and long lashes so close to his face that he holds his breath. He stills, watching Oikawa's chest rise and fall.

"...y equals positive minus...b root b squared minus 4 ac over two a..."

He feels his cheeks lift into a silly grin as Oikawa starts mumbling little things in his ear. Takeru flutters his eyes open, blearily looking up before falling asleep again, his tiny fist holding onto Iwaizumi's Marvel t-shirt. Iwaizumi looks out into the rain, smiling as he closes his eyes and falls asleep to Oikawa mumbling the math formulas in their upcoming test.

 

"Congratz."

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa breathes, turning around to see Iwaizumi tugging his new belt with Takeru sleeping on his shoulder. He walks up to him and stares at the wall-length mirror, looking at their reflection. A brown belt and an orange belt. Oikawa absent-mindedly tugs at his own belt, the material stiff. He still has leagues to cross to be the same level as the rest of his classmates. "Congratulations."

"Your self-defense portion was really good." Iwaizumi hefts Takeru into his other arm and Oikawa reaches forward for him to relieve Iwaizumi from his nephew.

Iwaizumi is looking away, making sure that Takeru is safely handed to him, but Oikawa sees himself- his flushing face and the beads of sweat still trailing down that hasn't cooled yet. He sees the way he holds himself up, spine straight and the dobok outlining his shoulders to prevent the belt from digging too hard into his waist. Little Takeru looks like a mixture of them, the signature Oikawa hair bristly like Iwaizumi's.

"Careful," Iwaizumi quietly says, passing Takeru to Oikawa. He brushes his head, "This guy sleeps a lot."

He softly says, "He's a baby Iwa-chan, what do you expect?" Did he just really imagine Iwaizumi and he as parents? Adopting a child and taking care of them in this kind of world? It's a pointless train of thought anyway, and Oikawa shoves it deep into the recesses of his brain to forget.

"Iwaizumi," Ushijima pokes his head around the corner, his dark eyes scans over to Oikawa holding Takeru in his arms. "Ma is looking for you."

"Sure."

Oikawa closes his eyes and begins to hum a little lullaby, shutting his eyes to Iwaizumi walking away from him.

 

"Oikawa?" Iwaizumi mumbles from his bed, halting Oikawa's attempt to sneak out of their room. He watches Iwaizumi rise up, cheeks red with sleep as he rubs his eyes. Oikawa shivers from the roughness of his voice, "What are you doing? It's...it's barely six. The cafeteria-"

"I'm going to the dojang for extra practice, Iwa-chan. I have a granola bar in here." Iwaizumi blinks his eyes wide open, staring at him as Oikawa snaps to a silly salute, making sure to plaster on his best smile. "I'll catch up to you in no time~ See you!"

"Wait!-" Iwaizumi calls, but Oikawa is already running down the stairs, slipping out into the crisp summer morning before heading towards the studio.

 

"Is Oikawa here?"

Instructor Ma looks up from his novel to Iwaizumi's figure at the entrance of the mat room. He's in his mid-thirties, with darker skin than Iwaizumi's, and he fluidly stands up from his stretches when Iwaizumi notices the entire room is empty.

"No, should he be here?"

Iwaizumi frowns, "He told me he was going to be here." It's past two already. He'd asked around the cafeteria if anyone had seen him, even bumping into Kuroo and Daichi on a lunch date. "I can't find him."

His teacher raises a brow, "Is he suppose to be beside you at all times?"

Iwaizumi's mouth dries, "N-No."

"Then I'm sure he'll turn up. Maybe he's with his other friends."

 _Oikawa's not close to anyone else other than me_. "Yes, I'm sorry for bothering you." He stumbles out of the air conditioned building, wandering around the academy grounds before remembering that there's one place he hasn't checked. Iwaizumi lengthens his pace, passing the library and onto the other side of the high school building, slipping his shoes off and seeing Oikawa's lonely figure stretching a bow back.

"IDIOT!"

Oikawa lets out a little scream, whipping his head as the arrow shoots straight into the grass. Iwaizumi quickly shortens the distance between them, before plastering his scary smile as Oikawa pales, "H-Hi Iwa-chan. What brings you here?"

"You didn't eat breakfast or lunch did you?" He accuses, pushing a large water bottle into Oikawa's hands. "And what kind of dumbass forgets his own water bottle?!"

"Oh," Oikawa blinks, "Is that why the room is kinda spinny?"

Iwaizumi restrains the urge to strangle him, "Sit down right now." Oikawa slowly sits on the wooden floors as he empties his pocket for some saltine crackers. "Eat these."

As Oikawa nibbles slowly, slouching his shoulders inwards, Iwaizumi sees the amount of sweat soaking his white _togi_ , the moisture causing the fabric to be half transparent. The blades of Oikawa's shoulders are visible, and Iwaizumi knows from the way Oikawa is holding himself that he'd stretched a tendon in his shoulders.

"Idiot, why are you overworking yourself?" Oikawa flinches and nearly jumps when Iwaizumi puts his hands to massage the tensed muscle. "Sit down."

"I didn't overwork myself," Oikawa mumbles dejectedly, "Don't know what you're talking about."

" _Oikawa_."

Oikawa sighs, before leaning back into Iwaizumi's hands as he works the sore muscle to loosen. There's only the persistent chirping of cicadas in the air and the buzzing of some nearby bees permeating the silence. The studio is hot, and Iwaizumi is glad that he came just in time to stop Oikawa from fainting in this kind of heat.

" _Don't go where I can't follow_."

He successfully loosens the tight muscle before easing Oikawa's back, watching a drop of sweat travels from the nape to his neck to soak the togi. "What nonsense are you saying? The heat's getting to you, isn't it?"

"Just..." Oikawa mumbles, ears turning red, "Just don't go where I can't follow."

Iwaizumi feels himself flush, "Okay." He continues to massage the tension out of Oikawa until he stops sweating and his breathing has returned to normal. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Of course."

"Did you hear what I said?"

Oikawa turns, eyes dark, "I did. I can tell you anything. I'm fine, okay? There's nothing wrong, I just wanted to practice the patterns, and we have a kyudo ceremony coming up. If I do well next practice, I can advance."

The comment shouldn't hurt him because Oikawa is not obligated to tell him everything, but it still hurts Iwaizumi, although he tries to not show it from his face. "Alright, alright."

Iwaizumi doesn't remember the last time Oikawa's angry with him.

They don't speak to each other for the rest of the day.

 

"You should take a break and eat something."

Oikawa looks up from the text, eyes momentarily fuzzing out before Hanamaki's and Matsukawa's face blurs into focus. They hand him a bag of chips, and Oikawa leans back in his seat, stretching his back and hearing his spine protests as he cracks it. He'd lost track of how long he'd been bending over his textbooks. "Thanks."

He sees them bend over his notes as he chews, "Oikawa?" Matsukawa starts, eyes widening, "Are you going ahead in the lessons?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I figure if I study twice as hard I could spend more time in the dojang and catch up since I'm still a white belt." Oikawa chews, watching Hanamaki rifle through his notes and paling when he scans Oikawa's wall of texts covering each page. He's been at the library so often people have started to avoid his seat next to the wall outlets and windows. "After all, I have a lot to catch up on."

Hanamaki and Matsukawa share a look, "Isn't this a little too much?"

Oikawa arches an eyebrow, "No? You're all blue belt and higher, I need to catch up."

"Oikawa, when have you last talked to Iwaizumi?"

"This morning," He'd asked him to pass a mug so Oikawa can pour coffee, but he knows that that's not what Matsukawa is asking. Ever since that day where Oikawa had thrown himself into practicing, he'd seen less of Iwaizumi, their talks shortening into two sentences per day if they're lucky.

"A proper talk."

He stays silent.

"He's worried you know." Hanamaki declares, closing Oikawa's notebook. "I never saw him break a dummy before, but yesterday he was in such a shit mood that Instructor Ma didn't even reprimand him. Your Iwaizumi can be scary."

"H...He's not my Iwaizumi..." Oikawa trails off, "If he wants to talk then he should come to me, right?"

"Or _maybe_ you said something to him that is preventing him from coming to you." Matsukawa sharply says.

_I'm fine, okay? There's nothing wrong!_

"I'm...I'm jealous." A surprised _eh?_ slips out of Hanamaki, "Ushiwaka and Iwa-chan are good friends, aren't they?"

"...They do sit next to each other."

"They partner up for everything related to taekwondo." Oikawa says to the table, "And then Takeda-sensei put them as class representatives. I barely see my own roommate anymore. I want to reach the higher ranked belts as soon as possible, but I can't without spending a lot of time in the dojang and practicing in my own. I have to be ahead of everyone in class so I can use the time I would to study, to practice my patterns and kicks."

"You don't have to-"

"He's stealing Iwa-chan away from me!" He used to be one of the highest ranked in their grades, but that quickly dropped when Ushijima came into the picture, sliding Oikawa's name down the class list. He's taking everything. Taking Iwaizumi away from him, spending time with Suga and staining the kyudo club room where it used to be Oikawa's get away spot. Everywhere he sees Ushijima, and he hates it.

Hanamaki puts both of his hands up, "Okay, _okay_. Fine, I get it. Just don't start fainting left and right okay? We're all worried."

"I'm fine, Makki," Oikawa says, his eyes burning as he turns to his textbooks again.

Oikawa hates himself.

As he spirals into an endless cycle of self-loathing, he can see that he's causing Iwaizumi hurt, but to tell him why seems so silly and childish that Oikawa would rather eat all the tomatoes in the school garden than to face him. What kind of person just goes up to their friend and says that he's jealous that they haven't been spending time together? _They're roommates._

 

Oikawa's side glances are always brief and short.

Today, Iwaizumi and Ushijima is helping Daichi balance the budget for their upcoming festival, which in Oikawa's opinion, is months away and doesn't need to be looked over.

He doesn't miss the way Iwaizumi laughs at something Ushijima points out.

His knee suddenly flares in response, and he looks back on his English worksheet before gripping the joint painfully.

 

All of the high schoolers became burdened with exams after winter break, and even though Oikawa has gone and studied hard, he still flunked Chemistry and spent semester break being lectured at by his teacher. 

Ushijima passes all of his courses, ranking first in their grade.

Oikawa barely moves up to second place, besting Suga since his English marks made up for the terrible disaster that he calls his Science final. They're barely into their second year, the wind outside is blowing the many trees lining the pathways when Oikawa tears his shoulder practicing kyudo too hard.

"What an idiot," His sister mumbles, sitting next to him as the Oikawa pouts, sitting in the medical building at her university. Why go to the general hospital when they have doctors on campus? It was quite a trek from his dorm to meet his sister there, but an ice pack strapped on his shoulder and a cup of juice has numbed the pain for him to pretend it never happened.

"Rude," Oikawa mutters, watching the doctor examining his blood test results smile at them, "I didn't need you to come."

"My baby brother is hurt! Of course I have to come," His sister juts her jaws out in a stubborn tilt. Her brown hair is already down to her waist again, and Oikawa wonders when she'll chop it all off again. "Is everything okay, sensei?"

The doctor has stopped smiling at them. In fact, he turns to Oikawa with a furrow between his eyebrows, "It could just be that we're in flu season but..." He looks at the chart again, full of numbers and abbreviations that don't make any sense to Oikawa, "...I want to ask you something, Oikawa-kun. Have you been feeling any pain at all? Any joint pains?"

His knee flares up in discomfort.

"Joint pains?" His sister echoes, "He's only fifteen- sixteen in four months."

"The white blood count in his blood is excessively high, which means that something in his body is infected." The doctor explains, "His eyes are clear, and I don't hear mucus in his lungs when I had him sitting on the table earlier, but if there are any injuries other than your shoulder, you should tell me."

"My...my knee hurts."

"Left or right?"

"...The right."

The doctor pulls out a pad of paper as his sister looks at his knee covered by his jeans, "I'm going to have you refer to a specialist just in case. Of course, this inflammatory response could just be something unrelated to joint pains, but it's best if we get you looked at. Physical training in the Academy starts in the second year and I've seen too many people spraining their shoulders and breaking ligaments. If we can prevent it, that's the least I could do."

He finishes signing Oikawa's chart with a flourish and hands the necessary details to his sister. Oikawa follows her out, a dull roaring in his ears as she hustles him into the car, showing her ID to the guards before crossing the wards, zooming past the black CCG Building. They both don't say anything, and Oikawa holds onto the painkillers from the doctor for his shoulders, watching them rattle in the container.

"When did your knee start to hurt?"

"Last year."

" _Last year?_ " His sister turns away from the road, glaring at him, "Tooru! You don't keep this information to yourself! Why didn't you tell Hajime or I?" The light turns green, and she eases the car forward, flicking her turn signal on before waiting at an intersection for the cars to stop so she can make a left-hand turn.

"...I don't know."

His tone must have triggered something in her since she flickers her eyes over to him, turning the wheel smoothly and not saying anything.

"Are you two fighting?" Her voice is even. Controlled. Careful.

"I don't know," He says truthfully, looking down at his bruised forearms. "He's not around much. We don't even eat dinner together anymore. Sometimes I would leave earlier for morning practice and sometimes he would be the one to leave earlier." He knows it's more than that. More than Iwaizumi being a class assistant and helping the younger belts and more than Oikawa signing up for the chess club with Suga. It goes deeper than simply trying to explore and branch out their interests. It's avoidance.

"I thought Instructor Ma's classes are all on the same day? Shouldn't you two have the same practice time?"

"I'm still a green belt. I'm not blue yet." He's getting there though. He would only need to reach his blue belt before being allowed to join the senior class.

"Hajime hasn't talked to me about anything..." She trails off, "You've been looking off this whole year. I thought it was moving dorms and having harder classes but what happened?"

Oikawa does something he hasn't done in a long time.

He shoots his sister a fake smile, not the first one and certainly not the last, "I'm fine, Nee-san. Iwa-chan has different friends than I do. It's bound to happen right? Not all childhood friends can stay together."

 

He watches the sports festival from the sidelines, hiding the brace his sister bought for him after the appointment with the specialist under the black slacks of his uniform. Instructor Ma promises to keep his condition a secret for now, but eventually, (his eyes flicker over to where Iwaizumi is doing partner stretches with Ushijima) Oikawa can't keep it to himself.

"Your future as an investigator may be impacted," Takeda-sensei says beside him, sitting on the bleachers as they watch the preliminaries of the self-defense showcase. Oikawa should be there, lined up with his taekwondo classmates and kicking Hanamaki's and Matsukawa's ass, but instead he's sitting in the shadows. "Have you thought about that?"

"No."

They watch Iwaizumi bow to Kuroo, the latter grinning slightly before they take their respective stance. Oikawa watches the way the skin of his knuckles are pulled taut across the bone, marveling slightly at the bands of muscles cording around his arm and shoulders.

Kuroo flicks his feet forward, catching Iwaizumi off guard and grappling the shorter boy with an arm hold. Iwaizumi crashes into the mat, struggling before Kuroo's grip slips, and it's his turn to block the array of back kicks sent towards his way.

"You're expected to learn combat arts sooner or later. That means weapons and grappling. Half the students fail the physical final."

"I can do it."

"Not with your body, Oikawa-kun."

Iwaizumi successfully pinned Kuroo down for a full five second and receives a smarting round of applause and a nod from Instructor Ma, who claps him by the shoulders. Oikawa watches, doesn't really see the gymnasium anymore. He's blocking everything.

"I know, I know I can't protect them with a body like this." He grins darkly to himself, letting Takeda see it as they call up the next pair of participants. "What a shitty body to live in- what kind of immune system thinks that my own body, my own cells are foreign and decides to attack it?"

A tear splashes his shirt.

"What kind of disorder has no cure?" He says brokenly, biting his lip as he's flooded with red hot anger, "Sensei, I came to this academy lost, not knowing what I want to do with my life. Then my sister had her baby boy and I found that reason- to protect. How am I suppose to protect the people I love if I can't even protect myself?"

_What kind of person am I?_

 

 _Slam_.

Oikawa brushes his bangs impatiently from his forehead. He hooks his arm around the punching bag as his fist slams in with a satisfying slap. His hands, wrapped in tape the way Iwaizumi had shown him months before, is red, yet he can't seem to care enough to stop punching.

 _Slam_.

He's angry. Angry at himself, angry at Iwaizumi, angry at Ushiwaka, angry at Takeda-sensei's pitying tone, angry at the way Instructor Ma looks at him, angry at the way Matsukawa and Hanamaki frown at him. He can only hold in his frustration for so long until it comes out, and it's better to hurt himself than to hurt the people around him.

"Oikawa?"

He stops, concentration breaking as he holds the punching bag steady. Suga hovers in the doorway of the training room, backpack strap slipping one shoulder as he good-naturedly frowns, "How long have you been here?"

"Uh..." He looks at the clock, "Five hours?"

Suga opens his mouth before his eyes trail down to see the red spots blooming on Oikawa's wrapped fists. He hurries in, taking off his shoes and sliding on his socks before reaching for his hands and stopping partway.

"For five hours you punched until your fist bled?"

"I...I was...getting rid of some anger." His reason sounds flimsy to his ears. Suga is looking at him with the expression of a disappointed mother, his gray eyes sad. "Don't worry about it. I-I can take care of myself."

"Come get some desserts with me."

Oikawa stumbles back at Suga's earnest request, "Dessert?"

"It's past dinner now, the cafeteria's closed, but we can go out to town and get something close by, I know just the place." Suga murmurs quietly, picking up the jacket Oikawa had thrown on top of his bag before pushing his cold fingertips into Oikawa's sweaty back, "You look like you can be cheered up with some apple pie."

"I-" He stammers, "I shouldn't- I need to study. There's a chapter in Biology I don't understand-"

Suga's voice is firm, "You can study tomorrow. It's past eight, your hands need to be looked at, and you haven't had dinner." Oikawa falls into step behind him, sitting down inside the changing rooms as Suga hunts down a first aid kit. He unravels the bandage, throwing it into the trash as Suga carefully dabs the open cuts with antiseptic before dressing it neatly. "You don't seem like yourself, is something wrong?"

Oikawa's throat closes and he wonders if he can fool Suga with a smile.

It's not until they've sat down in a small dessert shop that Oikawa gathers enough courage to speak.

"I think...I don't think I'm okay."

Suga blows the steam off his matcha latte, "Do you want to talk about it? I'm here to listen, but only if you want to."

"...Lately, I feel like everything around me is falling apart." Oikawa cuts into his apple pie, watching the caramelized apples ooze on his plate. "Iwa-chan and I...we haven't talked. We've grown apart. I'm not on good terms with my sister either. I feel like everyone is expecting me to come back to my normal self, but I can't make the effort to try. And then there's Ushiwaka."

"Ushijima?" Suga echoes in surprise, "What does he have to do with anything?"

"...I feel like he's taking a lot of things from me..."

"Like Iwaizumi," Suga offers, "And you don't like it."

"Of course I don't!" He barely sees Iwaizumi anymore. They start their mornings at completely different times, mostly Iwaizumi leaving first to open the dojang for the early stragglers who want to get a good match of sparring before classes begin. Oikawa wakes up later, usually running late to the cafeteria and stumbling into class seconds before their homeroom teacher begins roll call. "Even though we sit near each other in class he's always talking to Ushijima."

"Have you two talked it out?"

"Talk...?" Oikawa echoes, stabbing his pie viciously, "If he was here, of course, I would talk! But no, he's never around!"

"You share dorms right? It couldn't be that difficult-"

Oikawa bites the insides of his cheeks, digging his short fingernails into his palms. He's tired, he doesn't want to hear whatever comes out of Suga's mouth, even though he knows he's trying to be helpful.

He stands up, picking up his gym bag and slinging it onto his shoulder, "Sorry, I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Oikawa-"

"See you, Suga."

He runs out of the cafe before the waitress can see the tears swimming in his eyes.

 

Whenever Oikawa is not eating, studying, or practicing, he sleeps.

Afternoon naps became the norm. He would come to his dorm room, pop his headphones to block out the noise and set an alarm before running off to dinner and whatever study group Suga had forced him to join.

The summer heat makes it easy to fall asleep. The breeze by the couch cools his neck down enough so he can blissfully not think for a good hour about his knee and of his sister's ever increasing worry about him. Sometimes he would wake up to Iwaizumi running a towel through his hair, but when he stretches and makes a move to stand up, Iwaizumi would have his ear buds in, opening a textbook and starting on his homework.

"Are you happy, Oikawa?" His sister says one day when she visits him in the kyudo clubroom.

He gives her a fake smile again.

 

"Suga?"

"Yes?"

"...I feel like...I'm a burden to everyone, including you."

"You're not."

"Is it okay if I continue?"

"Yes."

"...I get...a lot of bad days. I don't know how to cope except to dull my senses. Everything seems like it's dulling, food doesn't even taste good anymore, I can't remember what I ate this morning, and studying is hard. I can't focus. I just want a place where I can be alone and be myself, and it's impossible to do it here."

"Is there a happy, quiet place where you can be yourself, Oikawa?"

"...The music building," Oikawa quietly says, looking up from his dinner, noticing how the colors on his plate seem to be a little more vibrant. His notes lay scattered in front of him, like the thoughts that are everywhere in his head. "My sister's boyfriend gave me the key to the building since I offered to lock it up for him."

"There you go then," Suga says from his cellphone, "But Oikawa? If things...don't look up, please tell me, okay?"

The people in the quiet cafe avert their eyes from him sitting in the corner, head bent down as he lets tears swim in his eyes.

"Okay."

"I'm going to go now, I promised to help Kuroo in Calculus. You'll be fine?"

"Sugawara?" Oikawa says quickly, "Thank you... Thanks for doing this."

He can see Suga's face lift into a smile, "I'm glad I could help."

 

 

"Are you hurting my brother?" 

Iwaizumi looks down at Takeru standing up on his wobbly feet, his hair growing out into resembling Oikawa's messy mop in the morning before he hits the shower. The toddler smiles up at him, but Iwaizumi can't lift his cheeks to respond. Oikawa's sister remains passive, standing in the way of the apartment as Iwaizumi clenches his jaw. 

"Do you remember what I said?"

"To take care of your brother." Saturdays are usually reserved for both of them to visit his sister, relieving Mamoru of his fatherly duties to run to the university track team to look over his juniors. Saturdays meant sleeping in and being woken up with Oikawa tickling him around the waist. It meant that Iwaizumi has to wrestle him to stop, before shrugging on clothes and running towards the apartment and eating breakfast at his sister's.

That was back when they were talking.

"He's been sleeping a lot. He fakes smiles all the time. I never see him eat when I take him out anymore. He doesn't even ask me to buy him milk bread." Oikawa's sisters says this in a quiet voice, almost talking to herself as she watches Takeru waddle back to the living room. "Hajime...I don't know him anymore."

"I..."

Then the tears start to fall, "W-We've been through so much! He used to rely on me for everything and now he keeps this shit all to himself and I-I'm left wondering where I went wrong in raising him up even though I was still your age when you guys w-were little! I tried to raise him the way Mom would but am I wrong? He never visits anymore! He's like a completely different person, Hajime. What...where did I go wrong?" She buries her face in her hands, hiccuping and Iwaizumi is standing at the entrance still, shame flowing through him.

It's one thing to see Oikawa cry when they were little, asking Iwaizumi for reassurances that ghouls won't come find them.

It's another thing to see Oikawa's sister- the person they look up to, the one who's always strong and who moves forward and kicks down their problems for them to cry.

He awkwardly escorts her to the couch, watching Takeru crawl around his playpen. He crouches in front of her, watching the swing of her necklace go back and forth like a pendulum. She looks up, eyes red and mascara running down her face.

" _Where did I go wrong?_ "

Iwaizumi doesn't know the answer to that.

He leaves Oikawa's sister with Mamoru, who came home bearing some cakes from a nearby bakery to Iwaizumi collecting the tissues from her. Mamoru listens to him talk about Oikawa, how he's never around and how his sister thinks it's her fault how Oikawa is keeping things to himself.

"I'll take care of her," Mamoru says at the doorway. Fall is setting in early again this year, the leaves already turning brown and red as the evening sun sets a little earlier each day. Iwaizumi looks at the lines on his forehead, sees the dark circles and the university textbooks in their home. Oikawa's sister sniffles beside Mamoru, having already calmed down enough to see Iwaizumi off.

"Yeah," He hears himself say, "Thanks."

He goes back to his dorm in hoping to catch Oikawa sitting around doing homework.

But their room is dark.

Of course.

What should Iwaizumi even expect?

 

"Is Oikawa alright?"

It's Iwaizumi's turn to lock up the dojang this week, and Ushijima stayed behind to help him wipe a nasty patch of blood. Two younger students had been too aggressive in sparring and elbowed each other in the nose, ensuing the largest nosebleed Iwaizumi has seen.

He bitterly makes note that it must be really bad for Ushijima out of all people to notice that Oikawa's off his groove.

"He... We've been avoiding each other," He confesses, sitting down on the mats and wrinkling his nose at the strong stench of bleach rubbing his sense raw.

"He hasn't come to spar in a  long time."

"He has...knee problems," Iwaizumi doesn't know the gist of it, having eavesdropped on Oikawa explaining to Suga in the library as he hid himself away in the plant section. "Or something of the sort."

Ushijima stands, dropping the rag into the bucket of pink. He looks down at Iwaizumi, all furrowed brows. "You should talk to him. My father always says that a miscommunication in our line of work is deadly. Shouldn't you work to talk to him instead of ignoring him?"

" _I'm trying!_ He's always out of our room! We barely see each other- I sometimes come home late from locking up the dojang and he's hiding out in the music hall to study quietly since it's soundproof there. I want to see him- believe me, but I can't."

Ushijima narrows his eyes.

" _Can't or won't?_ "

Iwaizumi feels his arms go cold, "What are you saying?"

"It sounds like you're creating excuses." There's a rare display of anger on his face, like Iwaizumi had personally offended him, "If you'd really want to see him, you'd wait for him wouldn't you? He always comes back to your room. I would stay up and ask him to talk before you two go to bed."

"I-I'm not making excuses!"

"I'm not saying you are, but I know my father says that indecision is a decision." Ushijima makes his way to the back room, bringing the bucket with him. "I can lock up tonight if you want."

Iwaizumi looks at the ground.

He'd messed up didn't he? He'd pushed Oikawa away, pushed the boy who cried in his arms after the ghoul attack and who slept in his bed during the first week here, the boy with a smile that warms his heart. The boy who came, lost, and found something to fight for. So why did Iwaizumi abandon him? Abandoned his childhood friend, who was here for every step of his life and who stuck to him in ways his sister couldn't.

Why is he hesitating?  

_Indecision is a decision._

"Ushijima," He calls out, watching him turn. There's a heavy silence before Iwaizumi nods, "Thank you."

Ushijima waves at him and Iwaizumi runs to the front to jam on his shoes, wrestling on his sweater that's a gift from Oikawa's sister before jogging back to the boys dormitory. The air is so chilly that goosebumps have risen over his skin even though he was only sweating half an hour ago.

He slows down to a walk.

He asks himself what has he been doing the past year, why didn't he do anything to take a second look at Oikawa and see what's wrong with him, how he missed the naps he took, the pills and medication on his desk and how Oikawa elevates his leg with pillows when he sleeps and the endless amount of icing his knee. Why didn't he notice?

Because, the little voice in him says, Oikawa overworks himself and he was too busy glossing over things to really see the truth. Iwaizumi still covers him with a blanket if Oikawa falls asleep with his head on his desk. He would shut off the desk lamp before making sure there's a plate of food he'd smuggle out before the cafeteria closed if he decides to wake up halfway into the night to study some more. He thought the painkillers were for the shoulder, maybe the injury sprang back up again. Maybe Oikawa pulled a ligament in his knee during kyudo or something.

What kind of friend is he?

To confront Oikawa means confronting himself, how he ignored his friend. His friend, the one who clutched his shirt, the person Iwaizumi has to protect from the bullies, the one he averts his eyes when Oikawa comes humming out of the shower, water droplets collecting on his collarbones, the one who snores and drools when he sleeps even though they're sixteen now.

The one who Hajime has always been in love with.

Oikawa's not in their dorm room, and Iwaizumi eliminates the places where he could be as he changes from his dobok into a pair of dark washed jeans and a thick sweater. The music hall would be the one place still open since he knows Mamoru took over the management of the building. Oikawa locks the building every night.

So Iwaizumi makes the brisk jog in the dark, his breath puffing in the air as he buys some hot coffee from the vending machine before stepping into the warm building. He sees a few older university students hanging around and quietly talking near the entrance. He slips into a hallway he's only been in once and pads quietly as his feet makes no sound on the carpeted floors.

Whispers of violin players and piano playing can be heard. Iwaizumi sees Oikawa's brown bangs slowly moving as he plays with his eyes closed, no sheet music on the black Steinway as he stretches his arms out, fingers covering the whole length of the keys. Iwaizumi quietly slips in among the growing crescendo from the instrument, standing at the side of the room for Oikawa to finish.

Oikawa shifts to a slower song, playing something Iwaizumi heard him hum to Takeru. The sound shifts into something remorseful.

 _Clair de lune_.

He remembers being very young and seeing the title of that song, sitting next to Oikawa who can only reach half the octaves at the time attempt to play the right hand because it _sounds really pretty Iwa-chan!_

_Iwa-chan._

He hasn't heard that in a long time.

He closes his eyes, listening to the pedals shift and Oikawa humming as he plays along, filling the room with reverberations of his fingers, emptying out his feelings.

"Iwaizumi?"

_Iwaizumi. Not Iwa-chan._

He opens his eyes, seeing unconcealed shock on Oikawa's face as he registers the dark circles and pale skin. His fingers hover above the keys, frozen as he stares at Iwaizumi like he's not sure if he's imagining it. The sound in the room eventually stops bouncing off the walls. They can hear the hum of the building.

"Hi," He manages to say after a long silence, looking at the carpet, at a loss for what to say, "That was...Clair de lune right? It's nice."

"How long have you been here?" Oikawa asks him, still looking at him like he'll disappear into a puff of smoke, which is ridiculous since Iwaizumi never intended to disappear in the first place. "I didn't even hear you come in."

"Since Arabesque I think. Or halfway into it."

Oikawa pinks slightly, "You should have said something."

"It's really good."

"I don't let anyone just hear me," Oikawa mumbles, rolling his wrist slowly. He locks eyes with Iwaizumi before looking away, "Why are you here?"

It's strange how one innocent question can hurt him so much. Iwaizumi expected to feel a little offended, but he wasn't ready for the crushing pain, especially not from how suspicious Oikawa sounded, like Iwaizumi is here to drag him out for a brawl.

"Can we talk? It's important."

Oikawa stands, and Iwaizumi has to tilt his chin up to see the boy grab his jacket and bag, "I'm kinda tired, maybe later."

"Oikawa!" Iwaizumi follows him out, looking at the strong line of his shoulders. Too thin shoulders. Oikawa keeps on moving, feet making no sound on the carpet as Iwaizumi feels his eyes prickle, " _Tooru!_ "

" _What?_ " Oikawa vehemently spits, eyes narrowing in anger. "Do you think you're obligated to call me by that anymore?"

It feels like a slap to the face. Iwaizumi is speechless for a split second, and Oikawa turns again, lengthening his long legs as Iwaizumi matches his strides. He catches him around the arm, slightly scared of the wrist that feels so breakable in his hands. Anger is rolling through him, and he spins Oikawa around and gets right in his face, " _What is your problem?_ "

"What's my problem- _what's yours?_ " Oikawa hisses, "You don't talk to me and we barely see each other and you suddenly waltz up to me and demand to ask me what's wrong?"

"This is what I wanted to talk about! Us avoiding each other! Your sister noticed it dumbass! Even Ushijima did!"

"Ushiwaka did, did he?" A sneer. "Amazing how you call yourself my best friend when he noticed it before you do."

Iwaizumi darkens his look, fisting his hand into Oikawa's collar and slamming him into the wall, "What got into your ass and died, you shit head? I _am_ your friend! Except you haven't been around as much!"

"I'm busy," Oikawa growls at him. Their fight right now is nothing like the scuffles they've had in the past. Iwaizumi doesn't remember the last time he felt truly angry enough to sock Oikawa's pretty jaw. They're so close to each other than he can feel Oikawa's angry exhale and see the brown of his irises. "And don't put the fucking blame on me- you're barely around too. You're never around- you're always with Ushiwaka!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You wake up early in the morning to go on your runs with him! You partner up with him for class assignments and even in the dojang! You're with him every single day!"

"He's in our class!" Iwaizumi hisses back, "And you're a fucking hypocrite if you can just say all of that- I see you sneak out of the dorm to go to the kyudo club room! What if you tear your shoulder again?!"

"My shoulder is none of your business!"

"It _is_ my fucking business! Your sister asked me to watch over you!" He sees Oikawa's mouth open and Iwaizumi cuts him off angrily, "What did you do to make her cry you fucking asswipe? I visited her and she opened the door and started to bawl her eyes out. She cried the entire time I was there!"

"Nee-chan...was crying?"

"Yeah! Because you've been locking yourself up and keeping shit from her! She's your sister! How could you?"

"Don't talk to me like that! _Don't you dare!_ " Oikawa retaliates by pushing Iwaizumi into the wall opposite. He hits his shoulder on the edge of a door frame, but ignores the pain to see Oikawa turn livid, " _Ten months_ \- ten months we haven't spoken to each other and now you pull this goody two shoes act just because my sister came crying to you. Get out!"

"You and your selfish acts are the reason she's not sleeping at night you shit face! I'm _trying_ to talk to you now- what in the fucking hell is your problem? I come to talk to you in a civil way and you fucking yell at me and push me into a fucking wall!"

" _Why do you suddenly care?_ " Oikawa screams, letting go of Iwaizumi's arms and stepping back. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Matsukawa and Hanamaki with their eyes wide, frozen at the end of the hallway. "You've ditched me for Ushiwaka and now you suddenly think you can just walk back into my life like nothing had ever happened? _Are you serious?_ "

" _Ushiwaka this, Ushiwaka that-_ why do you keep bringing him up?" Iwaizumi yells through gritted teeth, "I could say the same thing about how you joined Suga's science team and spend all of your time with him and Sawamura! _Do you have a problem with me? How in the world did I ditch you?_ "

" _You left me alone for him!_ " Oikawa screeches, blinking tears out of his eyes and letting defeat ooze through his words as Iwaizumi stands there at a loss of what to do, "You left... you left me. _Don't go where I can't follow you!_ "

He sees Hanamaki and Matsukawa run out of the building to leave them alone. Iwaizumi stiffly stands there, processing the words as Oikawa rubs his eyes with his hands, choking down sobs before Iwaizumi offers him some tissues from his pockets.

Oikawa takes them without a word, sniffing in response before gathering his bag and running.

Iwaizumi easily catches him around the waist. He forgot how much Oikawa grew and misjudged his throw so they end up falling to the ground, Iwaizumi catching the brunt of the fall on his back as Oikawa splays out on his chest. The lights in the hallway dim until he can only see Oikawa's hair by the streetlights outside the music building.

"...I'm sorry." Oikawa sniffs, look at him with red eyes before Iwaizumi wipes his nose. Oikawa looks off to the side, pouting and swallowing when Iwaizumi puts two and two together. "Are you jealous just because I spend time with Ushijima instead of you?"

Oikawa flinches and Iwaizumi knows he's got it right, "I'm just petty and selfish. No wonder you left."

"Hey," He warns, "Don't say that. I didn't know..."

"..."

"'Miscommunication is deadly in our line of work.'" Oikawa looks at him, puzzled as Iwaizumi rests his head on the floor. Oikawa's body weight is hurting the bruises he'd got earlier from sparring, but the heat is nice. He tightens his grip, fingers digging into Oikawa's hoodie. "Ushiwaka's father said that."

"What do you know, he's right." Oikawa mumbles, resting his head on his chest. Iwaizumi's hand automatically comes up to stroke the brown mop, feeling the build up of hair product as he runs his fingers through it. He's content to lie on the floor, back supported by the thick carpet when Oikawa's head pops up. His eyes are still red-rimmed, but he locks his gaze with Iwaizumi.

"Iwa-chan."

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry too."

Iwaizumi wryly smiles, sitting up and hugging him. Oikawa sniffles into his shoulders and he rubs his back in comforting circles, slipping his jaw in the slot where Oikawa's uniform meets his neck. He accepts how Oikawa's scent- the apple shampoo and faint cologne- grounds him as he becomes self-conscious and tries not to breathe too loudly. Or deeply.

"...Iwa-chan?" Oikawa mumbles after a few minutes.

"Hm?"

"Please shave."

Iwaizumi pulls back to rub his jaw, finding stubble already growing in as he scowls good-naturedly at Oikawa.

Oikawa laughs.

 

They don't slip in right away. 

Oikawa begins to study in their dorm again, ears free of headphones as they sit next to each other on the couch. They try to coordinate their practice together so they can eat meals again but with Oikawa's new clubs (who knew he was good at chess?) combined with Iwaizumi teaching the younger belts, they find it hard.

"You should really sleep," Iwaizumi says one night, rubbing his eyes and looking at the clock. Oikawa looks up from his textbook, eyes glazed as he pins back his bangs with a pin, "It's already one in the morning."

"I could say the same thing for you, Iwa-chan." But Oikawa sluggishly stretches, cocking his hip up as the hem of his shirt rides up. The lamp on Oikawa's desk illuminates the soft tendrils of Oikawa's hair that have escaped his clip, and Iwaizumi finds himself flushing and looking away.

It _had_ been easier to keep his feelings at bay when they weren't talking to each other, but he'd rather have Oikawa at his side than not at all.

"Oikawa?"

He turns, eyes half open as he stretches his arms above his head, "Yes, Iwa-chan?"

Iwaizumi turns and gazes up at their ceiling, looking at the childish glow in the dark stars faintly glowing. That had been a comfort to Oikawa when they moved in here four years ago, but Iwaizumi can appreciate it now. It's reassuring to see it. "Why did you think I would leave you?"

"...Because..." Oikawa scratches his neck, clearly uncomfortable, "You kept hanging around Ushiwaka. And you two are partners in taekwondo and get picked for helpers a lot..."

"It doesn't mean that I'm abandoning you," Iwaizumi quietly says.

"... _I know_ ," Oikawa mumbles, looking down as Iwaizumi sits up, blanket pooling around his waist. The soft light hits Oikawa's profile, illuminating his nose bridge and Iwaizumi feels heat crawl up when he looks at Oikawa's long lashes. "I...I'm not a very good person. I have a terrible personality and I don't like it when people know my weaknesses, especially when it's him. It's an insecurity."

"Oh...I...I thought..."

"You thought I wanted space?"

"I thought the clubs were taking so much of your time..." Iwaizumi murmurs, "I see you go around the building with Suga and I was happy that you're starting to involve yourself more in the school. I told myself I wouldn't hold you back if that's what you wanted." He opens an eye to look at Oikawa's astonished face, "You did say you wanted to be a ghoul investigator."

"...Not with this knee," Oikawa smiles tightly, "You've heard about it?"

"Not really, a blurb here and there. You haven't exactly told me."

"Autoimmune disorder, where my immune system decides that my cells are foreign and attacks them," He chuckles, "Seems like good karma isn't it? If I don't take the medication I'll be in so much pain every day." Oikawa looks so miserable, sitting on his chair with his head bent down, exposing the skin of his neck to Iwaizumi that he feels his throat tighten.

"The medication works right?"

"It does, but there're some days where I have to take painkillers." Oikawa quietly says, "Nee-chan's pharmaceutical friends says that the drug won't be too harsh on my body. It's the best option for me right now."

"Tell me when it hurts,"  Oikawa looks sharply at him before Iwaizumi continues, "I...I can train you now in the dojang, I've more or less mastered everything."

They hear Matsukawa's and Hanamaki's door close before there are two sets of feet ambling into the communal kitchen. Iwaizumi carefully watches Oikawa, seeing the confused expression bloom on his face.

"Why?"

"The other senior belts probably will think you're slacking off. If you have me they can't complain about you not working hard." Are his palms sweating? Yes. "Just- I know how to stretch your knee out properly so it doesn't cramp up or anything, okay?" He doesn't mention how he spent a weekend at the university library and science department hounding down past graduates of the taekwondo club to teach him everything about knee injuries.

"...Sure." Oikawa faintly replies, still looking a little lost and confused by Iwaizumi's sudden offer. Iwaizumi tries to stifle the happiness in him, so he flops back onto his pillow and closes his eyes. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Go to sleep, we'll start tomorrow morning."

"Night, Iwa-chan."

"Night."

 

True to his word, Oikawa wakes up with Iwaizumi lingering above him, eyebrows pulled into a stern expression as he has his school bag and dobok over one shoulder, urging him to get his ass up and head to the dojang. They eat an apple on the way to the many club rooms, Iwaizumi unlocking the door and turning all the lights on as they change in the changing rooms, still half asleep. 

Oikawa sits on the mats as Iwaizumi fiddles with the computer system and thermostat, logging them in and meeting Oikawa who's more awake now.

"Anything you're having trouble with?"

Oikawa fiddles with his purple belt absentmindedly, watching the dark sky outside lighten. He wishes it would be snowing right now. Snow is always better than cold rain in January.

Iwaizumi languidly bends forward to grab his toes, arching his back and letting Oikawa see the peek of where the skin of his neck disappears under his uniform. Oikawa turns to look at the sparring equipment at the sides.

"Teach me how to spar."

"You already know how to spar, we do it for belt tests and such."

"No, teach me how to really spar." At this, Iwaizumi looks up.

"Contact sparring? The thing where you put the actual guards on?" Oikawa flushes, because Iwaizumi probably caught him not stretching his knee out today. It aches dully and Oikawa would rather have intense, short pains rather than a slow burn. "Not until I've stretched you out. Stand up."

Oikawa resigns himself to his feet as Iwaizumi gently eases his right leg up, causing Oikawa to place his hands on his warm shoulders. His left foot grips onto the mats, and Iwaizumi is mumbling to him that it's okay to put his entire weight on him if he wants.

By some miracle, Oikawa lasts a full three minutes before the muscles start to protests and he only needs to tighten his hands around the collar of Iwaizumi's uniform to signal _drop his leg right now this instant-_

He laughs loudly, collapsing onto the ground as Iwaizumi's eyes fly wide open, "I...I didn't think I could stretch that far to be honest!"

"That's not something to gloat- it's not enough flexibility to score an axe or crescent kick. But I guess...if you're happy with it, it's fine."

"Hush, let me have my moment."

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, sitting down beside Oikawa and drawing his legs close to his chest, "Are you going to enter the sports festival this year?"

"It's mandatory, right? Either that or I drag Mamuro away from Shinohara-san and force him to play a duet for me in the cultural festival. Why do we have to participate in one of them every year?"

"Because it's where we showcase our talents."

"What if we don't have a talent- OW!" Oikawa whines, rubbing his forehead where Iwaizumi had flicked it. "Mean!"

"Everyone is good at something!"

"What? Like how your specialty is flicking tomatoes into my plate?"

" _Unbelievable_. I made most of our meals! Is this how you treat me?" Iwaizumi snorts, hitting Oikawa's thigh lightly as the door bell jingles and they see a few morning stranglers yawning. Iwaizumi immediately stands up, nodding a good morning as Oikawa continues to relax on the floors.

Iwaizumi makes the younger belts do runs around the building, grabbing his shoes and jerking his head to Oikawa to follow him outside. The mist this morning is strong, and they stand in front of the dojang as Iwaizumi times them.

"Chess club good?"

Oikawa makes a face. Is he going to call him a nerd now? "It's okay, I'm better than most of the players there."

"I never knew you were good at those type of games."

"It's because you're still sore about my straight wins on Monopoly~ Jealousy is unbecoming, Iwa-chan!"

"You know, I _could_ make you run along with them," Iwaizumi grumbles. Oikawa knows it's an empty threat since he's five ranks higher than the younger ones. Plus, his legs are still sore. "Kyudo... is that going well? I don't see you advancing belts or anything."

"Kyudo is not a martial arts- I can't simply pass by shooting it. It trains your mind, Iwa-chan. It's discipline." Oikawa says, "It has no merit with our physical training, but it's good. I mean, it's good for me." How else was he suppose to keep his envy inside of him when he sees Ushijima and Iwaizumi around campus?

"Every martial arts is a discipline," He nods, greeting the flushed students and clocking in their time onto a clipboard. Oikawa rounds the last stranglers, chirping a word of encouragement as they do cool down stretches before Iwaizumi divides them up between the two of them. They work on patterns for the upcoming tournament before letting them hit the showers early.

"...Come with me this weekend to see your sister," Iwaizumi says when they collapse onto their beds after school. Oikawa lifts his head, surprised at the invitation. He hasn't seen his sister in a long time, the last of when she visited a few months ago.

"I'm not really feeling it-"

"She's moving, you know that right?"

"What?"

Iwaizumi opens one eye as Oikawa hovers above him, "She's going to finish law soon. She has one more year with us."

Oikawa feels rooted to the ground, looking yet not looking at Iwaizumi's white bed sheets and his blankets knotted around his legs- where did the time go? Wasn't she just on maternity leave a few months ago? That was a few months right? He couldn't have dreamed it all, but he's still wondering when did time suddenly leaped forward-

Iwaizumi touches his wrist, "Hey-"

"Sorry- I... I- just spaced out," Oikawa babbles, feeling very disoriented, "Nee-san's _leaving?_ When? She never told me this."

"She's graduating next year. Mamoru-san's being deployed to China to help the Chinese government with Houji and a few other squads."

"China isn't that far away."

Iwaizumi tightens his eyes before tugging Oikawa down to sit on his bed, "She's not going with him- they're relocating her to Germany."

 

" _Germany?!_ " 

"Hello to you too," His sister rolls her eyes, rubbing her stomach. Oikawa feels a push behind him and enters the apartment, seeing boxes littering the corners next to Takeru's playpen. Iwaizumi greets her, taking off his shoes and picking up Takeru to distract him as Oikawa follows her into the kitchen, "You haven't visited me and the first thing you say out of your mouth is Germany? Pft."

"Not funny," He pauses, "And you never told me you were pregnant again!"

"It gets old after the first," She teases, making him carry a tray of tea and snacks to the living room. "This one is due just before Mamoru leaves for China anyway, nothing to worry about."

"They're separating you? Why?"

"That's what happens if you work for the government, Tooru. You get moved around," she shrugs, "Although they reassured me that they'll transfer him to Germany after he's done dealing with the Chi She Lian. There's nothing to complain about really, I've seen the CCG residents there, way bigger than what we have right now, so it's good for the kids."

Oikawa watches Iwaizumi tickle Takeru's stomach with a sock puppet, the toddler shrieking with laughter, "Germany is far."

"I'll visit," she promises, "And you'll come visit too- I'm sure they'll make you come to Germany for a university trip. University will be tough, it's good to be busy."

He looks at the cup of tea she's offered before they both sit back on the dining table she had built all by herself when they first moved in. Iwaizumi is sitting cross-legged on a soft rug, Takeru in his lap as he reads out one of the many Dr. Seuss books around him.

" _-two fish, red fish, blue fish-_ "

"He grew up so fast. He's already walking you know? Bumping into things and crying at the bruises."

"Haven't we always been this way? You had to watch Iwa-chan and I grow, too."

"I know," She sighs, a little melancholy entering her voice, "But it's different now. Takeru is nearly turning three and I'm having another child again."

They both watch Takeru race towards them, Iwaizumi resting on his stomach as he locks eyes with Oikawa and smiles. Takeru jumps for Oikawa's lap, "Look!"

Oikawa peers at the scribble, trying to make sense of the swirls and jerky lines. Takeru bounces impatiently at him, before Oikawa fondly ruffles his hair and places him to the floor again, "I love it! Show Uncle Hajime!"

Takeru lets out a pleased peal of laughter and runs back to Iwaizumi, diving into his arms and grabbing another stack of paper to doodle on. It doesn't bother him how Takeru is more attached to Iwaizumi. He inwardly thinks it's so cute how gruff, tough Iwaizumi caves into Takeru's every whim. And after all, he hasn't visited for a long time, so it's bound to be natural.

"I'm glad you came here," says his sister, "I need to talk to you anyway."

"What is it?"

"You remember how our aunt and uncle held the house in their name for us right? I was thinking that I could give it over to you since I'll be in Germany."

"What will happen to this apartment?"

"Do you want it too?" She asks, "Because I'm perfectly fine giving you both residences, although you have to come in every weekend and clean you know."

Oikawa thinks back to the house buried deep in the memories of black and blood. He remembers the colorful kitchen cabinets and the happy memories in it, of days where he would eat watermelons while watching his sister water their vegetable garden, waiting for Iwaizumi to come by his house so they can bask in the tall summer grass and smell the spray of light sweat and sunscreen.

But he also would rather not remember the flash of lightning and the sickening snap of bones.

"...Sell it."

"Okay," Her hand reflexively curls over her cup, "This apartment will be sold too unless you want it. You'll probably stay in the dorms in the Academy until you graduate, and they do give you your own apartment after that, but... I was thinking that I should leave this for you since, well, you _are_ attached to things, Tooru." She says quietly as she blows off the steam, before carefully sipping her drink.

"That's very thoughtful of you," He looks around the apartment, "But it's fine, Nee-san. Didn't you say once that a new start is also a new beginning? It's fine. I know this apartment has a lot of memories, but... I want to start making my own memories too."

She looks like a little kid again, all wide eyes and her mouth shaped in surprise before smiling softly.

"Don't stop growing, Tooru," She pats his shoulders, squeezing tightly before watching her son, "Don't stop until your voice is pure."

"Pure, hm?" He softly says, watching the weak sunlight stream into the apartment. It's spring. A new start.

A new beginning.

 

"You're tense," Iwaizumi says, trying to knead the ball of muscles surrounding his knee to loosen, working his large fingers gently, and Oikawa is glad he's paying attention to his leg rather than the blush heating his cheeks. When Iwaizumi bends down like that, Oikawa gets a full view of his features, the sun-kissed skin, the long lashes, the straight line of his nose, and the curve of his lips- 

"Ow!"

"Sorry!" Iwaizumi hastily apologizes, jerking his hands back as Oikawa collapses on his back, limbs splayed out like a starfish.

"It's fine." He mumbles, looking up at the ceiling as Iwaizumi's hand goes back to massaging the kink out. It's a few days until the annual sports festival, and while Oikawa didn't make the cut this year for sparring, he'd agreed to do a kyudo demonstration. It would be a long time until his knee is ready to take the strain of sparring, according to his sports therapist.

Oikawa lets his eyes wander to Iwaizumi before he sees the way the shadows cut across his cheekbones.

Goner. Goner. Goner.

 

"You look like Kunimi misplaced the targets and you tripped over them."

"Hanamaki," Iwaizumi grumbles in greeting, hand on one hip as he sees Oikawa's flushed face surrounded by a pack of Academy girls, both from the university levels and younger grades. It's lunch time, and they're eating out in the courtyard, still wearing their doboks before Oikawa was tugged away by a few girls with letters in their hands. Their squeals hurt his ears, yet Oikawa doesn't seem to mind, instead, he's reveling in the attention.

Figures.

 

Their third and final year of high school starts off with the scent of flowers in the air, sweet and cloying. The sun is bright on the Opening Ceremony, and when the first week of classes are over and the first years have grown accustomed to their new, white starched uniform, Iwaizumi rubs the material of his high brown belt. 

"Congratulations," Instructor Ma nods, looking at the other excited students who accomplished their belt test, "If you continue to work hard, you'll be able to take the black belt test in winter."

"Yes, thank you."

"He's doing better under your care," Ma motions to Oikawa, who's posing with a few underclassmen girls who specifically came to him just to watch his belt test. It irks Iwaizumi like a persistent bug bite. "I never had a student accelerate through the belts as quickly as him, and his work isn't sloppy either."

"Of course not," He says with unmasked pride, watching the stiff high red belt hang around Oikawa's narrow waist. "He spends more hours here than any of us- even more than you, sensei. He worked harder than the rest of us _combined_."

"The CCG will be lucky to have him then," He turns to Iwaizumi, "But you as well. Someone who's volatile and full of worth needs someone to ground them."

"You're speaking in riddles again."

"I do that a lot, don't I?"

"If it makes up for what it's worth," Iwaizumi looks at Oikawa posing for a picture, throwing up his signature peace sign that Iwaizumi sometimes wants to rip off- the playful grin as well. "It's the sort of wisdom that I expect from you."

Instructor Ma laughs, looking over to the fangirls trying to get Oikawa to taste their homemade cookies and desserts before turning somber. Iwaizumi feels the smile slip off he face. "What's wrong, sensei?"

"Third year is a hard year."

"...I've heard."

"Swordsmanship with Ukai and Shinohara will be one class you mustn't fail- everyone needs a passing mark in order to graduate. And do you know what else? The end of year physical exam requires you to demonstrate your capabilities."

"And in university, half the class fail the physical portion in Year One."

"That's correct," Instructor Ma jerks his head towards Oikawa, "I've taught students like him who worsen their injuries, so do keep an eye on him will you?" Ma lowers his head, looking at the ground. Iwaizumi wonders how many students he's seen broken in the hospital. "He's definitely the type to overwork and destroy his knee."

 

"My name is Ukai," The man says, looking down on them as they sit crossed legged on the floor. He's tied his bleached hair back into a short ponytail, and Iwaizumi sees one of Nee-san's friends behind him, Shinohara, was it? "I'll be teaching you everything you need to pass the end of year physical exams as well to prepare you for your Year One if you choose to go to the Senior Academy. The man to my left is Shinohara, and he'll be assisting me."

Standing with their backs straight and ordered to line up along the walls, they listen to Ukai and Shinohara explain the set curriculum for their final year of high school, first starting off with an intense round of training.

"...That's all I have to say for now," Ukai looks around at them before pointing to the entrance of the gym, "Go warm up! I want twenty laps out of all of you on the track field! The second years are playing soccer! Try not to distract them!"

"Yes, sir!"

Oikawa falls into step easily with him, and Iwaizumi adjusts his pace to slow down to not strain Oikawa's bad knee. It's hot today, the day resembling summer instead of a cool spring. "Iwa-chan, doesn't that man look familiar?"

"He's the one who took down the ghouls who attack us, I'm pretty sure." That and the fact that Ukai's gaze seem to linger onto them a few seconds too long doesn't seem to be a coincidence. "That Shinohara-san seems to recognize us as well. Maybe your sister is friends with him?"

"Ah, yeah, they were in self-defense together." Oikawa pants, now on their fifth lap around the track. Up ahead, Iwaizumi can see Hanamaki and Matsukawa playing tag with Kuroo as Daichi and Suga run a considerable distance away from them together. "I thought Kuroiwa-san was going to come as well."

"Another friend?"

"Yeah, they're the top of their graduating class, those two. Scary, isn't it?" Oikawa laughs, "My sister's friends with such scary people. You should have heard her talk to me on the phone last night when you were locking up the dojang. There's a crazy talented kid the same age as us who's already a ghoul investigator, Iwa-chan!"

Kuroo suddenly drops back from the game of tag to run beside Oikawa, the gossip entertaining him, "Oho? Who is it? How come he's not in the Academy?"

"His name is Arima Kishou, supposedly. He's over in Seishin Senior High right now doing some field work for god knows which ghoul is unfortunate enough to become his prey."

"And he's an investigator? Full fledged?!"

"At the age of sixteen." Ushijima joins them with a wry twist of his mouth as they walk around the track to cool off, Ukai watching them from the gymnasium entrance. Iwaizumi pants, feeling his t-shirt become sticky with sweat as the rest of their classmates join them in loose stretches. Beside him, Oikawa stiffens slightly, but the act goes unnoticed to the rest of their friends. "My father personally handpicked him from the other Junior Academy to be a Rank 3 Investigator."

Hanamaki blanches, one hand on his hip as he brushes the sweat off his forehead, "I never thought someone our age could do that."

Ushijima shrugs, walking back into the gym as they all follow him, lost in their own thoughts.

Iwaizumi sneaks a look at Oikawa and finds him quietly grinning to himself.

"A genius, hm?"

 

There's a rush of wind in his ears, and before Oikawa knows it, his back is pressed against the mat, and Iwaizumi's fist a centimeter from his nose.

"6-0." Iwaizumi huffs, dropping the arm he'd pinned against his own knee. Oikawa groans, staying on the floor as they both are too tired to stand up. "Tournaments are coming up soon, are you sure you want to participate, Oikawa?"

"Of course I do!" Oikawa grumbles, rolling to his side to see Iwaizumi looking down at him, lips pursed in distaste as they both breathe haggardly. It's after hours again, and they'd dropped by the cafeteria before making a beeline to the dojang after their study groups. It's Oikawa's third year in taekwondo, and it's a little embarrassing to say that he hasn't had any tournament experience among the seniors. "I'm finally a purple belt and by this belt, you've won two tournaments!"

Iwaizumi's neck flushes, "W-Well-"

"Are you doubting my abilities to fight you, Iwa-chan?"

"Oh yeah," He deadpans, flicking Oikawa's forehead, "What's the score again? 6-0."

"Mean Iwa-chan!" Oikawa poorly reaches over to do a pin when Iwaizumi flips them over, his world flipped before Oikawa registers how close they are. He can feel the heat through their club t-shirts and pants. Iwaizumi cockily arches an eyebrow, grinning as he gestures to their position, Oikawa pinned below him.

There should be a limit to how many indecent thoughts can run through his head, and he nervously swallows.

" _Oh my god_."

Moment ruined, Oikawa whips his head towards the doorway, where Hanamaki and Matsukawa are standing with their jaws hanging. Matsukawa snaps out of whatever poor stupor he'd been in to cover Hanamaki's eyes. Iwaizumi lets out a squawk before letting go of Oikawa and easily lifting him with one smooth pull of his arm, glasses sliding down his nose, "H-Hanamaki!"

" _Children can walk in at any moment!_ " Hanamaki scandalously shouts, pushing Matsukawa's hand away and pointing an accusing finger at Oikawa, " _My eyes! My poor, poor eyes! My poor, innocent eyes! Hands off each other!_ "

"We weren't doing anything!-"

"Excuse me? You two were clearly doing _something!_ -"

"Oikawa was trying to wrestle me! It's self-defense!-"

"If _that's_ what you call self-defense these days-" 

"I was teaching this dumbass!"

"Sure," Hanamaki shivers, going to the corner for his forgotten water bottle before putting on his shoes again, "Resume to what you're doing then, but keep in mind of poor, innocent children!"

Iwaizumi scowls, flipping their dorm mates the bird as Oikawa pats his cheeks. They both agree to hit the showers earlier and return to catch a few more hours of sleep. Between toweling his hair dry and putting on some lotion on his cheeks, Oikawa can't help but take quick peeks of Iwaizumi putting his head under the hair dryer, watching the black hair turn fuzzy.

He wasn't sure when the lines between best friend and lovers blurred for him, but he knows that Iwaizumi probably wouldn't reciprocate it.

After all, being a ghoul investigator means they die young.

 

Iwaizumi passes him a bag during breakfast. Oikawa looks up from his organic chemistry notes to look at it, noting the shop and wondering when did he ever visit the mall to get something. "What's this?" He sticks his hand into the tissue papers to pull out a white baseball cap, the tag still hanging loosely. It's made out of a waterproof material, the brim sturdy and tough as Oikawa looks confused at Iwaizumi. "It's not my birthday, is it?"

"Early birthday present," Iwaizumi fiddles with the collar of his uniform, "I heard from Ma that we're going to be doing a lot of outdoor exercises and I know you shouldn't be out in the sun for too long with the medication you're taking...s-so you have to wear the hat. Be protected and all." His best friend turns quiet after that, fiddling with the eggs Oikawa had cooked earlier with a pair of chopsticks as he processes the words.

"For me?" Even his own voice sounds weird to him.

"Y-Yeah," Iwaizumi pointedly looks away, bashfully scratching the nape of his neck, "For you."

Oikawa feels a bubble of warmth float up, immediately jamming the baseball cap on his hair and grinning to Iwaizumi, "Thank you, Iwa-chan! I love it!"

He pulls out his phone to check his reflection out, missing the soft smile of adoration on Iwaizumi's face as they sit on the couch, sunlight basking them in its summer glow before school starts.

 

Oikawa is grateful for the hat. Other than shielding his face from the harsh afternoon sun as they continue to do outdoor exercises, he has another use for it.

"...So hot..." Hanamaki moans, slumping over Matsukawa, who's equally as sweaty as the rest of them. Oikawa pointlessly wipes his forehead on his soaked t-shirt, chugging the water as Iwaizumi stumbles into the shade with them before taking off his shirt.

His heart immediately doubles, and he splutters on the water before Kiyoko saves him by patting his back.

Oikawa hides his wandering eyes beneath his hat, shamelessly peeking every now and then.

 

Possibly for the first time since they've entered the third year, Iwaizumi takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. 

"Love hot springs," Kuroo mumbles drowsily nearby, sinking until the water is right up his mouth. The steam coming off the water's surface makes his hair look like some kind of wild, black grass on a misty night, "Love third year trips. We should do this more often."

A few others nod in response, content to sit in the pool and let the hot water ease their sore muscles and fried out brains. Iwaizumi slowly floats to a rock before putting his back on it and sighing.

"Feeling relaxed, Iwaizumi?"

"Like a noodle, Kuroo."

"Same. Never knew my entire body could hurt like this."

"That was before Ukai."

Kuroo snorts, opening an eye before lifting an arm to wave at Oikawa standing warily at the water's edge, unmoving, "Yo! Oikawa, come in! The water's nice!"

"I'll stay here, thanks." Oikawa mumbles and Iwaizumi heaves himself up and feels the chilly air against his skin before wading across the steaming pool to get his best friend. He wonders what it is now. Maybe his knee is bothering him and he needed help entering the pool? Regardless, he cocks his head and extends a hand towards the brunet.

"The water's warm, come on."

Oikawa twists his mouth down, looking uncomfortable as he dances on the spot, "I...can't. My knee isn't cooperating-"

"Just say so then, dumbass!" Iwaizumi tries to not think so hard on it as he scoops his best friend into his arms. Oikawa flails and turns beet red, one arm nearly giving Iwaizumi a nosebleed before he quickly steps back into the hot springs and lowers Oikawa down. Matsukawa is raising an eyebrow at the both of them, and Iwaizumi feels his cheeks flush as Oikawa sits there stiffly.

"T-Thanks."

Iwaizumi looks at the water's reflection and sees his entire neck the same color as the flush riding on Oikawa's cheeks.

He nods and proceeds to lower himself up till his nose, hiding his obviously red neck and hoping Hanamaki and Matsukawa will spare him of their teasing this once.

 

"You should grow a set and tell him, Iwaizumi."

Iwaizumi knows there's no escaping them now.

He rolls over on his futon, looking over at Matsukawa and Hanamaki staring at him in the darkness. Oikawa had been the first to pass out right after Iwaizumi helped him wrap his knee. They should all be going to bed, but by the sounds of Kuroo laughing next door, it doesn't seem like anyone will be sleeping tonight.

He sighs, "What do you want?"

"Oikawa won't know how you feel if you don't tell him, you know," Matsukawa evenly starts, propping himself up on his elbow and crawling over to the door that leads to the garden. He cracks it open to let a little air and light into the room, the moon spilling across the tatami mats and across their futons before finally landing on Oikawa's hair, splayed out everywhere on his pillow. "I'm surprised you two haven't gotten together yet."

"Wh-What?!-"

"Shh!" Hanamaki nudges him, pointing to Oikawa breathing in and out, " _He's sleeping!_ "

Iwaizumi wanted to point out badly that Hanamaki is the one being loud, but he shoves his opinion back into his mouth, covering his eyes as he sits up. Trust Matsukawa and Hanamaki to keep quiet the entire time they were in the hot springs. If it weren't for Suga who helped him drag Oikawa back into their rooms, he'd sure the duo would have cornered him earlier.

"So? Is this an intervention?"

Matsukawa smiles, "Glad you noticed."

"This is none of your business," Iwaizumi says with no bite at all, dragging a hand down his face. He's tired from the physical exercise Ukai had put them through and has barely started. If he would have it his way, Iwaizumi would gladly keep the distance between he and Oikawa.

But it's pointless, because every day he wants a little more, which will gradually build up until he can't contain it. It's stupid. He already sees Oikawa more often in the day than most of their friends, but he wants to see Oikawa's bedhead, brown strands sticking up in all directions. He wants to give into the urge to sweep his bangs aside when Oikawa ultimately falls asleep by the couch, his books spread everywhere on the little coffee table. He wants to be able to spend Friday nights knowing that they'll just inevitably fall asleep on the couch and tell Oikawa it's okay to be so tired that he falls asleep on his lap 

Iwaizumi wants a lot of things.

"What's the point of beating yourself up?"

He looks up to Hanamaki's serious stare, "What do you mean?" He says slowly.

"You like him, and I'm pretty sure that half the school knows he's into you as well-" A splutter passes his lips, "-what oh my god don't tell me you're the one who hasn't noticed?"

"N-No way. No way!"

Hanamaki looks exasperatingly at Matsukawa, who turns to Iwaizumi with a face that seems to say, _I can't believe you could be this disappointing, Iwaizumi,_ "That makes the two of you then. Two of the most dense people in history."

Iwaizumi, torn between being offended and confused, says stiffly, "We just had a fight. I-It's only natural."

"We're trying to help you man, stop giving us excuses," Hanamaki mutters, "I've heard Oikawa's side of the story. The whole shebang with Ushijima sucks and all, but I'm glad you two made up. I know you're treading on eggshells right now with him, but you know, you deserve to be happy. Both of you do. Everyone deserves a chance to be loved, especially since we live here."

"...Hanamaki?"

Hanamaki half smiles, "You two just remind me of my parents. It took my mom ages to get the courage to ask my dad out. She was worried that she'd die from the ghouls since she's a field agent, but hey," He nods over to Oikawa, "Once they got together, they've never been happier, and I think that's what you two need- happiness."

"Happiness..." Iwaizumi trails off, looking at the drool already spreading on Oikawa's pillow and the leg sticking out of his blanket. So Hanamaki's mother was a ghoul investigator. He wondered where she is right now, and why Hanamaki ever joined the Academy. Then he realizes he's been with this same group of people ever since the start of middle school and never heard their individual stories. "You think I deserve happiness."

"I think we all do," He can't make it out since it was fast, but Iwaizumi thought Matsukawa's eyes had flickered briefly to Hanamaki's figure, "Since we're bound to be like his parents one day, supporting Tokyo's safety."

"Like Atlas," Hanamaki adds.

"If they're Atlas then I guess we're Prometheus, Iwaizumi." Matsukawa tiredly blinks, inching to shut the door shut before scooting in his futon. Iwaizumi can barely make out the slope of his shoulders in the darkness. Nearby, he hears Suga's tinkling laughter before he hears Daichi squawk about the instructor with the obvious wig. "It's late and we're leaving early tomorrow. We should sleep."

Iwaizumi obviously doesn't go to sleep after that. Instead, he looks at the dark ceiling and listens to Matsukawa's and Hanamaki's breathing deepen. He hears the murmur of a monsoon outside, the sound of the rain splattering on the ground stifled by the doors and windows as Ukai's voice reverberates around the hallway, telling Kuroo to hush up and go to bed or so help him he'll give him extra laps if he bothers the other guests in the hot springs.

Sleep is already descending on him, and Iwaizumi tugs Oikawa's blankets to cover the leg sticking out before he falls gratefully on his pillow, all thoughts vanishing.

 

" _You're getting married?!_ "

Iwaizumi looks up as Oikawa excitedly slaps his arm for attention, eyes bright as he hears the familiar tone of his sister on the other line, "Iwa-chan did you hear?-"

"Ow, ow, ow, stop hitting me!" While still looking a little weedy since Oikawa hasn't been putting a lot of gym time, his slaps hurt more than his punches. Iwaizumi rubs his arm absentmindedly as Oikawa starts jotting down the details while nodding to himself.

"Mhm! No problem, yes...yes, yes I got that- huh? Oh, crap I wrote the wrong time- one thirty right? Okay. Yes, love you too, Nee-chan! Congratulations! Bye!"

"Oh, I wanted to say my congratulations to her," He says when Oikawa ends the call with a smile. "Never mind then, I'll say it when I see her. So?"

"They'll get married after my little niece comes out!" Oikawa dives into their couch, grabbing one of the two cushions and hugging it close to his chest with a small grin. "It's rather quick, but she wants to do it before Mamoru gets moved to China."

"Of course," Iwaizumi grabs his water bottle, squirting it neatly in his mouth, "When's her due date then? It's sometime this month right?"

"Mhm, we were just talking about baby names before the ceremony came up. It's just after we graduate, so we'll be on holiday for a week or so and she'll have the time of her life dragging us for our suit alterations and babysitting duties." Oikawa grins again. "Are you ready to meet my baby niece, Iwa-chan? She's a kicker already, a natural born fighter by the bruises on my sister's stomach."

"As long as she's nothing like you, since you're a handful enough," Iwaizumi rolls his eyes skyward, looking out into the athletic field to see the a group of girls throwing a disk between them. If it weren't for the air conditioner in their room, they would melt. "If Mamoru-san is going to be moved to China after the wedding, then they won't have time for a honeymoon, will they?"

"I guess not, but Nee-chan didn't sound too sad over it. I think she's just happy that she has a family now." It's that sincere smile again, the one Iwaizumi so rarely see these days. "I'll miss her."

"Me too."

That night, Iwaizumi doesn't think of how nice it would be to see Oikawa in a white suit, a flower tucked in his breast pocket, the chime of church bells in the distance as he moves forward to kiss a faceless bride.

He wakes up covered in sweat, Oikawa's first name nearly slipping past his lips as he looks confusedly in the dark to find their alarm clock still silent.

What a nightmare, he thinks.

 

"One, two, three, four!"

"Five, six, seven, eight!"

As summer continues to sear their skin, giving everyone the most unattractive t-shirt tan lines (all except Iwaizumi who favored to flip the sun the bird and go shirtless), Ukai continues to be ruthless in his training, earning him the nickname of demon. They ran through a monsoon, the thunderstorms drowning their groans, they sprint through mud holes and over cracks on the asphalt, the cement hot enough to burn skin. Oikawa is ever so glad when July hits and they're forced indoors where Oikawa won't be distracted by the smoothness of Iwaizumi's skin.

"You got it bad~" Hanamaki sings into his ear one day.

"Please shut it." Oikawa groans into his English textbook. He knows Mattsun and Makki know he's got it bad. Terrible in fact. They've seen how Oikawa longs for Iwaizumi and how he's hopelessly in love with his childhood friend. "Let me live in peace."

Hanamaki snorts, "Don't be such a drama queen, come on, we have practice after school. Let's get going!"

Oikawa is constantly suffering because he sees Iwaizumi being his handsome self from the moment he wakes up to the moment they mutually agree to switch the lights off. It's bad enough Iwaizumi has no decency when they're out exercising (dying) under Ukai's hawk-like eyes and Spartan regime, but it's so much worse when they're sparring against one another and Oikawa always, always loses.

"8-0," Iwaizumi grins, letting go of Oikawa's leg, "That last axe kick wasn't bad."

"I haven't been able to get a single point off you today," Oikawa pouts, grouching as they tap their fists again before resuming their positions, their hands held loose at their sides as they bounce lightly on the balls of their feet. All around them are the sound of sturdy muscle meeting the thick padded chest protectors, shouts piercing the air.

"You've never been able to get a single point off me," Iwaizumi cackles, blocking Oikawa's kick with a kick of his own. His hands wrap around Oikawa, a simple act to steady him, but Oikawa feels the press of his fingers through where the chest protector stops at the side and the place where Iwaizumi used to tickle him. His breath hitches, "Whoops, steady now."

"Sorry," Oikawa pants, moving forward and dancing around Iwaizumi before being clipped in the shoulder- how can his legs even reach that far? "Don't you get tired, Iwa-chan?"

Iwaizumi grapples again, holding him around the waist and Oikawa might be reading too much into it, but had his fingers lingered around his bare arms a little longer than usual or was it wishful thinking? "No, this is why you do this often; to build stamina."

"Looks like I have a long way to go," Oikawa grumbles just as thunder booms outside the dojang.

 

They both lie on the mats, panting as Iwaizumi feels his heart flutter in his ribs, the quick _thump thump thump_ resounding through him. Trust Oikawa to refuse to stretch, causing him to chase the idiot throughout the entire dojang before Iwaizumi snagged his uniform and brought him down.

Exhaustion isn't a new state for him. Being sleep deprived and injecting caffeine in his body was a right of passage in high school, and sadly, he's one of those who can't function properly in the morning without a cup.

But this bone-deep tiredness, the combination of mid-terms, group projects and the physical exertion of Ukai's Spartan regime has taken a toll on him, both mentally and physically. Iwaizumi turns his head to make sure Oikawa hasn't drifted off into sleep on the floors and sees him sitting up, a trail of sweat coming down from his forehead, past the cheekbones that have already capturing the hearts of every Academy girl to pool on his clavicles.

Their hands are so close their pinkies are touching, and Iwaizumi sorely admits that the little contact causes his heart to even pound faster, not from their earlier game of chase-the-idiot-down, but from the simple contact.

It takes Iwaizumi five long and painful years of looking at his best friend in _that_ kind of light, but he sorely wants to pull Oikawa by his collar and kiss him.

Oikawa turns his head, still panting slightly, "Iwa-chan?" He mumbles quietly, all heavy-lidded and flushed, not realizing what kind of things he's doing to Iwaizumi's heart. To his credit, Oikawa leans closer, "You look like you have a fever."

Iwaizumi's answer dies in his throat, and Oikawa keeps on moving closer and closer, eating up the distance between them and he's left sitting there, transfixed until Oikawa slowly bumps their foreheads together, the scent of apple shampoo washing over them mixing in with Iwaizumi's deodorant and sweat. His heart is coming out of his mouth, his mouth dry as Oikawa closes his eyes, "You do feel a bit warm..."

Iwaizumi finds himself calculating the distance between them, and just as he moves forward, pressing his mouth into Oikawa's, feeling his blood fizz and the warmth bloom in his chest, he feels Oikawa's fingers, the rough pads brushing his neck, pulling his all closer while they open their mouths-

"IWAIZUMI-KUN!"

A light whack on his shoulder jolts him out of a dream, and Iwaizumi is momentarily confused as to why he's sitting in class, everyone looking at him as he sees Sato-sensei glare down at him, her textbook in a manicured claw as she smiles, "Good afternoon. Slept well?" He sees Hanamaki snicker into his hand, Oikawa amused and slightly worried, and Suga raising a brow at him before he notices the small collection of drool on his paper.

"Sorry, sensei."

"I'll let you off with a warning this time," She frowns, "But if you're tired, go to the infirmary and rest."

"Yes, sensei." She nods, before going back up front and redirecting the class's attention to the planetary motions and formulas to calculate the force of gravity.

He's not panicking or anything. Iwaizumi takes off his glasses to see the board better, jotting down the necessary letters and numbers of their assigned homework and ignoring Oikawa's questioning glance.

 

In the next few hours, Iwaizumi sits through his classes, his mind only repeating one single sentence over and over again.

_I want to kiss my best friend I want to kiss my best friend I want to kiss my best friend and make out with him and-_

"Iwaizumi?"

"I-Instructor Ma!" He yelps, jumping up and scaring a group of yellow belts nearby. The orange belts under his supervision laugh, before Instructor Ma glances at them and they return to their kicking exercise, a solemn expression on their faces. "How can I help you?"

"You look very distracted."

 _I want to kiss my friend and make out with_ \- "It's nothing, sir. Just tired."

"Ukai working you hard to the bone?"

"Yes, sir."

Ma looks at him for a good few second, at which Iwaizumi feels like he's an insect underneath a microscope. "You know, if it's girl trouble, you can talk to me." He claps his arm, laughing and walking away to wander around the dojang, "It's only natural for boys your age to be like that, Iwaizumi-kun!"

 

"So," Hanamaki gleefully drops to sit next to him as Iwaizumi spoons some mashed potato into his mouth. The cafeteria menu on Fridays always have hamburgers and barbecue, hence why Oikawa is still stuck in line waiting for his. "I know you're a hardworking student, but I really want to know why you fell asleep today. Did you dream of Oikawa?"

"Let me eat in peace."

"Bingo!" Matsukawa laughs, slapping Hanamaki's hand in a high five. Iwaizumi wants the floor to swallow him. "Never thought I'd see the day!"

Hanamaki bumps his shoulders with him, "Did you imagine yourself kissing him? Wrapping your arms around each other and sinking into the heat of love and-"

" _What the actual fuck?_ " Why is he friends with them.

"-murmuring each other's first name and kissing him deeply-"

"Please stop." Iwaizumi shoves some of Hanamaki's mashed potatoes into his mouth, momentarily stopping him. "Where did you get all of this?"

Matsukawa and Hanamaki look at each other, before clasping their hands together and grinning at him.

 

"So you and Matsukawa-" 

"Are very much in love, yes."

"Makki! How can you not tell me earlier? I thought I was your friend!"

"Oh shut it, Shittykawa, you're spitting mashed potatoes everywhere."

 

Iwaizumi frowns. 

Did Oikawa like cake flavored goldfish crackers or the vanilla ones? He remembered him shoving a flyer into Iwaizumi's face earlier in the week, pointing and begging him to buy a pack pretty, _pretty_ please, but now that he's in the store, he doesn't remember which one Oikawa prefers.

There was no difference between the two right? Iwaizumi jerks his hand from the vanilla flavored one to the cake flavored one, before jerking back, wishing Oikawa was here since he can't make this decision by himself-

"Hajime-kun?"

He turns to see Mamoru with a grocery basket filled to the brim, a sleeping Takeru strapped on his back as he strolls down, "Oh, I thought it looked like you from behind. Shopping?"

Iwaizumi tries to hide the many packets of instant noodles away from his view, "Just picking up a few snacks. Is Nee-san around?" 

"Ah no, she's sitting in court right now, watching a trial run by. Takeru's all tuckered out from running around in the park, so I thought it would be ideal to shop for things now since he's asleep." Iwaizumi follows him to the dairy section, putting even more things into his already full basket. "I haven't talked to you for a long time, how are you?"

"Good, I heard about the wedding and engagement," Iwaizumi smiles, watching Mamoru turns slightly pink before laughing lightly at himself, "Congratulations."

"Oh thank you, I'm just glad she said yes."

"Wasn't she going to anyway? You two have kids together."

"We do, but you know," Mamoru turns back to stroke Takeru's head, "A wedding isn't necessary in our relationship. I'm just as happy as I would be married if she's still by my side, healthy and supporting me. She says as long as we can rely on each other, making 'us' officially a married couple isn't all that important to her. She's not worried about me delaying it this long." He looks at Iwaizumi, bashfully grinning, "I'm lucky to have her by my side."

Iwaizumi feels his cheeks lift, "Yeah, she's an amazing role model."

"...She told me about Tooru-kun."

Iwaizumi groans, "Not you too."

"I think you two are sweet." Mamoru laughs, paying the cashier and waiting as Iwaizumi watches his items being scanned. "Considering how long you have known each other for, you two must have an unbreakable bond, completely in sync."

He can feel the heat rise as the cashier hands him his change, "Mamoru-san, please."

Mamoru leads him out the grocery store, strapping Takeru into his baby seat as Iwaizumi helps him put the groceries in the trunk. As Iwaizumi straps into the passenger seat, Mamoru shrugs, "Well, I have no say in this, but we're cheering for you." Then he switches the topic to the upcoming taekwondo competition that will be hosted in the neighboring ward. When he pulls up to the Academy gates, Iwaizumi thanks him for the ride, ready to punch his ID card when Mamoru stops him.

"Hajime-kun? Regardless of the outcome, you two are going to be great, I know it."

He's so surprised that he drops his ID card. Mamoru blinks at him before a kind smile breaks from his serious demeanor as he drives away.

_You two are going to be great, I know it._

 

"I'm going to do it."

Hanamaki and Matsukawa look up in synchronization, turning their attention away from cholesterol and lipids to a blushing Iwaizumi, who's trying to sink into his chair like the table will maybe cover the apparent blush on his cheeks. Hanamaki looks at Matsukawa like, _could this be it? Is our boy finally growing up???_

"But not now...after the competition probably," Iwaizumi exhales, "It's his first time so I don't want to distract him, and I need to bring home the trophy again. Can't have Minami's ace taking the award back home." He waits for a response, and when he looks up, he sees Hanamaki dabbing a handkerchief to his eyes.

"Uh-"

"Issei!" Hanamaki actually wails as Iwaizumi face palms, "Our boy is all grown up!"

"What the _actual fuck_ -"

"There, there, Takahiro," Mattsun pats his shoulders warmly, "I bet you he'll fail once or twice before succeeding, so we still can coddle him."

_"Oh, Issei!"_

_"Same shit different day."_

"That's not how you speak to your parents, Hajime!"

_"As if you two are my parents!"_

 

Iwaizumi's cell rings at two in the morning. Cursing his luck and wondering what kind of person would simply call him at two ass am, he stifles the noise before Oikawa wakes up, jamming on his slippers and slipping out and crouching in the hallway before yawning, "'Ello?"

"I heard."

"N-Nee-san?!"

"Bingo!~ My, my, Hajime-kun, what was it you said earlier this week? You were going to confess to my little, bratty brother?" Iwaizumi groans under his breath, shuffling away from his room and stomping downstairs to lounge on the couches. He's mindful of Kuroo, who's knocked out with a textbook in his lap, before sitting at the edge. "I never knew you would be this bold!"

"Nee-san, please spare me. Wait- how did you even know?! I only told Hanamaki and Matsukawa!"

"A little bird told me."

"...They told Instructor Ma didn't they."

"I wouldn't call Ma a little bird, but something along those lines," She hums, "Oh, you must be wondering why I'm calling so late. You see, I just got off the phone with Mamoru. He's in Germany looking after the new house and building the furniture since I can't possibly build it with two babies running around everywhere, so he took a week off to do that."

"That's-" He rubs his forehead. How could he face his teachers now? How could he look into their eyes? "I would appreciate it if you can keep this a secret."

"There's no need. Everyone's cheering you on!"

" _Everyone?!_ "

"Mamoru, Ma, Shinohara, Kuroiwa, some of my friends whom I've told you to them, Takeda, Ukai, and of course, me!" She pauses, "Oh and your friends!"

"You're giving me a very big headache, Nee-san."

"That won't do, Hajime-kun. Please get some rest and drink lots of water."

" _Uggh!_ " Iwaizumi quietly mumbles, wanting to roll on the couch if it weren't for Kuroo sleeping like a dead log, "I can't believe those two told people!"

Oikawa's sister laughs, her voice coming out as a tinkle of bells as he watches Kuroo's chest expand and contract, "I must say, I've never seen you this flustered before."

"Spare me," He grumbles, listening to her giggle again. They truly are siblings to the core, he fondly notes. It goes deeper than their appearances and mannerism, it's the inside too. But where Nee-san is a calm, peaceful blue in the midst of a tempest, Oikawa is a the warning of a storm ahead, the red skies at dawn dappled with the huge crest of waves that is all but contained underneath a golden smile. A sunny day bearing no hints of a tsunami before it hits without warning, wiping out all traces of life after. But Oikawa always comes back persistent, like the rivers that carve out and decorate the rocks, transparent waters, and a will to fight.

"Nee-san?"

Perhaps it was his tone, but she seems more subdued, "Yes?"

"...Are you okay with me being together with him?"

She's very quiet, and Iwaizumi counts to seventy-two, in time with the clock on the wall as the minute hand slides from 2:09 to 2:10. When she speaks, she says,

"You've won my blessings the first day I met you, Hajime. I can't imagine him with any other person other than you."

It's 2:27 AM when Iwaizumi gets off the phone with her, and he returns to his dorm room, a little chilly since November has already rolled in and Oikawa likes to sleep with the window cracked open. He dives back into his bed, tries hard not to think about the weight of her words as he sinks into sleep.

 

Instructor Ma claps him on the arm, "Good job, Iwaizumi."

The trophy is heavy in his bruised arms, but he's too busy riding the high of victory to care. He dips his head towards him, still panting and a little tired from the finals. Minami's ace suffered yet another defeat from him, for the third year in a row, "Thank you, sensei." He looks around the room, waiting for the flash of cameras from the local newspapers and late night news to stop. When a man comes up to take the trophy away from him, Iwaizumi lets him before disappearing into the crowds. He bumps into a little kid, no older than seven or eight with black hair that sticks up like shallots. Iwaizumi quickly apologizes to him before craning his head left and right and spotting a mop of brown.

Of course Oikawa would be in the middle of fangirls, all wearing doboks with their cellphones out, trying to get his number as Iwaizumi sighs.

"Oikawa."

"Iwa-chan!" Iwaizumi tells his heart that it's done enough pumping and should really stop being influenced by anything related to Oikawa but when has anything gone according to his plan? "There you are! The cameras must have grown tired of your scowly face!"

He pinches Oikawa's cheeks, "What was that?"

"OW!" Oikawa whines, and while he's rubbing his cheeks and calling Iwaizumi a brute gorilla, Iwaizumi turns to look pointedly at his fangirls, who immediately upon seeing his glare, scrambles off. "You're so rude!"

"And you're such a brat. But you did well today."

Oikawa sulks, "I only got to the second round."

"Yes, but you knocked Rikkai out with an axe kick," Iwaizumi rubs his chin, "If you learn how to read people better I think you can win the next cultural festival championships."

"Like you can even read people."

"That's true, I just use my instincts, like this." He blocks Oikawa's rib jab and goes for his tickle spot, reducing him to laughter. Hanamaki and Matsukawa appear, holding certificates as they raise their eyebrows in unison. "Oh," Iwaizumi lamely says, remembering the promise, "Hi."

"Touchy, aren't we?" Matsukawa observes, bowling Iwaizumi in for a noogie, "Come on, competition is over! Time to hit the hot springs for some quality relaxing in the water!"

As Iwaizumi insists that Matsukawa should really stop ruffling his head if he wants to keep his fingers intact, they grab their heavy sports bags. They wait for the bus to take them to the local hot springs, their jerseys around their shoulders as they talk about the various opponents they've faced. Oikawa treats them to some pork buns off a food stall, laughing about how his hands are warm in the cold air. Iwaizumi prays that he won't have to sit through a repeat of what happened last time, especially now that Hanamaki and Matsukawa know.

Yet he keeps his cool as he drags Oikawa away from the main group to usher him into a new hot spring, claimed to have healing properties that help joint pains.

 

"-What do you think, Hajime-kun?" 

"Sorry, what?" He tears his eyes away from Ushijima and Suga walking in the fields, dragging two heavy plants in their pots as Takeda sensei drives behind them in a golf cart. Are they going to start the plant chapter in Biology next week?

Oikawa's sister sighs in his ear, and he can hear the whistle of a kettle and Takeru whining about wanting to run around in the snow. "I said it's going to be a girl this time. What do you think of the name Chiharu?"

"Sure."

"Kaoru?"

"Sure."

"Hikaru? Hotaru? Misturu?? Haru???"

"Sure."

"Aren't you a big help."

"It's not my kid though," He says, folding laundry with one hand. Oikawa's gone off with Mamoru to buy some baby clothes and Iwaizumi would rather just stay in his heated dorm room rather than braving the chilly wind. "They all sound great, Nee-san."

"...It's just not right, in my opinion."

"You still have a few weeks, right?" She dropped by their dojang a couple days earlier, waddling in like a whale beaming when she waved around a blurry ultrasound picture and thrilling about the due date, just a few days before the year ends. "Nothing like the present."

Iwaizumi piles Oikawa's laundry on his bed, all neatly folded as she huffs, "Mamoru says Hikaru would be nice, but I don't like it."

"Please don't bring me into your little spats."

"What a mouth," She remarks with a laugh, and Iwaizumi can hear her run around the kitchen, "How's Tooru anyway? Any luck with the confession?"

"That's why you called me, isn't it?"

" _Of course not_ ," She totally is. "I just want to hear all about your exploits in the competition! I even cut out your picture and taped it on the fridge! I've gotten into scrap booking recently, it's so fun to stick and cut things when I'm not pouring over cases."

"Oh yeah, how are they?"

"The usual, Hajime. Some rogue ghouls are banding together. Cases like that aren't rare these days, with the Apes and Dobers appearing a few years ago, but hm, they're giving the Main Branch some trouble." She doesn't sound too pleased, "They're starting to dig around the underground tunnels as well. We think it might hide ghouls who're hiding from us."

"...And overseas?"

Her professional voice takes over, "Chi She Lian is causing absolute havoc in China. As you know, Mamoru and Houji will be sent there along with a few other squads to eliminate them. They're getting out of hand, after all. There's also a few cases of someone trying to hack into the CCG in Germany. To be honest, that's what I'm sent there for. Once they catch them, I'll be bringing them to court and hopefully, the engineers will fix the firewalls." She pauses, "Apparently, they think it's a seventeen-year-old acting alone."

" _Seventeen?_ "

"Crazy isn't it?" She murmurs darkly, "First it was Arima Kishou, then the hacker. What's next? A graduate who becomes a Special Investigator at 28? It's scary enough that Matsuri is already deployed there."

"Matsuri?"

"Oh sorry, Washuu Matsuri. Chairman Ushijima sent him there to eliminate a clan of ghouls called the Rosewalds, _which_ ," She almost growls out, "He's done by sacrificing all of his men. He just graduated the Academy and he's already making himself famous here. Honestly, I don't look forward working with him next year."

Iwaizumi doesn't know what to say, "It must be a tough world out there."

She softens her voice, "It is, but we're making it better for the future generation, I hope."

 

They spend Christmas downstairs in the communal living room, marathoning the entire Harry Potter series as they take turns cooking lunch and dinner, Frank Sinistra's Baby It's Cold Outside cranked up as they belt their voices to fill the already loud house. Iwaizumi turns red when the karaoke machine is shoved towards him but mumbles a few lines as best as he can. It wasn't as if he hadn't sung Takeru to sleep before, but it's different when Oikawa is there, staring at him with his doe eyes 

Hanamaki unearths a chess set they never knew he had, and Oikawa proves to be a merciless opponent, even against a complete beginner like Iwaizumi who needed Suga whispering into his ear.

  
 

He also spends some time with Ushijima, who's content to read on the couch with a blanket covering his legs. Ushijima looks pale, and when he confides quietly in Iwaizumi, he finds out about the CCG's plan to spearhead a new training regime called whack-a-mole.

"The 24th ward is a bloody mess," Ushijima mumbles, "There's a lot of them, too."

"The ghoul to human ratio there is large, isn't it?"

Ushijima nods tight lipped.

Iwaizumi declines dinner, tasting a bitter flavor in the back of his mouth as he sips his hot chocolate quietly.

 

"Come on, son, you just gotta go for it!" 

"You give the most sound advice, _Mother_."

"Oh, Issei, our boy is growing up so fast!"

"I'm out."

 

Iwaizumi does not stare at Oikawa getting his measurements taken. He doesn't stare at the smooth skin. He doesn't look at his best friend's ass. He doesn't look at anything.

He caves when he sees Oikawa in a white suit, his sister nodding and holding up a blue tie and asking for his opinion.

Beautiful, bratty, Oikawa Tooru.

 

The call comes unsurprisingly at two in the morning. 

Mamoru is waiting for them outside the hospital after Iwaizumi waked Oikawa up, pale and shaky, "Something went wrong, they have to do a C-section on her." Iwaizumi's heart misses a beat as Oikawa turns white. "I-I can't go in, obviously. It's like last time again!"

"What went wrong?"

"We came here two days ago. She's been in labor for the better part of the day," Mamoru babbles, wringing his hands, "The doctors thought her birth canal finally opened up enough for her to push the baby out but her cervix isn't opening up at all and she's too tired to move."

"And you didn't tell us until now?"

"We thought the baby would be out four hours ago! I couldn't leave her there!" They stop by the doors marked red. "I thought she'd be fine since Takeru came out easily."

Iwaizumi places a hand on Oikawa's shoulder, "I'm sure she'll be fine."

Oikawa slides down the wall, curling up into a ball as Iwaizumi does the same. "I know. I just hate waiting you know? Anything can go wrong."

"She'll be fine." He repeats, watching Mamoru pace up and down the hallways, ashen faced. He manages to fall asleep, and when he opens his eyes again, he feels Oikawa's arm draped across his shoulder and the whiff of his coat on him.

"Time," He grunts.

"Six in the morning," Oikawa mumbles, eyes bloodshot as Iwaizumi feels the muscles in his neck cramp up. Sleeping on floors isn't good for his back. "Nee-chan came out a few hours ago-" Iwaizumi whips his head around, "-She's fine, she's fine. Tsuru's safe too- that's her name."

Feeling embarrassed that people saw him sleeping on his best friend, Iwaizumi dusts himself off as Oikawa leads him to her room. "You should have woken me up."

"You looked tired, Iwa-chan."

"Still." They knock, hearing a light _come in!_ before opening the doors.

"Oh hello, hello!" Oikawa's sister beams as Mamoru blows on her congee. Iwaizumi sees a figure swaddled in a pink blanket. "Do you want some food? I have some noodles Mamoru bought from last night if you're hungry."

Iwaizumi sits on the chair as Oikawa bends down to coo at his niece, "We're good. How are you?"

"Tired and a little sore." She grimaces. "They cut my skin open you know. The incisions still hurt, but it's worth it to have her." Mamoru's phone is going off as Oikawa swings the baby slowly in his arms, a sincere smile on his face as Iwaizumi watches. A tug on his sleeve redirects his attention as she whispers, "I also saw you two sleeping, how cute~"

 _"Nee-san_ ," He sourly pouts. Oikawa chirps that he wants to buy some drinks from the vending machine in the front, so he hands Tsuru to Iwaizumi, who's surprised at how heavy she is. "She's...sturdy."

"Nine pounds," Oikawa's sister chuckles.

"Tsuru, huh? _A long life_." He translates.

"I was scared that she wouldn't make it out okay," She reaches to stroke the brown wisps of baby hair as her daughter snoozes, "Scared that my little fighter who gave me terrible morning sickness and bruises would suddenly give up."

"Don't be like that," Mamoru pats her shoulders, offering some food. "She's safe now."

Oikawa's sister takes the bowl herself, nodding and smiling at Iwaizumi, "True. Thank you for running all the way here. I heard from Mamoru. It seems like 2 am keeps reoccurring, hm?" The door behind them cracks open and Iwaizumi sees Oikawa with some drinks and forks.

"Nee-chan, you brought noodles right? I'll have some!"

Mamoru takes Tsuru from Iwaizumi, "I can take her, go have some food."

Iwaizumi sits on the love seat next to Oikawa, opening up a thermos and digging in as he watches Mamoru bounce on his heels to entertain the baby who just opened her eyes. They look happy, Mamoru elated with their newest arrival and Oikawa's sister content as she continues to eat her breakfast, watching her husband and daughter.

Oikawa's knee bumps into his.

"Have you ever seen more delighted people?"

Iwaizumi smiles.

 

He never had known what the true meaning of home was. Ghouls tore his family apart, leaving Oikawa parent-less and forced to accept that death always, always takes from those who had done nothing wrong.

"Ne, Iwa-chan?"

Iwaizumi grunts, brows furrowed as Oikawa reads an opening and slams his leg into the chest protector. He's slowly getting better at sparring, being able to read movements. He knows the little dead giveaways, the flicker of the eyes or the twitch of the leg as he carefully watches two people spar. But Iwaizumi, who moves partly on instinct and partly on experience, is a little harder to read, so he's forced to block a back kick with his forearms, huffing.

"What?"

"What-" Duck. Block. Grapple. "-what made you want to be an investigator?"

Iwaizumi doesn't seem to be expecting that, and he misses with his punch, giving Oikawa the perfect chance to knock him down and sit on his stomach. Cursing and calling him a cheater, Iwaizumi hisses like a teapot as he turns red.

"What's with the sudden question?" He asks once fighting Oikawa deemed useless.

"It's just that I never knew why you came here. My sister wanted to go into Ghoul Law. Mamoru wanted to avenge his family. I want to protect Takeru and Tsuru, but I don't know your reason."

"Do I need to have a reason?" Iwaizumi asks, puzzled, moving to sit up as Oikawa nearly loses his balance. A steady hand on his back stops him from toppling onto the mats as Iwaizumi looks bashfully away, "But I guess you can know..."

"I remember you crying for your mom and dad when we were little... And I said to you that I would be here for you." His neck grows warm, ten million goosebumps forming on his skin as Oikawa nervously swallows. "Of course, I want to bring my parents some justice, but I can hardly remember them. Memories fade."

"So...you came here-"

"For you, yeah." Iwaizumi looks away as Oikawa's keeps staring at him. He went through all of the hellish Academy days, through the brutal test exam periods and the intense physical labor because Oikawa had clung to him when they were little and cried, "This is a path I chose, and I found that I can follow you on this path, so _I'm going to follow wherever you go_."

Iwaizumi looks up in surprise when tears drip onto his cheeks, "Hey," He softly says, thumb wiping his tears away, "You don't have to cry. My goal is the same as yours, I want to make the world better too."

"I-Iwa-chan!" Oikawa howls, burying his face into the lapels of Iwaizumi's sweaty dobok and thanking whatever gods are listening that the entire dojang is empty. "Iwa-chan!"

"Oi!"

Oikawa ignores his concerned expression and grabs his hands, brushing them tightly in his grip. Words alone can't express how much he's grateful for his friend, of the continuous support over the years. Iwaizumi's hands are large and warm as he squeezes them. "Thank you."

_Don't go where I can't follow._

 

 

"The annual sports competition is coming up!" Instructor Ma paces in front of them, eyes burning with passion as he spins on his heels. "Kinoshita-sensei, head of the Aikido club, and I have a very intense rivalry! If possible, I'd like to win the contest this year again! So fight your hardest! Throw your best punch, your fastest kick, and win!"

"He looks a little too fired up," Hanamaki mumbles and Iwaizumi has to agree with him, seeing that Instructor Ma seems to be foaming at the mouth with excitement.

"For our first years and lower belts, the competition works by an elimination process. All of the martial arts club members are drawn in a lot, and you advance through the rounds as you would. If say, you're partnered with someone who does karate, there will be two judges then to keep track of points, one who have studied karate and one who have studied taekwondo, of course. For the last two years, Iwaizumi-kun has kept his number one rank! His rule must be stopped, so do your best to overthrow him!"

"Excuse me?" Iwaizumi splutters, voice drowned out as Ma winks at him. Oikawa laughs, nudging him and teasing how all the juniors will look forward sparring with him in the next three months before graduation.

"Alright settle down!" Ma barks. Iwaizumi can feel all eyes still on him. "We'll end the year with going all out for the sports competition! Assistants, go help the younger belts and stay after longer to do your own training. Lower belts, do your best and advance the ranks! Oh, and try to beat Iwaizumi."

He groans as he stands up to his feet. Oikawa doesn't seem to mind it, immediately latching onto his arm with a stupid smile, "Maybe I'll be the one to beat you this year, Iwa-chan!"

"As if I'll let that happen," He grumbles, knowing that if Oikawa really did try, he could probably get a few lucky hits and knock him out of the running. _If_ he tries. "Ushijima's been my sparring partner and we've been at a tie since winter break."

"Ushiwaka is too easy to read," Oikawa sniffs, letting him tug his leg up in a stretch, "I've already beaten Makki and Mattsun a few times too."

"Just keep on learning how to read your opponents. It's bound to come in hand soon." Iwaizumi says, smelling Oikawa's cologne and shampoo as his hair tickles his neck. "Is your knee still giving you problems?"

"Sometimes, but I just take painkillers before they spoil my mood." Then he shows Iwaizumi his sweetest smile, the one where he shows off his innocent, adorable eyes and glowing visage, "I'll beat you, Iwa-chan, mark my words!"

Iwaizumi snorts.

 

_"Just do it!"_

_"Stop!"_

"This is time for a parental intervention, Hajime! Step up your game! Go for it! Win his heart!!"

"Why are you dating him, Matsukawa?"

Matsukawa laughs.

 

Iwaizumi breezes along the first five rounds of the competition easily, shutting down the unfortunate younger belts who pale when they face him. He luckily catches a break at the same time Oikawa and Ushijima are facing off against each other in a demonstration and stays until Oikawa manages to spear all of his arrows into the center of the target.

They spend lunch together under one of the early blooming trees, still a little bare with sprouts of green poking out. The cold is still present, but they bask in the sunlight anyway, and Iwaizumi tries to not stare at Oikawa too long.

(He fails)

 

"You're kidding me," Iwaizumi says as he spots Oikawa across the mat, grinning like he alone can power all the light bulbs in the school. He turns to Matsukawa, who's handing him some tape for his fingers. "His luck is good enough that he avoids all the higher belts and he lands himself with me!"

Matsukawa shrugs, kindly smiling as Takeda and Ukai check in with Oikawa. Iwaizumi feels restless, so he quickly jerks some tape around his fist and pulls on his helmet and foot guards. Matsukawa goes around his back and helps him lace on the chest protector, "It's a fight everyone's looking forward too. Oikawa's fangirls want to see you lose."

"That's reassuring."

"It is, isn't it?" Iwaizumi receives a hard thump on his back and nearly stumbles forward, "You're all set! Remember, don't get distracted because you love him."

"You're a terrible friend."

Matsukawa winks, before leaving the mat as Takeda and Ukai bow to he and Oikawa. They tap fists, and off the bat, Iwaizumi is the one leaping back to avoid Oikawa's sudden kick. Everyone is cheering both of their names, onlookers standing near the back of the gym for those who cannot be seated. Oikawa grins through his mouth guard, cocking his head and moving forward at the same time Iwaizumi does.

They grapple, and Ukai separates them. Iwaizumi keeps a close eye on the timer. One minute and forty-eight seconds. They both bounce on the balls of their foot, before striking at each other at the same time. Oikawa nearly falls over, and he grabs his waist before they both topple.

"My bad."

"Don't worry about it," he grunts, looking for the usual hints of Oikawa kicking. He sees an opening, lunges in with a well placed back kick and manages to score a point. The crowds cheer, "What's wrong Oikawa?" He arches an eyebrow, fists up, "I thought you wanted to beat me?"

Oikawa grins darkly, shifting his weight as his foot catches the edge of Iwaizumi's helmet in a clean hook kick. "Don't get too ahead of yourself, Iwa-chan!" Then he's stumbling back, waist caught by Oikawa.

"You're serious."

"When was I ever not serious about beating you?" Another hit. Iwaizumi starts to frown.

Iwaizumi huffs, checking that his helmet is still on properly before putting both heels on the ground. He needs to be strategic about this. Oikawa is leading (for the first time) with two hits against one. He's learned how to read people then since he's watching Iwaizumi like a cat who spotted the canary.

Oikawa attempts to drive him to a corner, which Iwaizumi deflects off by turning on his heels and turning their positions around. Oikawa, pressed against the pressure of Iwaizumi's leg being able to strike, lowers his hand.

Iwaizumi swings his body in a hook kick and is surprised when Oikawa copies him, their calves slamming into each other as they both lose their balance and grapple to regain footing. Despite that, he finds himself grinning, stepping back and blocking a kick with his own and dashing forward for a double roundhouse that gains him two points. They're even now.

Oikawa Tooru, who can't sit still when they were younger and swung his legs when they were sitting on stools. Who chased after Iwaizumi tirelessly in the heat of the summer afternoon as they run through playgrounds and water parks, who stands before him with the drive of a champion and who Iwaizumi learns, can evolve.

_You two are going to be great, I know it._

They both slam into each other again, legs shaking with the force of their kicks as Iwaizumi holds onto his waist. His helmet feels loose from the sweat gathering around his hairline and jaw. "You're turning into a menace, Oikawa."

"Perhaps today the student will surpass the teacher?" Oikawa eggs him on, switching legs as Iwaizumi switches to put his right leg in the front. Oikawa comes in close, and Iwaizumi steals a point by driving his knee into his chest, grinning from the rush of the cheers from the sidelines as the timer counts down to zero.

Iwaizumi wins the first round with a 3-2 lead.

Oikawa takes the second, leading with 5-4.

Iwaizumi starts to feel nervous by the time the third round approaches. They're both tired, having resorted to chasing each other around the rink in a spectacular show of trying to tire the other one out. Oikawa has an ice pack on his neck, sipping water from a straw as he lets Makki fuss over him on their short break. Iwaizumi mostly tunes whatever Matsukawa has to say out, blocking all the noise to keep his mind focused.

He's evolved.

They tap fists again, Oikawa breathing heavily and pinning Iwaizumi with a little glare that he returns. He wants to ramp up his points early and end it by letting Oikawa chase him around. He feints, Oikawa jumps back, and Iwaizumi eats up the distance by stepping in and delivering a back kick that lands home.

" _Go Hajime!_ "

" _Fight back, Tooru!_ " He can hear the younger belts cheer Oikawa on, waving homemade banners and clapping. Iwaizumi's black belt flutters in front of him as he ducks, before he brings his arms up in time to block one of Oikawa's nasty axe kick. He hears Oikawa growl, and grins in response, feeling his arms start to go numb from the heavy kicks and bruises given to him from earlier contenders.

They still for a moment, before striking out. Oikawa viciously finds a small opening between Iwaizumi's hands and punches his chest protector, earning him a point. Iwaizumi returns the favor with a jab that gets blocked before he's reeling back with a second axe kick that clips just the front of his chest.

" _Go Tooru!_ "

" _Come on, son!_ " He hears Hanamaki holler from the sidelines.

"TEN!" someone yells, and Iwaizumi is biting his mouth guard clean as he grinds his molars. Desperation causes mistakes, and while he is more experienced, he can't help but be pushed back as Oikawa keeps moving, keeps driving him back.

Oikawa grins.

"NINE!"

Iwaizumi blocks his axe kick, going in and driving his knee into Oikawa's uncovered chest.

"EIGHT!"

Hanamaki is shouting something, probably telling Oikawa what he should do as the brunet simply taps his foot in a front kick too quick for Iwaizumi to cover.

"SEVEN! SIX! FIVE!"

Oikawa steps forward, leg drawn up in another axe kick, and Iwaizumi moves his leading leg to the inside, leaning back and nicking Oikawa's helmet off at the same time Oikawa twists his torso in a hook kick, kicking his helmet off. Oikawa's knee seems to crumple, and because it's Iwaizumi who notices it first, he's practically hugging him to stop him from twisting his ankle as they crash onto the mat.

"Time! Time!" Ukai yells hands out as Iwaizumi feels his heart stop. Cheers fill his senses, and he'd realized he'd lost count of the points when he was too busy cursing how much Oikawa improved at such a short time. Who won? Oikawa is rubbing his jaw, the pale blue bruise standing out as Iwaizumi rolls on his bottom to look at the board, searching, searching-

"I won..." Oikawa quietly says. " _I won!_ " He repeats louder, turning to Iwaizumi. He can see the smile spread, wonder turning into delight as his bruised jaw is all but forgotten. " _Iwa-chan!-_ "

Three things seem to happen while Iwaizumi watches Oikawa.

Takeda-sensei yelps in surprise, dodging a white blur coming in from the other side of the mat.

Hanamaki suddenly appears behind Oikawa's head, and it belatedly registers in Iwaizumi's head that Hanamaki is flushing with exasperation and-

Oikawa is kissing him.

His nose is pressing uncomfortably against Iwaizumi's and the angle is very wrong and it's terrible and they're staring at each other, frozen and horrified until Oikawa's brain moves and he leaps back, quickly crab-walking backwards as he turns the reddest Iwaizumi has ever seen. " _H-H-Hanamaki!_ " he screeches, " _Hanamaki!_ "

"I'm tired of you guys dancing around each other! Just admit that you two are very in love and be it!" The crowd is completely silent. Over in his corner, Matsukawa puts his face into his hands before looking up with a twitchy smile. "Everyone knows you two are into each other, okay? Just! Iwaizumi!" Hanamaki points an accusing finger at him, "You've been at this for months! And you, Oikawa! Are too scared to make a move! So I did!"

Iwaizumi's first instinct is to pick Hanamaki up and throw him onto the mat.

But he doesn't.

Takeda-sensei looks at Ukai, at a loss for words until Iwaizumi huffs and grabs his helmet in one hand. He walks a few paces more to grab Oikawa's red one as well, before going over to the champion, who's staring up at him like he wants to cry and throw up at the same time. He's used to Oikawa putting a mask that he's momentarily distracted by how vulnerable he looks. Inwardly, Hanamaki has created an opening for him.

Iwaizumi doesn't want to do it like this, confessing to everyone within earshot and making a big spectacle of it, but he knows that if he brushes this off like it's nothing Oikawa is going to run around the Academy grounds to hide from him, shaken and terrified to his toes. He's not blind. He knows Oikawa is panicking, looking at him, dark brown eyes searching his face for any telltale signs to run.

He's used to being called hot-blooded, familiar with how the blood rushing through his ears was an indication of his heart, but now, in this moment, with everyone holding their breath, he feels absolutely calm, like he can take all the time in the world and it wouldn't matter because it's just Tooru, fidgety, whiny, hard working Oikawa Tooru.

"I'm sorry," He says quietly, crouching down and pressing a chaste kiss to the bruise he made on Oikawa's jaw before his courage dies in his stomach, "For keeping you waiting."

Oikawa blinks his tears away, mouth working to form words as he and everyone else wait with bated breath for his answer. Iwaizumi sees his dark circles, the curve of his lips and the red still sitting high on his cheeks. Oikawa's hands are cold, but he tugs Iwaizumi's hand loose of the two helmets before linking them together, a crooked smile forming as all the tension, all the years of pining and worry about being judged leave his shoulders, "Silly Iwa-chan."

The breath he was holding in whooshes out as Iwaizumi lifts one corner of his mouth in response. He pulls Oikawa up to his feet. It's not glorious. It's nothing of what he thinks his first romance would be, nothing like the steamy kisses he's seen on screen from the movies they've watched that causes the camera to spin around the couple endlessly. His first kiss was terrible, ending in a sore nose and cut mouth.

It's not perfect, but he never wanted perfect.

"Silly me," he confesses, "Silly me for waiting this long and not realizing you felt the same way. Silly me."

"At least you're saying it now," Oikawa whispers, pulling him closer and closer. Iwaizumi knows to tilt his head this time, but he can't help smile as his lips find home. Oikawa's arms are going around his waist, fingers slipping under his chest protector to his sides and Iwaizumi feels Oikawa melt against him like he's been waiting to finally, _finally_ do that.

So Iwaizumi ignores the happy tears from Oikawa's sister blubbering in the front row, ignores the way Mamoru sniffs happily for them, ignores Instructor Ma's wide grin, ignores his classmates' wolf whistles and the videos being taken with their cellphones and lets his hand run through Oikawa's hair like he's _dreamed_ of doing.

"I-Iwaizumi-kun?"

"Oi. Brats!"

"I-Iwaizumi-kun? Could you? It's been two minutes-"

Iwaizumi can hear Ukai grumble under his breath. "Takeda-sensei, I know this is a contact sport but _NOT_ this kind of contact!"

Iwaizumi lets the smile appear, hearing Oikawa giggle as he continues to kiss him. Everyone can wait.

After all, he's been waiting for this since forever.

 

He shows no mercy in slamming Hanamaki's wrist down into the table.

"THIS is the thanks I get for helping you assholes?" Hanamaki sniffs.

"WE DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR HELP!"

"WELL SOMEONE HAD TO PUT A STOP TO YOU LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE'S LUNCH, YOU NASTY!" Matsukawa doubles over as Hanamaki screams back.

Oikawa covers his ears as Iwaizumi turns beet red.

 

"So you're into me."

"Yes, Oikawa."

Oikawa dubiously stares at him, after all the congratulations have been out of the way and they wrapped up the competition with the winners lined up at the front of the gym. Oikawa's first gold medal is sitting on his desk next to his brown belt, the metal twinkling under the desk lamp. Iwaizumi had just gotten out of the shower to find Oikawa pursing his lips at him, an ice pack to his jaw.

"You like me."

"Yes, Oikawa." Iwaizumi hums, rubbing his hair dry and padding around for a shirt, hoping that they did laundry on time because it's the middle of winter and he's not going to sleep with only pants covering him, two blankets or not. They'd been surrounded by classmates all night long, their table rowdier than usual as Kuroo winks at Oikawa refusing to let go of Iwaizumi's hand all dinner.

Oikawa doesn't seem convinced.

"Makki says you look at me like I'm lunch meat-"

"Do _not_ listen to Hanamaki," he grumbles, locating a black long sleeve that's a little too small, but what the heck. When he turns, he sees Oikawa in front of him, wearing a face of insecurity, lips pressed together as he reaches for Iwaizumi's hands. "Oikawa?"

"It feels like I'm dreaming."

"Do you want me to punch you again?"

"You are so incredibly rude, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa sticks his tongue out, and Iwaizumi sits back, letting the towel drop on his bed. Good, Oikawa's back to his normal self, going on about how he could ever possibly fall in love with a brute like him. "...I'm just..."

"This is weird?"

"Y-Yes..."

Iwaizumi shrugs, "It'll wear off." He clicks the light off and rolls his blankets over himself because he wants to kiss Oikawa's forehead before they sleep. "Night."

"N-Night." There's a rustle, and Iwaizumi tries to not think of how his classmates have a video of him and Oikawa kissing for a good three minutes before they break apart. His head is still active, replaying every angle of the fight before it moves onto the kiss and Iwaizumi buries his head into his pillow, wanting to scream and tell his thoughts to go in a corner and be silent when Oikawa's voice interrupts his internal fight.

"Iwa-chan?"

"Hm?"

"...Can...I share your bed?"

Iwaizumi ignores the ache in his thighs and shoulders and just about everywhere else on his body. Oikawa looks up when he reaches his bed, and Iwaizumi hides his face, "Scoot over." Oikawa obliges, stiffening up into a board as two teenagers who are nearly adults try to stuff themselves onto a single twin bed. It's a tight squish, and Iwaizumi curls to Oikawa and rearranges his blankets.

"I'm going to die." Oikawa squeaks, hiding his face as Iwaizumi tugs it away. "This is so embarrassing!"

"You're the one who asked, you dumbass! This is embarrassing for me too!" Iwaizumi moans, putting an arm up to so Oikawa can't see him. "Do you want me to go back?"

"No!" Oikawa hurriedly says, "Stay!" He turns on his side, and Iwaizumi nearly kicks out reflexively with his leg when he feels Oikawa's warm hands slide around his waist. "...Is this okay?"

Iwaizumi tells himself not to get too excited, and that they have an early morning of Ukai telling them to pick their pace up and six hours of school after that, but he nods, not trusting himself to speak. Oikawa giggles, scooting in closer, "You're cute, Iwa-chan."

"Shut up." Iwaizumi mumbles, closing his eyes as he lets one of Oikawa's leg go in-between his. The sheets smell too much like Oikawa and he can't seem to slow his heart.

"...Iwa-chan?"

"Hm?"

He feels Oikawa reach over and peck his cheek, "You're adorable."

"You too," Iwaizumi mumbles, not minding that Oikawa is patting his cheek and _laughing_ at how hot it is. "Now go to sleep, Asskawa."

Oikawa giggles again before earnestly stilling his body as Iwaizumi relaxes. The digital clock on the wall changes to one in the morning, and just when Iwaizumi is about to blessedly sink into unconsciousness and marvel at how sore everything is the next morning, he hears Oikawa whisper his name.

"Iwa..."

"...Hm?"

"I'm happy."

"I'm happy, too."

 

He wakes up at six to the quiet buzzing of his phone across the room. Sometime in the middle of the night, Oikawa's arms had loosened, and Iwaizumi easily slips out, jumping at the cold floor before shuffling slowly to his slippers and grabbing his towel and toiletry.

"Hajime?"

"Hm?" Iwaizumi spins surprised at the use of his first name to see Oikawa sit up, hair mussed up into a bird's nest. His heart is doing that flippy thing that resembles a hummingbird's wings and Iwaizumi wants to kiss him.

"That...wasn't a dream right?"

"You said that yesterday," He teases, "Did you want it to be a dream that badly?"

"It's not?"

"It isn't," He says, before gesturing to his towel that he needs to quickly freshen up before opening the dojang, "I'm going to take a shower and shave-"

A quick patter of steps and Oikawa is literally right in his face, pressing a kiss on Iwaizumi's cheek as his sentence dies in his throat. He pats Iwaizumi's jaws, fingers trailing the hollow of his neck before Oikawa waves in a silly manner, cheeks still flushed from his sleep, "I kind of like the stubble, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi does _not_ walk into his door, or the communal shower door, or the door to their dorm building, or the cafeteria door.

Matsukawa loses it when he stumbles into the cafeteria with a bruised forehead and still watering eyes.

 

"Congratulations, Iwaizumi-kun."

Iwaizumi mumbles his thanks as another random teacher wishes him well. He wants to die.

 

Thankfully, their final year of high school ends on a high note, Oikawa a little put out by Ushijima besting him in class standings but cheery enough at the thought of his sister getting married. Iwaizumi, ranking somewhere in the middle of his grade, looks forward to the short break before they move to their new apartment and say goodbye to the Junior Academy.

Oikawa's fangirls didn't give Iwaizumi too much of a hard time other than teasing him for his blushing face. A few of them tell him that the moment he dumps Oikawa, they'll go for him, which caused Oikawa to be offended because _who would leave an adorable and perfect person like me?_

He's oddly happy.

Oikawa races ahead, a gleeful Takeru laughing as he sits on his uncle's shoulders as his sister follows him with Tsuru in her arms. Iwaizumi hangs back lazily to walk with Mamoru, pushing a baby stroller as they enjoy some warmth. Summer will be here soon. 

"I'm happy for you both," Mamoru whistles as they walk towards a park. He's been bombarded with happy wishes and delighted laughter that he really wonders how dense he was in the past. Iwaizumi feels red creep by his cheeks, muttering a quiet thank you.

Nothing between them really changes. Oikawa is still his silly, teasing self who likes to get on Iwaizumi's nerves by jumping on his bed when they could be sleeping in on the weekends. He still makes little faces behind Ushijima's back when Iwaizumi is talking to him, still runs around the dojang whistling how he bested the Champion and still has his bad days where his knee acts up.

Nothing really changes, but things do change.

Because when Iwaizumi first wakes up, he feels Oikawa's large frame draped across him, notices the quietness of the room and sees the sun peek over their half shut windows until the tips of Oikawa's hair turns auburn and there are shadows running across their floors. After shutting his alarm off, Oikawa's arms would tighten around him like he knows Iwaizumi will be taken away from him.

"Don't go," He mumbles sleepily, turning into an octopus as he latches onto Iwaizumi's broad back. Oikawa smooshes his face onto the back of his neck, kissing the spot as Iwaizumi loses the will to get up. Any other weekend and he might give in, but not today.

"Your sister's getting married," He lazily grins, gesturing to the black suits hanging on the back of their door. Oikawa makes a sound of protest as Iwaizumi eases his grip. He presses a quick kiss to Oikawa's smooth forehead, "Come on, I know how much you care about your hair."

"Which I can't say the same for you, Iwa-chan," Oikawa rolls his eyes and follows him to the communal showers. Down the hall, he also hears Hanamaki and Matsukawa getting ready. His sister is well acquainted with Hanamaki's mother and invited Hanamaki along. All of them are in the state of moving out into the university dorms, and there are boxes lining up and down the hallways, doors open as they borrow the dorm mother's car to move them to the university building, a twenty minute drive down the road.

Oikawa hums in the bathroom, setting his phone down on the counter and letting some bubbly pop song start his day as Iwaizumi lets the shower head run. One of the many things he can now enjoy is the full enjoyment on Oikawa's face as he hums, versus the times where Iwaizumi would have to whip his head around quickly before a smile appears on his face.

After fending off Oikawa from styling his hair with soap suds, they towel off before shimmying into dress pants, tucking in the white dress shirt and sneaking a few (many) kisses in the empty bathroom.

 

Oikawa knocks, opening the door to his sister's room, "Nee-chan?" 

His sister looks up from her phone, the large windows behind her letting the room bathe in sunlight as she dashes forward in her wedding dress. She hugs him around the middle, still not wearing the tall heels that are for the ceremony. "Hi, Tooru!" She's beaming as always, before stepping back and twirling on the spot, the skirt of her dress flaring out. It's a simple dress, a sweetheart neckline with an empire waist. He sees her bare feet peek out before the skirt settles around it. "How do I look?"

"Stunning," he hands her his gift, watching her curiously shake the wrapped box. Iwaizumi settles next to him, collar popped open as they await for the groomsmen ties. "It's a toaster by the way."

"Aw, you shouldn't have!" She goes on tip toes to lightly squeeze his nose before turning her full attention to Iwaizumi, "Wow, you two look sharp in suits. I knew those cuts were the right choice!" She runs to a nearby table and returns with two ties and two flowers, "Here you go!"

As Oikawa adjusts the light blue tie around his neck, making sure his dress shirt collar is covering the back completely, his sister is bouncing on the spot, smiling so hard that his cheeks hurt just by looking at her.

"Oh don't mind me," she laughs, "I'm just happy for both of you! Especially by the very public love confession!"

Iwaizumi sours slightly, crossing his arms. Oikawa tries hard to not swoon over him this morning when Iwaizumi put some wax into his hair so his bangs are mussed up and a little to the side, " _Oh yeah_ , gotta love Hanamaki."

"No frowning on my wedding day!" She sings, patting her bun to make sure her veil is on correctly. "Shinohara's very impressed by your sparring, you two, I think he's already marked your physical exams with a shimmering ten out of ten!"

"Did you know your little brother made sure I was dead asleep before waking up in the middle of the night to watch taekwondo videos?"

"That's not very good for your sleep, Tooru."

"Iwa-chan, I trusted you!" Oikawa all but pouts, looking towards the door as some of his sister's friends appear. He sees Kiyoko Aura with a camera in hand, and his sister quickly steps into her heels before handing her wedding bouquet to him. "Nee-chan?"

"Picture, picture!" She grabs each of their arms, before drawing them close. Iwaizumi looks at Oikawa, and Oikawa does a little shrug of his shoulders in an _it's-her-wedding-day_ motion before turning to the camera and smiling. "Cheese!"

The flash goes off and then they're being separated, Iwaizumi rushing downstairs to go stand as one of Mamoru's groomsmen while Oikawa helps his sister wait outside the doors. He'll be walking her in.

"Ready?" He squeezes the hand not holding her bouquet, a collection of roses various shades of light blue with a long, twisting ribbon that nearly trails to the floor. His sister shakes her head, swallowing and giving a nervous smile as they hear the music start.

" _Hydrogen helium beryllium lithium boron carbon nitrogen oxygen fluorine neon sodium magnesium aluminum-_ " His sister mumbles in one go, breathing in and out before slapping her cheeks. Oikawa, surprised, doesn't do anything except hook his elbows underneath her hand like they rehearsed. "I'm fine now!"

They watch as the door to the church opens a crack. Her nails are digging into his arms. "Tooru," She says, keeping her eyes forward.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for walking me down the aisle," She turns to give him a sad smile.

He faces forward, looking up the pews filled with people. He sees Mamoru standing with his back towards them, Iwaizumi turning slightly and giving him a quick smile. He catches Takeda-sensei dabbing his eyes already, "You should be smiling, dummy. You're getting married to the man of your dreams."

"Tooru?"

"Hm?"

She squeezes his arms, "Thank you for being here."

Then, they walk.

 

Hanamaki shakes her hand, "You're Oikawa's sister? Wow, you two really do look alike." They're an hour into the reception, and Iwaizumi watches Oikawa tackle the dessert buffet, trying to cram as many sweets to bring back to their table as he dances through the people mingling around the dance floor. 

"Nee-san, shouldn't you be dancing?"

"I'm all danced out I'm afraid," She grimaces, lifting up a heeled foot as Hanamaki sees the blisters through the multicolored lights spinning around the room. "Mamoru's gone to get my flats, but I think all I'm up for after this is just slow dancing."

"Hajime! Dance with me!" Oikawa sings, smoothly giving a full platter of cake to his sister before dragging a very reluctant Iwaizumi. Hanamaki waves, sitting back onto the cushioned chair as Oikawa's sister snags a creme brulee.

"It's Hajime now, hm?"

"You should see them every day, saps, they are. Especially Iwaizumi." Hanamaki grins, looking over at Iwaizumi's figure stiffly dancing with Oikawa. He spots his mother cornering Matsukawa, probably asking about his intentions. His boyfriend doesn't seem to look cornered, so Hanamaki turns to face her, "...I think they change each other for the best. Iwaizumi...he's more relaxed and Oikawa..." He spots Oikawa slow dancing, head on Iwaizumi's shoulder as they slowly twirl in their own world, "I've never seen him smile that much. An honest smile, not the one he likes to fool people with. A genuinely fond smile. You can see how much they love each other."

Oikawa's sister sits back on the chair, looking at her little brother share a tender moment before beaming a soft smile at Hanamaki.

"They rescued a bird from the ground once you know? I was around eleven that time, and I looked outside at our balcony and saw the delight in their faces when the bird flew from the nest. Now that I think about it, it was a small dove." She grins, and Hanamaki sees the happy tears welling, "I'm glad they're happy. My baby birds have flown from the nest."

 

"Iwa-chan?"

A pair of arms slide around his waist as Oikawa's head fits snugly on his shoulder. Iwaizumi hums a little acknowledgement, watching everyone dance well into the night. Oikawa's sister is turning slowly in circles to guide Takeru as Mamoru sways from side to side with Tsuru. He prefers to be watching rather than dancing.

"You look deep in thought," Oikawa points out, mumbling quietly into his ear. Iwaizumi shivers at the closeness, tilting his head and meeting Oikawa halfway as they kiss, half covered in darkness.

He could still see the red hanging off Oikawa's cheeks, "Just watching your sister and her family." Takeru bounces in delight as her mother continues to spin him. "I feel... kinda jealous?"

"Because she has a family?"

"Something like that. Like that could be us you know, you and me dancing with our moms." He remembers so little of his mother after all.

Oikawa hugs him tighter, "We're here." 

He smiles softly.

"I know."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this far i know this was a really long chapter :'>
> 
> ALSO: if you haven't checked out the playlist you totally should here http://8tracks.com/happytoorus/meet-me-halfway-home
> 
> HEY GUESS WHAT: i drew a scene from this chapter http://awkwardedgeworth.tumblr.com/post/129617620018/picture-picture-she-grabs-each-of-their-arms


	3. fortune favors the brave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, so some of you might wonder if i've dropped the face of the earth or something.
> 
> to keep it short, life is absolutely chaotic right now. i feel like i'm going at a hundred kilometers per hour all day every day because school stuff is getting intense and i'm also graduating so. ya know. uni applications and scholarships aren't kind to me. i've been trying to maintain my grades and honestly, i don't have time to write freely anymore. i don't know when the next update will be, and i hope you all can understand. i'm definitely going to finish this tg series one day, but as for when this fic will be finished- i want to say around spring break?? but it might be delayed since life likes to punch me in the face.
> 
> Anyways, that aside, i have some thank yous and notes before you read on!  
> Thank you to my beta as always, Aiden, you're the best. I hope you have a good holiday! He gave the name "Wolves" and the bluebell tattoo idea.
> 
> I've decided to put a name to Oikawa's sister. Her name is Chiyoru, written with the characters 'one-thousand' and 'nights'. That name is usually pronounced as Chiya, but I prefer Chiyoru because it matches the -ru ending of the Oikawa family. Thank you to drowning-in-theories on tumblr for clearing that up for me.
> 
> Onwards to reading!

 

 

"The key to making _sinful_ cream puffs that angels will sing down upon is in the batter consistency and how you make the cream filling," Hanamaki floats around Matsukawa and Iwaizumi as the latter frowns heavily to his mixing bowl. When Hanamaki looks at the solid mass in the bowl, he shrieks, " _Iwaizumi! What did you do?! You can't just beat the cream however you like!_ "

"It says until 'stiff peaks' form!"

Hanamaki rams a spoon into the cream, making a face when he sticks some into his mouth, "This is _shit_ , Iwaizumi."

" _Excuse me?-_ "

"It feels like I'm chewing rubber," Hanamaki turns green as Matsukawa hums over his choux batter, looking at the recipe for clarification as Iwaizumi stands there, a little ridiculous in his flowery apron. "Oikawa won't be impressed with this. Why don't you bake him milk bread or something for his birthday? It must be easier than cream puffs."

"Trust me, you don't want to know how many times I screwed up this choux thing," Matsukawa adds, cursing and yelling when he finds clumps in the already cooked batter. "Fuck!"

"Language," Hanamaki grumbles. Matsukawa prods his creation sulkily as Iwaizumi slides to the floor and groan. "I can't believe you two could screw up such an easy recipe."

"In what part of cream puff making is easy? I never even heard of a choux batter before!"

"It must be hard to be a bitter man, Iwaizumi," Hanamaki shoots back, "I'll let you know that my mom makes the best cream puffs ever. Like, ever. And do you want to know how many I've tried from different stores?"

Iwaizumi turns to Matsukawa.

"Don't encourage him."

"Please encourage me!"

Iwaizumi stands to dust off the flour that managed to stain the pink apron, "Maybe next time, I have to run to the dojang soon. Sorry for messing up your kitchen." He looks at the bowl of whipped cream he created, "I think I'll just order take out or something. Take him to the movie."

"His birthday is around the same time my mom comes back," Hanamaki notes, "That's when all the investigators are coming back from China, I think. Who else is flying here to see them?"

"Nee-san and some of her friends," Iwaizumi watches Matsukawa scrape off his failed batter into the trash can. Hanamaki digs into the fridge, trying to unearth another box of pastry from a bakery down the road as he talks, "Has she updated you on how things are going over there? Last time I checked the news they killed quite a lot of the Chi She Lian."

" _Mmm_ ," Hanamaki thoughtfully hums, "She did talk to me after telling Matsukawa that she can't wait to try some of his cream puffs," He shoots his boyfriend a goading leer, "Said that they're doing this really big operation today. I have faith in her, she's really good."

"Your mother's an Associate Special Class, right?"

"Yep. Arima partnered with her when he was starting out before he got permission to do his own thing with the big boss Marude," Hanamaki watches as Iwaizumi checks his watch before leaping to his feet. "Oh, have fun kicking little kid's asses!"

"Bye!" A slam of the door and their apartment is quiet again, and Hanamaki makes way to the sink to start cleaning up. It seems surreal to live with his boyfriend, waking up everyday to see Matsukawa's ridiculous hair against the stark whiteness of the pillow, twisting his mouth into a sappy smile before Hanamaki calls him out on it.

"Cream puffs are ridiculous."

"They're actually quite easy," He winks, watching Matsukawa roll his eyes before clearing the kitchen counter. The skies outside are grey, clouds rolling in as the forecast predicts to be an afternoon with sparse, heavy showers to signal the start of the rainy season. A pro of summer is that all the trees are blooming green, turning the ward into a district of steel and thickets of leaves. "The key is to treat it with love."

"Which I can say I have none," Matsukawa points to the clumpy batter sticking to the sides of the bowl.

"Practice makes perfect, Issei!"

 

 

They all wait in anticipation for a particular plane to land.

"Three months to exterminate Chi She Lian, huh?" Oikawa Chiyoru mumbles, checking her watch every five seconds. She's standing in the arrival's lounge, too keyed up to sit down as Hanamaki and Matsukawa take turns pulling faces at Tsuru and Takeru to distract them. She'd flown back specifically to Japan to welcome Mamoru back, and she can see that by the arrival time on the big screen, their plane should have landed thirty minutes ago, but she's seen none of the CCG members walk out. What's taking so long? "That's a long time. They didn't even wipe all of them out."

Iwaizumi yawns, stretching his back. They've all gotten out of university early to greet the oversea group back home. "Nee-san, I'll be around, my back is starting to hurt."

"You're such an old man, Iwa-chan," Her little brother teases him, and she snorts when Iwaizumi aims a well-placed kick onto Oikawa's shins, who hops away howling curses. Iwaizumi follows him, shouting about how he shouldn't use _his shitty mouth when there are children around!_

"Ah!" Chiyoru laughs, gleefully clapping her hands and pointing to the front, where he can see Shinohara and Kuroiwa walk slowly towards them. A few older investigators hang in the back, dark circles dominating most of their features as they stand around the luggage carousel. Spotting them, they break into tired smiles before stopping in front of her. She can see Shinohara's passport sticking out of his pocket.

"Good flight?"

"There was turbulence when I was sitting on the toilet," He wheezes, looking frail, "Excuse me if I run to the bathroom."

She punches him in the arm, boisterously chuckling as Shinohara looks like the slightest breeze would lift him away, "Is that why you took so long to show up? You've always been squeamish with flights! Oh man, remember the flight to Germany with our class?"

"O-Oikawa, can we stop talking about flying-"

"Where's Mamoru?" She hums, bending to see behind the two First Class investigators for her husband. She'd had a long flight, having flown from Berlin to London before connecting to Tokyo, and she can't wait to hug Mamoru again. Being away from him for four months has made her antsy.

She spots the long boxes, three stacked on each luggage cart as several of her seniors push past her without a greeting. She tries to call out to Houji, but he's wearing such a grim look that she doesn't dare raise her voice. "...Shinohara? What are those? They can't be the quinques, right? Those should fit in the overhead compartment easily..."

Kuroiwa looks down, avoiding her eyes.

She mentally counts the number of boxes on each cart before taking an estimate of how many investigators are pushing them. "...Sixty." She turns her head slowly, hearing her own voice waver as Hanamaki anxiously looks for his mother as well. She wants to greet Hanamaki-san too, for she was her mentor in the days. "Shinohara?"

A few of the investigators have reached the Ushijimas, and she watches with ice in her heart as Houji comes up to the Chairman to hand him dog tags.

"Shinohara..." Her voice seems so far away to her, hitching as Houji continues to pull out dog tags after dog tags to pool into the Chairman's hands. His son is standing off to the side and she can see Tooru and Hajime with Matsukawa, looking strangely at her. She snatches his hand, digging in her nails, " _Shinohara, tell me the truth, where is Mamoru?_ "

He slowly takes her hand, the callouses rough against her skin before dipping his head.

Then she sees the face of the Chairman, his crows feet and stress lines marking his otherwise young face. He and his son share the same eyebrows, she notes mutely in the back of her head as he walks towards her. His hands, cold and smooth, unfurls her fisted hand before dropping something metallic and cold.

_Oikawa Mamoru_ , the tag read.

The Chairman closes her fingers around his dog tag, and she lifts her head to see remorse etched all over his face.

" _I'm sorry, Oikawa._ "

Mamoru.

She can see Hanamaki-san's son come forward, eyes wide as he starts to minutely shake his head as if he doesn't believe it. She doesn't believe it either. She _refuses_ to believe it. It must be come kind of screwed up joke that he's dead. That her husband is _dead_ \- Mamoru, her husband, would _die_ so _easily_ in a ghoul extermination- _it must be false_ , it can never be true because- because _they promised didn't they? That they would be there for their children and- and they were suppose to go to Germany and be a true family and be happy and spend the next few years living together and watch their children grow up-_

" _You're a liar!_ " Hanamaki shouts, raising his voice to Houji, who bends down to pick up Hanamaki's dog tag that had been thrown down in anger. "You're lying! Where- where's Mom? She missed her flight didn't she? She- she just missed... she missed her flight...." He makes eye contact with Chiyoru, mouth opening before seeing her clutch Mamoru's tag. "Oikawa-san... my mom missed her flight didn't she?" He croaks. And then the tears are flowing non-stop from her face as a barely suppressed choke slips out of her throat. " _She didn't die! She can't die! She...She's still alive!_ "

"Takahiro-kun..." Houji attempts before Hanamaki is being restrained by Matsukawa, who takes an elbow to his stomach as Hanamaki continues to struggle, eyes livid.

" _YOU'RE HER PARTNER! SHE'S YOUR MENTOR! AND YOU- YOU LEFT HER? ALL ALONE? YOU LEFT MY MOTHER?!_ "

Houji bites his lips together, bending his spine into the lowest bow and mumbling heavy apologies that weigh the air. Her legs are buckling as she feels a hand on her shoulder. Tooru.

"Nee-chan," He squeezes her.

"HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HER? WHAT KIND OF PARTNER ARE YOU?" She watches Takahiro shrivel into a set of hunched shoulders, looking distraught at the wooden coffins that continue to file past them, the lacquer shiny underneath the lights as they continue to make a scene. Houji's knuckles are white, the skin stretched over until she can see tears fall off the tip of his nose.

"-I failed your mother, I'm sorry. There were too many of them and they- they overwhelmed us. Squad One and Two were completely wiped out. A few of us who survived carried back ones who sustained heavy injuries and-"

"AND YOU LEFT HER!"

"I did," She watches Houji sink to his knees, Shinohara being held back by Kuroiwa as Hanamaki shakes off Matsukawa, striding forward murderously towards him. Houji looks up, sitting on the back of his legs as Hanamaki tower over him, both men crying before Houji shakily whispers in a small voice, "And it's all my fault, all my grievous fault."

Hanamaki makes a sound similar to a wounded animal, half-shout and half-cry before his knee buckles and then she feels Ushijima Senior beside her, looking down at the crying student before he walks over to Houji. He opens Hanamaki's palms before doing the same thing to him as he did to her, curling his fingers over his mother's tag.

" _I'm sorry_ ," Ushijima whispers.

" _I'm sorry_ ," Houji brokenly chokes.

Sometimes, sorry isn't enough, she thinks.

  


Hanamaki's mother had no body to be buried.

Being a ghoul investigator came hand in hand with funerals and death. It's not something that can be avoided. If they're lucky, parts of the body can be salvaged, but the majority of the time, the only things left for the families of the dead are ashes of the casket. They all gather here on the cusp of the monsoon season, June turning out to be one of the stormiest summer, a sea of black swarming around sixty tombstones.

It seems valid for the storms to be continuous as if the very gods are angry at them.

Hanamaki's lone figure is supported by his father, an ashen-faced businessman as they look down at the headstones. Iwaizumi and the others hang back, standing mutely a couple of feet behind them, face somber as some rain starts to splash down on their shoulders. Matsukawa firmly stands his ground, a foot ahead of them with his eyes downcast. Hanamaki is not alone. There are many like him, students coming from the other Academy branches who lost their parents in the operation.

"I wish you spent more time with us, Mom," Hanamaki whispers, words barely carrying as the rain turns from a sprinkle to a hard downpour. He makes no move to open an umbrella, letting the water drench his hair, trailing down his forehead and nose before soaking his collar. The rain is cold, but he doesn't make a move to wipe them. " _I wish you came home more often._ "

His father squeezed his shoulders, lips pressed together as he tries to hold the tears in.

Barely heard over the downpour, Hanamaki sobs.

  


Oikawa is leaning against his back, head tucked under Iwaizumi's chin as they stare mindlessly at the storm raging outside. Heavy thoughts weigh the air, but neither of them wants to voice them, not having enough energy to permeate the silence as they watch the Academy grounds turn into a swamp.

"They die so young..."

Iwaizumi makes a hum in the back of his throat, looking up at their ceiling and pulling Oikawa closer. He'd never met Hanamaki's mother or father, only knowing that Hanamaki's mother had been an investigator. How sad it was to meet them in that situation. Absolutely terrible.

They dispersed after Hanamaki thanked them quietly, voice still uneven as he tried to discreetly wipe his tears. Matsukawa had offered to hang back with him, gesturing them to go ahead. Iwaizumi saw him holding an umbrella over Hanamaki before they left, words of condolences heavy in his heart.

"What's the point?" Oikawa mumbles, "What's the point of becoming ghoul investigators when we know we'll just die? What's the point of doing this? _What's the point?_ " Iwaizumi knows Oikawa can see his parent's death beneath his eyelids, the shock of a sudden funeral bringing up memories they've learned to repress over the years. In a distant corner of his mind, he too can hear the splatter of blood painting his floor and see the terrible glow of a kakugan.

Instead, he kisses Oikawa's head, breathing in the apple shampoo and rubbing the soft towel into his wet locks, "We do it to protect them. Protect the ones who can't protect themselves." It wasn't as if he didn't question himself at times. Why go down this dangerous path? Why isn't he like Suga or Daichi, studying research at the Academy instead of throwing himself into a life filled with death? If possible, he pulls Oikawa even closer, sliding down on his bed to kiss Oikawa's forehead gently.

Oikawa lets himself be comforted, burying his face into Iwaizumi's t-shirt.

Outside, the monsoon continues to rage.

  


His sister sits on their couch, a mug of tea gone cold in her hands as she stares out the window. She'd flown home for Hanamaki's mother's funeral, but as Oikawa leans against the wall and watches the tears trail down her cheeks, he knew that it wasn't just her she's crying for.

" _Coma_ ," She whispers as quietly as she can, not because she doesn't want to wake up Takeru and Tsuru, who are napping on Oikawa's spare bed in the other bedroom, but because she had gone to the airport expecting to meet her husband and returned empty handed. "He's in a coma."

Mamoru's dog tag hangs around her neck, the metal looking out of place on her. Only investigators have them, meant for identifying bodies during the aftermath of a battle. His sister never worn one, and to see one on her makes Oikawa want to throw up. It's a mark of death, a gift that symbolizes that they've traded their life for the cause to protect humanity.

He doesn't look at Iwaizumi clenching his fist in anger. Instead, he looks at his sister and realized they've come to another full circle. Wasn't it just yesterday that she stumbled and wept on the same couch when she'd found out she was pregnant for the first time?

" _What have I done to deserve this?_ "

Oikawa wishes he knew the answer to that.

She looks at her cup like she wants to throw it onto the wall, biting her lips hard as she begins to quiver as the shock settles in. As a mother, of course, she would have made sure she looked strong in front of her own children to hide the pain. She looks up at Oikawa, the now empty tea cup clattering to the floor, hands covering her mouth as the tears start to drip down and flow over her wedding ring.

" _Why?!_ " She sobs, and out of the corner of his eyes, he can see Takeru and Tsuru peeking into their living room. They look at him with their eyes wide, and Oikawa strides over, scooping his nephew and niece in his arms as they blearily blink up.

"What's wrong with Mama?" Takeru asks as Iwaizumi rubs her shoulders. Oikawa looks at their still confused, sleep muddled faces, wondering how on earth could he tell them that their father might not wake up every again. He sets them down onto the couch, letting Takeru crawl over to his mother before asking why she's crying as Tsuru senses her distress and scrunches her face up.

"Mama?" Takeru tugs on her loose sweater, looking up at Iwaizumi before shaking her further, "Uncle, why is Mama crying?"

Oikawa draws Takeru in close, breathing in the baby powder smell from his clothes as his nephew goes still in his arms.

" _Takeru... Papa might not wake up._ " Chiyoru chokes out, eyes red-rimmed as she chokes the words out. " _P-Pa- Your f-father- He might- he might not b-be-be able to wake up._ "

Takeru's face begins to crumple inwards, eyebrows pulling in as Oikawa sees Iwaizumi turn his head to wipe his tears harshly with one hand. "Uncle, where's Papa?"

"...S-Sweetie-"

" _Where's Papa?!_ " Takeru yells, jumping up and hitting his head on Oikawa's chin as he reels back from the blow. Takeru is spastic, shaking his head and slamming his tiny fists into his mother. Tsuru begins to cry and Takeru joins her, snot dripping as he bawls, " _Where's Papa?!! PAPA! PAPA! WHERE'S PAPA?!_ "

His sister takes Takeru in her arms, crushing her only son to her chest as she looks up miserably at Oikawa. There are dark circles underneath her heavy eyes, her pale hand trying to rub soothing circles as Takeru's fists slowly lose energy as his cries for Mamoru fill the room.

Defeat doesn't look good on her.

" _I'm sorry_ ," She murmurs, half to herself as Oikawa sees Takeru's fist twist themselves into the material of her clothes. " _I'm so, so sorry_."

  


"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Iwaizumi asks as he walks her right before security. Oikawa had said his goodbyes beforehand since he reluctantly needed to sit in a first-year physics final. It wasn't until Iwaizumi kicked him to class with several threats of flunking that Oikawa finally caved into giving the job of driving his family to the airport to Iwaizumi.

Chiyoru looks a little sad and lost.

"I'm not right now, but I'll be fine," She mumbles, peeking at her baby stroller where Takeru and Tsuru are knocked out. She opens a packet of tissue to wipe the drool off Takeru's chin before straightening her shoulders and adjusting her carry on. The inevitable is coming.

"Call us if you need some company over the holidays," He insisted. It was unlikely that she would try to integrate herself with the people on her floor so soon after Mamoru's condition, and even though there's always Matsuri, she never gotten along with him. "We'll always be here for you."

She faintly smiles, looking at the private jet the CCG chartered. Mamoru's body would be transported to Germany to be monitored in the hopes that he would wake up.

"You're sweet, Hajime-kun," He bends down to hug her as she squeezes him tightly, burying her face into his dress shirt as they rock back and forth. "I can't believe it happened, that's all," She says in a very small voice.

"I'm sorry."

"Why do you say that?" She pulls back.

"Because I sympathize with you. He's...he's like a brother and father to me."

Her smile widens, "Then I must be your sister and mother, right?" She laughs shakily, stepping back and pulling her black blazer around her as her long ponytail swishes behind her. Iwaizumi hangs back as she walks forward to security, handing three passports before she's allowed the go-ahead signal to pass.

She turns back to look at him among the crowd of people rushing from one end to the airport to make their connecting flights, "Hajime!"

He smiles.

"You're a son and brother to me as well!"

Iwaizumi waves, watching her go through the long hallway and climbing the stairs to the jet as she disappears into the airplane. He walks over to the large windows, planting his feet firmly as the airplane slowly backs into the runway, extending the wings as it picks up speed.

When the airplane soars, Iwaizumi turns on his heels and walks to the garage, thinking of what dinner tonight should be.

  


_"You know," Chiyoru muses, hand on chin as Iwaizumi turns briefly from the road to see her expression, "after that whole ordeal, I really hate the word 'sorry.'"_

  


"Hey," He wraps his arms around Oikawa's front as he does the dishes. Oikawa stops scrubbing a plate, letting Iwaizumi hug his back. Oikawa is always warm, and with the weather cooling down faster than Iwaizumi can find all of his fuzzy socks, he'll gladly steal any heat from his giant boyfriend. "Feeling okay?"

"You're surprisingly affectionate, Iwa-chan," Oikawa teases lightly, going back to scrubbing the plates and utensils with a slower movement as the radio begins to blast out old jazz pieces. Iwaizumi stretches his neck to peer over Oikawa's shoulders to hum, watching with delight how easy it is to make Oikawa's ears turn a beet red.

"Is this a complaint I hear? Should I back off?"

"No, no!" Oikawa pouts, spinning around as he puts the back of his hand, still holding the sponge, onto his forehead in a dramatic, sweeping gesture. "I'm so touched how Iwa-chan used to be a grumpy, angry gorilla who acts like an elderly man-"

"Watch it, you asshole."

"-but at home he transforms into this cuddle monster!" Oikawa swoons as he clutches the sponge to his heart. Iwaizumi watches in disgust as he sees some flakes of their dinner drop onto the floor. "Imagine my surprise when the normally rude Iwa-chan loves to give me morning cuddles and-"

"You better clean that up, Oikawa." Iwaizumi waves, walking out of the kitchen with a cackle.

"Wait, aren't you going to help me?!"

"You're on cleaning duty tonight!" Oikawa gives a furious squawk before Iwaizumi hears the telltale of rushing waters and the clatter as he tries to put the plates on a drying rack. By the time he's done, Iwaizumi's lounging on the couch, afghan thrown over his legs before Oikawa, six foot tall giant Oikawa, decides it was a good idea to dive into the couch and gives himself a bruise in the process.

"Kiss it better!" He whines, shoving his cheekbone into Iwaizumi's face, who shoves it away with an arm, "Urk! How rude!"

Iwaizumi feels the corner of his mouth twitch up as Oikawa grabs another blanket to cover both of them, crawling into his lap as they both watch the late night news.

He bends down to press a chaste kiss Oikawa's flushed cheeks, "Are you okay?" Oikawa looks up at him with a sort of wonder, his bangs mussed up as the tv splashes color onto his skin.

Iwaizumi slowly watches Oikawa's neck crawl with red, beginning with his collarbones before rising to his forehead. Oikawa covers his face, and he follows suit, feeling his cheeks warm as Oikawa buries his face into his neck.

"'M fine."

"Sure?"

"Just... just really tired," Oikawa mumbles, "....I...I don't even know where to start." His lashes cast long shadows, and Iwaizumi shifts so Oikawa can easily sleep on his chest, hand stroking his hair.

"I'm tired too."

"It's just heartbreaking."

"I know."

"It's not fair. Hanamaki didn't deserve this. My sister and her kids don't deserve it."

Iwaizumi sighs, "I know, Tooru."

Oikawa slides his eyes shut, turning away from the weather forecast, reaching for Iwaizumi's hand to link his fingers to, "I don't want them to grow up without a dad like us."

"Your sister will still be there."

"I know," Oikawa confesses, "But I just worry sometimes. I know what being bitter did to me, and I don't want her to go down the self-destructive path. I've heard stories of investigators trying to get revenge for their partners, Iwa-chan, they never end well. Everyone tells us that the people who are serious always die first."

"That's just being careless in my opinion. They know they shouldn't be reckless."

"But Iwa-chan, what if they can't help it?"

Iwaizumi looks down, feeling a corner of his mouth twitch up into a sad smile, "Silly, are you saying that one of us is going to get killed one of these days?"

"Of course not, but... I can't help imagining especially after all of this.... Look at where I nearly ended up. Poor Hanamaki-san and Mamoru," Oikawa motions to the paper on their coffee table. "CCG lost over sixty people in whack-a-mole alone. We almost lost the squad we sent to China."

"Death is just inevitable for us," He strokes Oikawa's jaw, thumb caressing the stubble that's starting to poke through. "We can't avoid it, no matter how much we hide. You just have to believe that everyone around you, the people you trust, your mentors and friends and team will pull through to live to see another day. Because while we do face death more, we also have friends who want to live more than normal people." It's something he notices when he walks down the streets. Where there would be grey-faced adults wandering around the city, the investigators he sees off duty are usually enjoying themselves, arms around each other as they laugh freely.

Oikawa squeezes his hand, a faraway look in his eyes. "When did you grow to be so wise, Iwa-chan?"

"Spent too much time with Ma these days."

Oikawa's peals of laughter makes the warmth in his chest spread outwards. Iwaizumi smiles down, hugging Oikawa tighter to his chest and closing his eyes as he feels the rise and fall of their breathing. He belatedly opens his eyes to see the mess in their apartment, the chaotic piles of laundry teetering on several chairs, the white cap that belongs to Oikawa, the cluster of textbooks (his has sticky notes jammed in them, Oikawa's has loose leafed paper stick out at random intervals, causing the books to bulge slightly) on their dining table, and it's only now in the dead silence of night that he realized they're living together.

"What're you thinking?" Oikawa mumbles into his chest. Iwaizumi blinks before suppressing a wry smile. So that's where his favorite hoodie went.

"We're living together."

"We've always been together," Oikawa replies with a grin, "Ever since middle school started."

His words have double meanings in them, but he understands them all the same, rolling his eyes skyward and slapping Oikawa lightly, "Okay, the fattie should go to bed since he has a lab tomorrow."

Oikawa mockingly sniffs, "I'm pretty sure you're heavier than me with those gross muscles of yours."

"You said a week ago you _love_ my arms."

"T-Tha-That-" Iwaizumi smirks confidently, watching Oikawa's cheeks redden even more. Any further and he can pass for a tomato. A cute tomato. "That-!"

"That was a lie?" He coolly arches an eyebrow, standing up and linking his arms around Oikawa's waist before grinning lazily.

Oikawa looks anywhere but his face, " _I-Iwa_ ," He whines, " _You're not fair_."

Iwaizumi loves teasing him, so he leans in close to his ear before whispering, dropping his voice lower because he knows it would do terrible things to Oikawa, "' _All's fair in love and war._ '"

"You're such a sap!"

  


For their first year anniversary, Iwaizumi takes Oikawa to the Junior Academy on invitation from Ma for a live demonstration to the younger students, half who worship the ground he walks on and half who want to desperately kick him off the throne. Battered beyond belief and sweating to the point of being drenched with a bucket of water would feel no difference to him, Oikawa looks up to see Iwaizumi hold up two tickets.

"Pacific Rim?" Oikawa sits up excitedly, eyes trained on the stiff paper and looking at the time and seat number- "In 3D? On opening night?"

"You've been literally drooling on cushions whenever the trailer shows up on tv-" Iwaizumi yelps as he drops the tickets to catch Oikawa around his middle. There's only the scent of Tooru and his wide grin as he digs his fingers into Oikawa's uniform tightly. "Hey! A little warning!-"

" _Hajime_ ," Oikawa laughs into his ear, "Thank you!"

A couple of younger belts who stayed to clean up the demonstration, cough pointedly and Iwaizumi reddens as he sees Kunimi snicker into his hands.

When they come home, after the kisses in the doorways, shrugging off of jackets and ordering their second dinner from the row of late night restaurants down their street, Oikawa pulls Iwaizumi onto their ragged, squashy couch before telling him how they should watch Pitch Black. Like everything they nearly do together, he follows Oikawa's eager lead with steadiness, rubbing circles with his thumbs on Oikawa's shoulders as he pulls the younger man closer to his chest.

"I really like this movie!" Oikawa whispers as he slurps his noodles with gusto. "Vin Diesel has nicer muscles than you, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi scrunches his nose, "My muscles are more impressive."

"I think there are a few who can give you a run for your money," Oikawa has the audacity to giggle and flutter his stupid long lashes at Iwaizumi, who all but narrows his eyes, "Like him, and Dwayne Johnson, and _Chris Evans-_ "

"You're literally running your hands all over my arm while you're saying that."

"I'm just comparing~" Oikawa laughs, tilting his head in for a kiss, and Iwaizumi grumbles in his throat before tasting the xo sauce on Oikawa's mouth. "I'm just kidding, your arms are great."

"You're kind today. No ulterior motives."

"My only motive is your arms," Oikawa shamelessly flashes a peace sign and Iwaizumi flicks his forehead as Oikawa goes forward to change movies. Earlier, it was Iwaizumi's turn to treat him, but Oikawa's idea of a movie night is marathoning something they both like, so naturally, he turns to Marvel.

Iwaizumi takes one second to process the title before moaning, "Winter Soldier? _Chris Evans?_ "

"Don't worry Iwa-chan, tomorrow can be leg day for you~"

Oikawa yelps as Iwaizumi turns to him, hands tickling his sides until Oikawa is squirming like a worm beneath him, credits rolling onto the screen, "Mercy! _Me-Mercy!!_ "

 

First, second, third year flies like a child running after his toy. Oikawa walks into the gymnasium for their daily physical training when he sees Mizoguchi beckon him over, a First Class investigator who's agreed to teach in the time it takes for his hip to heal after an unfortunate battle with a ghoul.

"Morning," Mizoguchi shoves a flyer in his face and Oikawa jerks his head to dodge the paper, "You've been chosen to represent this branch!"

He scans the form, "' _The Senior Academy invites you to represent your branch in a competition between the first and second ward in an annual scrimmage. Between you, you will be joined with the top five students of your graduate year to form a six-person team that will work together leading up to the competition. Quinque making, quinque performance, self-defense are all areas that we will be judging you by._ '"

"In my year we lost to your sister's team," Mizoguchi makes a sour face, stretching his metal leg before massaging the area where his skin meets the prosthetic. "We both had a chance to work with the S1 team, so you should definitely do it. The hot springs trip with the special class is a treat too, and they usually do it every year."

"I remember my sister doing that," Oikawa folds the form neatly, grinning, "So, who else was picked?"

"Hanamaki, Kuroo, Matsukawa, your boyfriend and Ushijima."

" _Ushiwaka?_ "

"Teamwork is important in field work," Mizoguchi scowls, "You two are close in rankings, it's possible that you both will work closely with each other when you graduate, so don't give me your pissy attitude."

" _It's Ushiwaka_ ," Oikawa can't suppress the whine in his throat, "I can't work with him!"

"What was it that you wrote on your career form the other day? You wanted to be a Commander, Oikawa? That means working with people who have an unwillingness to be in a team, and it's up to you and how you decide to take it that will impact an operation's success."

Oikawa grumbles under his breath, watching Ushijima walk into the gym with a heavy backpack before dumping it to the sides and making a beeline for the change rooms. Most of his class is done warming up, moving onto partner activities and doing swordsmanship with basic quinque forms. "I don't get along with him."

"You think Marude has it easy? Or Arima?"

"Arima is a freak of nature."

"I guess no one can disagree with that. But you can learn a thing or two about working together with him. He is the Chairman's son. Should he succeed, he's going to be the one you'll be talking to about operations. Communication-"

"Is important," Oikawa sighs, pinching his nose as Iwaizumi makes his way over to him, "I know, I know. I've heard it a million times at this point!"

"What's up?" Iwaizumi greets them, ruffling his hair with a grin, "Is he bothering you, Mizoguchi-san?"

"Nah, the brat's fine. Just passed him the form." Mizoguchi raises his voice to fill the entire room, "Hanamaki! Matsukawa! Kuroo! Ushijima! Come here for a little bit!"

Kuroo lowers the two swords he's holding, walking over and joining their loose half circle as Mizoguchi nods hello, "You read the forms I handed out right? The one for the scrimmage."

"Against the second ward," Oikawa grins at the same time Kuroo does, "No offense, but I think we got this cat in the bag."

"Don't be too cocky, rooster-head. The second branch has star students as well- Aone, Fukutachi, Tendou, Reon, Asahi, and Moniwa."

"Reon?" Ushijima repeats, snapping to attention from taping his fingers. Oikawa wonders if Ushijima actually has friends. "I went to Shiratorizawa with him."

"Ah yeah, he got accepted into our program. Your father recommended him along with Tendou." To the others, he adds, "So, since you will be marked based on how well you all work as a team, we're going to do team building exercises."

"Like what? Trust falls?" Hanamaki snickers.

Mizoguchi makes an X with his arms, grinning evilly, and Oikawa knows he's not going to like whatever he's planning. "We're going to play a game of _ball_."

   
  


Oikawa cusses for the nth time in a row, landing on his feet and massaging where his shoulder met Ushijima's in an unfortunate mid-air slam when both of them went to set the volleyball. "I thought I was the setter!"

"I called for it," Ushijima says, mouth tightening as Hanamaki yells from the other side of the court that he'll be serving soon. "You never called for yours and you assumed that you could get all the balls."

"I could!" Oikawa indignantly hisses, "And it's the setter's job to control the pace of the game! You shouldn't go for every ball I set! Kuroo barely even spiked once!"

Kuroo holds his hands up, "Hey, hey, let's calm down yeah? I'm fine with not spiking that much, you guys are all terrible receivers and-"

"Nice serve!"

Oikawa spins away from Ushijima, watching the ball leave Kuroo's forearms towards him. He quickly checks their surroundings, Matsukawa and Iwaizumi are blocking, and Hanamaki is standing right in the middle of the ground, Ushijima is running from the middle, Kuroo following two steps behind him to the far side of the court. He could set the ball to Kuroo to spike it down the attack line, but Hanamaki is one of the better receivers on the other team and hasn't moved around much so Oikawa knows he could probably save it.

"Back!" Ushijima calls, just as the ball starts its descent into Oikawa's hands. He sees Iwaizumi rush up to flank Matsukawa, both of them crouching to prepare for a block. "Oikawa! Back!"

"Left!" Kuroo shouts, running up and swinging his left arm. Oikawa jumps, letting the ball spin down before flicking his wrist down. It spins past Iwaizumi's and Matsukawa's lagging block, and Hanamaki shoots forward to save it, too late when the ball bounces on the floor and his chest comes crashing down a second later.

"Nice, Oikawa!" Kuroo yells, throwing the ball over to him, where it's his turn to serve. Oikawa nods, closing his eyes and feeling the bead of sweat on his upper lip start to slide down. Throwing up the ball, he runs forward and jumps, before bringing down his arm and targeting the back line.

Matsukawa collides with Iwaizumi trying to get the ball, and both of them shakily wobbling before Iwaizumi dives forward and aims the ball towards their side in a lopsided save. The ball, with its low trajectory, spins into the net and dribbles down on the floor.

"I believe that makes it 25-22," Oikawa sings, ignoring Ushijima's frowny face to skitter to the other side of the net. Mizoguchi is tallying up their marks, clipboard in hand, bottom lip jutting out in a disgruntled pout. "Iwa-chan, did you miss me?~"

"As if," Iwaizumi squirms away from his hug, turning red from Matsukawa wolf-whistling as he helps Kuroo take down the net. "You're just on the other side."

"I wish I was playing with you, though," Oikawa grumbles, walking over to the bench and shimmying the knee guard off so it hangs loosely around his ankle. "Ushiwaka's no fun."

Iwaizumi sighs, "The whole point of this exercise is for you to build a relationship with him so you two can work together-"

"Why can't I work with you? Or Makki? Or Mattsun?" Oikawa lowers the water bottle, flickering his eyes towards Mizoguchi and Marude who dropped by the Academy on his day off. He can see Kuroiwa and Shinohara teaching a lesson in the gym next door, "Shinohara and Kuroiwa work with each other even after they graduated. They were placed in the same squad, so why can't we do that?" He knows he's being whiny again, but he doesn't see the point of working with Ushijima when they're clearly going on a different path. Ushijima takes more management classes than he does and leaves campus to go into the CCG building to help his father. Clearly, he's going to take over one day.

And Oikawa wasn't. He's just going to be an Investigator.

"It's good for you. It's not like you can get along well with everybody you meet in our squad in the future."

"Well, I don't want to!"

"Then switch your major and stop whining, dumbass!"

" _Iwaaa-chaaaan!_ "

  
  


"Does Oikawa hate me?"

Iwaizumi stops his pencil, slowly looking up to see Ushijima put aside his ghoul biology book. It's already really late into the night, but they're well into their mid-terms, meaning that the library on campus doesn't close during exam period and several desperate souls have taken up refuge with blankets and neck pillows.

"What makes you say that?"

"I try my best to work with him, but he gets in the way."

"He makes it harder for you, is what you're saying."

Ushijima reluctantly nods, putting a hand on his cheeks as Iwaizumi waves hello to Daichi and Suga looking buzzed from coffee. They join Kiyoko and several other students not in the field work major on a nearby table before pulling their books out. "Does he hate me? Did I do something that offended him? If so, then I would really like to know so I can apologize." Ushijima says as he fiddles with his hands.

"Oikawa," Iwaizumi starts, leaning back on his chair and looking into the spacious studying room where his words just sit above whispering, "Is a really complicated person. He doesn't hate you, but... It's just complicated."

"Can you try to explain?"

Iwaizumi swallows, trying to choose his words as kindly as possible so both parties don't look bad, "Well, when you first came here he thought you were trying to steal me away from him."

"I thought you two were dating?"

"Erm, no, not yet. We got together at the end of high school, as you probably saw, but Oikawa went through some rough time with himself. He had to deal with his knee and that really chipped his confidence of being an investigator."

"But he's brilliant," Ushijima says without hesitation, "He's one of the best. He's a hard worker and gets along with everybody. A natural born leader. He has the charisma to lead all types of people."

"Yeah, about that..." Iwaizumi plays with the edges of his paper, "He started out as a white belt when you came around, and seeing you join the seniors when you came in probably forced him to work harder. Oikawa doesn't like to lose, he's the type of person that hates it when other people have an advantage over him. If possible, he wants to be the very best."

"And he overworked his knee."

"He did, and he realized that he probably couldn't be number one with something holding him back so he pushed himself harder, and we started to drift apart," Iwaizumi remembers the days where he would have to wake up early to open the dojang and leave their dorm first, and in return, Oikawa always comes back late at night after Iwaizumi's fallen asleep. "He came around after I talked to him, but like I said, he's complicated."

Ushijima is quiet.

"He sees me as a threat."

"Probably."

"But he has you, Hanamaki-san, Matsukawa-san, Kuroo-san and connections with the First Class investigators through his older sister. He has many people at his back that cheers him on." Ushijima lists, "His sister is doing miracles in Germany, my father only has praises for her and he has high hopes for Oikawa as well. This scrimmage is a test from the higher ups to see if our graduating class will be ready."

"Ready for what?"

"They're...thinking of deporting half of us over to China to fully exterminate Chi She Lian since the first wave didn't fully suppress them." The librarian sticks her head into the study room, before dragging a cart of refreshments in and slipping back out. Ushijima dips his head solemnly, "This is confidential information, but they want to clear out the underground tunnels of all ghouls and map it out to see where it leads. It'll be a very large operation that will involve nearly all of the current and graduating students of the Main Branch's CCG team. Lots of high stakes are on our graduating year."

"The Underground tunnels...that's amazing," He says, half in awe.

"Oikawa has a lot of people supporting him, and I want to be- if he lets me- one of them." Ushijima thanks Kiyoko, who passes a cup of coffee to Iwaizumi as well before going back to her study group. "I can see that he'll be a great Commander one day, and since I'm on the track of succeeding my father when he decides to retire, I want us to get along." He sips his coffee, "But Iwaizumi, you'll be great too."

It feels weird to be complimented by the son of the Chairman, but Ushijima goes on. "Our year will yield excellent fruits as the Academy provided us with a solid foundation of training. Sugawara and Sawamura already accepted an exchange to go to Germany once we graduate to work overseas for a few months with a famous quinque maker there. Maybe you've heard of the name Yachi? Her daughter is going to come here in a few years to study. They're family friends with the Kageyamas. Their youngest son will enter the Junior Academy in the same year Yachi's daughter will come."

"I heard of the Kageyamas, but not the name Yachi," Iwaizumi finishes the cup of coffee and looking at the stack of books on Ushijima's side of the table. "It must be hard to balance your work with university."

"I find it a challenge worthy of my time," Ushijima flashes a quick twitch of his lips. "You love him."

"Of course I do," Iwaizumi nods, "And I want what's the best for him. He's prideful, like a king."

"You make him more human than people actually think of him," They listen to the rain wail outside, splatters hitting the windows. Ushijima stretches, his t-shirt riding up before he opens his book again, "Thank you for telling me this."

"I'll try to talk some sense into him," He starts to pack his books, ready to stand when Ushijima looks up.

"You'll be great too, Iwaizumi. You don't like to play a central role in things, but maybe you'll be the mentor to the next Arima."

He grins, liking the thought. "Maybe I will, if someone as good as Arima comes."

  
  


"Do you want to join my Gardening Club, Oikawa?"

Oikawa scrunches up his nose, eyes still squinty from sleeping beside Iwaizumi when a sharp knock had woken him up. Ushijima is wide awake, coffee in his hands as he offers him a flyer with a wobbly looking sunflower in a pot right in the middle of the poster.

"It's six thirty-four in the morning," He grumbles, moving to shut the door and the prospect of sleeping in. "Ask again when it's later."

"Mornings are the best time to garden."

"I said," Oikawa loudly complains, irritated beyond belief at the fact that the Chairman's son is this stupid, "To ask me later when the sun is higher in the sky!"

"But mornings are the best time to garden."

Oikawa feels something prickly at the area where his neck meets his shoulders. Iwaizumi appears, still half asleep as he clumsily nods a greeting at Ushijima, burying his stubbly chin into Oikawa's skin, "Mornin'."

"Good morning, Iwaizumi, do you want to garden with me? Sunflowers will be in season soon." Ushijima rattles off as Oikawa feels his jaws drop. How can someone be this dense? "-I was thinking of growing some vegetables next, do you have some ideas?"

Iwaizumi hums into Oikawa's shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist as Oikawa is pulled back from the door, "Hm, eggplants? I like to fry them in batter and eat them sometimes."

Ushijima has the gall to pull out a small notebook with a picture of a leaf on the cover before jotting down _eggplants_ with a pen, smoothly avoiding Oikawa's glare and the hickeys all over Iwaizumi's shoulders and neck. "Sounds good," He checks his watch, "Suga should already be there... Oikawa, you should come join my Gardening Club."

"Did you not hear what I said?" He hisses, turning red as Ushijima waves at Iwaizumi before walking away, "I said to ask when the sun is properly up in the sky!! Sheesh!" He grumbles, stomping back into their bedroom and diving into the still warm covers that smell of Iwaizumi. His boyfriend joins him not a moment too soon, closing his eyes, "The nerve of him!"

"Be nice, Bratkawa."

"How could you take his side?"

"I'm not taking sides- what are you? Ten?"

"No," Oikawa sarcastically quips, "I'm four!"

"I knew it," Iwaizumi says without enthusiasm as Oikawa squawks indignantly.

"Excuse me."

"You're excused."

"Iwa-chan, how could you be so mean??"

Iwaizumi laughs, crinkling his eyes as he opens an eye and brushing a hand through Oikawa's impressive bed head that can probably rival Kuroo's, and Oikawa finds that he doesn't really mind it that much anymore, not as long as he has Iwaizumi.

  
  


There are days where Iwaizumi wishes he could fast forward time.

Those days come in the form of waking up to an empty bed, with Oikawa's silhouette on the wall as he slowly watches his boyfriend gulp some painkillers down, fingernails digging into the fleshy part of his hand. Classes would be skipped that day, Oikawa limping himself to physical therapy to carefully stretch out the knee that has been strained even more in preparation of their branch competition, and Iwaizumi would try to reach out- to hold Oikawa's hand and think he could help before Oikawa withdraws into his shell and ignores everything.

Those days were the worst.

In retrospect, they have good days as well, more than the bad ones, Iwaizumi likes to think. Days where Hanamaki's dark circles aren't as prominent and Oikawa doesn't dab concealer to hide what features he deems as imperfect that Iwaizumi always loves. Days where they work hard and accomplish team exercises like doing partner battles in rounds, days where Oikawa's face would light up when Iwaizumi takes him to the park for an evening stroll, maybe throw a baseball around when the weather is still warm.

"How's your sister?"

Oikawa looks up from his astronomy notes, flipping a pen between his fingers fluidly. Iwaizumi never understood the basic principles of physics, so joining Oikawa in astronomy would have been a glutton for punishment, "That's a good question," Oikawa looks down, a frown starting to appear on his forehead. "She never really calls me anymore."

Iwaizumi closes his textbook, right hand aching from copying notes for their finals tomorrow. They would only have one more semester of university before graduating and starting as investigators.

"What are you thinking about, Hajime?"

His cheeks go up willingly at the sound of his first name, gentle, like a caress of the wind on his cheek, "Just thinking about the first day we came to the Academy. And in a few month's we'll be out of here."

"Are you nostalgic, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa teases gently, reaching across the couch and holding onto his hand before stroking the thin skin running above his veins, tracing his pinkie along the visible veins that just rise to show against Iwaizumi's skin. "You've become more....tender."

"Are you describing me like I'm meat?"

"Not really tender but.... Less sharp at the edges, more blurry? You've become warmer, I feel like." Oikawa smiles to himself, and Iwaizumi has to remember how to breathe because Oikawa Tooru, bratty, beautiful, _reckless_ Oikawa Tooru is capable of being like this, totally unraveling himself to just be this person Iwaizumi everyone could see, the kind, breathtaking side that rarely appears.

"I love you," He says it slowly, watching Oikawa's head snap up to look at him akin to a deer caught in headlights. Iwaizumi feels heat rising to his cheeks, "I really do love you, Tooru."

"Where's this coming from?" Oikawa laughs, like the tinkling of bells and Iwaizumi wants to laugh along with him, so he does, watching tears gather into Oikawa's eyes, "Is it because you remember that my sister is not as fortunate as us?"

"Your sister," Iwaizumi starts, putting his textbooks away and sitting back to let Oikawa lean down on his chest, "Is an amazing person for everything she's done. I couldn't compare to her," He mumbles, looking at the corkboard hanging on the wall, a picture of Tsuru and Takeru on their first day of pre-school and kindergarten surrounded of photo booth stickers of themselves and their classmates, "Am I pitying her?"

"...I don't think you are, no, I think you're just afraid of becoming like her, losing the people you cannot protect."

He looks down, remembering the way Hanamaki's knees gave up on him, the misery that hung around Matsukawa, the pain in Houji's eyes. He thinks of the times the Chairman must have called the partners of the dead investigators, bringing forth their testament letters, bearing the pain of the denial, the accusations, the regret. He thinks of Shinohara and Kuroiwa, of Ukai and Mizoguchi, all who had lost their mentors in the last extermination of Chi She Lian.

"Ushijima told me about what the main branch is planning with our graduate year, they want to map out the Underground tunnels and clear them."

Silence stretches on past them, Oikawa finding comfort in burying his head into Iwaizumi's chest and not really looking anywhere.

"Are you ever scared, Hajime? Scared of how things will be once you wake up from sleep? Scared how people will enter your lives only to leave in a blink of an eye? Because I think it's a common fear we all share," Oikawa whispers, "The brightest stars can only burn for so long."

  
  


"So," Oikawa looks down at the sheet of paper, pen tucked behind his ear as his team gather around him. Hanamaki is cooling himself off slowly with a beat up magazine, Kuroo is lying on his back panting like there's no tomorrow, Matsukawa fans himself with his shirt, Iwaizumi's head is dripping from the water fountain outside in a sad attempt to cool himself off and Ushijima has run off to who knows where. "It says here we need to come up with a team name and positions..."

"Oikawa-sama I have a question."

"What, Makki?"

"Where's our mutual plant loving friend?"

"I don't know, watering his petunias or something," Oikawa flippantly grumbles, pointing to the piece of paper and shaking it, "Mizoguchi says we need to hand it in today, no thanks to him for giving it to me just now. We have to come up with a team name and sort ourselves into the different events."

"We can't do it without-" The door to the gym opens and Hanamaki waves his arms up at Ushijima, "HEY! Good timing! Don't run off without telling us next time!"

Ushijima has a small pot in his hands, cradling it like a baby bird before crossing his legs and sitting down, taking a spot next to Kuroo's body. "I apologize, I forgot to sing this little one."

Kuroo hides his snort with a cough, "You sing to it?"

"Certainly. It makes them grow faster."

"Plants don't grow faster when you sing to it, they grow because you're breathing carbon dioxide right into them!" Oikawa shoots back sarcastically, missing Iwaizumi's pointed glare, "Since you're here we can now start. There's five events, a one on one sparring, two on two swordsmanship with quinques, team athletic event, a chess competition and your run of the mill quinque making test. Obviously, we have to do the team athletic event and quinque together, but that leaves one spot for sparring, two spots for sportsmanship and one spot for the chess competition."

"I think Iwaizumi should do the sparring," Kuroo says, chin in his hand, "Oikawa's the chess guru around here."

Hanamaki frowns at him, "Iwaizumi and Oikawa should obviously do the two on two, though."

"But Oikawa and Suga were the head of the chess club back in high school-"

"Kuroo," Oikawa interrupts, "What do you want to do?"

"Me? I'm fine with anything, but I don't think two on two is my specialty. Look at it this way, Ushijima can take the one on one since he's more or less on the same par with Iwaizumi and I can do chess while you two do the two on two." When Oikawa raises his eyebrows at him, Kuroo turns pink, "I did beat you in chess that one time when we were in high school-"

"No Kuroo," Iwaizumi says, "That's a really good idea, spreading ourselves." He looks at them, "Since I'm probably one of the only Academy students who's face has been plastered over the newspaper, the second branch probably thinks you'll assign me for the one on one. Knowing them, they'll probably prepare themselves against people they think they'll meet."

"And if you're wrong, Iwa-chan?"

"Well, that depends on whether our captain wants to gamble, doesn't it?" He smirks at Oikawa, "We don't know any of them, and we've been preparing ourselves. They know my face, so that puts us at a disadvantage when they look up my old sparring videos. To add to that, Tendou and Reon know Ushijima."

"I agree with Iwaizumi," Ushijima nods before putting his hand up, "As for the team name, can it be-"

"If you say anything plant related I'm going to shove this paper into your-"

"-wolves?"

"What?" Oikawa blinks, "Say that again? Wolves?"

"Because we work together like a pack..." Ushijima mumbles quietly, "Teamwork and...stuff."

All six of them are silent.

"...That's not a bad idea, Ushiwaka-chan."

  


_Academy Gazette, written by Inouka Sou_

_After an astounding, edge-of-your-seat weekend filled with the annual competition between the different CCG branch schools in Tokyo, we're proud to announce that our very own First Branch pummeled all of the other groups, led by fourth-year student Oikawa Tooru, majoring in Field Work! With a decisive and strategic member line-up that caught the other wards by surprise, the Wolves quickly pushed the second and fifth ward branch and ended the battle with a spectacular one on one hand combat featuring the Chairman's son, Ushijima Wakatoshi. Further congratulations to Iwaizumi Hajime, Hanamaki Takahiro, Matsukawa Issei and Kuroo Tetsurou for sweeping the competition! Official video and photos are available at the student government office with requests!_

  
  


Oikawa's sister comes back for their graduation, Tsuru, and Takeru in tow as she tiredly hugs her little brother over the doorway when she arrives. Iwaizumi puts on his best smile and greets Takeru's eagerness and Tsuru's shyness with offering them something to eat, leading them away from their ragged mother to walk into the apartment.

"Long flight?"

"It's always a long flight from Germany to Japan," She collapses on the couch. She looks the same, if not a little thinner and tired before flashing him a trademark Oikawa grin, "How's my baby brother?"

"Knock it off, I'm twenty-two!"

"And I'm thirty," She shoots back, sticking a tongue out, "Which still makes me older than you by a lot."

Iwaizumi comes into the living room, a tray of tea and snacks in his arms as Takeru clings to one of his legs. Tsuru spots Oikawa and slowly comes over to sit next to him as Iwaizumi distracts Oikawa's sister with snacks and promises that _they're totally one hundred percent healthy!!_

"Hi," She whispers quietly. Oikawa can only see Mamoru's features in Tsuru, and he smiles at her, "Are you Uncle Tooru?"

"I am."

" _-Are you hiding instant noodles in your pantry again?_ "

" _-NO!_ "

" _Hajime-kun don't lie to me!_ "

" _I'm not!!_ "

Tsuru jumps off the couch and hesitantly tugs on the hem of Iwaizumi's shirt, looking up with a wide-eyed look. Iwaizumi falters in whatever defense he was going to say before crouching down and letting Takeru climb onto his back, he faces Tsuru with a smile, "Hi there."

"Hi," She turns red, before running to her mother and bunching the material of her skirt in her hands.

"How cute," Oikawa laughs at the same time his phone beeps at him. The remainder prompts him that they should leave soon before the traffic starts to congest the roads. He takes a last look of his crisp dress shirt before throwing the car keys at Iwaizumi, helping his sister to strap on the baby seats and buckle his fussy nephew in.

He's been to graduation before, but to graduate from the Academy is different.

When he arrives there, his sister gets ushered off to the seats while Oikawa runs to one of the auditorium rooms they use for a first-year lecture, Iwaizumi right at his heels before opening the door and seeing his entire graduating year looking at him, the trademark white CCG coat already on them.

"Big day," Suga greets him, gray hair styled modestly back as he hands Oikawa his suit, helping him put it on and brushing the golden shoulder tassels so they hang straight and neat with a comb. Oikawa nervously adjusts the black collar, helping Hajime fiddle with the belt around his waist and swallowing.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki show up to slap his shoulders, the latter grinning widely from ear to ear, "So, ready for your speech?"

He sniffs, the only reason he's giving a speech is because even though Ushijima was technically their valedictorian, he stepped down to let Oikawa give the speech out. Over the competition, they became a working unit, but no closer than acquaintances. Oikawa hopes that they wouldn't be working in the same squad starting next week, "I only feel like I want to throw up."

"That's the spirit!"

Ushijima walks in then, hair neatly combed to one side and brushing his undercut before nodding at Oikawa.

He claps his hand, drawing the attention of his class, "Let's go, let's go!"

They line up outside the hallway, strolling in before being given the permission to sit as Ushijima's father introduces himself as the Chairman, smiling and congratulating everyone for completing their education, "-I look forward to work with you in the near future, as some of you are coming directly to the 1st ward." He pauses, clearing his throat, "I'd like to invite the representative of Class One, leader, and winner of the annual athletics competition between the different branch schools, Oikawa Tooru."

He rises from his seat, walking with his back straight and looking down at his entire graduating year from all the different branch schools, a number no smaller than four hundred at most, combined with the students in the other majors. He sees his sister off to the side, sitting next to Shinohara and former professors. She gives him a little wave with the hand not holding the video camera.

He continues to scan the crowd, seeing Kiyoko's small smile as she sits next to Suga in alphabetical order. He sees his astronomy classmates, the ones who would tease Iwaizumi for falling in love with a student who shines brighter than the sun. He catches Ukai's little nod, sees his old high school physics teacher dabbing her eyes, the very same one who had smacked Iwaizumi with a book for falling asleep in class. He sees the entire room full of people who share a common interest and goal.

"To start off this speech, I'm sure I can say for all that most of us in this room are orphans who lost our parents to ghouls," He remembers the bright red flashing lights, of being bundled into a squad car with a blanket around his shoulder and his sister beside him, "Fortunately, I came here to the CCG with my sister and best friend and found that I was one of the lucky ones who were never alone.

"There were moments when I would lay awake at night wondering what path in life I should take, what am I interested in, what should I be when I grow up, do I follow in my sister's footsteps and become a CCG lawyer? Do I have the willpower to do something I love? Do I avenge my family? My mother and father who had been killed by ghouls?

"When I found my reason to go down this path, I ran head straight into a wall that I can't climb to this day," He smiles down at the audience, "But I found that there are some really bad days, but what lies ahead of those bad days are some of the precious moments in life that you shouldn't miss out, no matter how bad the situation will seem. Many things will get worse before they get better. There's a saying I quite like I found scrawled in my English textbook, how when under pressure, coal forms into a diamond. So in a way, we've been through pressure, and we were all once coals, helpless and unable to do anything but I hope that once we graduate today and go our separate ways that we can endure the future and be amazing."

He trails off, "A final quote by Robertson Davies, ' _Extraordinary people survive under the most terrible circumstances and they become more extraordinary because of it._ '" Oikawa steps away from the podium, bending his spine towards the audience, hearing the scrape of chairs of his fellow classmates doing the same.

"Thank you for all of these years!" He shouts.

"Thank you for all of these years!"

  
  


"What a sap," Hanamaki laughs from his chair, looking curiously at his wrist as the tattoo artist begins to wipe his skin with alcohol. Matsukawa, under the same condition beside him, nods sagely, "You never told us you could wax poetics like that!"

"Stop taking my speech apart!" Oikawa wails, his shirt on a table. After a fancy afternoon banquet where his sister gushed about his speech and receiving a lot of congratulatory messages from his fellow classmates and teachers, they decided to do something together, just one last time of stupidity and poor choices.

To be fair, the tattoo was his idea, and it was surprisingly Matsukawa's idea to have matching tattoos; as if Iwaizumi wasn't already sappy enough.

"China, huh?" Iwaizumi mumbles, not flinching when the needle enters his skin. "That's far, do you know when you're coming back?"

"I don't think we'll be back- not until the Chi She Lian is wiped out at least. Houji's being sent back there too, I feel bad."

Hanamaki's face turns hard, and he looks away briefly, momentarily locking eyes with Oikawa, "...Yeah, I feel bad."

The background music of the parlor washes around them, a beat that alternates between soothing jazz and soft rock. His heart feels heavy in his chest. They've finally done everything to be able to come up to this point, but the daunting future lies ahead of them, questions like _what if one of us dies?_ floating around his head. _What happens next?_

"I think it's cool," Matsukawa starts, "How you and Iwaizumi get Shinohara as your partner. That never happened before did it? Two people getting one First Class?"

"Ah no, since my sister had a meeting with the Chairman yesterday she brought it up if it were possible that we could work together. Ushiwaka's with Arima though, lucky bastard. You're with Houji right?"

"Yeah, and Takahiro's with Instructor Ma's younger brother... Sawamura and Suga are going abroad, right? They're catching the red eye flight with your sister tonight." Matsukawa mumbles into the side of his arm, eyelids drooping. "Kiyoko's staying here, but she's working on a different floor. That guy from the second branch- Asahi? I think he's also working with Squad One."

"Oh he's working with Kuroo then," The sly graduate had tried very hard to not bawl when Daichi had to leave for Germany with his sister. Kuroo had proceeded to cover Daichi with a bone crushing hug before promising to visit when he gets a chance. Watching them like that, standing before a taxi as her sister waits in the passenger seat, makes Oikawa feel like he's watching a goodbye between two people doomed to never meet again.

"You're done, sir," Mumbles the tattoo artist above his head. Oikawa sits up, still keeping his arms up as the worker starts to wrap bandages around his rib cage, "Take care to wash your hands whenever you want to rub ointment on it. Don't rub too firmly, you can take the bandages off in two or three hours. When you sleep, try wrapping your chest with saran wrap so it doesn't stick to your bedding." She hands him a slip of printed paper, and Oikawa peeks behind her to see that Iwaizumi's already waiting at the door. They link their hands together on the way back to their apartment, biding Makki and Mattsun goodbye a block before.

Iwaizumi presses his forehead to the back of Oikawa's neck when he's in the middle of washing their dishes, slipping his arms around his waist.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong... It just feels weird again, everything is changing for the fourth time. First when we went into middle school, then high school brought a new change, then university was next and now we're going to be going to the Main Branch tomorrow morning to meet Shinohara and Kuroiwa." He looks at the multicolored soap suds illuminated by the kitchen light above, listening to the gentle hum of traffic below from the open windows. "I never thought we would get this far."

Iwaizumi is silent, content on hugging his back, "Your sister told me something just before she left. She told me she's really proud of you for making it this far, and I am too."

"Iwa-"

"I've seen you at your lowest and I've seen you at your peak, I know how difficult some days are for you, I know how sometimes you want to lie in bed all day and do nothing. But the days that you do get up and walk around is the days I'm really fucking proud of. Change doesn't have to be scary. We already know a few people through your sister, and you have me..." Oikawa feels the briefest of kisses on his neck, "So don't worry, Tooru, _I'm not going anywhere._ "

"I'm afraid of losing you, Hajime."

"I'm afraid of losing you too."

"I don't want Hanamaki or Matsukawa or Kuroo to die. I don't want Sawamura or Suga to come home like the way Mamoru came home. I don't want to live through that."

"I don't think any of us," Iwaizumi says slowly, turning him around before cupping his face and pinning Oikawa with a smoldering gaze, "Can fully avoid that. I don't think it's healthy to let fear live through us."

"Don't you fear it?"

"I fear death as much as the next person."

"Why aren't you scared then?"

"Because I know I'm good enough- _skilled_ enough to avoid mistakes that will cost me my life, and I know that you and Matsukawa and Hanamaki and Kuroo and Sawamura and Suga have been through the same training as I did."

Oikawa lowers the plates.

"How do you manage to be able to cheer me up so easily?" He says with a smile.

"I've known you since we were in diapers," Iwaizumi shoots him a crooked grin that manages to still squeeze Oikawa's heart, "I like to think I know you- dare I say it- better than your own sister."

Oikawa looks then, he looks at Hajime, looks at the ink black hair and the sharp cheekbones, down the slightly crooked nose after an unfortunate taekwondo match when they were younger, past the faint scar on the side of his jaw that's the result of mishandling a sword, the stubble gracing his chin, tracing his wet hands up the stretch marks circling his biceps. Lightning on skin. He thinks of how he carries his scars internally, opposite of Iwaizumi. A brave boy who sits in the middle of an ever-changing storm, who looks past his faults and knows how to ease the anger bubbling in him.

"What are you afraid of, Tooru?"

The words, almost like a confession, come easily out of him, "Failure, not being the best I should be, losing people I love dearly, being helpless... and _losing you_. Hajime, in the future, we'll have our own partners and I don't want to be like Houji. I don't want to a disappointment or a liability to my mentor."

"You won't," Iwaizumi tip toes to place a kiss on his forehead, "You're going to be great. You'll live up and go beyond everyone's expectations. I believe that."

"I'm just a normal human."

"Did you know, Oikawa? Humans are capable of greatness. We aren't deterred so easily, we continue to fight."

"We are also capable of mistakes."

"And we _learn_ from those mistakes. You can throw as many trials as you want, but you'll see that even if we do go backward, eventually, we'll more forward. We grieve, yet we simultaneously plan for our next attack. We are a species that fight."

  
  


"Good morning you two!"

Oikawa jumps when he hears Shinohara's voice behind them at the lobby of the CCG building. Around them are the newly graduates meeting their mentors for the first time. Iwaizumi nudges his leg and they both drop into a bow, "Good morning!"

Shinohara smiles nervously, which puts Oikawa at ease somewhat. Their suits are still stiff around the shoulders, but they've cleaned up nicely, Iwaizumi sporting no stubble and Oikawa putting his best smile on his face, "We don't need to be so formal with each other here, I've met you two before after all." He points at the large elevators at the end of the hall, "Why don't I show you the office?"

"Sure!" Oikawa yelps, briskly being pushed forward as Iwaizumi squeezes his hand to reassure him. They walk past several familiar faces, Ushijima standing next to his father as they wait for Arima to arrive, and Oikawa sourly waves back when Ushijima nods at him.

"Just a forewarning," Shinohara starts, pressing a button on the elevator as they shoot up. He looks apologetic, "You don't need to take what the senior agents say to heart. We have a lot of expectations for this year's graduates because Wakatoshi-kun is with you, but take it easy."

"Oh."

"We'll be very busy right off the bat. There's already a meeting scheduled with Marude and Arima about the journey to the Underground and such, but that won't be taking place for a few months. However, we do have a backlog of ghouls that are in our interests. Has Chiyoru-san told you about Renaissance?"

Iwaizumi meets his puzzled expression with equal confusion, "No?"

"That's the ghoul the Chairman wants her to track down- remember that hacker that nearly got into the database?"

"The one that appeared five years ago?"

"That same one," Shinohara nods, exiting and leading them down the hall. Security cameras follow their every movement, whirring and spinning on their stand. "Mysterious ghoul, they are. Kenma-san got close enough to tracking her laptop address before sending out a program to scan her files. Amazing intel she has on everything, really. Ghoul biology, hacking, and what we suspect are floor plans of the Underground. The research department didn't come out of their offices for an entire month."

Oikawa pauses, "Why would they have floor plans of the Underground when they're in Germany?"

Shinohara smiles, "That's what we want to know. She's disappeared from our radar for about four years, and we're interested in keeping tabs on her." They come together in front of a large sleek door, complete with an ID scanner at the side. "In the future, maybe you'll get to work with your sister on some files, but for now, let's start you off easy."

Iwaizumi grabs his fingers, and they both link their clammy hands together before entering.

Marude, lowering his coffee cup, scowls, " _Oh_ , it's another Oikawa."

Shinohara laughs, clapping Tooru and Iwaizumi on their shoulders, "You don't need to be so sour. Chiyoru was an exceptional side member of our operation."

"She laughed at my motorcycle!" Marude sniffs, adjusting his tie. When they get themselves settled, he clears his throat before nodding briefly at the table. Oikawa scans the darkened room, notices a lot of higher ups and realize that they're the only new graduates within the room. The door opens and they all turn to see Arima and Ushijima enter.

"Late again."

"Apologies," Arima lowers himself into his seat, all grace and an unmoving wall of presence. The senior investigator looks up straight at Oikawa, and it sends a little zing of electricity into his spine. Arima Kishou briefly smiles politely at him, all light lashes and kind eyes. It reminds Tooru of the younger version of his sister.

"Ah yes," Marude sourly inserts, "You noticed the newcomers. The one you're looking at should vaguely resemble _someone_ we all know-"

"Oikawa Tooru," Arima surprisingly grins, reveal a row of pearly whites, "I worked with your sister a lot. Brilliant person. Nice to meet you, welcome to the CCG."

It's amazing how a simple greeting like that could make him feel so at home, so welcomed that Marude's glare and all the expectations piled onto his shoulders suddenly disappear. Oikawa sits a little higher in his seat, feeling his cheeks redden from the attention given to him, forgetting momentarily that they're of the same age, "T-Thank you for having me here!"

Arima offers the same smile to Iwaizumi, before introducing Ushijima to the panel of investigators. Oikawa, sitting back in his seat as Marude finally gets the spotlight shined on him, starts rambling about the extermination. He really should be listening, but there will be notes for him to review later on. He sits across the untouchable investigator, the one who has risen through ranks like they are mere stepping stones to him, watching Arima sip his water quietly as he gives his full attention to Marude.

It gives him the chills to be working with someone like Arima, someone who has so much talent that he bypassed the Academy to go straight into fieldwork. Maybe one day he could be that- managing a ward like Marude and leading a special team of investigators. No, he definitely wants that. He knows he's good, and he wants all the achievements and glory that comes with it.

Oikawa rolls his shoulders back and turns his attention to the screen, determination flowing in him.

He would make the sacrifice his sister gave him count.

He will make his parents proud.

  
  


Their first kill together was a mother-daughter ghoul pair bordering the first ward. Oikawa will never forget the sight, the mother yelling at the child to run far away, Iwaizumi ordered by another investigator of the same squad to follow the girl and kill her.

And Oikawa had taken the mother's head for himself, dashed right in when she smiled helplessly at him, not ever raising her pulsing kagune before accepting her death like an old lover's embrace.

_It feels wrong._

Yet after they cleaned themselves up from the blood and sweat, Arima walks up to them, glasses fogged up in the shower room before congratulating them. Iwaizumi had stiffened beside him, but Oikawa drank it up, smiling and unfurling like the petals of a flower before Arima leaves.

As they make their way out of the showers, Iwaizumi keeps quiet beside him, lost in thought.

"You must be Oikawa and Iwaizumi! Come in, come in!" The researcher that greets them in the upper levels of the Main Ward is visiting from Germany, and, because his sister turned out to be quite the influential person over in the Germany, one of the best quinque makers in the world agreed to design Oikawa and Iwaizumi's first quinque. The lady leads them past the tight security of the floor, brown hair tied in a side ponytail, "I'm Yachi Madoka, your sister sends her well wishes and congratulations, by the way. Hitoka- my daughter- babysits her kids when she has to fly to England for conferences."

"Ah, she must know Kageyama's son, right?"

"Oh, Tobio-kun? Yes, they're in the same class!" Madoka beams, opening the doors to a large, empty room with quinque metal hidden underneath tarps the size of tents. Two identical suitcases, one black and one white, sits on the varnished table off to the side. Oikawa looks at Iwaizumi, who still seems to see the child in front of him. "I'm happy to accommodate your request for a chimera, Iwaizumi-kun. I hope you do like it."

He watches Iwaizumi hold the briefcase in his hand, not missing the hesitance before raising it to his shoulder level and pressing a trigger on the handle, watching the black case wrap back to reveal a lengthening rod and a wicked, curved blade. A scythe.

"There's a part you can twist near the bottom."

The gleaming weapon turns into stiff looking whip, and Iwaizumi twists it to the third setting as it shifts into a baton-like rod that seems to be a dormant form next to the suitcase.

"Thank you."

Madoka's smile disappears and she looks down, "The first quinque is always hard."

"No, no- I'm- It's perfect!" Iwaizumi snaps to attention, "Really! It's well made and-"

"It's fine Iwaizumi-kun, my feelings aren't hurt," She hands Oikawa his suitcase, stepping back and folding her hands together. Her brown eyes remind him of Chiyoru's, and how it looked like the light has been extinguished from them, "I do work for the Commission of Counter Ghoul, I did go through what you did years ago, _I know_." Her words are simple, but they hold a tremendous amount of pain behind them.

Oikawa looks down at his suitcase, the handle cold and smooth as Madoka gives him a small nod. Oikawa presses a trigger on the side and watches the lid smoothly peel back to reveal a silver, gleaming sword. The design is fairly simple, a dainty handle that has two switches embedded and a glinting blade. He knows that one of them will be able to release a nasty charge of electricity, much like one of Arima's in his collection.

"A rapier."

"I remembered Shinohara saying something about Iwaizumi-kun liking both long range weapons while you like short ranged weapons." She smiles warily, "I coated it in an S grade material. It's very sturdy and should last a fairly long time if you take care of it. Marude told me about the upcoming ward exterminations and I figured I should give both of you something long lasting."

Oikawa looks at the metal, sees his reflection gleam up at him. The quinque is quiet in his hands, not yet thirsting for blood as it continues to feel calm and friendly. He looks over at Iwaizumi, who's playing around with the modes of the quinque. Scythe, rod, whip, scythe, rod, whip.

"Thank you, Yachi-san."

She waves it off like it's nothing, "It's not a problem, thank you for letting me experiment with chimera quinques." Iwaizumi walks closer to him, standing close enough for the space between their elbows to spark before Madoka smiles, "Do you know what to name them? You do need to sign the official ownership rights before you leave."

Oikawa looks at Iwaizumi, sees the surprise reflected in his eyes, "Oh. That's kind of sudden..." When Iwaizumi is looking at his quinque, studying the way it's a foot taller than his head, he's surprised when a smile starts to appear, "Iwa?"

" _Amaterasu and Tsukiyomi_."

Madoka nods, pen in her hands gliding on the papers as she signs them off, "Good choice, you two. Well, I'll take your old ones now." She gives a little salute with her hands before hugging their old quinques to her chest and walking out of the room. "I'll see you around someday, give my wishes to Shinohara and Arima."

Oikawa turns dubiously to Iwaizumi, pressing a trigger and watching Tsukiyomi turn into a suitcase before opening the door and letting the scent of lemons wash over their noses in the hallway, "Amaterasu? Where did you get that from?"

"Your sister gave me the idea a long time ago," Iwaizumi looks nostalgic, a thin smile wearing on the corners of his mouth. "Did she ever tell you the colors she hears?"

"My mother had that, I think. Synesthesia, wasn't it? The ability to hear color."

"She said your voice was silver and mine was orange."

"'God of the moon' and 'God of the sun.'" Oikawa snorts, coming to a walkway filled with large windows. There are cozy couches just ahead of them, and the spot was popular for investigators needing a coffee break somewhere not in their offices. There's a growing pile of papers that Oikawa needs to look over about their next assignments and he's not sure how he'll get all of them done in time when it seems every investigator on their floor had been telling them what good of a job they've done at their last kill. "How fitting, Iwa-chan. I never knew you were that sentimental."

Iwaizumi frowns at his suitcase, "Doesn't it bother you?" He asks quietly, and Oikawa looks down at his own, blinding white in the sunlight as they come to a stop. "I don't think I can use this. This belonged to a mother for god's sake. _A mother trying to protect her child._ "

"You shouldn't say that sort of stuff here," He mumbles under his breath as they walk past Houji and Hanamaki dragging some crates. Matsukawa, arms busy pushing a trolley, greets them by raising his eyebrows as his mentor rapidly scrawls a message to a messenger boy. When the quartet turns a corner, Oikawa studies the way Iwaizumi's jaws have stiffened. "You'll get used to it, Hajime. It's supposed to be a weapon that will kill ghouls."

"How will I know if it'll listen to me? How will I know that I've won its compatibility? I can't run around the first ward with a weapon that-"

"You're overthinking about things too much," Oikawa harshly cuts in just as the elevator doors splits apart to reveal a few university students enter for a tour of the building, "Think about of all the investigators that were sacrificed for us to know the secrets of quinques and kagunes! Why are you saying this all of the sudden? You had no problem with the ones we use at school!"

Iwaizumi narrows his eyes, shouldering the door and sticking his arm out just before it closes. The automatic doors peel back as Oikawa sees him seethe, "I don't know what kind of stick got up your ass, but I'm going for a walk."

"Fine."

"Fine!" Oikawa scowls, crossing his arms and glaring at some of his juniors. They flinch and turn away from him when he barks, "What?" at them.

Escaping the stifling elevator, Oikawa drops into his seat, schooling his features into an irritable frown as he starts to tackle the mess of files dumped onto his desk. Shinohara's messenger boy peeps into the room a few times, interrupting his reading session. After that, Marude began hounding the offices near him in search of a stapler. It got to the point where all Oikawa hears are distractions, so he pulls out ear plugs before stuffing them into his ear.

It bothers him how Iwaizumi is starting to get antsy.

_What if he's so sick of being an investigator that he'll leave you?_ The petty, insecure side of him croons. _He said that you two will be together forever, that he'll follow you wherever you go. What will happen if he decides to abandon you on the side of the road? What will you do? All of your life you have been leading him, what will happen when you have no one to lead anymore? What will happen if you lose him?_

"-kawa?"

He jolts up, looking up into Shinohara's concerned eyes and digging the earplugs out of his ears. It's gotten really dark outside. He didn't realize how dry his eyes are until he starts blinking. His eyes immediately sting.

"Yes?"

Shinohara pauses, looking down at him before handing him another report, "You should go home now."

"I still have," Oikawa gestures vaguely to the foot of files cluttered on his desk, "Around sixty to read. I'll go home after this one."

"That's what your sister always say," Shinohara grumbles under his breath, "Always ' _one last one, I prooomise!_ ' Never did stop. There was that one time where Mamoru had to haul her out of the office by baiting her with a date." He looks up, "But you should do rest. Iwaizumi's probably waiting at home for you."

_Ah yes, him_. Oikawa smiles weakly, nodding and putting away his files as Shinohara watches him like a hawk, making sure that Oikawa doesn't smuggle any more reading materials into his already bulging bag. He used to look forward going home to an empty apartment with Iwaizumi, but their earlier fight in the day still echoes in his mind. It itches like a bug bite up until he unlocks the front door to an empty apartment.

Iwaizumi is collapsed, snoring away on the couch, and Oikawa sighs a little, opening the window to let a breeze into the room before draping a blanket on him.

  
  


Things are changing and Iwaizumi isn't sure if he likes it.

Because when Shinohara hustles them to a meeting in a roomful of seniors with stormy faces, Iwaizumi thinks he should really be sitting with someone of his own age, but he finds no one in his graduating class save for Ushijima standing behind his father's chair. They make eye contact and the son of the Chairman gives him a little nod, eyes tightening and Iwaizumi breathes out, knowing all too well what this is about. He flashes back to the study periods in the library, Ushijima muttering quietly about the Underground tunnels being cleansed.

The Chairman greets them calmly, not batting an eye when Arima strolls in late and takes up a chair to the left side of the room, right in front of Oikawa. Iwaizumi's palms feel soaked with sweat as they're given sensitive files, stamped red in large blocky letters. And when he opens the file to see a small blurry image of his new assignment with Oikawa and Shinohara, his stomach drops.

"...SS rated ghoul... Forty-seven cases of manslaughter," Tooru whispers into his ear as Marude takes the Chairman's place and starts barking out orders, "Most noted for wiping out the Oikawa and Iwaizumi household."

His blood runs cold.

  
  


_"It's our lucky day, isn't it, Hajime?"_

  
  


"Are things tense between you two or are things tense between you two?" Matsukawa quips, pushing his luggage trolley forward and backward lazily with his foot as Hanamaki and Oikawa line up to order a drink from a fast food joint. Iwaizumi has just finished demolishing an order of medium fries and sucked his root beer dry before the liquid goes into the wrong pipe and he chokes.

Between the coughs, he shakes his head, wheezing, "No- _cough_ \- no, where'd you hear that?"

"I don't know man, everyone can kinda see it. It's sort of like when we all knew you two had a thing going on for each other back in the days, remember that?"

"Oh _stuff_ it that was ages ago."

"You're ignoring my questions, Iwaizumi."

He scowls, turning away from the knowing glint in Matsukawa's too observant eyes, "He's being a dickwad. I told him that Amaterasu doesn't feel right in my hands and then he starts sprouting shit about sacrifice." He doesn't mention the way Oikawa keeps sneaking his files to read at home in bed while they were supposed to be sleeping, or the way Oikawa now hardly takes any coffee breaks, or they way he slinks away into the archives during whatever break he allots himself. Iwaizumi has a lot of things he noticed, but he doesn't say any of them, not the way it bothers him, or the way he thinks he should stop Oikawa from working himself too hard.

"He has a point. A lot of lives were lost until we figured out how to make quinques."

"He didn't need to be an ass about it." He sees Oikawa smoothly smile at the girl at the counter, pointing to the menu behind her before pushing a few small bills, "Did he tell you about our assignment?"

"The ghoul who killed your family right?" Matsukawa solemnly says. Iwaizumi swallows hard, mouth suddenly dry even though he'd just chugged an entire root beer float. He's no stranger to Oikawa- he knows Oikawa for god's sake. He knows what he wants most out of all, that is, he wants to be someone great, as vague as that sounds.

"I'm afraid he's going to push himself to the limits to kill our assignment."

Matsukawa plays with a packet of sugar, sleeves rolled up to show the bluebell tattoo curling around his forearm, "Have you talked to him about this?"

Iwaizumi scowls, "What do you think?"

"Well, you know, you should talk to him first before making any assumptions," Matsukawa checks his wrist watch before standing up, "We should be going to the gate soon. Security takes time."

Iwaizumi silently follows, gathering his tray and patting his tie back into place with the clip. Hanamaki is already striding towards the gate, in deep conversation with Oikawa. As he follows Matsukawa pushing his and Hanamaki's carry on, their quinques stacked on top of their bags, he tries not to think of how hard goodbyes are on people in their line of work.

Hanamaki runs up to him, squeezing him in a bone crushing hug. Matsukawa claps a hand with him before hugging him as well. They both grin together at them, waving their passports before passing through the gate. It was all too quick for Iwaizumi to really feel anything other than a little remorse, but over past the gate, he sees Hanamaki dab his eyes a little.

"Ready to go?" Oikawa asks, half turning to him.

Iwaizumi tries to hide the tears in his eyes, "Yeah," He chokes, "Let's go."

It seemed like forever, but Iwaizumi feels Oikawa sling his arm around his shoulders before discreetly passing a tissue from his pocket.

"Let's go home, Hajime."

  
  


"Stop overworking yourself," Iwaizumi finally says to him one day, standing accusingly at the entrance of the room they share with Shinohara. The entire building is already dark, save for the upper few floors where he knows the research team is fighting through some breakthrough with another quinque. Oikawa doesn't look up, still reading old files as Iwaizumi walks forward insistently past the dusty Christmas decors and that one row of fairy lights around Oikawa's desk.

"Oikawa."

No answer.

" _Oikawa_."

"Just one more file, Iwa-chan," Oikawa tersely says, and Iwaizumi looks at the piles of loose-leafed paper with his loopy writing, the occasional words circled in red ink. The twenty-two year old has his suit jacket spread over the back of his chair, sleeves rolled up. Iwaizumi wants to punch him. "Then I'll go home."

"No," He bites out angrily, slamming his hand down on the current file. A bottle of painkillers drops from where it was sitting on top of the precarious pile of papers onto the desk before rolling onto the floor. Iwaizumi should have really punched some sense into Oikawa weeks ago- it's one thing to be immersing himself in work, but it's another thing to worsen his knee again. He hears the audible click of Oikawa's teeth snapping together, "No ' _Just one more file, Iwa-chan_ ' if you don't stop now you're not going to stop until five in the morning. We have a meeting with Marude-san in a few hours. Leave it."

Oikawa coolly looks up at him, dark brown eyes burning coldly, "You can go home first."

"I'm not leaving unless you agree to come with me. It's already late."

"It's not even-"

"Oikawa!"

"No you listen Iwaizumi!" Oikawa explodes, standing up and letting his height loom over Iwaizumi's shorter stature, "Why don't you understand that I want to catch them?"

"It's already two in the morning! The entire building is empty!" Iwaizumi snaps, curling his fists together and watching the way the desk lamp hits Oikawa's sharp cheekbones with anger. "You've been at this for the last two weeks! You know in the end we always catch them so please! Go home and rest!"

"These ghouls," Oikawa says quietly, " _killed_ our parents. Your family. My mother and father."

"I know that, Oikawa," Iwaizumi stiffly says, "But I'm worried about you."

"Is this where your loyalties lie?" Oikawa hisses.

Iwaizumi stops, staring at his boyfriend with his mouth hanging open, Oikawa's voice echoing in his skull.

"Excuse me?" He growls, tensing his shoulders together, "What did you just say?" Because if his ears are correct, he could have sworn Oikawa just accused of him siding with ghouls.

"I said, _is this where your loyalties lie?_ Are you trying to prevent me from capturing them? From delivering what they deserve?" Oikawa snarls, eyes livid, "Do you know how much my sister cried when Mamoru came home in a vegetative state? How much we both want to find the ghoul who did this to him and give him what he deserves? And now you're saying that you want me to stop chasing them?"

Iwaizumi bares his teeth, "You seriously need to get that shitty ego out of your head and stop putting false words into my mouth! Who said that I don't want the ghoul who hurt Mamoru-san to face justice? You dare think I don't care- that I'm not worried about your sister and her family too? _Here's a tip Oikawa, stop assuming things!_ "

"You need to check where your loyalties lie!"

"My loyalty lies with the CCG! With you! _With us_!" Iwaizumi shouts, stabbing his finger into Oikawa's chest, watching his eyes fill with angry tears. "Don't you dare think I don't feel the same way!"

Oikawa slaps his hand away, "You're too soft to be an investigator! Always worrying about irrelevant stuff like resting and going home when there's work to be done!"

Iwaizumi steps back, watching Oikawa's pinched face relax until there's confusion in them. He continues to watch how Tokyo glimmers prettily behind them, the concrete jungle vibrant with reds and greens when Oikawa opens his mouth.

"Iwa?-"

"You're saying that we are _irrelevant_ ," He says quietly, "You know what I think Oikawa? I think that you don't want to be together anymore- do you know what I feel? I feel as if I'm the only one putting effort into this relationship now. You just brush me off without even respecting my own wishes. You ignore me and accused me of things I would never think of. I keep telling you to take it easy so your knee isn't going to fuck up again! But you still think you're a high schooler and you can ease the pain away with more painkillers! You know what? I don't care anymore!" Iwaizumi grabs his own suit jacket from his chair before pulling is over his frame and walking away from his office, "I don't care Oikawa! You can just continue fucking up your own life! You know too well that I tried to help you, but we're not going to work if I'm the only one putting in the effort to be together!"

"Iwaizumi!" He can hear Oikawa's footsteps chasing him through the empty hallways, shoes clicking against the floor. Iwaizumi bites his lips hard enough for blood to roll down his mouth. He walks faster, his head a mess as he feels Oikawa's hand gripping his suit jacket.

Like so many times they've practiced before in the dojang, Iwaizumi slaps his hand away, coiling his core and delivering a quick punch to Oikawa's jaw.

" _Don't follow me_ ," He breathes, feeling his tears roll down his cheeks and jaw. He can't think. He doesn't want to think. He needs to get away. Get away from him.

Iwaizumi waits a few more seconds, watching a stunned Oikawa with tears in his eyes before striding over to the elevators. He presses the ground level and waits for the hand that has held him in his sleep to force their way into the elevator.

But it never comes.

  
  


When Iwaizumi stumbles into their apartment the next day, hellbent on tugging Oikawa out of bed and demanding an answer to why he didn't come to Marude's important meeting, he finds that the front door is unlocked.

The hallways, spotless and a little dusty since neither of them had time to clean yet in the past week, is silent. He checks the kitchen, sees that their aquarium is still thriving with the automatic feeder they installed in the tank a couple of weeks ago. Iwaizumi drops his briefcase and quinque onto the couch, not liking the way the apartment is too quiet.

"Oikawa?" He walks into his bedroom, which is really just a guest bedroom now that Oikawa insists on sleeping with him. Nothing. He spins around and walks towards his bedroom, opening the door and seeing his blankets neatly folded.

Iwaizumi whirls around the house, searching in the kitchen and bathroom and even running up to the roof top garden and down into the convenience store to ask the shop keeper if Oikawa had stopped by for some milk bread. He runs past a park, eyes trying to find his stupid boyfriend wherever he is. He runs past the florist, remembers the bouquet of tulips withering away on their dining table before ending up at his apartment again.

He calls Kuroo's number.

"Ohoho? Kuroo speaking-"

"Do you know if Oikawa is sleeping in his office?" Iwaizumi demands, clutching his phone as Kuroo mumbles something about running over there right now to check. He waits a few seconds. It's not like this is the first time this happened, but Oikawa usually writes a note or hauls an obvious amount of blankets from their home to their shared cubicle.

"Nope. His office is spotless, which is strange by the way. I thought he checked out ten files to read-"

"Thanks, Kuroo. Bye." He hastily ends the call, fear injected into his veins as his palms start to sweat. Where would he be? Door unlocked, no note, bed empty; Iwaizumi doesn't like the sound of wherever this is leading to it. He automatically crosses out the idea of Oikawa being kidnapped by ghouls. He would have heard about it during work if that ever happened.

He tries dialing Oikawa's number, listening to the dial tone connect before an operator tells him that their call will not connect.

Wanting to kick something, he pulls up a number he's only called once or twice.

" _Wei, ni hao. Matsukawa_ -"

"It's me. Do you know if Oikawa is on a plane to China right now?"

A grand pause, " _...Iwaizumi??_ "

"Do you?"

"Uh no," Matsukawa replies, "We haven't spoken since I left. Why?"

"I'll talk to you later," Hanging up, he makes more calls towards the human resource sector of the CCG before throwing his phone onto the couch, pacing around his small living room and dropping into a crouch.

He's gone.

_Just one more file, Iwa-chan._

Oikawa Tooru is gone and Iwaizumi Hajime doesn't know where he is or even if he's alive. No one has seen him. Nobody in HR said he checked in this morning. He's not in the places he thought he would be.

_It feel as if I'm the only one putting effort into this relationship now._

Like last night, the tears spill over his eyes once more, and Hajime finally sits down fully, ignoring the fact that the front door is wide open and any curious neighbors will wander in. All he can think is of the hurtful things he have said to Oikawa, how he punched him, the poison that Oikawa spat back at him, _You're too soft to be an investigator!_ echoing in his head like a broken record. He's supremely angry and he wants to break something in his hands. How dare. How dare he say all of that. How dare he brush away Iwaizumi's efforts, as if they didn't go through the same training and classes. He's livid, yet at the same time he's also full of remorse.

_"Where are you, Oikawa?"_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas


	4. broken ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow what a surprise i'm updating sooner than i thought.
> 
> life update: still screaming about graduation and scholarships at a hundred nyooms per hour. caffeine flows through my blood frequently. i think by the end of this school year i'll get so stressed i'll not get stressed, do you feel? major thanks to the swag beta aiden/fortifiedacorn who reads this angsty mess even though he's also screaming about school like me.
> 
> onwards with the fic! (there are some time skips in this so be careful!)

 

Winter in Germany isn't like anything Oikawa has experienced in Japan.

Distraught after Iwaizumi left crying, he'd jiggled his computer awake and booked the earliest ticket leaving Japan to anywhere- anywhere but here. He needed to get away. And so with only his work bag and laptop, he'd locked all the important files he borrowed from the archives in his drawer before running home and slipping his passport in his coat.

He didn't sleep a wink on the airplane, and with the noise in the cabin added with the engine whirring, it was impossible to. His stomach rolled in time with the air turbulence, and when he landed, he paid no attention to the luggage carousel, heading straight towards security.

With no real knowledge of the German tongue, he'd withdrew some money from the currency exchange counter before setting off randomly. The wind nips his nose, and Oikawa shivers in his business coat, choosing to hop onto a random bus that took him to a busy part of town. With the time zone difference weighing him down, he stumbles through the street, fighting through the snow to a bench on the side of a bridge overlooking a river. It's beautiful, yet he feels a deep ache in his heart as he watches a lone swan running on the ice covering the river before spreading its wings.

He blows on his hands, watching night quickly settling in. Hajime had been crying when he left. Oikawa has never seen him cry so openly, yet again, he's the cause of those tears.

_What was he going to do?_

" _Tooru?_ " A voice full of disbelief calls out.

He spins around to see his sister climb out of a sleek black car, hair whipping in the wind as she bravely crosses the snowbank with her heels. 

"Nee-c-chan..."

She wraps him with a thick knitted scarf from her own neck, loosening her coat and wrapping it around his shoulders. Her lashes are darker than usual- she must have coated it with mascara. She pushes him forwards towards the car, slamming the passenger door shut. The driver looks at him curiously. "D-Did you just get out of court?" He asks.

" _Never mind that! What are you doing here?_ " She boggles, turning to speak to the driver in a stream of fast German. The driver presses a button that turns all the heaters to full blast as Oikawa continues to shiver. "Do you not have a suitcase? Why didn't you call me that you were visiting? I could have picked you up from the airport! Where's Hajime?"

"I-It was a last minute decision to come here," Oikawa smoothly evades the bigger question, nearly biting off his tongue, "I only brought my work stuff along."

Chiyoru is saved from probing him any further when the car pulls up in front of a brightly lit townhouse, just off the corner of a pretty square with many shops and restaurants lining the main roads. She says a quick thank you and hustles him past the doorway, where Oikawa sees Takeru, now older and much taller, with Tsuru trailing behind him.

"UNCLE TOORU!" Takeru yells, running past his mother hanging up her coat to tackle Oikawa off his feet. "HI! What are you doing?! Wow," His nephew leans back, scrunching his eyebrows. Oikawa peers amazingly at his features- and doesn't stop a smile from spreading. He has the Oikawa nose, slightly upturned, his ears are a little large, and his eyes were the same brown shade as his, "your nose is really red."

" _Takeru_."

"Sorry," Takeru says without the slightest remorse, showing a set of pearly whites, "Where's Uncle Hajime? Is he hiding?"

"Er, Iwa-chan will come later. He's tying up some loose ends at the office back home."

Takeru pouts, but scrambles off his stomach. Tsuru stares at him a little apprehensively, hands clutching a textbook. She resembles her father more, the only feature Oikawa can distinguish that's not Mamoru's is her brown hair. It's lighter than her brother's jet black spikes.

"Takeru, why don't you help Tsuru make some tea?" His sister suggests.

"Can we have some hot chocolate instead?"

"Oh sure," Chiyoru huffs, closing the hallway closet as her eldest screams in delight to the kitchens. She looks down at Oikawa still sitting on her foyer, her suitcase in hand as she loosens the top button of her blouse, "Get up Tooru, the floor isn't that clean."

Hesitating, he follows her deeper into the house, spotting a kind housekeeper who looks well into her late thirties busying herself with dinner. Takeru and Tsuru are animatedly moving in the kitchen next to the nanny, bringing out biscuits and a fancy tea set from the depths of the cupboards. Chiyoru takes him past the living room, coffee table filled with abandoned school work and pencils. He sees a picture of his sister in her wedding down and Mamoru wearing his CCG uniform above the fireplace.

Takeru races into the living room, handing Oikawa a cup of hot chocolate with two inches of whipped cream sitting on top. Chiyoru frowns at the amount of sugar before scolding him gently, "Takeru, you haven't had dinner yet."

"But Uncle Tooru is here!"

"Well...that's alright I suppose, but leave some room for dinner please."

"Okay!" Takeru cheerfully says, grabbing all the papers on his desk as he clears it for Tsuru to place a large plate of cookies. They both take two before slipping into the kitchen to leave them alone.

"Tsuru is quiet isn't she?" Oikawa says finally, after letting the cup warm his blue hands. Chiyoru shrugs, not realizing she now has a mustache cream on her upper lip.

"I don't think I'm a very good mother to both of them, but that's for another time," She turns to look at him, pinning him with a serious look she usually saves for facing criminals, "So? Don't you think I didn't hear it in the hallway. Where's Hajime? Last time I checked, you two don't go anywhere without each other."

Oikawa laces his fingers together, looking around the cream colored living room and how snow is continuously falling outside on the streets, "...We fought."

"...A big one?"

"The worst," He puts his head in his hands, letting exhaustion finally take hold of him. "I don't even know where we started to fight or where we went wrong. I must have said something and I ignored his feelings before he finally exploded."

"He's still in Japan I'm assuming?"

"I took the earliest flight out of the country and it happened to be Germany."

After a long pause, his sister touches his shoulder, "Let's get you out of this wet suit, you can wear some of Mamoru's old clothes. Sleep here tonight, ja? Jet-lag is terrible."

 

 

On his way from Fukouka en route to Tokyo, Iwaizumi receives a call from an international number. It filled his entire screen and he looks at the unfamiliar area code, wondering if he should pick up.

"Hello?"

" _Check your email, Hajime-kun._ "

" _Nee-san?_ " He cradles the phone between his shoulder and ear before pulling off to the side of the road, " _Where is he? Is he safe?_ " He'd just gotten back from scouring Oikawa's uncle's and aunt's house since he thought Tooru might be hiding there, but no luck. He quickly scrolls through his emails, ignoring the ones from Ushijima about a lunch meeting to see that Chiyoru has booked him a plane ticket to-

" _Germany. He said that he caught the first flight out of Japan and it happened to be going to Germany with a stop at Heathrow. I already called the Chairman this morning. You're taking a vacation to visit me._ "

Iwaizumi sits in his still idling car, feeling the thrum of the engine through the seats. 

"Um-"

" _I don't want to hear it, it's between you two but you should know that he wandered around downtown last night with only his suit jacket on in negative five degree weather._ " She says in a clipped tone, " _He's sleeping now from the jet lag, but you should talk it out with him._ "

"I... Thank you, Nee-san." Iwaizumi grips his cellphone, putting his forehead on the wheel and feeling his eyes sting.

Over the line, Chiyoru weakly laughs, " _Don't thank me Hajime, thank my driver for driving another way home that night._ "

 

 

"Do they know how to speak German?" Oikawa asks over breakfast, chewing the fluffiest Belgium waffles he's ever had in his life. Agnes, the lovely housekeeper, winks as she sets two more stacks on his plate.  

"Of course they do," Chiyoru scoffs over her coffee, flipping through a binder that resembles more like an encyclopedia. Takeru and Tsuru are struggling to keep their eyes open as they sway in their seats. " _Du_   _zwei sperchen Deutsch, nicht wahr?_ "

" _Ja, Mama._ "

Chiyoru smiles at him, throwing back her cup before stealing a strawberry off Oikawa's perfect waffles, "I'll be off now," She straightens her pantsuit before shrugging on a different jacket because the one Oikawa had used is being washed. She moves around to kiss Takeru and Tsuru on the head, "Be good."

" _Gute Reise_ ," Agnes sings over the kitchen. Chiyoru waves, smiling before Oikawa hears the front door slam to a shut.

On the way to Takeru's and Tsuru's elementary school, Oikawa watches his nephews sing Christmas carols with the other school children as they pass squares after squares, the storefronts of shops decked out in tinsel and fairy lights. From what (very) limited German he knows, today is apparently the last day of school before winter break settles in.

"How long are you staying here, Uncle?" Takeru pipes up, breath coming out in fluffy little clouds as he tries his hardest to crane his neck up. Both children are trying hard to keep up to his long strides, and he slows down deliberately. "Because since we don't have school tomorrow, we're going to visit Papa today! Do you remember him?"

"Mamoru?" Oikawa asks, surprised.

"Yeah!!"

Oikawa nods, "Sure," He hears himself say. His sister didn't mention anything about that, so he's not sure of how he should be acting, "I'll come along."

Takeru makes him promise to come pick him up with Agnes after school before running into the building. Oikawa smiles and waves to Tsuru when she turns to look at him curiously. Flushing, she hurries inside in time for the bell to ring.

Oikawa takes him time going back to his sister's townhouse, letting his shoes crunch in the snow, toes surely turning blue. It's not snowing anymore, but the weather is bitterly cold, and he's thankful that he's wearing some proper winter apparel. He thinks about his dead phone, of how many messages he'll have to answer when he comes home to find it fully charged. Shinohara must be at his wit's end, not to mention that Marude will probably make him scrub the toilets as punishment for skipping out on an important meeting. 

Then he thinks of Iwaizumi, and finds that his heart tugs painfully.

Agnes greets him when he steps into the warm house, setting a tray of tea down in the living room before returning outside to shovel the snow outside. When he moves to help her, since he needs something to do to keep him as busy as possible before the waterworks start, she brushes him off.

"You're a guest," she smiles, speaking in fluent Japanese, "And you're the Miss's brother."

"Is my sister well liked here?" Chiyoru rarely talks about her life in Germany that Oikawa feels like she doesn't talk about it on purpose.

"Oh very! She gets invited to a lot of company dinners and even showed up a few times on the television. It makes Takeru and Tsuru a bit lonely at times, but she's doing fairly well working with the CCG here. She feels guilty for being so busy all the time, but it can't be helped after all." She hums, "She speaks often of you."

"Does she?"

"And of Iwaizumi-san as well. She's very fond of you two, albeit a little surprised when you appeared alone."

Oikawa wraps his hands around the cup, looking down at his reflection, "...I made a rash decision to come here in a whim because I fought with him. It's...one of the worst fights so far we've had." Agnes stops shoveling snow to look up at him from the driveway, "I said things I shouldn't have said, but I can't take them back. Somewhere before this, I made an error and it snowballed from there."

"The Miss thought it would be something to that degree."

"I'm sorry for causing trouble..." Oikawa mumbles, "I didn't mean to show up out of the blue."

"It's not a problem at all, the kids love you," Agnes reassures him gently, dark hair blowing freely in the slight gust, "The Miss misses you, I'm sure. You should find time here to relax as well, try to return home with a clear head."

Oikawa wryly smiles, "Clear head huh?"

She smiles softly at him, gesturing for him to turn around. Oikawa does, wondering if his sister came back early before he sees a familiar build, shorter than his and more muscled standing at the entrance of the living room, wearing a sweater that he's sure belonged in his closet back in Japan. Tooru's eyes trails up from the neck, past the clean shaven chin to the slightly crooked nose, sliding past the faint scar gracing his jaw to settle into Iwaizumi's dark eyes.

An embarrassing squeak slips from his throat.

Outside, Agnes calls out, "I'm going to buy some cake from the bakery! The soup is simmering on low heat, I will be back in a few!" Oikawa continues to stare at Iwaizumi, who's staring right back at him as they hear Agnes start up the black car before driving away.

Then it's silent.

" _What are you doing here?_ "

Iwaizumi looks up from the fluffy rug, eyes red from exhaustion as Oikawa see him step forward. There's a nervous bob of his Adam's apple, "Following you, _dumbass_. I taking you back home."

"...I said things I shouldn't have said."

"Oikawa-"

"I ignored your feelings and I basically told you that you weren't an equal to me, _I looked down at you and threw your efforts away, I spat in your face and told you that you weren't good at what you do-_ " Oikawa releases all of this unfiltered thoughts, trying to speak as fast as possible. 

"Tooru-"

"Then I ignored you and kept pushing myself too far in the hunts we do. My knee suffered even though you told me to ease my routine and stop. I didn't listen to you. I never really listen to you do I, Iwa? You're just left to pull me back from whatever hole I fall into."

"That's not true, this wasn't  _all_ your fault," Iwaizumi quietly says, "This is my fault as well. I've lost my temper at moments where I should have hold it back. You...you don't deserve that bruised jaw."

Oikawa looks at the second mug he managed to miss on Agnes's pretty tea platter. She must have known beforehand, huh? "I'm the one to blame this time. I let my selfishness get the best of me and I know I should have listened to you but I didn't." He looks up from the hems of Iwaizumi's dark pants to the navy blue sweater clinging to his frame. It's definitely his. "I should have known better."

Iwaizumi sits on the couch, leaning forward and pouring himself a cup of tea before blowing on it. "I just want the best for you since you often don't take care of yourself."

"I know," Oikawa watches him gulp some tea, body half turned towards him. On most days, Oikawa would never notice the dark circles hanging around his eyes but it's become more pronounced. "And I also told you that you're too soft as an investigator."

"Maybe that's true," Iwaizumi shrugs, "because compared to the rest of our squad, I don't do much of the killing. I'm not as vengeful as half the investigators in here, but it's because I'm usually watching out for any ghouls out for your back. That's what the vanguard does." He pats his belt, where Oikawa sees Amaterasu slotted, "This guy is definitely thirsty for blood. It's not a quinque that suits me but if I tell myself that this quinque is protecting me, I can live with that."

After a long silence where Iwaizumi had refilled and finished his second cup, Oikawa lets a wry smile spread on his mouth, "We're a couple of idiots aren't we?"

"We are," Comes Iwaizumi's hoarse laugh, "One idiot would go so far to run away to a different country to avoid his problems and let the other idiots chase him halfway across the world. Then the first idiot's sister had to intervene. What a bunch of losers."

Oikawa closes his eyes and lets Iwaizumi kiss him gently. His heart is beating like they're seventeen all over again, the roar from the taekwondo match close in his ear as he hears peals of laughter and the sense of eternity circling them. He traces the hollows of Iwaizumi's throat, rubbing his fingers over the stubble and breathing in the unique scent that belongs to him and him alone before burying his fingers into the bristly hair.

 

 

"Gross."

Oikawa feels Iwaizumi push him off, and he opens his eyes to see his sister playfully scowl at them, crossing her arms in distaste, " _Nee-chan?_ Aren't you suppose to be working?"

She sticks out her tongue, wearing a thick turtleneck the color of sakura petals and a skirt with stiletto boots- clearly not the formal pantsuit she'd worn before she left the house. "That was a lie. I told Agnes I needed to pick up a certain someone from the airport. She went along with it thankfully, and Hajime loves her food. Then I told him to hide out in the upstairs bedroom until you came back from dropping the two little devils from school, and then I went to the bakery with Agnes and had a cup of tea with her before coming home to see my little brother snogging on _my_ couch with his boyfriend. How scandalous."

Iwaizumi's face is tomato red, "Y-You could!- You could have said something!"

"I just did."

"Ugh," Iwaizumi grumbles, red travelling from his cheeks all the way down to his neck, "You Oikawas are all the same." Chiyoru grins at him before throwing him a set of car keys.

Iwaizumi catches them with his left hand, looking puzzled, "What's this?"

"When you pick the kids up, can you drive to the hospital?" She smiles softly, "Takeru will know the way. I'm going to leave earlier to visit Mamoru."

 

 

" _UNCLE IWAIZUMI!!!_ "

Iwaizumi catches Takeru around his middle as the over-eager nine-year-old launches himself up into the air. Oikawa laughs behind him, taking the backpacks and helping him strap Tsuru onto the child booster seat before they follow Takeru's instructions towards the hospital.

"How long are you going to be here??"

He swallows nervously and meets Oikawa's eyes in the mirror as Takeru hopefully smiles at them, "Um, not sure when we're going back kiddo, we're on vacation?" Oikawa gives a little nod, "We'll stay around for Christmas though, and I think your mom wants a few extra hands around the house to clean."

"Cleaning's no fun!! Come snowshoe with us! It's really fun, right Ruru?"

Tsuru shrugs her little shoulders, turning her attention to the scenery. Iwaizumi scrunches his eyebrows at Oikawa, who gives a little shrug of his own. Between checking the mirrors and listening to Takeru calling out street names to turn at, he watches Mamoru's daughter sulk in her seat. He pays no further attention to her until they reach the room.

Mamoru, hooked up to an assortment of machines designed to keep his body alive, looks older granted. His face looks like it's been freshly shaved (Iwaizumi sees a grooming kit on the bedside and Chiyoru patting a razor dry in the bathroom), the stress lines that have grown in the past few years have disappeared. He looks at peace.

He feels Oikawa grab his hand as they look down at him.

"Hi Mamoru-san," He mumbles, "sorry it took so long to visit you."

"You know Papa?" Takeru asks from the foot of the bed, "What kind of person is he?"

Chiyoru walks back into the room, scooping Takeru up so he can sit near Mamoru's legs before doing the same with Tsuru, "Sorry, they like to hear the same story over and over again. I'm going to run to the front desk and ask if I can get a report of his condition this week, can you watch the kids Hajime-kun?"

"Oh sure," Takeru turns his face expectantly at him, the warm brown eyes glimmering, "So, what do you want to know?"

"Was he brave?"

"Very brave," Oikawa nods, "Although he needed a push here and there-" Iwaizumi grins, "-like that one time my sister came crying into my dorm room when I was in middle school, but it was good, yours truly pushed him in the correct direction."

Takeru frowns, "I don't get it."

"He's a very quiet man," Iwaizumi starts, "but he's also very caring and loves everyone. He has the strength that I want, to be able to protect people. I look up to him."

Takeru cracks a smile, a familiar twist of his mouth that lives in the depths of Iwaizumi's early memories living next to the Oikawas during the hot summer days, "I want to be brave like Papa and protect Mama."

"Maybe one day," Iwaizumi says, just as Takeru jumps down from bed, "Where are you going?"

"Bathroom!" Takeru yells over his shoulder at the same time Oikawa mumbles something about following him to keep an eye on his nephew. Iwaizumi is soon left in the room with a very silent Mamoru and Tsuru who's staring at him.

"Hi Tsuru, do you remember me?" He tries for a smile.

She nods slowly before speaking in Japanese, "Uncle Tooru's boyfriend," She looks at her father with a blank stare, playing with her fingernails before Iwaizumi puts two and two together.

"Do you remember him?"

She shakes her head, "' _können Sie nicht verpassen etwas, das Sie nie_.'"

With ice in his heart, Iwaizumi translates it, "' _You cannot miss something you never have_.'"

Tsuru plays with the blankets covering her father, the remorse on her face making her look older, posture hunching over like a cornered animal, "I never had a papa in my life. Take has, but I was too young when Papa moved to China."

Iwaizumi doesn't know what to say.

Takeru thankfully saves the day by bursting into the room with an armful of drinks with Oikawa following him, "Uncle Iwaizumi! I got us juice! Which one do you want?" He throws one to Tsuru, who claps her small hands around it, "Ruru! I got you apple!"

Iwaizumi looks at the selection before noticing Oikawa eyeing the grape can. He snags it before sticking his tongue out, "Grape."

Oikawa's protests are cut off when a nurse walks into the room doing rounds.  
  


 

"I'm pretty sure last time I checked, Nee-chan, I wasn't a glorified baby sitter. 

Chiyoru pouts, turning her best puppy eyes to Oikawa as she gestures to Tsuru and Takeru strapped into the booster seats in her car, "The office had a breakthrough with a ghoul and I already promised the little devils that I would take them snow shoeing! Please Tooru, help a kind soul out."

"What kind soul?" Oikawa howls when his sister punches his arm, "Okay, okay!" The twenty three year old looks at Iwaizumi sitting at the driver's seat, turning around to make sure Tsuru and Takeru have their seat belts on properly. "Is it the ghoul with the weird name? Renaissance?"

"I wish, but she's completely disappeared off the CCG's radar for a few years now," Chiyoru bites a lip, "Even the cyber team in Japan led by that young student- I think you know him? Kozume Kenma? His team lost her. We were counting on him for most of her activity."

Oikawa sighs, "Don't overwork yourself."

"Don't worry Tooru, I don't need a babysitter in the form of my boyfriend to make me stop overworking myself," She smirks before walking back into the house to wait for a taxi that'll take her downtown. 

Iwaizumi raises a brow when he slams the passenger door shut, "Okay?"

"I forgot how much attitude my sister had."

Iwaizumi smiles, backing out of the driveway and listening to the GPS installed into the car shoot directions at him, "I forgot how much you two bicker. It's nice."

"Not it's not nice."

"It's nice."

"No it's not."

"What's Mama like?" Takeru interrupts their squabbling. Iwaizumi actually snaps his mouth shut with an audible clack, Oikawa turns around to see Takeru blinking at them.

"What do you mean?"

Takeru fidgets, "You know," He starts, "We don't see Mama a lot. She comes home and eats with us and tucks us into bed but then she leaves early to go to work and doesn't come home until late." He fiddles with the straps of his booster seat, "Sometimes she goes to fancy parties at the CCG and flies to other countries to attend fancier meetings with that scary person."

"Matsuri?"

"Yeah."

Oikawa rests his cheek on the shoulder of the chair, "I haven't talk to my sister in a good time, but she's a hardworking person," Tsuru looks unamused at this, "I didn't know that she had to attend oversea conferences with him though."

"I don't think she had a choice in that option," Iwaizumi mumbles, keeping his eyes on the road as they drive through a winding road, the houses becoming more spread apart, "Think of it like how you had to cooperate with Ushijima. I'm sure it's for the good of her team."

"I don't like him," Takeru huffs, "He's scary."

"Yeah he scares me too," Oikawa says cheerfully, "He has more stress lines than Iwa-chan!"

"Watch it, Asskawa," Iwaizumi scowls, "I knew Nee-san was busy but I didn't realize she'd be this distant with you two."

"I just want Mama to eat breakfast with us. Madoka-san said to Mama that she's starting to live in the courtroom these days."

"Don't tell them that!" Tsuru orders crossly.

"It's true!"

As Oikawa and Iwaizumi let the siblings bicker in the backseat, they both were lost in their thoughts, Iwaizumi's hand turning every now and then to steer the car as Oikawa lets himself be spirited away with the vast amount of snow around them. Following Takeru's insistence, they circled a large lake with mountains all around them before parking the car near the edge of it.

Claiming that the water was frozen and could support the weight of a polar bear, Takeru and Tsuru took off running for the middle of the lake as Iwaizumi and Oikawa hurry after them, shouting very loudly and angrily about tattle-tailing them on Chiyoru if they don't come back to their side this instant. They opened the car's trunk door before eating lunch looking out into the scenery. Takeru saved a small carrot stick to build a snowman, and Oikawa complied to their wishes until they could barely stay awake anymore.

"My sister was right to call them little devils," He turns his head around to see Tsuru and Takeru passed out, mouths open as they continue to sleep like logs. Two snow sleds were melting in the trunk, stacked next to snowshoes as the car is filled with a wet snow smell.

Iwaizumi, who had slipped on ice and gotten his backside soaked, is sitting on his borrowed jacket as the heaters are turned on high in a slow attempt to dry his clothes, "I forgot how energetic kids their age are."

"You sound like an old man."

"I _am_ old," Iwaizumi complains pitifully, "I think I stretched my back when I fell."

"Pity you aren't as flexible as me~"

"Wipe that grin off your face."

"Keep your eyes on the road!"

"I _am_ keeping my eyes on the road!" Iwaizumi grumbles, squeezing the wheel tightly, "I just know you have that shit-eating grin on you anyway!"

Oikawa's snickering is cut short when Iwaizumi flicks his forehead right before an exit and turns the wheel sharp enough for the car to enter the curve smoothly and cause Oikawa kiss the passenger seat window.

The sun is just starting to come out of the low hanging clouds in the horizon, bathing everything in it's orange-pink light as purples start to creep across the sky when Oikawa checks that his sister's spawns are sleeping before opening his mouth.

He forces his voice to come out even, "Hajime, are we okay?"

Iwaizumi slows down the car, tapping on the signal before looking both ways and pressing the gas pedal. The car shoots forward onto a new portion of the high way and Oikawa watches the needle on the dashboard climb. The sunlight is cutting across the sky clearly now, illuminating one side of his profile as they zoom towards home.

"I don't know," His voice comes out slowly, "...A _re_ we okay Oikawa? I understand that you were in a lot of pressure to do well, especially since the higher ups decided to group us together with Ushijima. And I know I'm not showing them the full capabilities of my skills." He takes a deep breath, "I feel like I barely see you these days even though we're training under Shinohara together. All I see you do is attend the meetings and stay at your desk like something has possessed you."

Oikawa stays silent. Iwaizumi usually isn't that far off the mark and today it's no different.

"I know I'm at fault..." Oikawa quietly says, "I know that I let my job overtake me to the point where I'm obsessing over it."

Iwaizumi keeps his eyes forward, "Well, as long as you know."

Oikawa looks at his hands, looks at the way his knuckles are stretched taut against his skin, looks at the way the callouses have adorned his palms from hours of training with Tsukiyomi. He picks at the hangnails adorning his thumb and remembers that he forgot his nail clippers back at the office.

"I just want to avenge my parents."

"...I understand that."

"My sister is also the same as me, I'm sure," He flickers his eyes to the rear mirror where he sees the devils drooling, "She wants to find the ghoul who did this to Mamoru and end them. She's had Yachi-san and Chairman-san lecture her about her work habit, she knows the path she's going down."

"Are you stating that you know what you're going into? You know how that if you continue on this path," Iwaizumi's tone nearly takes on a mocking tilt, "that you'll never be able to recover from the strain you're already putting to your knee? Are you an actual idiot or what, Oikawa? _If you continue to do this you're never going to be able to go into the field again!_ "

Oikawa feels his chest ache with shame, "I know-"

" _If you know then act like it!_ Don't just nod at whatever I'm saying! Your health is more important than anything else! If you're sick or injured, you're going to get nothing done!" Iwaizumi hisses, "It's hard to be supportive of you when you can't take care of yourself! _Damn it, Oikawa!_ You know your limit better than I do!" He punctuates his anger by slamming the wheel, scowling, " _If you're already injured, there's nothing I can do to help!_ "

"I'll try to be more conscious of that," Oikawa replies quietly, feeling like he's five years old again and his father is telling him off for climbing the sakura tree without his mother watching him. 

Iwaizumi continues to bristle, tight lipped as he glares at the windshield. Oikawa leans back into his seat, not having the heart to pull out his phone to capture the beautiful sunset. Agnes's words about returning to Japan with a clear head echoes in his mind. 

"Are you done?"

"Still a little angry," Iwaizumi mutters, "But better. You owe me a plane ticket now."

"Hey!"

 

 

"You're still up," Iwaizumi says in surprise as he enters the semi-dark living room. The only light source is coming from the lamp beside a large chair. Chiyoru is sitting on it in her pyjamas, her laptop screen bright as she sips something from a mug.

Oikawa is furiously responding to his emails on the couch facing the chair, "You know I don't sleep, do you think she's any different?" Iwaizumi scoffs, settling himself beside him as he rubs his hair dry from the shower. He's dead beat, all the travelling, where he sat in the plane with anxiety shot through his blood, and running after kids had made him a zombie. "Iwa-chan, you look like you're going to pass out soon."

"I probably will."

"What's up, Hajime-kun?" Chiyoru greets.

"What are you doing?"

Chiyoru taps a key, "Waiting for the Chairman to send me an email. He said something interesting to me earlier today- called me too actually. He said that Owl has been sighted."

Suddenly, sleep doesn't seem that important anymore. Iwaizumi leans forward, eyes bright, "Really?"

"The footage had a 95.4% match to our records. It's hard to be doubtful but we're sure the Aogiri is back in action. Shinohara is suffering without you two helping him." When Oikawa squirms uneasily, she shakes a hand, "He understands, don't worry. You're not the first to have a fight between mentor and mentee."

"But we never even fought _with_ him."

"Small facts can be ignored," She shrugs, "What I heard from him that was more interesting was that one of the routine shipments to deliver quinque steel this week has been compromised. Entire crew found dead at the shoulder of the freeway. Gasoline tank burst and we lost communications with the delivery team." The laptop dings and Chiyoru brings it forth, putting her cup on the table, "That's when we got the footage of Owl of course. We don't know where they are right now but do you know what's coming?"

"What?"

"The Underground, Tooru." Chiyoru spins her laptop around to show 3-D images of what tunnels are already mapped in the CCG database, "A cleansing of the secret paths below the city. Majority of it is similar to the city's sewage system but there are a few that connect to what we think are basements of warehouses. The largest cavern they found recently can easily fit a six-story building." 

The laptop screen darkens for a split second, before an icon of Houij's face appears.

Chiyoru frowns, clicking on it before pressing the volume button, "Kousuke?"

Houji's grainy face focuses on screen, " _Oh hi Iwaizumi, Oikawa_ ," He blinks in surprise. Iwaizumi mumbles hello back, trying to see if he can see Matsukawa's telltale undercut or a mop of brown-pink hair that might belong to Hanamaki in the background, " _Are you visiting Chiyoru?_ "

"Short vacation."

" _Smart thing to do_ ," Houji nods, " _Chairman just sent us a massive email about the Underground Extermination even though I'm not part of it. It looks like it's going to be brief though. Several of us from this branch are getting called back, like Ma._ "

"Instructor Ma?"

" _No, his younger brother. Jirou-san_."

Chiyoru crosses her arms, "You know it's bad when they start calling back in reinforcements."

" _It might not be that bad. Marude doesn't know how many of them there are so he requested. Better to be safe than sorry,_ " Iwaizumi can see a small building in the distance that resembles the Bird's Nest outside the office window. The faraway horizon looks smoggy.

"Hanamaki trained him well then," Chiyoru mutters, "How is Matsukawa and Takahiro-kun?"

" _Adjusting pretty well, I assume. They still have trouble paying for things because the coins are different but their Mandarin isn't as bad as I thought it was. Only needed to be in the language bootcamp for three weeks._ " Houji then smiles, " _You wouldn't believe what Takahiro-kun found the other day._ "

"What?"

" _Egg tarts._ "

Chiyoru laughs, "Oh no."

" _Oh yes unfortunately,_ " Houji winks at Iwaizumi, " _I think you know how he is with desserts?_ "

"Don't get me started," Iwaizumi feels his cheeks lift into a grin. He sneaks a quick look at Chiyoru, how the earlier mask she puts on drops little by little as she continues to talk to Houji. He gently pulls Oikawa up, and they both slip out of the living room to sleep.

 

 

_"Nee-san, can you promise me something?"_

_"If I can do it, maybe. What is it?"_

_Iwaizumi gestures to Takeru and Tsuru as they wave to him and Oikawa at the security check. Their flight back to Japan is waiting for them, "Can you spend more time with them? They miss you."_

 

 

"How are the reports of the victim in last month's attacks, Iwaizumi?"

He finishes rolling up the tape to his fingers, flexing them to make sure that it's not too tight. Shinohara finishes helping him strap his armor, "Fairly well. That boy- the one from Fukurodani- I think he joined the Academy. I'm not that sure yet, I haven't double checked with Human Resources."

"I checked," Oikawa pipes, "He'll be in the same graduating class as Kozume-san."

"Kozume technically graduated."

"Kozume technically has special permission from the Chairman himself to go to school and work for us at the same time, Iwa-chan," Oikawa stands up as the truck stops. Someone from the outside opens the doors and Iwaizumi squints from the amount of sunlight before seeing the mouth of one of the tunnels being surrounded by more trucks. Arima and Ushijima are standing at the entrance, counting off investigators and rounding up squads.

"Oikawa and Iwaizumi, you're with Asahi and Tanakamaru," Shinohara gestures to the flamboyant Special Class and a pale first-rank investigator slowly turning white under his helmet, "Asahi looks a little nervous. Do something about that if you can."

"Yes, sir!"

"Good luck, don't fight in the middle of the operation," Shinohara warns good naturedly, "I'll see you back at the office!" 

Iwaizumi waves as he jogs to the front of the line, running in as Kuroiwa follows him with several others, Ma Jirou being one of them. 

They're not dued to move in since they'll be one of the last ones to go in, so Oikawa flutters his fingers to Asahi, remembering the first time they met in the Academy's annual team competition. "Yoo hoo Azumane-chan, remember me?~"

"You're not very easy to forget, Oikawa," Asahi smiles weakly, Tanakamaru having to leave to go into the tunnel with the second wave. "How's your sister?"

"Working hard!" Ushijima joins them, nodding a hello before making sure his armor is tight by tugging the laces.

"Hello, Oikawa."

"Hi," Oikawa mumbles at the same time Iwaizumi kicks his shins, "How are you?" He adds unwillingly.

"Well," Ushijima nods, before jerking a thumb, "Let's go shall we?"

They take up an easy jog at the end of the lineup, entering the cool air of the bridge. The deeper they move in, the colder the air becomes until they're wading in ankle deep water. Oikawa's sure he sees a few decomposing bodies of rats and nearly hurls out his lunch.

"Squeamish," Iwaizumi mumbles to him.

"Rude," He shoots back, keeping up with the last person of the wave before them. They can tell that a monsoon broke out above because the water level is rising. Ushijima gestures to stick close to the sides of the sewer system, and they climb onto a concrete bank, eyes still alert.

" _This is Squad Zero_ ," Arima's cool voice enters from their headsets, _"Engaging some rogue ghouls. Two spotted. One seems to be pregnant. The male broke off and escaped. I want the Wolves to deal with them_."

Ushijima slaps Iwaizumi's arm, "That's us," He says, before pulling out a map and studying it. Asahi swallows nervously beside him, all four of their heads are bent over the laminated paper. "We're here," Ushijima jabs his finger on a spot, "And he's there, possibly coming towards us from two different tunnels."

Oikawa makes the decision for them, "We split up. You take the most western tunnel and hide at the mouth. Hajime and I will take the other one and hide. Turn the headset on and when either of us spots it, we engage it and let the other team tell the others."

"Don't kill it, no matter what," Ushijima nods, swinging his suitcase from his back before activating it, "Comms on."

"See you," Iwaizumi bids, before running for the tunnel on the left. Oikawa follows him, footsteps echoing before they reach a hiding spot. More rats flee from the corners as Iwaizumi shoves Oikawa into the wall.

They wait, heart pounding as Amaterasu's and Tsukiyomi's colors dim in the dark tunnel. He sees Ushijima and Asahi crouch on the tunnel a few feet ahead of them, hiding.

A male ghoul steps out, the ends of his Aogiri cloak dragging in the water. Iwaizumi feels Oikawa's hot breath on his neck as the male moves cautiously further into the tunnel, unaware that Iwaizumi is already swinging Amaterasu.

"Engaging!" He hears Asahi's voice from his headset. The ghoul quickly darts back quickly, shrugging the cloak off in one smooth move before releasing ukaku quills from his wing. It's black, pulsing with yellow orange wisps at the end.

"Iwaizumi!"

Hajime ducks, not a second too late when he feels his helmet being kicked off by the ghoul's leg. Because Amaterasu's scythe form is too bulky in the low ceiling, he flicks it into a whip instead, whipping the male ghoul back as he slides down into the water.

The ghoul jumps up, crow mask breaking in half as Iwaizumi sees the kakugan glow. He jumps back to let Ushijima engage him, hearing Marude order people around in the tunnels from the outside. 

"Look like a Class B, or A," Oikawa says to him. The Chairman's son ducks and twists around the ghoul, trying to tire it out before someone deals with finishing blow to cut the ukaku off. "And by the cloak, he's just an average member I'd say."

Ushijima screams.

Iwaizumi whips his head around, just in time to bring Amaterasu up as the ghoul rolls him into the water, pinning him down. He's struggling to fight him off and to keep his head above the shallow water as it floods into his armor and clothes. Oikawa kicks the ghoul off with a vicious snarl, driving him into the wall and cutting an arm off as Iwaizumi runs to Ushijima.

"Your hand!-" Asahi chokes, opening the medic bag Tanakamaru entrusted him with. Iwaizumi jams his ear set for a medic to meet them at the mouth where the tunnel splits. 

" _I'll- I'm f-fine_ ," Ushijima stutters, looking down at the stump as Asahi tries to quell the blood from pouring out. Iwaizumi loosens his helmet before checking that Oikawa is still driving the ghoul to a corner before tearing more bandages from a packet with his teeth. "I-I'm-"

"Ushijima, stay calm," Iwaizumi grits his teeth. Ushijima's hand, still in it's finger-less gloves, is floating a few feet away from them, turning the water around it a dark red. "You're going to be fine, ya hear? Fine."

"I'll-" He chokes, "I'll be fine."

"Good. Good, Asahi, can you escort him? I've already called Kiyoko to meet us at the mouth-"

A sound he never expects to hear suddenly sends chills down his spine.

Oikawa, in the midst of fighting, is now on slumped in the water, clutching his bad knee. 

Iwaizumi assumes the worst, scooping up Ushijima's fallen quinque before charging at the ghoul.

" _Fall back!_ " The ghoul hisses angrily, batting away the sword before elongating one of his wing to block Amaterasu. A heavy clanging sound reverberates in the tunnel when Iwaizumi slams the quinque again, " _This is not your fight!_ "

"Don't treat me like a child!"

"Do you want to end up like him?" The ghoul points to Ushijima and Asahi, who's propping Oikawa up. Iwaizumi presses Amaterasu's scythe edge further into the ghoul, arms shaking with adrenaline running through him. "I can do much worse than cutting a hand off and breaking a knee!"

Iwaizumi releases Amaterasu, rotating his body backwards before delivering a hook kick. The ghoul stumbles back, clutching his broken mask before Iwaizumi looks at his young features, light hair plastered to his face as his kakugan continues to glow fiercely.

"Iwaizumi!"

With the arrival of the medic team, the ghoul turns tail and dashes further into the tunnels. Iwaizumi is itching to run for him, but he runs over to Oikawa instead, seeing his face scrunch up with pain as they strap him onto a gurney.

"-I'm going to give you some painkillers, Oikawa," Kiyoko smoothly says, working quickly as she rips open the pouch by her waist, "It'll only be a little pinch okay?"

Oikawa gurgles something unintelligible, seeking Iwaizumi's fingers. Kiyoko's assistants removes the arm guards before ripping his shirt open to reveal skin. A swipe of alcohol and two needles later, Oikawa is knocked out.

 

 

Iwaizumi ignores the dirty looks he's getting for tracking mud and god knows what else into the hospital.

He had waited several hours at the door of the surgical room, stinking of sewer water and holding onto the ghoul's mask that he left behind in a plastic baggie. After several CCG doctors working in the hospital next to the Main Branch prodded him enough, he'd gone back to the building before standing underneath a hot shower until his muscles have loosen. The baggie containing the mask has been dropped off at Investigations, where half the force are running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Now clean and smelling fresh, he waits in the waiting area of the private wing the CCG owns. Asahi is still quaking, blanket around his shoulder as he stares listlessly at the floor.

"Iwaizumi."

He sees Ushijima in a white dress shirt with casual slacks. Asahi leaps up to his feet in relief, but Ushijima waves him off, "I need to talk to you privately."

Iwaizumi tiredly nods, drained from the whirlwind of activities as he follows Ushijima up to the hospital's rooftop garden. For late May, the sun doesn't seem to warm his skin, no matter how muggy the air is or how beautiful the first ward looks today. Ushijima walks over to the railing, looking down at people resembling small ants. Iwaizumi's eyes flickers to the stump, no longer bleeding as it's wrapped in multiple layers of bandages.

"I'll need a prosthetic," He announces, waving his right arm, "I'm glad it's not my dominant hand."

"That's good news.... How's Oikawa?" Iwaizumi asks, hearing his voice crack.

"...It's not looking good."

His stomach falls.

"The doctors told me that the ghoul did a lot of extensive damage to his knee. It's possible for him to walk and run again under strict-" Ushijima narrows his eyes, "-and I mean _very_ strict therapy, I know how loose Oikawa is at following orders. It'll take a long time, months, years maybe, for him to use his knee again properly but he cannot continue."

It takes a long time for the words to sink into him. It felt like a lifetime, like watching oil and water come apart until all you see is a layer of water and oil completely separated.

" _What do you mean he can't continue?_ "

"...He's finished. All the high intensity training we do as investigators will be too much for his knee. Oikawa Tooru's career as an investigator will have to come to an end today."

 

 

_"And you can't tell him, Iwaizumi," Ushijima says softly, "I'm going to figure something out, but you can't tell him. It'll crush him."_

 

 

"Hey Iwa," Oikawa greets him sleepily from his bed, supported up by fluffy pillows. Iwaizumi closes the door behind him before sitting on the chair beside the bed, the sunset entering the room and turning to walls orange. Oikawa's leg is supported up by a sling, resembling a huge sausage as Iwaizumi sees rolls of bandages covering the surgical wounds, "I'm still drugged, I can't really feel anything."

"That's good," Iwaizumi forces his voice to be even, stroking Oikawa's brown hair, "I got your quinque with me, it's in the office. They're keeping it there overnight for maintenance."

"Thanks," Oikawa blinks slowly, "I don't think I'll be able to come into work for the next few days."

Iwaizumi thinks back to Ushijima's words, how Oikawa would need months if not years of therapy for his knee to build itself properly before making his whole body re-learn how to support his weight and walk and run and jump. Suddenly he feels a knot form in his throat. While Oikawa is recuperating, Iwaizumi would have to leave him behind, regardless of how many hours he would spend at his bedside. He'd break a promise.

_Don't go where I can't follow you!_

"It's fine, Shinohara and I can manage. You just rest."

Oikawa grins, a little loopy, but he brightens when Iwaizumi pulls out a bouquet of flowers behind his back.

"Thank you, Iwa-chan!"

"Yeah," Iwaizumi forces out, "No problem."

 

 

Six weeks after the initial operation, Iwaizumi enters the tunnels again, this time backed by Ushijima and Houji, who flew back for the second wave of reinforcements. They manage to come out without any injuries, which caused everyone to cheer afterwards. Champagne and beer were passed around at the big dinner that night hosted by the Chairman.

For his bravery and exceptional leadership, Oikawa is unexpectedly bumped up to a First Class Investigator along with Ushijima and attended the promotion with a pair of crutches. Iwaizumi, now a first-rank with a Silver Osmanthus Award sitting on his desk, splits his time between killing more ghouls with Shinohara and visiting Oikawa at the hospital.

Matsukawa calls him one day.

" _He's in a coma_."

Iwaizumi books the first flight to China, apologizing to Shinohara halfway to the airport, thirty minutes before the plane is suppose to take off. Oikawa wanted to come along, but Iwaizumi and the rest of the hospital staff refused.

Matsukawa opens the door to Hanamaki's room, ashen faced before Iwaizumi steps in to see the usual jovial Takahiro now sleeping on the bed like the splitting image of Mamoru, tubes connected to him and a breathing mask covering half his face.

Iwaizumi hugs Matsukawa, rubbing his shoulders as the taller investigator cries.

Matsukawa passes out on his shoulder from exhaustion as Hajime watches Hanamaki's chest go up and down robotically. Matsukawa twitches his arms, and Iwaizumi looks down to see the faint curl of the blue bell tattoo on his arm.

He doesn't sleep a wink that night.

 

 

Matsukawa takes some deserved vacation and goes back to Japan, which lifts his and Oikawa's spirit. As Iwaizumi runs around the office, Matsukawa enjoys some down time talking and visiting old classmates. 

"He's doing pretty well," He points out over dinner in the cafeteria. Iwaizumi gulps some black tea, hoping that it has enough caffeine to help him get through another meeting after this. "He's bored of course, but there's nothing like pulling out the old yearbook and watching him scribble on Ushiwaka's face."

"Tell him to stop defiling my copy," Iwaizumi grunts, "What are you doing after this?"

"I think I'm suppose to pick up Suga and Daichi from the airport. They're finally coming back home from Germany huh?"

Iwaizumi thinks of how quickly two years have passed, "Yeah, Ushijima'll be pleased. He misses Suga and their morning gardening sessions."

Matsukawa smiles.

 

 

Iwaizumi nods sleepily at Ushijima in the break room.

Ushijima seems very pleased with himself, pouring himself a cup of coffee, "I greeted Oikawa today in his room, he jumped up to his feet before chucking his slippers at me."

Iwaizumi laughs, coffee slipping into the wrong pipe before Ushijima slaps his back.

 

 

"I'm so ready to get out of this place," Oikawa chirps, watching Iwaizumi enter his room. The First Class Investigator is preening with a pocket mirror as he stands near the windows, "Instructor Ma dropped by yesterday to talk to me. Said that I'll take a few months to get used to training again but it won't be too bad. Since HR is low on people right now, I'm going to help them with some public inquiries."

"Oh like becoming a spokes person and charming people with your evil graces?"

"So rude," Oikawa sniffs, "Maybe there's a reason why they chose my face over yours, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, lifting Oikawa's bag and putting it in his car before driving home to their apartment.

 

 

Four years later, many things change, but they also stay similar.

Ushijima, having killed many SS rated ghouls, earns the title of Special Class Investigator, the first of their graduating year. Iwaizumi joins him with Kuroo and several others a few months later. He works directly under Oikawa, who splits his time between helping Asahi in HR and working together with Marude for exterminations.

Oikawa receives a lot of love letters from his fans, mostly the news reporters he talks to on TV, rubbing it in Iwaizumi's face before he receives an elbow to the gut.

"Oh right," Shinohara slurps his noodles. They both still meet up with him and several of the old Squad One for lunch every now and then, "I nearly forgot, Marude talked to me a few hours ago and told me you'll be getting a partner tomorrow Iwaizumi."

Oikawa swallows, "But we're part of the special squad, we're suppose to not have students." Iwaizumi agrees with him, remembering how when Ushijima got injured dragged Arima behind in his own missions. 

"This student....is a special case," Shinohara mumbles, playing with some broth with his spoon, "He graduated last year, but he worked with Arima in the front lines. He's being relocated to you."

"Why?"

"Arima is busy."

Iwaizumi feels his stomach prickle, "I never had a student before."

Oikawa nods, "Yeah! What if he scares them off?"

Shinohara chuckles, "I'm sure you two will get along. He's a familiar face to you I'm sure."

Iwaizumi and Oikawa look at each other, uncertainty mirroring in their eyes. Shinohara finishes his bowl before slapping a few bills on the counter, waving goodbye to them before heading back to the office.

Iwaizumi waves halfheartedly back.

 

 

Valedictorian. Genius. The next Arima. The Academy's rising star. Only twenty four years old, and Iwaizumi shakes Akaashi Keiji's hand, feeling the hard callouses of his hand and trying not to flinch at how dead his eyes seem.

"You came back," The man before him is nothing like the seventeen year old he saved from that attack years ago. Iwaizumi still remembers crouching behind Kuroo, before Owl erupted and dove for Bokuto Koutarou's throat. He was the one who pulled Akaashi back, the one who gave him the CCG's contact information. His hair is now cropped in a soldier's cut, undercut growing out as the thicker curls are left to sit on his head like ink.

"To avenge him," Akaashi's voice is soft, laced with something hard, "I'll be the one to kill Owl- I'll end him."

Iwaizumi doesn't quite know what to say to that.

 

 

 

Hanamaki places his chin on his hand, watching Akaashi spar with some students in the Academy. It's spring again, marking the annual sports competition. Iwaizumi had taken a day off to follow Akaashi, and Hanamaki, having recently returned from China for proper rehabilitation from his coma, decided to tag along. 

"Are you two best friends yet?"

"I think he hates me," Iwaizumi sucks on his milkshake, "We bicker a lot. He's so...uptight about everything."

"Like Arima?"

"I don't know. I never worked with Arima, but he's so..."

Hanamaki raises a fair brow.

Iwaizumi sighs, "He told me that I need to get my kicking reaction within 0.2 seconds of the best in the Academy."

"Definitely Arima's spawn. They're too similar." Hanamaki yawns, watching a young student with hair like shallots being flattened on the mat courtesy of Akaashi. "Well, other than that, are you getting along with him? You take him out to eat right?"

"I think he lives off coffee and protein bars."

"So like Oikawa."

"Yeah."

"Tell him to get someone and chill."

" _Not_ helpful."

"I'd suggest getting a massage together but he looks like he'll bite my hand off if I suggest anything, senior investigator or not." Hanamaki laughs, "Don't worry man, I'm sure you two will get along some day."

Iwaizumi sucks the rest of his milkshake gloomily.

 

 

 

"Have a safe flight back."

"Thanks man," Hanamaki hugs him, stepping back with his carry-on hanging off one shoulder, "Oh when I return I want you to promise me something."

"What is it?"

"Arm wrestling," He grins.

Iwaizumi grins as well, "You're on."

 

 

 

"Good morning, Iwaizumi-san," Akaashi enters his car, buckling his seat belt as Iwaizumi grunts a good morning back, putting the car in reverse before driving towards the first ward.

"Why don't you live in the CCG apartments? They're closer to the Main Branch office."

Akaashi keeps his eyes forward, "This is my own apartment, I paid for it with my own money." He looked as if he was going to poke someone's eye out or cry, so Iwaizumi decides that talking about houses is a touchy subject for him. They keep their mouth shut then, idling in morning traffic as the many billboards show Oikawa's latest interview with a broadcaster.

"Good sleep?"

"I only received three hours." Akaashi deadpans. Iwaizumi inwardly sighs, no wonder he's carrying a large travel mug.

"Maybe you should sleep earlier?"

"My mind can't turn off. It's insomnia."

"Oikawa takes some Rozerem every now and then," He explains, "They seem to help. You can talk to Kiyoko today if you want some. I strongly suggest you get a proper night's rest."

Akaashi doesn't respond to that, looking haggard and run down. Iwaizumi leaves him alone for the remaining of the journey, swinging by the florist who knows his face all too well before paying for a nice bouquet of flowers for Oikawa. They stop by a coffee shop so Akaashi can get another cup, and Iwaizumi orders some green tea for himself, before texting his entire team and driving back with orders for his entire floor.

"...I bought that apartment..." Akaashi starts, just as rain starts to splatter the windshields, "For Bokuto-san and I to live in for university."

Iwaizumi has been talking about a bomb without knowing it, "Oh," He awkwardly says, "I see."

Akaashi nods and any further conversations are terminated.

 

 

"Aren't you smooth," Matsukawa laughs. Akaashi has run off somewhere, probably the bathroom, and Iwaizumi glares at him through his phone screen. Hanamaki and Matsukawa are still stationed in China, the CCG deciding that they would stay there for the next couple of years to weed out any more Chi She Lian that escaped extermination, though Iwaizumi secretly thinks they like China more than they're likely to admit. "You stepped on a landmine."

"Don't remind me," He grumbles, waving to Kuroo walking to Daichi's office. "I don't see how the others manage it."

"Iwaizumi Hajime, Special Class Investigator, one of the greatest investigator ever to grace the Main Branch, holder of the title of most arm wrestling matches won back to back with no losing streak, finally meets his wall as he puzzles over how to get along with his student. Cute."

"I'm hanging up you asshole."

 

   
  


"Morning," Ushijima greets Oikawa from his newly furnished office. Oikawa grimaces at the amount of plants lining up the window overlooking the ward. Over the years, they've managed to establish a semi-polite working relationship. It was when Oikawa was stuck in bed rest waiting for his knee to heal that Ushijima taught him how to take care of the bouquets of flowers Iwaizumi gives him. "An oversea network wants an interview with you today after lunch. 

"Anything else?"

"My father thanks you for being so considerate to accept this public spokesperson role, he's sending you a bonus with this month's pay. Kiyoko-san wants you to drop by her office after the interview so she can check your knee. Your messenger boy ran by a few minutes before and dropped your pills with me. Your secretary said you need to pick up the new print outs when you go down to the copier room after this, and she kindly requests that you bring some coffee over for yourself since you'll be too busy to even go to the bathroom this morning-"

"Wow you actually know my schedule," Oikawa grumbles, sitting on the couch facing the flatscreen. Ushijima blinks.

"Of course I do, we work together."

"That still sends shivers up my spine," Oikawa says to himself, remembering how smug Mizoguchi looked at last month's promoting ceremony. "How's your hand?"

Ushijima looks down, flexing the metal tendons, "It aches when the storm clouds gather since my nerves are sensitive to the barometric pressure but other than that it's pretty good. Nishinoya-san and Tanaka-san from mechanics firmly suggest that I hide a flamethrower somewhere in it."

"Why not hide a grenade in it too while you're at it?" He deadpans.

Ushijima scratches his chin, as if he's really thinking about it, "I don't think my father will be pleased if my hand slips in the next meeting. That reminds me actually, we're going to plan a massive extermination soon now that we're confident we've mapped out the entire Underground tunnels. Can you tell me what you think of this plan I put together last night?"

Oikawa's cheeks unwillingly lifts up in a smile.

 

 

"You don't know how to drive?" Iwaizumi says, some noodle strands slipping out of his mouth and into his bowl. Akaashi's ears turns slightly red as he glares at him. "Really? You can't drive?"

"I haven't had time to learn," Akaashi stiffly answers.

"Well that's okay, I'll teach you."

 

 

"-and that's the emergency break." Iwaizumi points out, watching Akaashi furiously draw a diagram of the wheel before labeling everything on the dashboard. "So to start driving, your engine should be on, and you check all your mirrors and signal before pulling out. Once you do that you shift gear and pull up the E break and turn your wheel before pressing the gas. If you don't turn your wheel you're just going to drive into the car in front of you-" Akaashi is nodding back furiously, as Iwaizumi pulls out before driving down a not too busy road, "-this is basically what you do until you decide to turn. To stop, you press the break slowly, don't jam it or else it's going to be unpleasant."

"Yes."

Iwaizumi speeds up before merging on the highway, "Here it's a little different. You have that lane that I just merged in- I'll show you how to merge another time, but it's the same to merge in and to merge out to an exit. You need to watch for signs that say the speed limit."

"I see," They enter the neighboring ward, and Iwaizumi begins to talk him through a right turn.

"-If the light is red, you stop, look for pedestrians, and if the coast is clear, you turn when there are no cars. If it's green, you obviously stop since there might be people crossing. Once the coast is clear, you do the same, check your blind spots, look for more pedestrians and turn." 

Akaashi looks bored, "I understand."

Iwaizumi has a feeling he's not a very good job of walking him through car scenarios, "Do you have any questions?"

"None at all, thank you for explaining them to me."

Iwaizumi grips the wheel of his car, turning back to drive to the office. They're still on lunch break technically, but there's nothing to do today other than to send Marude an email, but Iwaizumi can do that from the comfort of his home, "Say Akaashi, do you hate me?"

His student looks very taken back, "No? What makes you say that?"

"Well, you always look angry at me whenever I'm forced to oversee your work. And you don't exactly listen to my orders about keeping your quinque on it's dormant mode even though we're just doing a sweep or recon. Your replies to my questions are very brief and short."

Akaashi sighs, "Kenma-san says I have the 'resting-bitch-face syndrome'."

Iwaizumi's eye twitches, "Pardon?"

"...Arima-san says I need extend my conversation skills from one word answers."

Iwaizumi inwardly agrees with Arima.

"...I apologize if I seem brusque," Akaashi says quietly, lowering his eyes as Iwaizumi turns to look at him, "I was angry because they moved me out of Squad Zero into your squad, diminishing my chance to kill Fukurou, but you're a very good mentor, Iwaizumi-san, I'm sorry if my actions have caused you worry or grief."

Iwaizumi feels like he's going to cry-

" _IWAIZUMI-SAN!_ "

His hands quickly jerk the wheel, narrowly missing a truck. Akaashi slams into the door, seat belt tightening as Iwaizumi attempts to steer the car back into the proper lane, palms sweaty. _Okay, don't drive and listen to your student let out his inner feelings_ , he reminds himself sourly as Akaashi shoots him a particularly dirty look.

"Sorry."

"I prefer to come home with my body intact, thank you."

There's just something about Akaashi's eyes, wide and shot with a little fear and adrenaline with an expression that looked like a deer caught in headlights that causes Iwaizumi to bark out a loud laugh.

Akaashi looks at him, half looking like he wants to slap his mentor with his tie and half exasperated. It wasn't until Iwaizumi's stomach begins to ache that he hears a little snort from beside him. Akaashi's shoulders shakes minutely before a hoarse chuckle slips past his lips.

 

 

 

"Happy Birthday!"

Iwaizumi cracks a smile, seeing Oikawa with a silly party hat with Akaashi holding out a very nice looking cake. The thirty one year old accepts Oikawa's gift, a blue box topped with a sparkly ribbon that sheds glitter onto the floors. He hears the whir of the roomba as it bumps into a trash can, "Did you bake that Oikawa?"

"Yep."

"And you didn't set anything on fire," He teases, kissing Oikawa on the cheek. Akaashi politely looks away with a smile, walking over to Iwaizumi's desk and setting down the cake. It's already half covered in presents from various colleges. A large cactus he knows from Ushijima sits proudly near his computer, a balloon floating from one of the small arms.

Oikawa scoffs, loosening his tie, "I swear you get ruder every year, Iwa-chan. We'll be having the cake during lunch with Suga and Sawamura. I think Madoka-san is visiting from Germany too, so she might drop it before visiting her daughter."

"Sounds good. Anything for this morning, Akaashi?"

"Nothing," His student calls out, "Your computer beeped once when I came to the office but your entire day has been scheduled off, Iwaizumi-san. The Director did pop by asking for you, he looked serious."

Iwaizumi slowly lowers the present Oikawa wrapped, "I'll go see what he wants."

Oikawa flutters his fingers, "I'll stay here with Aka-chan." 

"Right," Iwaizumi huffs, walking out and nearly bumping into a little blonde visiting from the Academy. The girl squeaks before hurrying back where she came from, looking utterly terrified. Iwaizumi sighs, turning right and accepting various 'happy birthdays'. He passes the Department of Research and sees Daichi knocked out on his table, Kuroo patting his face with two cups of coffee in one hand.

"Ushijima?"

"Come in," He calls out. Iwaizumi squints from the sunlight glaring off the white furniture before dropping onto the couch. Ushijima's new assistant is quaking like a leaf in one corner, mushroom hair trembling. He's sure his name is Goshiki, something like that.

"Akaashi said you came by."

Goshiki leaves the room at Ushijima's silent request. When the door locks, Ushijima unhappily turns to him.

"We're going to exterminate Owl."

"You know the location?"

"Kozume-san did another amazing breakthrough. It'll take place a week from now, and my father requested Akaashi."

Iwaizumi shakes his head, "As much as he's improved under me, his blood lust for Owl is still...." He trails off, "It's not a good idea, I don't think. Akaashi is a very good investigator, probably will surpass me in a few years, but I don't think he should face Owl."

" _If_ in a few years he'll surpass you, he should face Owl sooner or later."

"You don't need to ask for my permission," Iwaizumi points out, "He's not my student anymore. You promoted him. He's an Associate Class now."

"I wanted you to assess his stability.... My father is implementing a new program that will launch soon. He intends Arima to look after it, and so, the position to kill Owl is open."

"Who's the other candidate?"

"You, of course." Ushijima says in a matter of fact tone, "But I don't know if you want to continue working with Oikawa or take over Squad Zero- all of whom are Arima's former and current students and colleagues. You have seniority over Akaashi, you can take Owl or leave it to him."

Iwaizumi is silent.

"What a nice birthday present."

Ushijima smiles, "Did you like my cactus? It was one of the first ones I raised in my personal garden. I named it Prickly."

"Cute."

Ushijima shows him out the door, "You can email me when you decide. Sometime today before the day ends is good, I know you and Oikawa are clocking out early for dinner together."

Iwaizumi nods, biding Ushijima goodbye and slowly walking back to his office. He sees Oikawa lean against an open window, menthol in his hand as he blows the smoke outside. Akaashi is trying to organize his bookshelf to fit the new cactus, dark brows furrowing. 

Even though they've come so far from where they first started, Iwaizumi still feels inadequate as a mentor because no matter how 'tame' Akaashi is, no matter how much he laughs in a day, it doesn't hide the ruthless way he swings his quinque, it doesn't cover how much training Akaashi puts it to the gym. At the core, he's still the twenty four year old Iwaizumi greeted two years ago, the one who wants to kill Owl for revenge.

For Bokuto.

 

 

 

"Why are you here?" He scowls.

Oikawa throws him a glamorous peace sign. Iwaizumi wants to throw up. Oikawa is wearing armor with a thick layer of quinque metal padded over it- something he never thought he would see on Oikawa again.

"I can stand around for back up if necessary!~"

"Oikawa go back to the truck."

" _My knee is fine!_ "

" _Go back to the truck you asswipe!_ "

Ushijima's voice enters Iwaizumi's headset. Over near the entrance, Akaashi is looping bandages over his fingers, frame bulky from the added armor. The sky rumbles threateningly overhead, sky a dark grey. " _Since my father is overseeing this mission, he's added Oikawa's name onto the list. I told Oikawa to stick near you if anything happens, but Oikawa-_ " Tooru stops combing his bangs to listen, " _-don't cause trouble for either Akaashi or Iwaizumi._ "

"Oh shut up."

" _Thank you, I'll talk to you later_." Ushijima signs off, and Iwaizumi's ear becomes quiet again, only filled with pre-extermination plans as everyone mills around the entrance. Kuroo is sitting next to Akaashi, grin evident on his face as he rambles about an engagement ring.

"I'll be fine," Oikawa whispers to him, tapping Tsukiyomi's case on his knee, "I have a brace on. I can run if needed."

Iwaizumi purses his lips but doesn't say anything, choosing to peck Oikawa briefly before running into the tunnel. Their squad members follow him, boots splashing as rain comes down outside. The maze of tunnels have now been fully mapped out, and Iwaizumi knows each turn like the back of his hand, easily navigating them in the dark. Ushijima's voice filters in and out at random times as he brings up the rear, communicating with a stand by medic team. 

Beside him Akaashi looks focused, and the look is back in his eyes.

They run into trouble pretty soon.

"We're missing two people."

Iwaizumi freezes, Oikawa bumping into his back and Akaashi bumping into Oikawa. Ushijima shoulders his way to the front, face pale even in the low lighting, "I can't find Sato or Yamamoto."

"That's not good," Oikawa swallows.

"It's not," Akaashi echoes, looking back into the tunnel they just waded through. Iwaizumi raises his arm to display the map in his watch, looking at the dots beeping around him. There _is_ two missing. Iwaizumi's stomach begins to flutter as he takes out a flashlight, beaming it onto the water and surrounding walls.

"-where could they have gone?"

"-didn't even hear them disappear. It's like they vanished into thin air-"

Ushijima hushes them, taking out a receiver, "This is Squad Zero speaking, can I speak to Marude-san? Tell him we need an emergency deployment of a small crew to retrieve two missing people."

" _Right away, sir_."

"Thank you," Ushijima puts the receiver back into his backpack. He looks at everyone, "I don't like leaving them, but we have to strike before the underground ghouls sniff our scents."

" _NOW!_ "

Iwaizumi whips around, swearing he tackles Oikawa into the water. He sees quick flashes of quinque raking against kagune, sparks bouncing off the walls before fizzling out. His headset immediately becomes buzzed with a mixture of yells and curses as he drags Oikawa into a sitting position before flinging his arms to protect him from any immediate harm. They're suddenly surrounded by Aogiri ghouls.

"Run Iwaizumi!" Ushijima yells, holding onto a ghouls' kagune with his prosthetic and crushing it. The ghoul is tossed away, slamming into the wall as Iwaizumi, "Don't come back for any of us! RUN!"

Iwaizumi pushes Oikawa's back, who didn't need any encouragement as he sprints. He hauls Akaashi up, grabbing his collar and throwing him onto his feet as he reaches towards his belt for Amaterasu.

"TURN LEFT OIKAWA!"

"ROGER!!" Oikawa calls out. Iwaizumi jumps high, helmet brushing the ceiling before landing onto a ghoul and decapitating their head. He collides with a female ghoul, ripping off her cloak before throwing it onto another incoming ghoul. He kicks her in the chest, watching her tumble into the water before picking up her acquaintance and throwing him to her. Then he continues to run, an array of ukaku projectiles bouncing off his armor.

" _OIKAWA WHERE ARE YOU GOING?_ "

"THERE'S A SHORT CUT AHEAD! WE WON'T BE GOING TO THE ENTRANCE BUT IT'S THE QUICKEST ROUTE TO THE OUTSIDE! I ALREADY CHECKED THE MAP!"

Iwaizumi yelps as he feels something wrapping around his ankle before something is hoisting him up into the air. He sees Akaashi turn around, skidding to a stop before throwing a set of daggers into the kagune. They hit home and Iwaizumi lands face down in the water, coughing as he feels Akaashi hoist him up.

"Are you okay, Iwaizumi-san?"

"Y-Yeah," He splutters, finding a stitch at his side as he runs into a large cavern. Kuroo is already running towards the large ladder that leads to a manhole. Streaks of grey light from the outside shines down, and Iwaizumi raises his arm again to see where Ushijima and the rest of his men are-

Oikawa's receiver rings.

-Iwaizumi looks at the entrance, heart in his mouth, muscles burning as he tackles Oikawa again, slamming both of them hard onto the ground as Owl's ukaku projectiles bury themselves into the rungs of the ladder, effectively cutting their way out.

" _Squad Zero, requesting update-_ "

They all watch in unified horror at the SSS ghoul sauntering into the large cavern. Owl bares its maw, thick strings of translucent saliva dripping past Yamamoto's body.

" _-Squad Zero? Over?_ "

"Yamamoto..." Oikawa whimpers. Iwaizumi clenches his shaking fists as Owl grins, digging its teeth into the body until there's a soft _pop_ , and the head rolls towards them, red running down its jaw and splattering the floor. 

Owl swallows, coming to a rest in front of them. Kuroo flings his arms in front of Oikawa and Akaashi, jabbing his ear piece, " _Kuroo speaking, we've run into Fukurou._ "

" _Wha-_ "

Iwaizumi sees three green dots rushing towards them, relief momentarily calming him down before Owl turns to leer at him.

" _You're next!_ "

" **SCATTER!** "

Iwaizumi leaps backwards, landing awkwardly on his ankle as he sees Kuroo hoist Oikawa onto his back before running towards the perimeter of the cavern. Owl laughs, plumage lengthening as Iwaizumi spins Amaterasu into its sycthe form, using the large blade as a shield to protect him from the incoming bullets that rain down.

It takes every training he'd received from his young Academy days to evade Owl's advances. He twists and turns, jumping into the air and swinging his scythe as Kuroo cleanly eliminates all of the weaker Aogiri ghouls who followed them. His ankle is screaming in pain, and he tries not to focus on the pain as Owl roars, scratching its eyes as Iwaizumi drags Amaterasu down his face, landing badly on his back before scrambling away. 

Owl blinks the blood away, skin coming together as Iwaizumi checks his watch to see where the three dots are. They should be here soon, and he knows that Arima would be one of the three.

" _Pest!_ "

Iwaizumi cleanly back flips, feeling his helmet fly off and roll on the floor. Owl howls in triumph, gleefully bounding forward before a dark blur whizzes in front of him and Akaashi is jamming Rin 1/2 into Owl's open mouth. Iwaizumi is picked up at the same time Owl spits the quinque out, snarling as Akaashi races towards the entrance of the cavern, Iwaizumi bouncing in his arms.

"Akaashi! You're suppose to run!"

"I can't leave you like that! Oikawa-san would wax my eyebrows clean!"

"Still!" Akaashi yelps, ducking and rolling both of them when Owl's projectiles brushes too close to home. Iwaizumi hisses, half laughing and half appalled, "You're crazy!"

Akaashi grabs Rin 1/2 from the floor, grinning at Iwaizumi at the same time he's exposing his back.

Iwaizumi charges at him, knocking him down as they both crumple. Something sharp lodges itself into Iwaizumi's leg, blood mixing in the air. Akaashi groans, blood dripping from a cut on his left cheekbone.

"IWA-CHAN! AKAASHI!"

"STAY!" He orders Oikawa, who halts in his movements to them. He sees Kuroo yelling at the backup forces. Oikawa's big brown eyes are watering. Iwaizumi doesn't realize how bad his leg looks until he turns his head, "Oikawa! Stay there! I'm fine!" A bit of blood trickles from his forehead and he wipes it away, seeing his engagement ring become speckled with iron.

Owl stops wheezing for breath, drawing itself to its full height, leering down at Akaashi and Iwaizumi. His headset is loud, filled with Arima's, Kuroiwa's and Shinohara's voice as they lead the medic team towards them. Iwaizumi can hear Shinohara's voice now, clear as they near the cavern.

" _Iwaizumi Hajime..._ " Owl croons.

Akaashi tightens his grip on his quinque.

" _FAREWELL!_ "

Iwaizumi watches Owl's eyes flicker to Akaashi's body before springing forward. Oikawa is shouting straight into his ear from the headset, and Iwaizumi doesn't know how he's moving with his leg out of commission, but he lunges sideways into the air, Amaterasu flung back from his hand as he shoves Akaashi behind him.

 

 

 

Pain.

Lots of it.

He spits out blood from his mouth, opening his eyes to the ridiculously bright cavern as Akaashi's white face hovers above him.

Broken ribs, by the way he's shallowly breathing. It must have happen during one of the many tumbles he had when he fell. His leg refuses to work too, and he feels strangely focused even though he's lightheaded. The room is still turning brighter like someone increased the exposure of a camera.

"I-Iwaizumi-sa-san."

"...Good," He laughs breathlessly, "You're not hurt." Several medics hover around him now, he feels a pinch in his arm. He turns his head to the side to see Owl patiently wait with a grin.

That's not good.

"I-I'm sorry! I-I'm-!"

"Leave me," He pushes Akaashi away. The medic propping him up makes an angry squawk.

"Iwaizumi! Don't be stupid! We can't lose you too!" Ushijima storms towards them. Iwaizumi looks at Akaashi, seeing his blood spread around the floor. From where they are currently in the underground tunnels, they're approximately two miles from the nearest exit, and there will be the injured to take back. He, because his leg is out of commission, will be forced to be carried on a stretcher by two unlucky soldiers. That's asking for a death wish for the people who have to carry him, not to mention that the Owl has certainly called for backup. Iwaizumi can feel the rumble of footsteps through the worn pads of his gloves moving through the tunnels. By the vibrations, there are many.

The medic releases his armor, and he peeks down to see his chest slit open, blood blooming everywhere on his sweaty skin. Hands are dabbing antiseptic into his skin, "No! The Aogiri is coming with back up- just leave!" The room is too fuzzy. Something must be wrong, because one of the medics pales.

Oikawa suddenly shoves his face near his, tears dripping from his chin to Iwaizumi's cheek, "Don't be an idiot Hajime! We're taking you back with us!"

Iwaizumi feels drained.

"H-Hajime?"

"Oi! Iwaizumi!"

He opens his eyes again, grabbing at the air until he bumps into Oikawa's face and cupping it. Oikawa's eyes are blown wide, and he looks like the child who had run into Iwaizumi when they were young, the boy who sprinted down the hill during that summer day, the sun beating down on their skin.

"Don't be so reckless..." He whispers. To his student, he rubs his fist weakly, "A...Akaashi, be strong."

"No! NO! HEY! IWAIZUMI!"

"-IWAIZUMI YOU CAN'T SLEEP!"

" _-NO!...LET....TO HIM! LET ME GO! I NEED TO GO TO HIM!_ "

Iwaizumi never thought he would die first. He never thought about how he would die even though death is a common occurrence in his life. He can still hear Oikawa yelling and he lifts his cheeks into a grin.

Oikawa Tooru.

Beautiful, bratty Oikawa Tooru.

Who ran into him when they were young, cheeks permanently flushed, who had the largest brown eyes and the softest brown hair that end in natural waves, whom lost his parents with him and became orphans at the age of seven. Oikawa, a boy with a potential so large they called him the next Commander, who now, fast forward into the future, leads the Squad Zero crew and had learned to get along with Ushijima. The child with dreams so large, crushed when his found out he would never be a top investigator in terms of physical sense, had reached the highest place he could with his own powers. 

Iwaizumi has never been prouder.

So naturally, of course his last conscious thought would be of Oikawa Tooru.

Of the boy who played piano alone in the music room, moonlight shining on him as his hands move smoothly from key to key, shoulders strong from years of kyudo training. The boy who Hanamaki pushed to Iwaizumi, and they shared their first kiss in front of the entire Academy with official investigators watching from the balconies above.

A few days prior, Iwaizumi proposed, and-

Oikawa Tooru, the love of his life.

He breathes out and feels his vision fade.

 

 

 

Tooru watches as Iwaizumi's chest stops breathing.

The howl from his mouth is inhuman, and he furiously turns to Owl, cheek red with Iwaizumi's blood.

" ** _FUKUROU!_** "

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahem, so yes, you might have noticed how the fic summary now says 4/5 instead of 4/4. This is because i decided to continue and erm hopefully squish every loose plot endings i have nicely. i'm sorry for the cliffhanger?
> 
> (but you know what happens to iwa if you read the second part of this series)
> 
> ((if you're wondering about the proposal scene, it's an extra chapter in ISWWYG))


	5. new beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, here we go again, last chapter! school is pretty good, i'm posting this on my last day of spring break (teardrop). i'm going back tomorrow and i'm not ready. save me.
> 
> i'll keep the babbling to a minimum so you can start! see you at the end!

 

 

Oikawa wakes up groggy, body sore as he shifts his head left. His hand seeks for warm flesh, but it bumps into something cold and metallic.

He opens his eyes to see his sister sitting at his bedside, face pinched. She doesn't speak, and he looks around him at the cream colored walls of the nap rooms inside the CCG building. It's close to sunrise, the sky shot with purples and pinks. Something on the bedside table aside from an assortment of pain killers catches his eye- a dog tag and a silver band with a Latin engraving on the inside.

He remembers.

"Tooru, Tooru," Chiyoru rushes forward to hush him as Oikawa starts to breathe in erratically. _"Kuroo speaking, we've ran into Fukurou."_ He tries to shake her off, eyes glued onto the dog tag, splattered with dry blood before she pulls back and wipes his tears with her thumbs, "Tooru, listen to me, you're fine, you're safe." _Akaashi races towards the entrance of the cavern, Iwaizumi bouncing in his arms._

_"I can't leave you like that! Oikawa-san would wax my eyebrows clean!"_

"I....I-" 

"You did nothing wrong," She firmly tells him, and Oikawa doesn't know what's true anymore. His head is a splitting definition of confusion and migraines, and he can feel it pounding as the battle in his memory continues on like a terrible movie he needs to erase from his mind. _Owl stops wheezing for breath, drawing itself to its full height, leering down at Akaashi and Iwaizumi._ "You did the right thing to lead Akaashi and Kuroo to safety when there were ghouls milling in the tunnel-" 

"I LED HIM TO HIS DEATH! I KILLED HIM! I KILLED-"

"NO TOORU! STOP! YOU-" He knocks his sister's arms away, their forearms colliding, and he registers her grimace of pain and Oikawa is filled with a burst of regret before he remembers how Iwaizumi leapt to push Akaashi behind him.

"IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME RUNNING INTO THAT CAVERN HE WOULDN'T BE DEAD!" He swipes at her again before feeling pressure around his wrists. He looks down. They've _cuffed_ him. He flips his blankets up to see that his ankles are in a similar position, albeit not as restrained. 

"IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT TOORU! YOU'RE NOT IN THE WRONG!"

It's still fresh in his mind, all the blood and screaming in his head, of Ushijima yelling at him to run, Akaashi throwing him over his shoulder, the red Aogiri cloaks that engulfed Iwaizumi's body and how they ran through the tunnels like their life depended on it. His heart is thundering as they clawed and raced towards the safety of the CCG trucks. "OWL CORNERED US! HOW DID HE KNOW WE WERE THERE? THERE WERE NO GHOULS THAT FOLLOWED US!" 

"TOORU PLEASE! PLEASE STOP YELLING!"

Oikawa clamps his jaws shut, pulling his knees together as a nurse runs into the room. He looks up to see Kiyoko bite her bottom lip.

"We're...we're fine now," Chiyoru hesitates, "thank you." 

Kiyoko dips her head before leaving. Oikawa feels his sister rub his back in wide circles. 

"He's gone," Oikawa whispers. "He's dead."

"Don't torture yourself-"

"Nee-san..." He looks at her face, hoping that this is some kind of fucked up dream. He tugs his wrists again, the metal biting into his skin as he blinks, hot tears splattering the blanket, "He's...he's not coming back. _He's gone_."

Chiyoru lets a few tears slip down her face, burying her face into his shoulder.

Oikawa does the same, and finds that he's exhausted his tears.

 

 

"How are you?" Suga says, sitting in the sun as Oikawa shrugs. The researcher removes his white lab coat before looking at the bedside table littered with milk bread packages. His sister is sitting on the small couch at the corner of the room, oblivious to the conversation taking place with the giant noise canceling headphones around her head.

"...You should come out of the room for a bit," Suga says lightly, "It's a good day. Not too hot and not too cold. I know Ushijima really misses you gardening with him in the morning."

Oikawa doesn't speak, opting to stare at the wall.

He's absolutely drained of everything. Countless of people have come in to give their condolences, bringing flowers and fruit baskets and other knick knacks. Poor Goshiki has been left to deal with the media now that Oikawa needed some time to recuperate. Oikawa had been reading the morning newspaper before marching straight towards Mechanics, ignoring Nishinoya's inquires as to what he was doing before flinging the newspaper into the incinerator.

Iwaizumi's face had been printed there.

"We're thinking of ordering take out today for dinner," Suga chirps weakly, "Why don't you join us? We can eat it up on the roof top. We can keep ourselves warm by the new heater Tanaka tinkered with."

Chiyoru stares at him from across the room, nodding furiously.

"...Okay," He manages to croak. His throat had been raw from screaming at his nightmares, as is the flesh around his wrists. Kiyoko removed them a few days ago, but the skin is still an angry red, "I want ramen, the usual."

Relief broke out like the sun on Suga's face, "Wonderful! I'll come and pick you up when it's time to clock out!" He smiles widely, "It'll be like old times. Do you want some apple pie from the bakery near the Junior Academy?"

"Ah, sure..."

Suga squeezes his hand, "That's great Oikawa, thank you. My break time is over, but I'll get Kuroo to swing by soon okay?"

Oikawa knows they're trying to schedule their break time so he wouldn't need to be alone with his thoughts. He appreciates it, "I'll be fine if Kuroo doesn't come Suga," He speaks softly, "You all are busy anyway. Everyone's doing so well after the attack."

"Yes," Suga nods, "It's great that we're not being backlogged with work, everyone's coping well."

Oikawa's heart sinks a little. Everyone doesn't need him. He doesn't know why Ushijima bothered to keep him around. He knew. He knew right away when he tried to complete his therapy that his knee wouldn't be able to support him anymore. Why wasn't he cast aside? The CCG doesn't need anyone who's a burden. They don't need someone that cannot contribute to missions.

"-Oikawa?"

"I'm pretty tired," Oikawa lies for the first time in years, moving his face into an apologetic grin, "I think I'll take a nap."

Suga jumps from his seat, "Of course! Yes! You rest and when Kuroo comes by we'll fill you in! He's been planning the wedding already by the way! He's going absolutely insane about the guest list and decor. You should help him, Oikawa, I think he'll really like that."

Oikawa smiles, weakly waving to him as the door shuts.

Chiyoru pulls her headphones, "Tooru-"

"Not now, Nee-san," Oikawa mumbles, opening the bottle of sleeping aids. He grabs two before swallowing it down with water, "I just want to be able to not think for the next few hours."

 

 

Iwaizumi wakes up in a hospital with every inch of his body aching. It's dark outside.

He's assaulted with a dizzying spell, the room tilting as he sees Tokyo Tower in the distance. Something nearby smells like Nee-san's tofu curry, and he hears his stomach growl loudly.

The pain on his back is too much and he blacks out, not seeing the man creeping up on him.

 

 

"The ownership rights for Amaterasu belongs to Akaashi," Ushijima reads aloud. Oikawa is staring unseeingly at the window outside. Another monsoon hit Tokyo last night, and he follows the trail of a water droplet as it slides down slowly on the glass. "We've scheduled the...funeral to be next week. He'll be awarded some medals posthumously."

Oikawa can see Akaashi shift uncomfortably in his seat across the bed he's occupying. Ushijima sighs, lifting Amaterasu's white case from the floor and handing it to Akaashi.

"Here you go."

Akaashi hesitates.

"Isn't it better for Oikawa-san to have it?"

" _Why give a high grade quinque to someone who the CCG deemed unfit for battle?_ "

Akaashi looks at him like a deer caught in headlights. Ushijima looks at him like Oikawa had personally slapped him. An awkward, heavy silence hangs around them until Ushijima's jaws slackens, "Akaashi, why don't you step out for a while?"

Akaashi hurries out, shutting the door quickly behind him.

Ushijima walks around Oikawa's bed before settling into the chair, taking his time to shrug out of his suit jacket and draping it over the back. Oikawa watches him undo his sleeves before rolling them up. He was used to watching Ushijima wear two expressions; utter boredom or the slight tilt of his mouth when he's around plants, yet the Director of the Main Branch never has looked so nervous. His brown eyes are whizzing from Oikawa, to his bed, to the window, and back to Oikawa before Tooru decides that he wasn't going to talk unless prompted.

" _Ushijima, I knew_."

"You knew."

"I always knew," Oikawa harshly says, "I noticed the way the Chairman slowly moved me away from field work into human resources. I knew something was up, Ushiwaka, but I didn't say anything because Iwa-chan always looked guilty whenever a mass email about another field operation is sent and I didn't get one because of 'medical reasons'."

"I'm sorry to keep it from you, I told Iwaizumi after you were hospitalized to never told you."

"Why didn't you tell me? Isn't this entire team built on trust, Ushiwaka? Isn't this what we worked for together when we were in the Academy? That trust and communication is the key in our work and miscommunication kills it?"

"Because you are _volatile_ , Oikawa! You don't listen to anything the doctors say the past times you had to take a break! You push yourself too hard even though everyone including Iwaizumi and I tell you that you _have_ to rest to let your knee properly heal!"

"So you think you could hide this from me forever?" 

" _I didn't want to hurt you by telling you that you can't be in field operations anymore!_ "

"Why did you even sent me out then? _Because you felt sorry for me?_ "

" _Because my dad saw how hard you've worked and he thought it was a good idea- clearly it wasn't!_ " Ushijima yells. Oikawa jerks back, and Ushijima looks surprised, before his face melds into sorrow, "I shouldn't have said that....I apologize, I let my anger get the best of me."

Oikawa fiddles with his ring. It's no longer on his ring finger- it'd be too much for him right now, but in the future, maybe he can wear it again- instead it's around his left index, and he twirls it, "I thought we were a team. We work together."

"We do, I want you to become Commander one day if Marude is willing to step down or at least share the work load with you...." He sighs, "I thought if I were to tell you straight up that you couldn't be involved in field work anymore that it would break you. I've seen it happen to others who had injuries severe enough that my father had to replace them. I don't want you to be one of those 'replaceable' people because you're the opposite of that. You have charisma, you're open and you can make anyone you meet like you. You have _presence_."

"You..." Oikawa is at a loss for words, "You have presence too, just different from the one I have."

"It's not the same," Ushijima frowns, "I'm too blunt and straight-cut. I'm nothing like my father, who can charm the media, nor my mother. Even though I have the position I have now, I'm still rough at the edges in terms of communicating."

Oikawa looks at him, "I never...really realized."

"I don't usually tell others of this. You're the first."

"...Thanks. For telling me."

Ushijima ear's turns red and he stiffly nods, "You're welcome." He looks briefly at Oikawa, "I am sorry though, for keeping it away from you. I thought it would be for the best."

Oikawa sighs, "I'm still angry, but I understand why you did it." It was to protect him wasn't it? Which meant that somewhere deep down Ushijima's prickly exterior, meant that he cared for Oikawa's well being. 

"...It's not your fault, Oikawa."

He gets the feeling that they're not talking about his knee injury anymore, "What are you talking about Bakawaka-chan?" He replies dully, "I led him to his death. If I hadn't taken that route to the large chamber, he would still be here."

"You saved Kuroo's and Akaashi's lives as well as the others who followed behind you."

"You don't understand do you?" He demands, pinning Ushijima with his eyes, "I should have known better that something was up! There was warning bells at the back of my head all throughout the mission- first Yamamoto and Sato disappeared! Do you know how strange that is? For them to vanish into thin air Ushiwaka? Think about it!"

"It is strange, but we can't-"

"I think they must have been picked off by the Aogiri. Maybe they were meant to slowly deplete our squad until we realize they were gone. We noticed it quickly don't you remember?" Oikawa feverishly says, "And then right after we confirmed that they did, they attacked us from one end and drove us back. They must know the tunnels as well as we do, they could have herded us to the spot, but I took a shortcut and Owl was there! They were well coordinated and cornered us!" He looks up, "They must have a brain behind them all."

"...The hacker."

"Renaissance? The one my sister is chasing?"

"Maybe she has an assistant here," Ushijima narrows his eyes, "or the Aogiri is paying for her services even though she's in Germany to aid them. There's a number of possibilities, but the way they cornered us was so efficient, I can't help but think that they knew where we were going in the first place."

"Have you asked Kozume-san about her whereabouts?"

"Disappeared off radar. She can't be in Japan- getting past the RC Scan gates at the airports is an impossible task to do. She could been smuggled in, but all international ships are thoroughly checked before they dock."

"You can't know that for sure," Oikawa hisses, "There's too many holes in this game we're playing. If you want to capture Owl, you need to tighten security everywhere. We need to start fighting the Aogiri seriously before their numbers rise."

 

 

When he wakes up next, he's not in the same room as before. The walls are different- in fact there's no walls at all. It's cold and only a weak ray of sun enters from the dusty windows lining the perimeter of the warehouse. 

He's hungry.

"Here," A man calls out. It's still too dark to see anything, but Iwaizumi smells coffee and lifts his arms before wincing. "Oop, careful there, you're going to be sore for a good two weeks." 

"Where am I?" His voice sounds strange to his own ears. The coffee goes down smoothly in his throat, it makes him feel warm all over. The stranger comes into better focus now, he looks like a casual slob, wearing a nondescript black sweater and olive green pants with worn sneakers. His hair is interesting- white shot with black that hangs messily around his piercing amber eyes. He looks well built, albeit a little on the thin side.

"24th ward, I figure you don't want to start killing them left and right after your operation. I nearly did that though," The stranger quickly says, as Iwaizumi sits there, stunned, "They think they're quite sneaky, moving you around at night but I noticed. After the operation I scaled to your window and took you out. You wouldn't want to be their lab rat- trust me."

" _Kill them left and right?_ " 

The stranger winces, "Oh yeah, um, you're a half-ghoul now," He points to one of his eye, and Iwaizumi sees one sclera slowly turn black before the iris turns a brilliant red color, "Surprise."

"H-Half-ghoul?"

"Uh-"

"I-I-I can't be one! What about my life? My friends??-"

"I'm sorry for springing on this to you suddenly!-"

"-My family??" Iwaizumi bites his tongue, momentarily frozen as he comes across a gap in his memories. The stranger looks at him, blinking owlishly with his wide eyes. The coffee that was warm turns cold in his hands, "Wait, who are you?"

"I thought you would recognize me, but I guess not, huh? I'm Bokuto. You saw my body when Owl killed me."

"Who's Owl?" Iwaizumi quietly says, a little lost.

The stranger pales.

Iwaizumi nervously sips the rest of his coffee in silence as the owlish man drops to his knees.

"What's the capital of America?"

"Washington DC."

"When did World War One end?"

"1918."

"What's four cubed?"

"Sixty-four."

"Where is the Main Branch of the Commission of Counter Ghoul located in this city?"

"The first ward."

Bokuto sits down properly, crossing his legs as the sun hits his hair. Iwaizumi lowers the styrofoam cup as well, watching the stranger peer into his soul with those unnerving amber eyes.

"Do you remember who you are?" Bokuto asks softly.

Iwaizumi shakes his head.

Bokuto sighs, "I was hoping it wouldn't come to that."

"Do _you_ know who I am?"

"A little, we met briefly when I was dying," Bokuto offers bluntly, pinching his nose bridge. "Okay so you know what ghouls are, so I don't have to explain all that jazz to you. You seem to have basic education down, but it looks like you have amnesia or some kind of short term memory loss. Maybe it was from the trauma of your death?"

Iwaizumi shrugs.

Bokuto takes out a battered looking flip-phone, pushing the buttons on it as Iwaizumi reads the website upside down, "What are you doing?"

"Requesting a book on memory loss from the library," Bokuto sighs, before standing up. Iwaizumi grabs his cup before jumping up, forgetting about his sore back and nearly face planting himself to the dirty ground. Bokuto smoothly grabs him around the waist before righting himself up, "Try not to do any sudden movements. Your surgery was yesterday."

"Wait," Iwaizumi narrows his eyes, "You said that you took me from the hospital- are you kidnapping me? Are you smuggling humans?"

" _Nonononono!_ " Bokuto squawks, waving his arms around himself, "Dude- I'm like the opposite of that! I'm a bro! I'm here to save you!"

Iwaizumi suspiciously looks at him.

Bokuto sighs again, the action rings a little bell in Iwaizumi's head, of a younger man who has heavy lidded eyes and a constant expression of exasperation. "Look, why don't you swing my by house and we'll talk things out there."

 

 

Bokuto's house is a cheap apartment hidden in the masses of houses bordering the neighboring 24th ward border. It's a few decades old, with peeling wallpaper and a musty tatami room. The only 'bed' present is a sleeping bag in the living room. Other than that, it has a small laptop sitting on top of a crate, and some kind of shelving system where Bokuto had stuffed clothes on top of each other in a random order. The kitchen and bathroom is shrouded in darkness, and there are stacks of newspapers stuffed in a corner along with some books on martial arts.

It's a bleak house.

Iwaizumi spots some sheet musics scattered near the crate table, picking it up as Bokuto paces surprisingly lightly to the kitchen to make more coffee, "Do you play?" Bokuto calls out.

"No," He's still holding the sheets by the time Bokuto hands him a larger cup of coffee in a giant mug. If what he said was true, and that Iwaizumi is a half-ghoul, he wonders....

"I owe you an explanation," Bokuto starts, "First, I'm not a kidnapper, I like to abide by the law, okay?"

Iwaizumi sips his coffee.

"Your name is Iwaizumi Hajime," Bokuto tells him, "You're 31- 32 now. Your birthday passed a few weeks ago. You worked for the CCG and you were a Special Class Investigator, does any of this ring a bell?"

"Not exactly," Iwaizumi mumbles, "I know how to do mundane things, like how to fix a ripped seam and run the laundry machine, but it feels like muscle memory to me." 

"That doesn't sound good," Bokuto sighs, looking lost in thought. Iwaizumi fiddles with the borrowed clothes- a slouchy sweater and grey joggers. He sees a box in the corner with a sleeve hanging out. It looks like a high school jersey, the sleeves faded and worn with use. It must have been black and gold when it was pristine.

"...Was I really an investigator?"

"You were one of the strongest," Bokuto says firmly, "One of the best next to Arima."

"Arima?"

"Arima Kishou, he's the same age as you I think. He's pretty much the strongest one there is. There's no ghoul out there who don't fear him, half-ghoul or not."

"Tell me more," Iwaizumi asks, leaning forward, "How did you become like this? What does this have to do with me?"

It takes Bokuto a few minutes to collect his thoughts. Iwaizumi waits nine hundred and sixty-five seconds to pass by, watching the sun filter in from the windows to splay across the slightly dusty floors. With the sunlight hitting the side of Bokuto's face, the stark shadows only defining the high points of his cheekbones, Iwaizumi fuzzily remembers the way the dust motes danced in the air, a quick whistle and the feeling of standing on top of the world while kissing someone-

"We first met," Bokuto began, "when I was killed by Owl. He's the most dangerous ghoul in the CCG's radar currently, I'm not sure what his rank is, but he's one of the top five I'm sure. That night, I was walking back from the Nationals tournament with someone else. Owl went for me, and you and your squad jumped out of the bushes to restrain the other person."

Iwaizumi looks at the floors again as Bokuto's voice starts to tighten, "I died, or, at least, I thought I did. I woke up in the same hospital with the most terrible pain in the world- it's like a deep, aching hunger that can never be satisfied." Iwaizumi feels it now, the suppressed fire in his stomach, and he swallows hard, "I passed out, but when I woke up next, I met the girl who I shared a room with. She's going through surgery for something, and we talked a few times. I couldn't swallow human food, and it wasn't until I woke up one night smelling something good for the first time in weeks that I realized she died in the surgical ward."

Bokuto looks outside, "After that, I realized what I was, and I ran. I ran for my life, keeping to the underground. Food was a problem in the beginning, but you know? It was either I eat like a scavenger or let other ghouls eat me."

"I'm sorry, it must have been....extremely difficult."

"...Yeah, it was. I'll teach you how to hunt some other time, but I don't hunt humans that are still walking," Bokuto grimaces, "The dead don't taste that great but I have morals."

The thought of looking at a dead body makes Iwaizumi nauseous. "And why were you transformed?"

"I don't know yet, and I don't want to know. The Aogiri- you don't mess around with them. They're one of the most violent ghouls around. If you see red cloaks just run in the opposite direction. God knows what they're planning there. Most of the ghouls I see around the city avoid them too. If you're with them, you're only going to be targeted by the CCG."

"...The CCG..."

"Yeah?"

"Did I have...family there?"

Bokuto shrugs, "I don't really know man, sorry. I don't keep up with the CCG except for the stuff they print out on the newspapers. Your obituary was featured this morning by the way," He points to the newspaper on the counter, "Feel free to read it if you want."

Iwaizumi scans the print.

 

_A tribute to Iwaizumi Hajime_

_Iwaizumi Hajime, 31, died while protecting his squadron in an important mission yesterday at early dawn. His family preceded him when he was seven and he left no children to succeed him. As one of the Special Investigators who graduated the Academy with honours trailing his name, he will be given several posthumous awards by his long time friend and superior, Ushijima Wakatoshi._

 

"'Ushijima Wakatoshi.'"

"Do you recognize that name?"

"No," Iwaizumi frowns at the paper. So he did had a family, except they were killed when he was young. He sighs, putting down the paper, wishing that it gave more secrets to his identity than a short paragraph. "Who is he?"

"Director of the CCG, his dad is the Chairman and controls the entire CCG. Your friend over there only certain powers, but he's going to take over in the future if something happens to his dad, I'm sure." Bokuto smiles wryly, "His dad was a real threat back in the days, and his mother is a lawyer I think. There was a scandal about them nearly twenty years ago, but I don't know anything about that. The ghoul community is wary of the Wakatoshi family, they're as bad as the Oikawas."

"'Oikawa?'" The name rolls smoothly on his tongue, almost like a caress.

"Ah yeah, the youngest also went to school with you, I think his name is Tooru? The older sister works in Germany and I _think_ she has kids but I'm not sure. Oikawa Tooru is a flashy person, I'm sure if you search up the web for him he'll appear everywhere."

"Is he the HR representative for the CCG?"

Bokuto snorts, "He's an investigator, but with a face like that, he might as well be a model." He taps the laptop awake, pulling up a browser and pulling up a picture of a man who looks like he's in his mid twenties, "That's him, the CCG's famous bachelor."

Iwaizumi studies the button nose, brown hair that must be a hassle to style every morning, and the sweet curve of his mouth. He's wearing a standard everyday business suit, but he taps a button to pull up a picture of Oikawa Tooru in a CCG white suit, uniform lapels shining brilliantly. He looked happy in the picture, the edges of his eyes crinkling with his lips pulled back to reveal a set of pearly whites; and the funny thing is-

"Oh look, you're standing next to him," Bokuto muses, "Guess you two are friends after all."

"I guess we were," Iwaizumi looks at the photograph like a man seeing their wife in a wedding dress, mouth relaxed as he breathes in. "I need to find him, do you know where he is?"

Silence.

He tears his eyes away from the screen, "Bokuto-san?"

"Bokuto's fine."

"Where is he, do you know?"

"I...don't think that's a good idea, Iwaizumi. If the CCG knows you're alive, I don't know what they might do to you."

"What...what do you mean? I'm a Special Investigator aren't I? They must be low on investigators now. I should go back to my friends and coworkers and let them know I'm alive."

Bokuto presses his lips into a straight line, "I don't know how they're going to react if you turn yourself over to them."

"But I'm a-"

" _Half-ghoul,_ " Bokuto firmly states, "You're not human anymore. I don't think they'll treat you kindly if you return."

Iwaizumi looks at the laptop, of Oikawa Tooru grinning widely at the screen. He looks at himself wearing an expression of one that is content on letting Oikawa have the spotlight.

"...Where do I go then?" He asks, "I have no else to go."

 

 

When he really thinks about it, Iwaizumi died in his own means, he chose to face death in the face to protect everyone. Oikawa comes to this realization months after they've had the funeral. His fiance was a brave man. He chose to protect- something Mamoru would understand if he was here, Oikawa thinks to himself.

But he has bad days as well.

Days where he would think if it weren't for Akaashi- if it weren't for Arima's student stepping into their lives that Iwaizumi would still be here today, smiling and spending dinner with Shinohara and the first squad Oikawa was introduced to when he was a greenhorn. If Akaashi hadn't been there, Iwaizumi would have never needed to jump in front of him, and Oikawa could have done something. 

He  _would_ have done something.

_He should have done something._

Oikawa still goes home to his apartment every now and then to dust the place. He'd make too much rice and food for himself, he still takes out the bowl for two instead of one. He still sleeps on the right side even though the bed is free for his taking. He wakes up every day begging for it to be a dream, a screwed up dream where he lives in a world that Iwaizumi Hajime doesn't exist in.

"Time will heal it," His sister kisses his forehead at the airport. She visited briefly to visit the Chairman about a secret project she has to oversee in Germany and she needs to go back. "Please call me whenever you need to talk. I don't care if you wake me up in the middle of the night."

Oikawa swallows, "Thanks...it means...a lot."

She watches his dog tag clink, Iwaizumi's tag and ring brushing with Oikawa's. It's Christmas again, the first one without him. Didn't he fly out of Japan during Christmas once and made Iwaizumi chase him halfway across the world?

It all felt so long ago.

"The kids and I will visit, or you can come over again."

"No offense, but Germany...I'd prefer to not go there. It has good memories."

His sister smiles, "I understand." She sighs, straightening her coat and standing up to her full height. In her heels, they nearly see each other eye to eye.

"It's going to hurt, but you'll be strong one day."

"Mhm."

Chiyoru hugs him briefly, waving sadly when she crosses security checkpoint. Oikawa can't help but be slightly jealous that she has a family waiting for her on the other side of the world, but then he remembers that Mamoru is still unconscious.

Oikawa laughs to himself before wishing he learned how to drive. He doesn't know what to do with Iwaizumi's car now that he's not here anymore. It's gathering dust in the parking garage in the CCG building.

He waves down a taxi before going home, hand going to his pocket where he keeps his menthols.

 

 

"Busy night tonight," Bokuto sips his drink from a mug. Iwaizumi nods, getting a little dizzy from the smoke in the bar that's circulating around the room. He learns that Bokuto plays the piano for several different jazz clubs in various shifty districts throughout Tokyo to make ends meet. The crowd tonight looks friendlier, mostly of businessmen and older university students out for a drink on a Friday. 

"What about getting a job that pays more?"

"And have the Aogiri spot my face in the city? No thank you, Iwaizumi. You may have more balls than me in your past life but I'd like to keep at least three wards between myself and them," Bokuto smacks his lips together, "alright, I'm going now."

Iwaizumi sits back in his chair near the edge of the stage. After a scare where Bokuto spotted some Aogiri ghouls wandering around the ward a few weeks ago, he'd begged the manager to give Iwaizumi a job- any job. The manager of the bar had begrudgingly given him a job doing odd jobs around the building, and Iwaizumi spends most of the last hours of his "shift" listening to Bokuto and sipping water.

Sometimes, when the dreams are kind, Iwaizumi dreams of warm winter nights where the tv would be playing some holiday movie in the background. A young boy who looks like Ushijima Wakatoshi would float in his memories, along with a younger, more doe-eyed version of Oikawa Tooru with two other boys that he doesn't recognize. 

Most of the time, he dreams of the splatter of blood on concrete and a high wailing scream that sends him jolting up from the sleeping bag Bokuto lent him.

Through the smoke hanging above the tables and dim lighting, Iwaizumi spots two newcomers entering the bar, one tall man with white hair that puts Bokuto's to shame and a little girl. He debates on whether to stand up from his seat to remind that bars are not places for little children, but when the sound of the smooth piano stops and a crushing grip appears on his arm, Iwaizumi is suddenly pushed through the back door.

"Run!" Bokuto hisses, turning his head left and right. Iwaizumi is pushed ahead, and he nearly slips on the ice lining the roads. He shrugs on his jacket, taking off as he hears Bokuto behind him.

"Where are we going?" Iwaizumi yelps when Bokuto grabs his hand to yank him to the left, twisting through shortcuts and scaling over short walls. Iwaizumi knows this neighbourhood well, but at night, the scenery changes and he nearly trips over scaling a fence. 

"Away!" Bokuto pants. Iwaizumi curses when the other half-ghoul speeds up through the city. 

"Wouldn't it be better to sneak away?!"

"Last time I did that I nearly got- OOF!"

Iwaizumi gets no warning when Bokuto's entire body slams into him. They land on the ground, tumbling before coming to a stop. Iwaizumi sees the same man with white hair standing innocently at the mouth of a street. The little girl he saw earlier skips out on the other side, efficiently cutting them off from escaping.

" _Bokuto Koutarou and Iwaizumi Hajime~_ ," the little girl sings, giggling with her bunny ears flopping around, "Tatara, are they going to come quietly this time?"

Tatara flings something at them, and Iwaizumi and Bokuto is engulfed in a smog of gas. It gets everywhere into his nose, lungs, mouth and burning his eyes. He drops to his knees, coughing and blinking out tears as they splash onto the concrete. He droops slowly onto the street as his muscles paralyzes, and then there is only darkness.

 

 

"Have you talked to Akaashi recently?" 

"Not after he moved out of Iwa's office, no," Oikawa answers Suga's question, chewing his salad slowly. While he's finally deemed healthy enough to be released from Kiyoko's strict care, he wasn't allowed on missions until further notice. Ushijima had dropped by his office earlier this morning to give him some files to look over, and that had been a godsend. "Why?"

Suga casts his eyes downward, sipping his eggnog at the annual Christmas party. Kuroo and Daichi are trying to tango on the dance floor, accidentally bumping into the Chairman and his wife. They see the spectacle fold out from their table off to the side near the dessert bar, "He's not here tonight."

"That's not exactly my problem."

"He's been camping in his office recently. Someone saw him accidentally sleep in the laundry room on our floor."

"How is this related to me?"

"I'm kind of worried. We all are," Suga mutters, "He doesn't go to the Academy to do lessons anymore, and I know he likes to do that."

"He's an Associate class now, he won't have that much spare time to do anything he wants these days, especially with the workload the Chairman just gave us," Oikawa pushes his salad away before poking his chocolate cake, "If he has a problem, he should book an appointment with Shimizu-chan and talk to her. Maybe he'll get some teen angst out that way. Doesn't it smell like teen spirit here?" 

" _Oikawa_ ," Suga exasperatedly sighs, " _Work with me here_."

"What do you want me to do?" Oikawa groans, "Talk to him and comfort him?"

"Check up on him- he was your student too. Sort of."

"Not really."

"I've been told that Akaashi's getting motorcycle lessons from Marude. Do you know what that's all about?"

Oikawa boggles at that, "Motorcycles? I was under the impression that he knows how to drive!"

"Well Marude-san has been telling me that Akaashi is a terrible speed demon on his motorcycle. I thought you would know something about it."

"This is the first time I'm hearing this. _Akaashi Keiji is riding a motorcycle??_ " Was this coming from the same student who had told Iwa-chan off for speeding five kilometers over the speed limit in the city? 

Suga wryly smiles, "Well you know how to approach him then. Maybe we should pool our funds and get him a riding jacket for his birthday next year."

Oikawa fights the urge to roll his eyes, ignoring Suga's comment and swallowing some cake. The room's decor is a bit tasteless, as expected since Ushiwaka was the one who had been in charge of decorating it. Oikawa inwardly thinks he could out do him next year, if he's in charge. There's some streamers coming down from the high ceiling to twist itself around the thin pillars, and it does look quite nice, just a little plain.

He's just about to go up for another slice of cake when some murmurs catches his ears. Suga groans, tugging his elbow and pointing to the doorway where Akaashi is standing, hair slick with something dark that's definitely not snow and a damp trail of footprints following his wake. The music continues to play, but Oikawa is standing up, legs carrying themselves to Akaashi and letting his eyes search the deep cut on the side of his face and-

"O-Oikawa-san..." Akaashi cringes, "...so sorry..."

Everyone dives for him at the same time. Oikawa catches Akaashi as he blacks out, feeling the coldness of his skin and sighing.

 

 

"Overworked himself," Kiyoko says, signing off a clipboard filled with Akaashi's reports as Oikawa, who had changed out of his ruined dress shirt, sits at the foot of Akaashi's bedside. The latter is sleeping heavily, knocked out with several painkillers, "Were you the one who told him to go out a scouting mission for ghouls during the party?" She accusingly asks.

"Me?" He replies incredulously, "I haven't spoken to him at all! Not ever since-" He snaps his mouth shut, and Kiyoko looks stricken, "....not since Iwa's funeral."

"....He shattered a few ribs. If he develops a cough from the fever he has now, he's not going to have a fun time recuperating." Oikawa bitterly looks at Akaashi's pale face, a large bandage covering the stitches on his face, "If he does wake up, I need to speak with him before he submits a report to Ushijima-san about his actions tonight."

"I'll relay that to him."

Kiyoko looks at him, pinning her dark gaze and causing Oikawa to feel like a canary who had been spotted by a cat. She looks like she's about to say something, but she shakes her head minutely, "I really am sorry about what you're going through."

Oikawa's spirits dampens. He's heard the same thing over everyone, how sorry they are, how brave and strong he's being right now, and how he can always, _always_ , go to them if he needs anyone to talk to. He doesn't want that. He just wants to be alone. There's no need for the CCG to have him here, even on house arrest. The current Oikawa is not the Oikawa who had slayed SS rated ghouls in the past and could drive fear and anger into the ghouls he ran into. This Oikawa Tooru is a faded image of himself, a reminiscent of the teen who had sat through his first athletics competition with tears running down his face.

At his current self, he's not even sure if he's willing to put up a fight if a ghoul were to attack him.

"-Oikawa?"

"I'll tell him when he wakes up, Kiyoko-chan," He forces a smile to appear, not caring how he knows that she knows it's completely fake. "I'll see you around."

Kiyoko offers a curt dip of her head, "I've stepped out of my bounds."

"It's fine-"

" _Oikawa_."

"Yes?" 

Kiyoko swallows, "He wouldn't want you to be like this, I'm sure." With that, she gathers some of her papers and shoves them in Akaashi's folder, bowing at the door and excusing herself.

Oikawa closes his eyes, moving himself to the love seat at the edge of the room instead of the plastic chair that will cramp his back. _He wouldn't want you to be like this_  echoes in his head.

The light of Tokyo Tower calms him, the golden structure standing out in the midst of all the other snow covered buildings. Flurries flies past the windows, and he rubs some tears away from where they had been gathering at the corners of his eyes.

Grieving is natural. It makes sense for Oikawa to weep for Iwaizumi and to get nightmares each night while reliving what happened in the tunnel. It's natural for him to be subjected to bed rest for two months. It's natural for him to not return to work until he's healthy enough to recuperate. It's perfectly natural for everyone to give him glances of pity behind his back. It's perfectly natural for his office to fill up with flowers and bruit baskets displaying the public's condolences. It's perfectly natural for him to run out of the room whenever Iwaizumi is mentioned, because it hurts so, _so_ much.

_He wouldn't want you to be like this._

"...You'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?" Oikawa dares to whisper, his breath fogging up the windows.

"...He would, Oikawa-san."

Oikawa cranes his neck to see Akaashi look at him. The younger investigator looks at the IV drip connected to his elbow and sighs, "You know Iwaizumi-san better than I do, and I know that deep down inside, he'll call you a dumbass and tell- no, _order_ you to move forward."

While grieving and moping around his office is perfectly natural, is it natural to hate Akaashi?

"Sounds like something he would do," He replies, curt and short. If Akaashi notices his sharp tone, he ignores it.

He should really be blaming the Chairman because he was the one who pulled Akaashi out of Arima's Squad Zero, but he feels more anger towards Iwaizumi, who tried so hard to make sure that Akaashi was settling in well. His fiance spent so many hours agonizing over how he could make Akaashi more at home in the new office, how he could settle in with the others in their squad, how to draw Akaashi out of his shell. If he never did any of that in the first place, Iwaizumi might not have been compelled to sacrifice his life. 

The only reason why humans get involved is because they care.

And Iwaizumi cared enough for Akaashi to leave Oikawa.

"...I'm sorry I missed the party."

Oikawa doesn't bother stifling the snort, "I heard it from Kiyoko. What were you doing on your own no less, doing scouting missions? We're on holiday break right now, you have no reason to hang around the underground tunnel unless you're in contact with the Aogiri."

Akaashi stays silent, "I'm not a spy. I would never betray the CCG."

"Doesn't explain the scouting mission! We have strict orders, direct orders, from the Chairman himself that we're not suppose to return to work immediately. You broke that rule tonight, Akaashi, and I don't even think this is your first time sneaking out. Your medical files shouldn't be bulky since we were ordered to be on bed rest, but it's grown hasn't it? What is your reason for not listening to the order?"

"...I have no reasons. I just did it because I need to."

"Humans _need_ to breathe. The CCG _needs_ to run a fundraiser in the spring every year so Research and Developments get enough funding to study kakuhous. Cochlea _needs_ a strong team of dedicated investigators. Daichi _needs_ coffee every day just after ten or else he's going to fall asleep in the meetings held after lunch. You don't " _need_ " to defy orders and be selfish, Akaashi! There's a border between doing what's right and defying a superior's orders! If you don't listen to those above you, there will be consequences!"

Akaashi turns to Oikawa, his eyes livid, "Staying inside all day long watching isn't what I want to do. I don't want to become like you, a person who mopes around and becomes a shell of who he was! What have you been doing in the past days where I taught at the Academy? You closed yourself to the people around you! I did something in the past month Oikawa-san! I taught the graduates the skills and lessons I've taken from being at the front lines!"

"Don't you dare speak to me like that!" Oikawa spits, "You don't deserve to be in this squad anymore! You ruined everything!" All the months of sitting on his hospital bed comes in the form of his blood roaring through his ears. " _If you weren't transferred out of Arima's squad, you would have never entered our lives and Hajime could still be alive today!"_

The bottle of painkillers misses Oikawa's head by inches as he ducks down. Akaashi is crying, tears slipping down his cheeks, mouth pulling into an ugly scowl.

" _Get out!_ " Iwaizumi's student croaks.

Oikawa doesn't hesitate. He's said all he needed to say, and he opens the door, vanishing into the dark hallways.

 

 

"You fight like Nee-san."

The comment throws Iwaizumi slightly off, and Bokuto steps in with a hook kick. Iwaizumi crashes onto the mat in a tangle of limbs as he opens his eyes to see one of the younger members of the Aogiri look at him curiously.

"Who's Nee-san, Shouyou?" Bokuto asks, sitting down on the mat. They're in a cold basement, training with several dozens of ghouls under Ayato's dictator-like rule. Iwaizumi struggles to a sitting position, fixing the arm that had popped out of his socket with a grimace. The pain is manageable, yet uncomfortable if he thinks too much about it.

"She's the best! She taught me how to read!"

"Whoa! That's awesome! Can you write though?"

"No," Hinata sulks, trading places with Iwaizumi as he squares up to Bokuto. "She's gone somewhere, but she promised us to come back soon."

"How soon is soon?"

"I don't know."

"HINATA!" Ayato yells, "Stop yapping!"

"We're the same age! You can't tell me what to do!" Hinata then scurries off with a yelp as Ayato chases him around the complex.

Iwaizumi stands with his spine straight, not wanting to look like a potential target for mockery among the natural ghouls. He and Bokuto arrived several weeks ago, first thrown into singular cells to break their spirit before being forced to learn how to fight. He's fairing much better than Bokuto, who's movements are clumsy at best. It would make sense though, because the former Iwaizumi Hajime had been one of the best investigators in the city.

"I haven't seen any high ranking females in the Aogiri who calls themselves Nee-san, have you?" Bokuto quips.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Iwaizumi speaks quietly, "Even if we do know who she is, we can't sell her out."

He'd gotten a terrible beating in the solitary cell by a dreadful ghoul who calls himself Jason of the 13th ward. If Iwaizumi were to sneak around Aogiri into businesses that didn't concern him, everyone he used to know at the CCG would be targeted first, especially the Oikawa family.

His memories surrounding the CCG is still fuzzy. The deeper he tries to think about it- especially when he looks at the list of special investigators that graduated with him, the harder it is for him to remember. It was like there was a block in his memory, a big sign that tells him he shouldn't meddle into the CCG.

 

 

They were mostly placed as guards around the stronghold. Ayato doesn't trust them enough to cooperate fully with their plans to attack the CCG, especially when Iwaizumi shows reluctance to attack. He and Bokuto are walking around the perimeter, waiting for Hinami to return from a casual mission retrieving something when he asks Bokuto,

"Do you know an Akaashi Keiji?"

Bokuto turns, "I do," he says quietly, "Why?"

"He might have been a close college of mine. His face pops up here and there, but if I try to organize my memory, he doesn't appear until quite later. Is he around your age maybe?"

"Yeah, a year younger than me. We went to Fukurodani Academy together."

"The school around the first ward?"

"Mhm, the one that's known for volleyball. We went to Nationals the year I graduated."

"That's nice... I participated in a competition too in my youth. There were a lot of people cheering..."

"Can't remember the rest?"

"No."

"That's okay, maybe it'll come back on its own. Just be patient."

 

 

It's been nearly two years since he was forced to join the Aogiri.

"Do you think if I draw a pentagram and place pictures of Oikawa, Matsukawa, Hanamaki, and my niece and nephew, my memories will come back to me?" He slurs to Bokuto. Little Hinami is tugging a reluctant Ayato around the compound so they can hide presents for the younger ghoul children. It is, from Iwaizumi's blurry memory, two hours into Christmas.

Bokuto doesn't look at him. Rather, he shoves Iwaizumi back onto his cot and smothers him with a blanket, "You've been on night watch too long. Go sleep."

 

 

"...any more questions?" 

Iwaizumi looks up from his post in the alleyway where Ayato's outline can be seen in the high rise across. As a guard, he's suppose to be non-existent unless Ayato runs into trouble, which usually doesn't happen, but when it does, Iwaizumi is never needed because Ayato can take care of himself.

It's just past eight in the evening, and the television are re-running the 6 PM broadcast for the ones who stumble into their homes late. The CCG is on the news again, Oikawa smiling cheerily about how much they've raised for their orphanage program. It's admirable, Iwaizumi supposes, especially since the new Minister of Finance is very reluctant to give a percentage of the national budget to the CCG. But it's not like there are many who can outright refuse Oikawa Tooru's enthusiasm.

"This is irrelevant to the matter at hand, Oikawa-san," A reporter from a minor newspaper company raises her hand up, "But it's been roughly two years since your partner, Iwaizumi Hajime-san passed away. How is the CCG coping without him?"

Iwaizumi watches Oikawa's face carefully, noticing how plastic his smile has became. A younger investigator behind him, one with a buzz cut and wild curls that brushes his ears, seem to stiffen. 

"Iwa-chan?" Oikawa repeats, laughing lightly, and Iwaizumi feels a sudden urge to go into that apartment and punch the television, "He is dearly missed by his former team, but we are coping, yes. We are doing fine without him."

"Iwaizumi?" Bokuto down from his perch, dangling like a monkey from someone's balcony. "Iwaizumi where are you going?"

_He is dearly missed by his former team._

_We are doing fine without him._

He runs.

He disappears into the night, turning alleyways and avoiding stray cats as his feet pound the asphalt. Iwaizumi doesn't know why he is so upset, but there is a thickness growing in his throat and a stinging sensation that is causing his eyes to prickle. He sprints, inhaling the too cold air of winter and pulling his hood off to let the fog settling in brush through his unkempt hair. Oikawa Tooru. 

He cuts along the cemetery, staying in the shadows and avoiding the security cameras. He knows that Bokuto is trying to follow him. He can feel it through the soles of his thin boots.

Maybe the reason why it stung so badly was that he always thought he would have a home to return to, and with Oikawa telling national television that he is not need- that Iwaizumi Hajime's former team is doing completely, utterly fine without him-

"IWAIZUMI!"

He ends up tousling with Bokuto, rolling off a small hill. There's dirt and dew that sticks to his face, and when they stop, Iwaizumi makes no move to order his body into a sitting position like Bokuto.

Bokuto peers down at him, "Look man, I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"It sucks," Bokuto hesitantly says, looking around them. Iwaizumi sees his tombstone, a white marble, a foot in front of him. Someone had laid fresh flowers along with an incense, "I'm sure that Oikawa would never mean it, you could totally tell he was lying. He probably misses you a lot."

"Do they?"

"?"

"Do they really miss me?" Iwaizumi asks, feeling so drained. "I know they were my friends, but the CCG has the highest mortality rate of jobs. They would know what they signed up for, and it's been two years. They would move on."

"You won't know that for sure. Sometimes, when it involves a person you love," Bokuto whispers, "You never really move on."

Iwaizumi sits up and looks around. The cemetery is to his side, and because it's located on top of a hill, he can see five different wards from here. Tokyo Tower is shining brightly through the night mist, and he can see the ports still active with workers. Faint traffic noise and the babble of the 3rd ward permeates around them. The cherry blossoms sway leisurely, petals brushing past his cheeks.

Bokuto appears blurry, "You're crying and smiling."

"I just remembered something. Someone would always say to me how Tokyo sounds golden-green, and I think I know what they're talking about now."

Bokuto's smiles widens, the edges curling up with sadness, "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Bokuto?"

"Hm?"

"You know something about Oikawa you're not telling me, are you?"

"...not necessarily about Oikawa, but before... you died, you had a student. He's..." Bokuto trails off, "He's very important to me."

A flash of coffee dregs and eyes too serious for his years. Curly black hair. A quick, beautiful smile. "Was his name Akaashi?"

"...yeah, and I love him."

"Still?"

"There are some things in life you never get over completely, this is one of them."

"Even though he's an investigator?"

Bokuto turns to look at him, golden eyes piercing, "That Akaashi is not the one I recognize. You guys twisted him into a weapon that's not made for killing. I don't know who he is anymore." He runs a hand through his hair, dislodging any stray petals, "It's partly my fault, for being killed that he's like this today. He only appears on hunts where Fukurou is the target, and it's Fukurou who killed me. It's like he traded his humanity when he joined the Academy."

"You must have hated me at first."

Bokuto shakes his head, "It's complicated, but no, I don't hate you. You and Oikawa had your own reasons for joining the CCG. Akaashi was just backed up into a corner with one choice given to him, and he took it."

Iwaizumi looks down.

"You have nothing to be guilty of. The past shapes who we are, but we should never allow it to influence our present choices," Bokuto says, "If I ever let my past shape my future, I would probably be dead right now. Sometimes all you need to do is continue life, and eventually, the pain dulls." He stretches his back, "And then you move on."

"That's not how I want to live," Iwaizumi argues.

"That's not how I want to live either but I don't have a choice. Akaashi _will_ kill me since my kagune resembles Fukurou's so much. Unless we have a good reason to stroll into the Main Branch without any of the investigators there shooting us down, I don't see how I can face him."

"...He must miss you."

"Oikawa must miss you too, then."

They sit around for a few more minutes until Bokuto points out the time on his watch. They both trudge back towards the compound, where they would undoubtedly face a yelling if they're lucky. 

Tired and bruised, Iwaizumi slithers into his cot, pulling off his cloak and mumbling a thank you to the guards on night duty as they scamper to do laundry for those who just returned. He's too tired to eat, so he gives his share to Bokuto, who swallows an arm whole- fingernails and all.

And when he finally falls asleep, Iwaizumi sees the usual series of memories, blinding hot summers with tall grass surrounding him, the buzz of cicadas loud in his ears as he chases a pale boy with brown hair. He knows this is Oikawa from the way the boy stumbles on a root sticking out of the earth, and wails. Oikawa's sister appears next, her would-be-husband standing next to her as he and Oikawa waves goodbye on her date. This time, they've just entered middle school, he's sure.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki materialize next in a series of arm wrestling competitions, all won by him. Iwaizumi dreams of Ushijima and Suga planting a tree in the Academy grounds, the spring weather shifting from cloudy to sunny in a heartbeat. He dreams of rain and the day that Hanamaki's mother died, how the sky tore open and a monsoon swept through town.

The memories grew less and less relevant about Oikawa, morphing into vague feelings of happiness as he receives packages form Takeru and Tsuru over the years. He remembers holding a box from Germany and being excited. He remembers being given one of the many awards from the Chairman himself, but Iwaizumi feels remorseful. Something is missing.

_"Oh you're picking a set too?"_

The Akaashi in his memories looks like he'd just been guilty of sneaking a cookie from a jar, and places a box of gold wedding bangs back onto the counter. _"Just looking."_ Sometimes he would see the present Akaashi- the one what looks gaunt and stiff standing behind Oikawa, and sometimes he sees the past Akaashi, the one with a healthy flush around his cheeks.

_"If you like it, I don't see why you can't buy it,"_ His past-self says, nudging the younger one on the shoulder. He makes way to the counter and picks up a pen to write something flowy in Latin. Illis quos amo deserviam. 

_For those I love, I will sacrifice._

He sees Oikawa Tooru again, but this time, it's Oikawa shoving him against a wall, screaming about Ushijima in their first year of high school. He feels himself screaming back, and the both of them falling to the carpeted floor. He remembers chasing Oikawa halfway across the world, being so anxious about him on the plane to Germany that he couldn't fall asleep. He remembers the little moments of Oikawa Chiyoru taking care of him when he was young, and how he befriended the quiet boy whose room faced his in the old Iwaizumi residence. He remembers Kuroo's wild hair days and of how the devious boy managed to convince him to get his hair styled. He remembers sitting in an arm chair with Ushijima later after class, talking about the extermination of the Underground tunnels. He remembers Matsukawa grieving over Hanamaki's comatose body. He remembers.

He wakes up to a weak stream of sunlight and the feeling of tears running down into his ears. Somewhere in the first ward, Oikawa would be waking up too. He would stumble out of bed, bleary eyed, and sit around the kitchen table because Iwaizumi would usually be the one to make breakfast for the two of them.

His chest is heaving and pounding, and for the very first time, he feels alive.

 

" _Wait for me, Tooru._ "

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed this iwaoi backstory! originally, this was supposed to be four chapters long but i thought this fifth one would tie things quite nicely (and i wanted to fit in bokuto a little more). there's a lot of side stories within this that i couldn't cover (hanamaki's comatose arc and how chiyoru struggled with not having mamoru beside her) but maybe i'll make those into omakes in the next one i write. Oh!! I'm already starting the second tg au of the present story. if you haven't checked it out, i've put all tg au related things in a series called "meet me halfway home" 
> 
> it's been a pleasure to write for you all! i'm still surprised every day when i see comments of some of you re-reading the iswwyg, but <3 thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> fortifiedacorn is the best beta in the world. there would be no story if it weren't for aiden's help too! you the best man <3
> 
> you're welcome to scream at us here:  
> twitter @yaboyhajime  
> tumblr @awkwardedgeworth  
> aiden's twitter @happytoorus  
> aiden's tumblr @fortifiedacorn
> 
> (when will i post the final tg au?)  
> (when i get my shit together)  
> (jk, soon i hope. maybe check my profile around late april or early may)

**Author's Note:**

> a quick lil ask: does anyone know where the quote above came from because i think i saw it on a picture of fair and kurogane from tsubasa resevoir chronicle but i lost the link and i really want to credit the quote.
> 
> so, a lot of you probably knew i was supposed to update a few days ago but, er, i got too enthusiastic and i wanted to draw a cover album for the 8tracks mix and right when i was about to post a wind storm hits coastal vancouver and my wifi died and there was no way to update and i didn't fancy going out to upload something at a nearby cafe ;v; i hope you understand my apologies for how late this is.
> 
> Holla at me and Aiden.  
> Tumblr: awkwardedgeworth and fortifiedacorn  
> Twitter: @yaboyhajime and @happytoorus


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